the aspern papers-第4章

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〃I　don't　know；　I　don't　understand；〃　the　poor　woman　murmured；

planted　there　and　letting　her　embarrassed　eyes　wander　all

over　my　strangeness。



〃I　mean　only　from　one　of　those　windowssuch　grand　ones

as　you　have　hereif　you　will　let　me　open　the　shutters。〃

And　I　walked　toward　the　back　of　the　house。　　When　I　had　advanced

halfway　I　stopped　and　waited；　as　if　I　took　it　for　granted　she　would

accompany　me。　　I　had　been　of　necessity　very　abrupt；　but　I　strove

at　the　same　time　to　give　her　the　impression　of　extreme　courtesy。

〃I　have　been　looking　at　furnished　rooms　all　over　the　place；

and　it　seems　impossible　to　find　any　with　a　garden　attached。

Naturally　in　a　place　like　Venice　gardens　are　rare。　　It's　absurd

if　you　like；　for　a　man；　but　I　can't　live　without　flowers。〃



〃There　are　none　to　speak　of　down　there。〃　　She　came　nearer　to　me；　as　if；

though　she　mistrusted　me；　I　had　drawn　her　by　an　invisible　thread。

I　went　on　again；　and　she　continued　as　she　followed　me：　　〃We　have　a　few；

but　they　are　very　common。　　It　costs　too　much　to　cultivate　them；

one　has　to　have　a　man。〃



〃Why　shouldn't　I　be　the　man？〃　　I　asked。　　〃I'll　work　without　wages；

or　rather　I'll　put　in　a　gardener。　　You　shall　have　the　sweetest

flowers　in　Venice。〃



She　protested　at　this；　with　a　queer　little　sigh　which　might

also　have　been　a　gush　of　rapture　at　the　picture　I　presented。

Then　she　observed；　〃We　don't　know　youwe　don't　know　you。〃



〃You　know　me　as　much　as　I　know　you：　　that　is　much　more；　because　you

know　my　name。　　And　if　you　are　English　I　am　almost　a　countryman。〃



〃We　are　not　English；〃　said　my　companion；　watching　me　helplessly　while　I　threw

open　the　shutters　of　one　of　the　divisions　of　the　wide　high　window。



〃You　speak　the　language　so　beautifully：　　might　I　ask　what　you　are？〃

Seen　from　above　the　garden　was　certainly　shabby；　but　I　perceived

at　a　glance　that　it　had　great　capabilities。　　She　made　no　rejoinder；

she　was　so　lost　in　staring　at　me；　and　I　exclaimed；　〃You　don't　mean

to　say　you　are　also　by　chance　American？〃



〃I　don't　know；　we　used　to　be。〃



〃Used　to　be？　　Surely　you　haven't　changed？〃



〃It's　so　many　years　agowe　are　nothing。〃



〃So　many　years　that　you　have　been　living　here？　　Well；　I　don't　wonder

at　that；　it's　a　grand　old　house。　　I　suppose　you　all　use　the　garden；〃

I　went　on；　〃but　I　assure　you　I　shouldn't　be　in　your　way。

I　would　be　very　quiet　and　stay　in　one　corner。〃



〃We　all　use　it？〃　she　repeated　after　me；　vaguely；　not　coming　close

to　the　window　but　looking　at　my　shoes。　　She　appeared　to　think　me

capable　of　throwing　her　out。



〃I　mean　all　your　family；　as　many　as　you　are。〃



〃There　is　only　one　other；　she　is　very　oldshe　never　goes　down。〃



〃Only　one　other；　in　all　this　great　house！〃　　I　feigned　to　be　not　only　amazed

but　almost　scandalized。　　〃Dear　lady；　you　must　have　space　then　to　spare！〃



〃To　spare？〃　she　repeated；　in　the　same　dazed　way。



〃Why；　you　surely　don't　live　（two　quiet　womenI　see　YOU

are　quiet；　at　any　rate）　in　fifty　rooms！〃　　Then　with　a　burst

of　hope　and　cheer　I　demanded：　　〃Couldn't　you　let　me　two　or　three？

That　would　set　me　up！〃



I　had　not　struck　the　note　that　translated　my　purpose；　and　I　need

not　reproduce　the　whole　of　the　tune　I　played。　　I　ended　by　making　my

interlocutress　believe　that　I　was　an　honorable　person；　though　of　course

I　did　not　even　attempt　to　persuade　her　that　I　was　not　an　eccentric　one。

I　repeated　that　I　had　studies　to　pursue；　that　I　wanted　quiet；

that　I　delighted　in　a　garden　and　had　vainly　sought　one　up　and

down　the　city；　that　I　would　undertake　that　before　another　month

was　over　the　dear　old　house　should　be　smothered　in　flowers。

I　think　it　was　the　flowers　that　won　my　suit；　for　I　afterward　found

that　Miss　Tita　（for　such　the　name　of　this　high　tremulous　spinster　proved

somewhat　incongruously　to　be）　had　an　insatiable　appetite　for　them。

When　I　speak　of　my　suit　as　won　I　mean　that　before　I　left　her　she

had　promised　that　she　would　refer　the　question　to　her　aunt。

I　inquired　who　her　aunt　might　be　and　she　answered；　〃Why；　Miss　Bordereau！〃

with　an　air　of　surprise；　as　if　I　might　have　been　expected　to　know。

There　were　contradictions　like　this　in　Tita　Bordereau　which；　as　I

observed　later；　contributed　to　make　her　an　odd　and　affecting　person。

It　was　the　study　of　the　two　ladies　to　live　so　that　the　world

should　not　touch　them；　and　yet　they　had　never　altogether　accepted

the　idea　that　it　never　heard　of　them。　　In　Tita　at　any　rate

a　grateful　susceptibility　to　human　contact　had　not　died　out；

and　contact　of　a　limited　order　there　would　be　if　I　should　come

to　live　in　the　house。



〃We　have　never　done　anything　of　the　sort；　we　have　never　had　a　lodger

or　any　kind　of　inmate。〃　　So　much　as　this　she　made　a　point　of　saying　to　me。

〃We　are　very　poor；　we　live　very　badly。　　The　rooms　are　very　bare

that　you　might　take；　they　have　nothing　in　them。　　I　don't　know　how　you

would　sleep；　how　you　would　eat。〃



〃With　your　permission；　I　could　easily　put　in　a　bed　and　a　few

tables　and　chairs。　　C'est　la　moindre　des　choses　and

the　affair　of　an　hour　or　two。　　I　know　a　little　man　from　whom

I　can　hire　what　I　should　want　for　a　few　months；　for　a　trifle；

and　my　gondolier　can　bring　the　things　round　in　his　boat。

Of　course　in　this　great　house　you　must　have　a　second　kitchen；

and　my　servant；　who　is　a　wonderfully　handy　fellow〃　（this　personage

was　an　evocation　of　the　moment）；　〃can　easily　cook　me　a　chop　there。

My　tastes　and　habits　are　of　the　simplest；　I　live　on　flowers！〃

And　then　I　ventured　to　add　that　if　they　were　very　poor

it　was　all　the　more　reason　they　should　let　their　rooms。

They　were　bad　economistsI　had　never　heard　of　such　a

waste　of　material。



I　saw　in　a　moment　that　the　good　lady　had　never　before　been　spoken

to　in　that　way；　with　a　kind　of　humorous　firmness　which　did

not　exclude　sympathy　but　was　on　the　contrary　founded　on　it。

She　might　easily　have　told　me　that　my　sympathy　was　impertinent；

but　this　by　good　fortune　did　not　occur　to　her。

I　left　her　with　the　understanding　that　she　would　consider

the　matter　with　her　aunt　and　that　I　might　come　back　the　next　day

for　their　decision。



〃The　aunt　will　refuse；　she　will　think　the　whole　proceeding　very　louche！〃

Mrs。　Prest　declared　shortly　after　this；　when　I　had　resumed　my　place

in　her　gondola。　　She　had　put　the　idea　into　my　head　and　now　（so　little

are　women　to　be　counted　on）　she　appeared　to　take　a　despondent　view　of　it。

Her　pessimism　provoked　me　and　I　pretended　to　have　the　best　hopes；　I　went

so　far　as　to　say　that　I　had　a　distinct　presentiment　that　I　should　succeed。

Upon　this　Mrs。　Prest　broke　out；　〃Oh；　I　see　what's　in　your　head！

You　fancy　you　have　made　such　an　impression　in　a　quarter　of　an　hour　that　she

is　dying　for　you　to　come　and　can　be　depended　upon　to　bring　the　old　one　round。

If　you　do　get　in　you'll　count　it　as　a　triumph。〃



I　did　count　it　as　a　triumph；　but　only　for　the　editor

（in　the　last　analysis）；　not　for　the　man；　who　had　not　the　tradition

of　personal　conquest。　　When　I　went　back　on　the　morrow　the　little

maidservant　conducted　me　straight　through　the　long　sala

（it　opened　there　as　before　in　perfect　perspective　and　was　lighter　now；

which　I　thought　a　good　omen）　into　the　apartment　from　which

the　recipient　of　my　former　visit　had　emerged　on　that　occasion。

It　was　a　large　shabby　parlor；　with　a　fine　old　painted　ceiling

and　a　strange　figure　sitting　alone　at　one　of　the　windows。

They　come　back　to　me　now　almost　with　the　palpitation

they　caused；　the　successive　feelings　that　accompanied　my

consciousness　that　as　the　door　of　the　room　closed　behind

me　I　was　really　face　to　face　with　the　Juliana　of　some

of　Aspern's　most　exquisite　and　most　renowned　lyrics。

I　grew　used　to　her　afterward；　though　never　completely；

but　as　she　sat　there　before　me　my　heart　beat　as　fast　as　if

the　miracle　of　resurrection　had　taken　place　for　my　benefit。

Her　presence　seemed　somehow　to　contain　his；　and　I　felt

nearer　to　him　at　that　first　moment　of　seeing　her　than　I　ever

had　been　before　or　ever　have　been　since。　　Yes；