the aspern papers-第22章

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while　he　disembarked　and　then　went　back　into　the　sala　to　meet　him。

When　he　came　up　however　I　naturally　left　Miss　Tita　to　go　off　with　him　alone；

only　asking　her　leave　to　come　back　later　for　news。



I　went　out　of　the　house　and　took　a　long　walk；　as　far　as　the　Piazza；

where　my　restlessness　declined　to　quit　me。　　I　was　unable　to　sit　down

（it　was　very　late　now　but　there　were　people　still　at　the　little

tables　in　front　of　the　cafes）；　I　could　only　walk　round　and　round；

and　I　did　so　half　a　dozen　times。　　I　was　uncomfortable；　but　it　gave

me　a　certain　pleasure　to　have　told　Miss　Tita　who　I　really　was。

At　last　I　took　my　way　home　again；　slowly　getting　all　but

inextricably　lost；　as　I　did　whenever　I　went　out　in　Venice：

so　that　it　was　considerably　past　midnight　when　I　reached　my　door。

The　sala；　upstairs；　was　as　dark　as　usual　and　my　lamp　as　I　crossed

it　found　nothing　satisfactory　to　show　me。　　I　was　disappointed；

for　I　had　notified　Miss　Tita　that　I　would　come　back　for　a　report；

and　I　thought　she　might　have　left　a　light　there　as　a　sign。

The　door　of　the　ladies'　apartment　was　closed；　which　seemed　an　intimation

that　my　faltering　friend　had　gone　to　bed；　tired　of　waiting　for　me。

I　stood　in　the　middle　of　the　place；　considering；　hoping　she　would

hear　me　and　perhaps　peep　out；　saying　to　myself　too　that　she　would

never　go　to　bed　with　her　aunt　in　a　state　so　critical；　she　would

sit　up　and　watchshe　would　be　in　a　chair；　in　her　dressing　gown。

I　went　nearer　the　door；　I　stopped　there　and　listened。

I　heard　nothing　at　all　and　at　last　I　tapped　gently。

No　answer　came　and　after　another　minute　I　turned　the　handle。

There　was　no　light　in　the　room；　this　ought　to　have　prevented　me　from

going　in；　but　it　had　no　such　effect。　　If　I　have　candidly　narrated

the　importunities；　the　indelicacies；　of　which　my　desire　to　possess

myself　of　Jeffrey　Aspern's　papers　had　rendered　me　capable　I　need

not　shrink　from　confessing　this　last　indiscretion。　　I　think　it　was

the　worst　thing　I　did；　yet　there　were　extenuating　circumstances。

I　was　deeply　though　doubtless　not　disinterestedly　anxious　for　more

news　of　the　old　lady；　and　Miss　Tita　had　accepted　from　me；　as　it　were；

a　rendezvous　which　it　might　have　been　a　point　of　honor　with　me　to　keep。

It　may　be　said　that　her　leaving　the　place　dark　was　a　positive　sign

that　she　released　me；　and　to　this　I　can　only　reply　that　I　desired

not　to　be　released。



The　door　of　Miss　Bordereau's　room　was　open　and　I　could　see　beyond　it　the

faintness　of　a　taper。　　There　was　no　soundmy　footstep　caused　no　one　to　stir。

I　came　further　into　the　room；　I　lingered　there　with　my　lamp　in　my　hand。

I　wanted　to　give　Miss　Tita　a　chance　to　come　to　me　if　she　were　with　her　aunt；

as　she　must　be。　　I　made　no　noise　to　call　her；　I　only　waited　to　see

if　she　would　not　notice　my　light。　　She　did　not；　and　I　explained　this

（I　found　afterward　I　was　right）　by　the　idea　that　she　had　fallen　asleep。

If　she　had　fallen　asleep　her　aunt　was　not　on　her　mind；　and　my　explanation

ought　to　have　led　me　to　go　out　as　I　had　come。　　I　must　repeat　again　that　it

did　not；　for　I　found　myself　at　the　same　moment　thinking　of　something　else。

I　had　no　definite　purpose；　no　bad　intention；　but　I　felt　myself　held

to　the　spot　by　an　acute；　though　absurd；　sense　of　opportunity。

For　what　I　could　not　have　said；　inasmuch　as　it　was　not　in　my　mind

that　I　might　commit　a　theft。　　Even　if　it　had　been　I　was　confronted

with　the　evident　fact　that　Miss　Bordereau　did　not　leave　her　secretary；

her　cupboard；　and　the　drawers　of　her　tables　gaping。　　I　had　no　keys；

no　tools；　and　no　ambition　to　smash　her　furniture。　　Nonetheless　it　came

to　me　that　I　was　now；　perhaps　alone；　unmolested；　at　the　hour　of　temptation

and　secrecy；　nearer　to　the　tormenting　treasure　than　I　had　ever　been。

I　held　up　my　lamp；　let　the　light　play　on　the　different　objects　as　if　it

could　tell　me　something。　　Still　there　came　no　movement　from　the　other　room。

If　Miss　Tita　was　sleeping　she　was　sleeping　sound。　　Was　she　doing　so

generous　creatureon　purpose　to　leave　me　the　field？　　Did　she　know

I　was　there　and　was　she　just　keeping　quiet　to　see　what　I　would　do

what　I　COULD　do？　　But　what　could　I　do；　when　it　came　to　that？

She　herself　knew　even　better　than　I　how　little。



I　stopped　in　front　of　the　secretary；　looking　at　it

very　idiotically；　for　what　had　it　to　say　to　me　after　all？

In　the　first　place　it　was　locked；　and　in　the　second　it

almost　surely　contained　nothing　in　which　I　was　interested。

Ten　to　one　the　papers　had　been　destroyed；　and　even　if　they

had　not　been　destroyed　the　old　woman　would　not　have　put　them

in　such　a　place　as　that　after　removing　them　from　the　green　trunk

would　not　have　transferred　them；　if　she　had　the　idea　of　their

safety　on　her　brain；　from　the　better　hiding　place　to　the　worse。

The　secretary　was　more　conspicuous；　more　accessible

in　a　room　in　which　she　could　no　longer　mount　guard。

It　opened　with　a　key；　but　there　was　a　little　brass　handle；

like　a　button；　as　well；　I　saw　this　as　I　played　my　lamp　over　it。

I　did　something　more　than　this　at　that　moment：

I　caught　a　glimpse　of　the　possibility　that　Miss　Tita　wished　me

really　to　understand。　　If　she　did　not　wish　me　to　understand；

if　she　wished　me　to　keep　away；　why　had　she　not　locked　the　door

of　communication　between　the　sitting　room　and　the　sala？　　That

would　have　been　a　definite　sign　that　I　was　to　leave　them　alone。

If　I　did　not　leave　them　alone　she　meant　me　to　come　for　a　purpose

a　purpose　now　indicated　by　the　quick；　fantastic　idea　that　to　oblige

me　she　had　unlocked　the　secretary。　　She　had　not　left　the　key；

but　the　lid　would　probably　move　if　I　touched　the　button。

This　theory　fascinated　me；　and　I　bent　over　very　close　to　judge。

I　did　not　propose　to　do　anything；　not　evennot　in　the　least

to　let　down　the　lid；　I　only　wanted　to　test　my　theory；

to　see　if　the　cover　WOULD　move。　　I　touched　the　button

with　my　handa　mere　touch　would　tell　me；　and　as　I　did　so　（it　is

embarrassing　for　me　to　relate　it）；　I　looked　over　my　shoulder。

It　was　a　chance；　an　instinct；　for　I　had　not　heard　anything。

I　almost　let　my　luminary　drop　and　certainly　I　stepped　back；

straightening　myself　up　at　what　I　saw。　　Miss　Bordereau　stood

there　in　her　nightdress；　in　the　doorway　of　her　room；　watching　me；

her　hands　were　raised；　she　had　lifted　the　everlasting

curtain　that　covered　half　her　face；　and　for　the　first；

the　last；　the　only　time　I　beheld　her　extraordinary　eyes。

They　glared　at　me；　they　made　me　horribly　ashamed。

I　never　shall　forget　her　strange　little　bent　white　tottering

figure；　with　its　lifted　head；　her　attitude；　her　expression；

neither　shall　I　forget　the　tone　in　which　as　I　turned；

looking　at　her；　she　hissed　out　passionately；　furiously：



〃Ah；　you　publishing　scoundrel！〃



I　know　not　what　I　stammered；　to　excuse　myself；　to　explain；

but　I　went　toward　her；　to　tell　her　I　meant　no　harm。

She　waved　me　off　with　her　old　hands；　retreating　before　me　in　horror；

and　the　next　thing　I　knew　she　had　fallen　back　with　a　quick　spasm；

as　if　death　had　descended　on　her；　into　Miss　Tita's　arms。







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　IX





I　left　Venice　the　next　morning；　as　soon　as　I　learned　that　the　old

lady　had　not　succumbed；　as　I　feared　at　the　moment；　to　the　shock

I　had　given　herthe　shock　I　may　also　say　she　had　given　me。

How　in　the　world　could　I　have　supposed　her　capable　of　getting　out

of　bed　by　herself？　　I　failed　to　see　Miss　Tita　before　going；　I　only　saw

the　donna；　whom　I　entrusted　with　a　note　for　her　younger　mistress。

In　this　note　I　mentioned　that　I　should　be　absent　but　for　a　few　days。

I　went　to　Treviso；　to　Bassano；　to　Castelfranco；　I　took　walks　and　drives　and

looked　at　musty　old　churches　with　ill…lighted　pictures　and　spent　hours　seated

smoking　at　the　doors　of　cafes；　where　there　were　flies　and　yellow　curtains；

on　the　shady　side　of　sleepy　little　squares。　　In　spite　of　these　pastimes；

which　were　mechanical　and　perfunctory；　I　scantily　enjoyed　my　journey：

there　was　too　strong　a　taste　of　the　disagreeable　in　my　life。

I　had　been　devilish　awkward；　as　the　you