the garden of allah-第64章

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her；　yet　he　did　not　just　then　try　to　pour　balm　upon　the　wound。

〃You　came　to　me　to…day　as　to　a　spiritual　director；　did　you　not？〃　he
asked。

〃Yes；　Father。〃

〃Yet　you　do　not　wish　to　be　frank　with　me。　Isn't　that　true？〃

There　was　a　piercing　look　in　the　eyes　he　fixed　upon　her。

〃Yes；〃　she　answered　bravely。

〃Why？　Cannot　youat　least　will　not　you　tell　me？〃

A　similar　reason　to　that　which　had　caused　her　to　refuse　to　hear　what
the　Diviner　had　seen　in　the　sand　caused　her　now　to　answer：

〃There　is　something　I　cannot　say。　I　am　sure　I　am　right　not　to　say　it。〃

〃Do　you　wish　me　to　speak　frankly　to　you；　my　child？〃

〃Yes；　you　may。〃

〃You　have　told　me　enough　of　your　past　life　to　make　me　feel　sure　that
for　some　time　to　come　you　ought　to　be　very　careful　in　regard　to　your
faith。　By　the　mercy　of　God　you　have　been　preserved　from　the　greatest
of　all　dangersthe　danger　of　losing　your　belief　in　the　teachings　of
the　only　true　Church。　You　have　come　here　to　renew　your　faith　which；
not　killed；　has　been　stricken；　reduced；　may　I　not　say？　to　a　sort　of
invalidism。　Are　you　sure　you　are　in　a　condition　yet　to　help〃he
hesitated　obviously；　then　slowly〃others？　There　are　periods　in　which
one　cannot　do　what　one　may　be　able　to　do　in　the　far　future。　The
convalescent　who　is　just　tottering　in　the　new　attempt　to　walk　is　not
wise　enough　to　lend　an　arm　to　another。　To　do　so　may　seem　nobly
unselfish；　but　is　it　not　folly？　And　then；　my　child；　we　ought　to　be
scrupulously　aware　what　is　our　real　motive　for　wishing　to　assist
another。　Is　it　of　God；　or　is　it　of　ourselves？　Is　it　a　personal　desire
to　increase　a　perhaps　unworthy；　a　worldly　happiness？　Egoism　is　a
parent　of　many　children；　and　often　they　do　not　recognise　their
father。〃

Just　for　a　moment　Domini　felt　a　heat　of　anger　rise　within　her。　She　did
not　express　it；　and　did　not　know　that　she　had　shown　a　sign　of　it　till
she　heard　Father　Roubier　say：

〃If　you　knew　how　often　I　have　found　that　what　for　a　moment　I　believed
to　be　my　noblest　aspirations　had　sprung　from　a　tiny；　hidden　seed　of
egoism！〃

At　once　her　anger　died　away。

〃That　is　terribly　true；〃　she　said。　〃Of　us　all；　I　mean。〃

She　got　up。

〃You　are　going？〃

〃Yes。　I　want　to　think　something　out。　You　have　made　me　want　to。　I　must
do　it。　Perhaps　I'll　come　again。〃

〃Do。　I　want　to　help　you　if　I　can。〃

There　was　such　a　heartfelt　sound　in　his　voice　that　impulsively　she
held　out　her　hand。

〃I　know　you　do。　Perhaps　you　will　be　able　to。〃

But　even　as　she　said　the　last　words　doubt　crept　into　her　mind；　even
into　her　voice。

The　priest　came　to　his　gate　to　see　Domini　off；　and　directly　she　had
left　him　she　noticed　that　Androvsky　was　under　the　arcade　and　had　been
a　witness　of　their　parting。　As　she　went　past　him　and　into　the　hotel
she　saw　that　he　looked　greatly　disturbed　and　excited。　His　face　was　lit
up　by　the　now　fiery　glare　of　the　sun；　and　when；　in　passing；　she　nodded
to　him；　and　he　took　off　his　hat；　he　cast　at　her　a　glance　that　was　like
an　accusation。　As　soon　as　she　gained　the　verandah　she　heard　his　heavy
step　upon　the　stair。　For　a　moment　she　hesitated。　Should　she　go　into
her　room　and　so　avoid　him；　or　remain　and　let　him　speak　to　her？　She
knew　that　he　was　following　her　with　that　purpose。　Her　mind　was　almost
instantly　made　up。　She　crossed　the　verandah　and　sat　down　in　the　low
chair　that　was　always　placed　outside　her　French　window。　Androvsky
followed　her　and　stood　beside　her。　He　did　not　say　anything　for　a
moment；　nor　did　she。　Then　he　spoke　with　a　sort　of　passionate　attempt
to　sound　careless　and　indifferent。

〃Monsieur　Anteoni　has　gone；　I　suppose；　Madame？〃

〃Yes；　he　has　gone。　I　reached　the　garden　safely；　you　see。〃

〃Batouch　came　later。　He　was　much　ashamed　when　he　found　you　had　gone。　I
believe　he　is　afraid；　and　is　hiding　himself　till　your　anger　shall　have
passed　away。〃

She　laughed。

〃Batouch　could　not　easily　make　me　angry。　I　am　not　like　you；　Monsieur
Androvsky。〃

Her　sudden　challenge　startled　him；　as　she　had　meant　it　should。　He
moved　quickly；　as　at　an　unexpected　touch。

〃I；　Madame？〃

〃Yes；　I　think　you　are　very　often　angry。　I　think　you　are　angry　now。〃

His　face　was　flooded　with　red。

〃Why　should　I　be　angry？〃　he　stammered；　like　a　man　completely　taken
aback。

〃How　can　I　tell？　But；　as　I　came　in　just　now；　you　looked　at　me　as　if
you　wanted　to　punish　me。〃

〃II　am　afraidit　seems　that　my　face　says　a　great　deal　thatthat〃

〃Your　lips　would　not　choose　to　say。　Well；　it　does。　Why　are　you　angry
with　me？〃　She　gazed　at　him　mercilessly；　studying　the　trouble　of　his
face。　The　combative　part　of　her　nature　had　been　roused　by　the　glance
he　had　cast　at　her。　What　right　had　he；　had　any　man；　to　look　at　her
like　that？

Her　blunt　directness　lashed　him　back　into　the　firmness　he　had　lost。
She　felt　in　a　moment　that　there　was　a　fighting　capacity　in　him　equal；
perhaps　superior；　to　her　own。

〃When　I　saw　you　come　from　the　priest's　house；　Madame；　I　felt　as　if　you
had　been　there　speaking　about　meabout　my　conduct　of　yesterday。〃

〃Indeed！　Why　should　I　do　that？〃

〃I　thought　as　you　had　kindly　wished　me　to　come〃

He　stopped。

〃Well？〃　she　said；　in　rather　a　hard　voice。

〃Madame；　I　don't　know　what　I　thought；　what　I　thinkonly　I　cannot　bear
that　you　should　apologise　for　any　conduct　of　mine。　Indeed；　I　cannot
bear　it。〃

He　looked　fearfully　excited　and　moved　two　or　three　steps　away；　then
returned。

〃Were　you　doing　that？〃　he　asked。　〃Were　you；　Madame？〃

〃I　never　mentioned　your　name　to　Father　Roubier；　nor　did　he　to　me；〃　she
answered。

For　a　moment　he　looked　relieved；　then　a　sudden　suspicion　seemed　to
strike　him。

〃But　without　mentioning　my　name？〃　he　said。

〃You　wish　to　accuse　me　of　quibbling；　of　insincerity；　then！〃　she
exclaimed　with　a　heat　almost　equal　to　his　own。

〃No；　Madame；　no！　Madame；　II　have　suffered　much。　I　am　suspicious　of
everybody。　Forgive　me；　forgive　me！〃

He　spoke　almost　with　distraction。　In　his　manner　there　was　something
desperate。

〃I　am　sure　you　have　suffered；〃　she　said　more　gently；　yet　with　a
certain　inflexibility　at　which　she　herself　wondered；　yet　which　she
could　not　control。　〃You　will　always　suffer　if　you　cannot　govern
yourself。　You　will　make　people　dislike　you；　be　suspicious　of　you。〃

〃Suspicious！　Who　is　suspicious　of　me？〃　he　asked　sharply。　〃Who　has　any
right　to　be　suspicious　of　me？〃

She　looked　up　and　fancied　that；　for　an　instant；　she　saw　something　as
ugly　as　terror　in　his　eyes。

〃Surely　you　know　that　people　don't　ask　permission　to　be　suspicious　of
their　fellow…men？〃　she　said。

〃No　one　here　has　any　right　to　consider　me　or　my　actions；〃　he　said；
fierceness　blazing　out　of　him。　〃I　am　a　free　man；　and　can　do　as　I　will。
No　one　has　any　rightno　one！〃

Domini　felt　as　if　the　words　were　meant　for　her；　as　if　he　had　struck
her。　She　was　so　angry　that　she　did　not　trust　herself　to　speak；　and
instinctively　she　put　her　hand　up　to　her　breast；　as　a　woman　might　who
had　received　a　blow。　She　touched　something　small　and　hard　that　was
hidden　beneath　her　gown。　It　was　the　little　wooden　crucifix　Androvsky
had　thrown　into　the　stream　at　Sidi…Zerzour。　As　she　realised　that　her
anger　died。　She　was　humbled　and　ashamed。　What　was　her　religion　if；　at
a　word；　she　could　be　stirred　to　such　a　feeling　of　passion？

〃I；　at　least；　am　not　suspicious　of　you；〃　she　said；　choosing　the　very
words　that　were　most　difficult　for　her　to　say　just　then。　〃And　Father
Roubierif　you　included　himis　too　fine…hearted　to　cherish　unworthy
suspicions　of　anyone。〃

She　got　up。　Her　voice　was　full　of　a　subdued；　but　strong；　emotion。

〃Oh；　Monsieur　Androvsky！〃　she　said。　〃Do　go　over　and　see　him。　Make
friends　with　him。　Never　mind　yesterday。　I　want　you　to　be　friends　with
him；　with　everyone　here。　Let　us　make　Beni…Mora　a　place　of　peace　and
good　will。〃

Then　she　went　across　the　verandah　quickly　to　her　room；　and　passed　in；
closing　the　window　behind　her。

/Dejeuner/　was　brought　into　her　sitting…room。　She　ate　it　in　solitude；
and　late　in　the　afternoon　she　went　out　on　the　verandah。　She　had　made
up　her　mind　to　spend　an　hour　in　the　church。　She　had　told　Father
Roubier　that　she　wanted　to　think　something　out。　Since　she　had　left　him
the　burden　upon　her　mind　had　become　heavier；　and　she　longed　to　be
alone　in　the　twilight　near　th