the aspern papers-第20章

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I　had　an　immense　curiosity　to　pass　it；　but　I　thought　it　my　duty

to　represent　to　Miss　Tita　that　if　I　made　the　invalid　angry　she

ought　perhaps　to　be　spared　the　sight　of　me。　　〃The　sight　of　you？

Do　you　think　she　can　SEE？〃　my　companion　demanded　almost

with　indignation。　　I　did　think　so　but　forebore　to　say　it；

and　I　softly　followed　my　conductress。



I　remember　that　what　I　said　to　her　as　I　stood　for　a　moment　beside

the　old　woman's　bed　was；　〃Does　she　never　show　you　her　eyes　then？

Have　you　never　seen　them？〃　　Miss　Bordereau　had　been　divested

of　her　green　shade；　but　（it　was　not　my　fortune　to　behold　Juliana

in　her　nightcap）　the　upper　half　of　her　face　was　covered　by　the　fall

of　a　piece　of　dingy　lacelike　muslin；　a　sort　of　extemporized

hood　which；　wound　round　her　head；　descended　to　the　end　of　her　nose；

leaving　nothing　visible　but　her　white　withered　cheeks　and

puckered　mouth；　closed　tightly　and；　as　it　were　consciously。

Miss　Tita　gave　me　a　glance　of　surprise；　evidently　not　seeing　a　reason

for　my　impatience。　　〃You　mean　that　she　always　wears　something？

She　does　it　to　preserve　them。〃



〃Because　they　are　so　fine？〃



〃Oh；　today；　today！〃　　And　Miss　Tita　shook　her　head；　speaking　very　low。

〃But　they　used　to　be　magnificent！〃



〃Yes　indeed；　we　have　Aspern's　word　for　that。〃　　And　as　I　looked　again

at　the　old　woman's　wrappings　I　could　imagine　that　she　had　not　wished

to　allow　people　a　reason　to　say　that　the　great　poet　had　overdone　it。

But　I　did　not　waste　my　time　in　considering　Miss　Bordereau；　in　whom

the　appearance　of　respiration　was　so　slight　as　to　suggest　that　no　human

attention　could　ever　help　her　more。　　I　turned　my　eyes　all　over　the　room；

rummaging　with　them　the　closets；　the　chests　of　drawers；　the　tables。

Miss　Tita　met　them　quickly　and　read；　I　think；　what　was　in　them；　but　she　did

not　answer　it；　turning　away　restlessly；　anxiously；　so　that　I　felt　rebuked；

with　reason；　for　a　preoccupation　that　was　almost　profane　in　the　presence

of　our　dying　companion。　　All　the　same　I　took　another　look；　endeavoring　to

pick　out　mentally　the　place　to　try　first；　for　a　person　who　should　wish

to　put　his　hand　on　Miss　Bordereau's　papers　directly　after　her　death。

The　room　was　a　dire　confusion；　it　looked　like　the　room　of　an　old　actress。

There　were　clothes　hanging　over　chairs；　odd…looking　shabby　bundles

here　and　there；　and　various　pasteboard　boxes　piled　together；

battered；　bulging；　and　discolored；　which　might　have　been　fifty　years　old。

Miss　Tita　after　a　moment　noticed　the　direction　of　my　eyes　again　and；

as　if　she　guessed　how　I　judged　the　air　of　the　place　（forgetting　I

had　no　business　to　judge　it　at　all）；　said；　perhaps　to　defend　herself

from　the　imputation　of　complicity　in　such　untidiness：



〃She　likes　it　this　way；　we　can't　move　things。

There　are　old　bandboxes　she　has　had　most　of　her　life。〃

Then　she　added；　half　taking　pity　on　my　real　thought；

〃Those　things　were　THERE。〃　And　she　pointed　to　a　small；

low　trunk　which　stood　under　a　sofa　where　there　was　just　room　for　it。

It　appeared　to　be　a　queer；　superannuated　coffer；　of　painted　wood；

with　elaborate　handles　and　shriveled　straps　and　with　the　color

（it　had　last　been　endued　with　a　coat　of　light　green）　much　rubbed　off。

It　evidently　had　traveled　with　Juliana　in　the　olden　time

in　the　days　of　her　adventures；　which　it　had　shared。

It　would　have　made　a　strange　figure　arriving　at　a　modern　hotel。



〃WERE　therethey　aren't　now？〃　　I　asked；　startled　by

Miss　Tita's　implication。



She　was　going　to　answer；　but　at　that　moment　the　doctor　came　in

the　doctor　whom　the　little　maid　had　been　sent　to　fetch　and　whom　she

had　at　last　overtaken。　　My　servant；　going　on　his　own　errand；　had　met

her　with　her　companion　in　tow；　and　in　the　sociable　Venetian　spirit；

retracing　his　steps　with　them；　had　also　come　up　to　the　threshold　of　Miss

Bordereau's　room；　where　I　saw　him　peeping　over　the　doctor's　shoulder。

I　motioned　him　away　the　more　instantly　that　the　sight　of　his　prying

face　reminded　me　that　I　myself　had　almost　as　little　to　do　there

an　admonition　confirmed　by　the　sharp　way　the　little　doctor　looked　at　me；

appearing　to　take　me　for　a　rival　who　had　the　field　before　him。

He　was　a　short；　fat；　brisk　gentleman　who　wore　the　tall　hat　of　his

profession　and　seemed　to　look　at　everything　but　his　patient。

He　looked　particularly　at　me；　as　if　it　struck　him　that　I

should　be　better　for　a　dose；　so　that　I　bowed　to　him　and　left

him　with　the　women；　going　down　to　smoke　a　cigar　in　the　garden。

I　was　nervous；　I　could　not　go　further；　I　could　not　leave　the　place。

I　don't　know　exactly　what　I　thought　might　happen；　but　it　seemed

to　me　important　to　be　there。　　I　wandered　about　in　the　alleys

the　warm　night　had　come　onsmoking　cigar　after　cigar　and　looking

at　the　light　in　Miss　Bordereau's　windows。　　They　were　open　now；

I　could　see；　the　situation　was　different。　　Sometimes　the　light　moved；

but　not　quickly；　it　did　not　suggest　the　hurry　of　a　crisis。

Was　the　old　woman　dying；　or　was　she　already　dead？　　Had　the　doctor

said　that　there　was　nothing　to　be　done　at　her　tremendous　age　but　to

let　her　quietly　pass　away；　or　had　he　simply　announced　with　a　look

a　little　more　conventional　that　the　end　of　the　end　had　come？

Were　the　other　two　women　moving　about　to　perform　the　offices　that

follow　in　such　a　case？　　It　made　me　uneasy　not　to　be　nearer；　as　if　I

thought　the　doctor　himself　might　carry　away　the　papers　with　him。

I　bit　my　cigar　hard　as　it　came　over　me　again　that　perhaps　there

were　now　no　papers　to　carry！



I　wandered　about　for　an　hourfor　an　hour　and　a　half。

I　looked　out　for　Miss　Tita　at　one　of　the　windows；　having　a

vague　idea　that　she　might　come　there　to　give　me　some　sign。

Would　she　not　see　the　red　tip　of　my　cigar　moving　about　in　the　dark

and　feel　that　I　wanted　eminently　to　know　what　the　doctor　had　said？

I　am　afraid　it　is　a　proof　my　anxieties　had　made　me　gross　that　I

should　have　taken　in　some　degree　for　granted　that　at　such　an　hour；

in　the　midst　of　the　greatest　change　that　could　take　place

in　her　life；　they　were　uppermost　also　in　Miss　Tita's　mind。

My　servant　came　down　and　spoke　to　me；　he　knew　nothing　save

that　the　doctor　had　gone　after　a　visit　of　half　an　hour。

If　he　had　stayed　half　an　hour　then　Miss　Bordereau　was　still　alive：

it　could　not　have　taken　so　much　time　as　that　to　enunciate

the　contrary。　　I　sent　the　man　out　of　the　house；　there　were　moments

when　the　sense　of　his　curiosity　annoyed　me；　and　this　was　one　of　them。

HE　had　been　watching　my　cigar　tip　from　an　upper　window；

if　Miss　Tita　had　not；　he　could　not　know　what　I　was　after　and　I

could　not　tell　him；　though　I　was　conscious　he　had　fantastic

private　theories　about　me　which　he　thought　fine　and　which　I；

had　I　known　them；　should　have　thought　offensive。



I　went　upstairs　at　last　but　I　ascended　no　higher　than　the

sala。　　The　door　of　Miss　Bordereau's　apartment　was　open；

showing　from　the　parlor　the　dimness　of　a　poor　candle。

I　went　toward　it　with　a　light　tread；　and　at　the　same　moment

Miss　Tita　appeared　and　stood　looking　at　me　as　I　approached。

〃She's　bettershe's　better；〃　she　said；　even　before　I　had　asked。

〃The　doctor　has　given　her　something；　she　woke　up；　came　back　to　life

while　he　was　there。　　He　says　there　is　no　immediate　danger。〃



〃No　immediate　danger？　　Surely　he　thinks　her　condition　strange！〃



〃Yes；　because　she　had　been　excited。　　That　affects　her　dreadfully。〃



〃It　will　do　so　again　then；　because　she　excites　herself。

She　did　so　this　afternoon。〃



〃Yes；　she　mustn't　come　out　any　more；〃　said　Miss　Tita；　with　one　of　her　lapses

into　a　deeper　placidity。



〃What　is　the　use　of　making　such　a　remark　as　that　if　you　begin　to　rattle

her　about　again　the　first　time　she　bids　you？〃



〃I　won'tI　won't　do　it　any　more。〃



〃You　must　learn　to　resist　her；〃　I　went　on。



〃Oh；　yes；　I　shall；　I　shall　do　so　better　if　you　tell　me　it's　right。〃



〃You　mustn't　do　it　for　me；　you　must　do　it　for　yourself。

It　all　comes　back　to　you；　if　you　are　frightened。〃



〃Well；　I　am　not　frightened　now；〃　said　Miss　Tita　cheerfully。

〃Sh