the garden of allah-第71章

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something；　to　guard　her　from　him？　A　faint　horror　was　still　upon　her。
Perhaps　he　knew　it　and　resented　it；　for　he　drew　himself　upright　on　his
horse　and　spoke　again；　with　a　decision　that　was　rare　in　him。

〃Let　me　send　Batouch　back　to　Beni…Mora；　Madame。〃

〃Why？〃　she　asked；　in　a　low　voice　that　was　full　of　hesitation。

〃You　do　not　need　him　now。〃

He　was　looking　at　her　with　a　defiant；　a　challenging　expression　that
was　his　answer　to　her　expression　of　vague　distrust　and　apprehension。

〃How　do　you　know　that？〃

He　did　not　answer　the　question；　but　only　said：

〃It　is　better　here　without　him。　May　I　send　him　away；　Madame？〃

She　bent　her　head。　Androvsky　rode　off　and　she　saw　him　speaking　to
Batouch；　who　shook　his　head　as　if　in　contradiction。

〃Batouch！〃　she　called　out。　〃You　can　ride　back　to　Beni…Mora。　We　shall
follow　directly。〃

The　poet　cantered　forward。

〃Madame；　it　is　not　safe。〃

The　sound　of　his　voice　made　Domini　suddenly　know　what　she　had　not　been
sure　of　beforethat　she　wished　to　be　alone　with　Androvsky。

〃Go；　Batouch！〃　she　said。　〃I　tell　you　to　go。〃

Batouch　turned　his　horse　without　a　word；　and　disappeared　into　the
darkness　of　the　distant　palms。

When　they　were　alone　together　Domini　and　Androvsky　sat　silent　on　their
horses　for　some　minutes。　Their　faces　were　turned　towards　the　desert；
which　was　now　luminous　beneath　the　moon。　Its　loneliness　was
overpowering　in　the　night；　and　made　speech　at　first　an　impossibility；
and　even　thought　difficult。　At　last　Androvsky　said：

〃Madame；　why　did　you　look　at　me　like　that　just　now；　as　if　youas　if
you　hesitated　to　remain　alone　with　me？〃

Suddenly　she　resolved　to　tell　him　of　her　oppression　of　the　night。　She
felt　as　if　to　do　so　would　relieve　her　of　something　that　was　like　a
pain　at　her　heart。

〃Has　it　never　occurred　to　you　that　we　are　strangers　to　each　other？〃
she　said。　〃That　we　know　nothing　of　each　other's　lives？　What　do　you
know　of　me　or　I　of　you？〃

He　shifted　in　his　saddle　and　moved　the　reins　from　one　hand　to　the
other；　but　said　nothing。

〃Would　it　seem　strange　to　you　if　I　did　hesitateif　even　now〃

〃Yes；〃　he　interrupted　violently；　〃it　would　seem　strange　to　me。〃

〃Why？〃

〃You　would　rely　on　an　Arab　and　not　rely　upon　me；〃　he　said　with　intense
bitterness。

〃I　did　not　say　so。〃

〃Yet　at　first　you　wished　to　keep　Batouch。〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Then〃

〃Batouch　is　my　attendant。〃

〃And　I？　Perhaps　I　am　nothing　but　a　man　whom　you　distrust；　whomwhom
others　tell　you　to　think　ill　of。〃

〃I　judge　for　myself。〃

〃But　if　others　speak　ill　of　me？〃

〃It　would　not　influence　mefor　long。〃

She　added　the　last　words　after　a　pause。　She　wished　to　be　strictly
truthful；　and　to…night　she　was　not　sure　that　the　words　of　the　priest
had　made　no　impression　upon　her。

〃For　long！〃　he　repeated。　Then　he　said　abruptly；　〃The　priest　hates　me。〃

〃No。〃

〃And　Count　Anteoni？〃

〃You　interested　Count　Anteoni　greatly。〃

〃Interested　him！〃

His　voice　sounded　intensely　suspicious　in　the　night。

〃Don't　you　wish　to　interest　anyone？　It　seems　to　me　that　to　be
uninteresting　is　to　live　eternally　alone　in　a　sunless　desert。〃

〃I　wishI　should　like　to　think　that　I〃　He　stopped；　then　said；　with
a　sort　of　ashamed　determination：　〃Could　I　ever　interest　you；　Madame？〃

〃Yes；〃　she　answered　quietly。

〃But　you　would　rather　be　protected　by　an　Arab　than　by　me。　The　priest
has〃

〃To…night　I　do　not　seem　to　be　myself；〃　she　said；　interrupting　him。
〃Perhaps　there　is　some　physical　reason。　I　got　up　very　early；　and
don't　you　ever　feel　oppressed；　suspicious；　doubtful　of　life；　people；
yourself；　everything；　without　apparent　reason？　Don't　you　know　what　it
is　to　have　nightmare　without　sleeping？〃

〃I！　But　you　are　different。〃

〃To…night　I　have　feltI　do　feel　as　if　there　were　tragedy　near　me；
perhaps　coming　towards　me；〃　she　said　simply；　〃and　I　am　oppressed；　I　am
almost　afraid。〃

When　she　had　said　it　she　felt　happier；　as　if　a　burden　she　carried　were
suddenly　lighter。　As　he　did　not　speak　she　glanced　at　him。　The　moon
rays　lit　up　his　face。　It　looked　ghastly；　drawn　and　old；　so　changed
that　she　scarcely　recognised　it　and　felt；　for　a　moment；　as　if　she　were
with　a　stranger。　She　looked　away　quickly；　wondering　if　what　she　had
seen　was　merely　some　strange　effect　of　the　moon；　or　whether　Androvsky
was　really　altered　for　a　moment　by　the　action　of　some　terrible　grief；
one　of　those　sudden　sorrows　that　rush　upon　a　man　from　the　hidden
depths　of　his　nature　and　tear　his　soul；　till　his　whole　being　is
lacerated　and　he　feels　as　if　his　soul　were　flesh　and　were　streaming
with　the　blood　from　mortal　wounds。　The　silence　between　them　was　long。
In　it　she　presently　heard　a　reiterated　noise　that　sounded　like
struggle　and　pain　made　audible。　It　was　Androvsky's　breathing。　In　the
soft　and　exquisite　air　of　the　desert　he　was　gasping　like　a　man　shut　up
in　a　cellar。　She　looked　again　towards　him；　startled。　As　she　did　so　he
turned　his　horse　sideways　and　rode　away　a　few　paces。　Then　he　pulled　up
his　horse。　He　was　now　merely　a　black　shape　upon　the　moonlight；
motionless　and　inaudible。　She　could　not　take　her　eyes　from　this　shape。
Its　blackness　suggested　to　her　the　blackness　of　a　gulf。　Her　memory
still　heard　that　sound　of　deep…drawn　breathing　or　gasping；　heard　it
and　quivered　beneath　it　as　a　tender…hearted　person　quivers　seeing　a
helpless　creature　being　ill…used。　She　hesitated　for　a　moment；　and
then；　carried　away　by　an　irresistible　impulse　to　try　to　soothe　this
extremity　of　pain　which　she　was　unable　to　understand；　she　rode　up　to
Androvsky。　When　she　reached　him　she　did　not　know　what　she　had　meant　to
say　or　do。　She　felt　suddenly　impotent　and　intrusive；　and　even　horribly
shy。　But　before　she　had　time　for　speech　or　action　he　turned　to　her　and
said；　lifting　up　his　hands　with　the　reins　in　them　and　then　dropping
them　down　heavily　upon　his　horse's　neck：

〃Madame；　I　wanted　to　tell　you　that　to…morrow　I〃　He　stopped。

〃Yes？〃　she　said。

He　turned　his　head　away　from　her　till　she　could　not　see　his　face。

〃To…morrow　I　am　leaving　Beni…Mora。〃

〃To…morrow！〃　she　said。

She　did　not　feel　the　horse　under　her；　the　reins　in　her　hand。　She　did
not　see　the　desert　or　the　moon。　Though　she　was　looking　at　Androvsky
she　no　longer　perceived　him。　At　the　sound　of　his　words　it　seemed　to
her　as　if　all　outside　things　she　had　ever　known　had　foundered；　like　a
ship　whose　bottom　is　ripped　up　by　a　razor…edged　rock；　as　if　with　them
had　foundered；　too；　all　things　within　herself：　thoughts；　feelings；
even　the　bodily　powers　that　were　of　the　essence　of　her　life；　sense　of
taste；　smell；　hearing；　sight；　the　capacity　of　movement　and　of
deliberate　repose。　Nothing　seemed　to　remain　except　the　knowledge　that
she　was　still　alive　and　had　spoken。

〃Yes；　to…morrow　I　shall　go　away。〃

His　face　was　still　turned　from　her；　and　his　voice　sounded　as　if　it
spoke　to　someone　at　a　distance；　someone　who　could　hear　as　man　cannot
hear。

〃To…morrow；〃　she　repeated。

She　knew　she　had　spoken　again；　but　it　did　not　seem　to　her　as　if　she
had　heard　herself　speak。　She　looked　at　her　hands　holding　the　reins；
knew　that　she　looked　at　them；　yet　felt　as　if　she　were　not　seeing　them
while　she　did　so。　The　moonlit　desert　was　surely　flickering　round　her；
and　away　to　the　horizon　in　waves　that　were　caused　by　the　disappearance
of　that　ship　which　had　suddenly　foundered　with　all　its　countless
lives。　And　she　knew　of　the　movement　of　these　waves　as　the　soul　of　one
of　the　drowned；　already　released　from　the　body；　might　know　of　the
movement　on　the　surface　of　the　sea　beneath　which　its　body　was　hidden。

But　the　soul　was　evidently　nothing　without　the　body；　or；　at　most；
merely　a　continuance　of　power　to　know　that　all　which　had　been　was　no
more。　All　which　had　been　was　no　more。

At　last　her　mind　began　to　work　again；　and　those　words　went　through　it
with　persistence。　She　thought　of　the　fascination　of　Africa；　that
enormous；　overpowering　fascination　which　had　taken　possession　of　her
body　and　spirit。　What　had　become　of　it？　What　had　become　of　the　romance
of　the　palm　gardens；　of　the　brown　villages；　of　the　red　mountains；　of
the　white　town　with　its　lights；　its　white　figures；　its　throbbing
music？　And　the　mystical　attraction　of　the　desertwhere　was　it　now？
Its　voice；　that　had　called　her　per