the garden of allah-第75章

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its　silent　recesses。　It　was　Androvsky。　He　looked　bowed　and　old　and
guilty。　The　two　lines　near　his　mouth　were　deep。　His　lips　were　working。
His　thin　cheeks　had　fallen　in　like　the　cheeks　of　a　man　devoured　by　a
wasting　illness；　and　the　strong　tinge　of　sunburn　on　them　seemed　to　be
but　an　imperfect　mark　to　a　pallor　that；　fully　visible；　would　have　been
more　terrible　than　that　of　a　corpse。　In　his　eyes　there　was　a　fixed
expression　of　ferocious　grief　that　seemed　mingled　with　ferocious
anger；　as　if　he　were　suffering　from　some　dreadful　misery；　and　cursed
himself　because　he　suffered；　as　a　man　may　curse　himself　for　doing　a
thing　that　he　chooses　to　do　but　need　not　do。　Such　an　expression　may
sometimes　be　seen　in　the　eyes　of　those　who　are　resisting　a　great
temptation。

He　began　to　search　the　garden；　furtively　but　minutely。　Sometimes　he
hesitated。　Sometimes　he　stood　still。　Then　he　turned　back　and　went　a
little　way　towards　the　wide　sweep　of　sand　that　was　bathed　in　sunlight
where　the　villa　stood。　Then　with　more　determination；　and　walking
faster；　he　again　made　his　way　through　the　shadows　that　slept　beneath
the　densely…growing　trees。　As　he　passed　between　them　he　several　times
stretched　out　trembling　hands；　broke　off　branches　and　threw　them　on
the　sand；　treading　on　them　heavily　and　crushing　them　down　below　the
surface。　Once　he　spoke　to　himself　in　a　low　voice　that　shook　as　if　with
difficulty　dominating　sobs　that　were　rising　in　his　throat。

〃/De　profundis/〃　he　said。　〃/De　profundis//de　profundis/〃

His　voice　died　away。　He　took　hold　of　one　hand　with　the　other　and　went
on　silently。

Presently　he　made　his　way　at　last　towards　the　/fumoir/　in　which　Domini
was　still　sitting；　with　one　hand　resting　on　the　open　page　whose　words
had　lit　up　the　darkness　in　her　spirit。　He　came　to　it　so　softly　that
she　did　not　hear　his　step。　He　saw　her；　stood　quite　still　under　the
trees；　and　looked　at　her　for　a　long　time。　As　he　did　so　his　face
changed　till　he　seemed　to　become　another　man。　The　ferocity　of　grief
and　anger　faded　from　his　eyes；　which　were　filled　with　an　expression　of
profound　wonder；　then　of　flickering　uncertainty；　then　of　hard；　manly
resolutiona　fighting　expression　that　was　full　of　sex　and　passion。
The　guilty；　furtive　look　which　had　been　stamped　upon　all　his　features；
specially　upon　his　lips；　vanished。　Suddenly　he　became　younger　in
appearance。　His　figure　straightened　itself。　His　hands　ceased　from
trembling。　He　moved　away　from　the　trees；　and　went　to　the　doorway　of
the　/fumoir/。

Domini　looked　up；　saw　him；　and　got　up　quietly；　clasping　her　fingers
round　the　little　book。

Androvsky　stood　just　beyond　the　doorway；　took　off　his　hat；　kept　it　in
his　hand；　and　said：

〃I　came　here　to　say　good…bye。〃

He　made　a　movement　as　if　to　come　into　the　/fumoir/；　but　she　stopped　it
by　coming　at　once　to　the　opening。　She　felt　that　she　could　not　speak　to
him　enclosed　within　walls；　under　a　roof。　He　drew　back；　and　she　came
out　and　stood　beside　him　on　the　sand。

〃Did　you　know　I　should　come？〃　he　said。

She　noticed　that　he　had　ceased　to　call　her　〃Madame；〃　and　also　that
there　was　in　his　voice　a　sound　she　had　not　heard　in　it　before；　a　note
of　new　self…possession　that　suggested　a　spirit　concentrating　itself
and　aware　of　its　own　strength　to　act。

〃No；〃　she　answered。

〃Were　you　coming　back　to　the　hotel　this　morning？〃　he　asked。

〃No。〃

He　was　silent　for　a　moment。　Then　he　said　slowly：

〃Thenthen　you　did　not　wishyou　did　not　mean　to　see　me　again　before
I　went？〃

〃It　was　not　that。　I　came　to　the　gardenI　had　to　comeI　had　to　be
alone。〃

〃You　want　to　be　alone？〃　he　said。　〃You　want　to　be　alone？〃

Already　the　strength　was　dying　out　of　his　voice　and　face；　and　the　old
uneasiness　was　waking　up　in　him。　A　dreadful　expression　of　pain　came
into　his　eyes。

〃Was　that　why　youyou　looked　so　happy？〃　he　said　in　a　harsh；　trembling
voice。

〃When？〃

〃I　stood　for　a　long　while　looking　at　you　when　you　were　in　there〃he
pointed　to　the　/fumoir/〃and　your　face　was　happyyour　face　was
happy。〃

〃Yes；　I　know。〃

〃You　will　be　happy　alone？alone　in　the　desert？〃

When　he　said　that　she　felt　suddenly　the　agony　of　the　waterless　spaces；
the　agony　of　the　unpeopled　wastes。　Her　whole　spirit　shrank　and
quivered；　all　the　great　joy　of　her　love　died　within　her。　A　moment
before　she　had　stood　upon　the　heights　of　her　heart。　Now　she　shrank
into　its　deepest；　blackest　abysses。　She　looked　at　him　and　said
nothing。

〃You　will　not　be　happy　alone。〃

His　voice　no　longer　trembled。　He　caught　hold　of　her　left　hand；
awkwardly；　nervously；　but　held　it　strongly　with　his　close　to　his　side；
and　went　on　speaking。

〃Nobody　is　happy　alone。　Nothing　ismen　and　womenchildrenanimals。〃
A　bird　flew　across　the　shadowy　space　under　the　trees；　followed　by
another　bird；　he　pointed　to　them；　they　disappeared。　〃The　birds；　too；
they　must　have　companionship。　Everything　wants　a　companion。〃

〃Yes。〃

〃But　thenyou　will　stay　here　alone　in　the　desert？〃

〃What　else　can　I　do？〃　she　said。

〃And　that　journey；〃　he　went　on；　still　holding　her　hand　fast　against
his　side；　〃Your　journey　into　the　desertyou　will　take　it　alone？〃

〃What　else　can　I　do？〃　she　repeated　in　a　lower　voice。

It　seemed　to　her　that　he　was　deliberately　pressing　her　down　into　the
uttermost　darkness。

〃You　will　not　go。〃

〃Yes；　I　shall　go。〃

She　spoke　with　conviction。　Even　in　that　momentmost　of　all　in　that
momentshe　knew　that　she　would　obey　the　summons　of　the　desert。

〃II　shall　never　know　the　desert；〃　he　said。　〃I　thoughtit　seemed　to
me　that　I；　too；　should　go　out　into　it。　I　have　wanted　to　go。　You　have
made　me　want　to　go。〃

〃I？〃

〃Yes。　Once　you　said　to　me　that　peace　must　dwell　out　there。　It　was　on
the　tower　thethe　first　time　you　ever　spoke　to　me。〃

〃I　remember。〃

〃I　wonderedI　often　wonder　why　you　spoke　to　me。〃

She　knew　he　was　looking　at　her　with　intensity；　but　she　kept　her　eyes
on　the　sand。　There　was　something　in　them　that　she　felt　he　must　not
see；　a　light　that　had　just　come　into　them　as　she　realised　that
already；　on　the　tower　before　she　even　knew　him；　she　had　loved　him。　It
was　that　love；　already　born　in　her　heart　but　as　yet　unconscious　of　its
own　existence；　which　had　so　strangely　increased　for　her　the　magic　of
the　African　evening　when　she　watched　it　with　him。　But　beforesuddenly
she　knew　that　she　had　loved　Androvsky　from　the　beginning；　from　the
moment　when　his　face　looked　at　her　as　if　out　of　the　heart　of　the　sun。
That　was　why　her　entry　into　the　desert　had　been　full　of　such
extraordinary　significance。　This　man　and　the　desert　were；　had　always
been；　as　one　in　her　mind。　Never　had　she　thought　of　the　one　without　the
other。　Never　had　she　been　mysteriously　called　by　the　desert　without
hearing　as　a　far…off　echo　the　voice　of　Androvsky；　or　been　drawn　onward
by　the　mystical　summons　of　the　blue　distances　without　being　drawn
onward；　too；　by　the　mystical　summons　of　the　heart　to　which　her　own
responded。　The　link　between　the　man　and　the　desert　was　indissoluble。
She　could　not　conceive　of　its　being　severed；　and　as　she　realised　this；
she　realised　also　something　that　turned　her　whole　nature　into　flame。

She　could　not　conceive　of　Androvsky's　not　loving　her；　of　his　not
having　loved　her　from　the　moment　when　he　saw　her　in　the　sun。　To　him；
too；　the　desert　had　made　a　revelationthe　revelation　of　her　face；　and
of　the　soul　behind　it　looking　through　it。　In　the　flames　of　the　sun；　as
they　went　into　the　desert；　the　flames　of　their　two　spirits　had　been
blended。　She　knew　that　certainly　and　for　ever。　Then　how　could　it　be
possible　that　Androvsky　should　not　go　out　with　her　into　the　desert？

〃Why　did　you　speak　to　me？〃　he　said。

〃We　came　into　the　desert　together；〃　she　answered　simply。　〃We　had　to
know　each　other。〃

〃And　nownowwe　have　to　say〃

His　voice　ceased。　Far　away　there　was　the　thin　sound　of　a　chime。　Domini
had　never　before　heard　the　church　bell　in　the　garden；　and　now　she　felt
as　if　she　heard　it；　not　with　her　ears；　but　with　her　spirit。　As　she
heard　she　felt　Androvsky's　hand；　which　had　been　hot　upon　hers；　turn
cold。　He　let　her　hand　go；　and　again　she　was　stricken　by　the　horrible
sound　she　had　heard　the　previous　night　in　the　desert；　when　he　turned
his　horse　and　rode　away　with　her。　And　now；　as　then；　he　turned　away