i and my chimney-第4章

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and　with　indefatigable　painstaking　picked　the　peck　of　pickled

peppers　for　the　other。　



But　the　most　wonderful　thing　is；　my　wife　never　thinks　of　her　end。

Her　youthful　incredulity；　as　to　the　plain　theory；　and　still

plainer　fact　of　death；　hardly　seems　Christian。　Advanced　in　years；

as　she　knows　she　must　be；　my　wife　seems　to　think　that　she　is　to

teem　on；　and　be　inexhaustible　forever。　She　doesn't　believe　in　old

age。　At　that　strange　promise　in　the　plain　of　Mamre；　my　old　wife；

unlike　old　Abraham's；　would　not　have　jeeringly　laughed　within

herself。　



Judge　how　to　me；　who；　sitting　in　the　comfortable　shadow　of　my

chimney；　smoking　my　comfortable　pipe；　with　ashes　not　unwelcome　at

my　feet；　and　ashes　not　unwelcome　all　but　in　my　mouth；　and　who　am

thus　in　a　comfortable　sort　of　not　unwelcome；　though；　indeed；　ashy

enough　way；　reminded　of　the　ultimate　exhaustion　even　of　the　most

fiery　life；　judge　how　to　me　this　unwarrantable　vitality　in　my

wife　must　come；　sometimes；　it　is　true；　with　a　moral　and　a　calm；

but　oftener　with　a　breeze　and　a　ruffle。　



If　the　doctrine　be　true；　that　in　wedlock　contraries　attract；　by

how　cogent　a　fatality　must　I　have　been　drawn　to　my　wife！　While

spicily　impatient　of　present　and　past；　like　a　glass　of

ginger…beer　she　overflows　with　her　schemes；　and；　with　like　energy

as　she　puts　down　her　foot；　puts　down　her　preserves　and　her

pickles；　and　lives　with　them　in　a　continual　future；　or　ever　full

of　expectations　both　from　time　and　space；　is　ever　restless　for

newspapers；　and　ravenous　for　letters。　Content　with　the　years　that

are　gone；　taking　no　thought　for　the　morrow；　and　looking　for　no

new　thing　from　any　person　or　quarter　whatever；　I　have　not　a

single　scheme　or　expectation　on　earth；　save　in　unequal　resistance

of　the　undue　encroachment　of　hers。　



Old　myself；　I　take　to　oldness　in　things；　for　that　cause　mainly

loving　old　Montague；　and　old　cheese；　and　old　wine；　and　eschewing

young　people；　hot　rolls；　new　books；　and　early　potatoes　and　very

fond　of　my　old　claw…footed　chair；　and　old　club…footed　Deacon

White；　my　neighbor；　and　that　still　nigher　old　neighbor；　my

betwisted　old　grape…vine；　that　of　a　summer　evening　leans　in　his

elbow　for　cosy　company　at　my　window…sill；　while　I；　within　doors；

lean　over　mine　to　meet　his；　and　above　all；　high　above　all；　am

fond　of　my　high…mantled　old　chimney。　But　she；　out　of　the

infatuate　juvenility　of　hers；　takes　to　nothing　but　newness；　for

that　cause　mainly；　loving　new　cider　in　autumn；　and　in　spring；　as

if　she　were　own　daughter　of　Nebuchadnezzar；　fairly　raving　after

all　sorts　of　salads　and　spinages；　and　more　particularly　green

cucumbers　（though　all　the　time　nature　rebukes　such　unsuitable

young　hankerings　in　so　elderlv　a　person；　by　never　permitting　such

things　to　agree　with　her）；　and　has　an　itch　after　recently…

discovered　fine　prospects　（so　no　graveyard　be　in　the　background）；

and　also　after　Sweden…borganism；　and　the　Spirit　Rapping

philosophy；　with　other　new　views；　alike　in　things　natural　and

unnatural；　and　immortally　hopeful；　is　forever　making　new

flower…beds　even　on　the　north　side　of　the　house　where　the　bleak

mountain　wind　would　scarce　allow　the　wiry　weed　called　hard…hack

to　gain　a　thorough　footing；　and　on　the　road…side　sets　out　mere

pipe…stems　of　young　elms；　though　there　is　no　hope　of　any　shade

from　them；　except　over　the　ruins　of　her　great　granddaughter's

gravestones；　and　won't　wear　caps；　but　plaits　her　gray　hair；　and

takes　the　Ladies'　Magazine　for　the　fashions；　and　always　buys　her

new　almanac　a　month　before　the　new　year；　and　rises　at　dawn；　and

to　the　warmest　sunset　turns　a　cold　shoulder；　and　still　goes　on　at

odd　hours　with　her　new　course　of　history；　and　her　French；　and　her

music；　and　likes　a　young　company；　and　offers　to　ride　young　colts；

and　sets　out　young　suckers　in　the　orchard；　and　has　a　spite

against　my　elbowed　old　grape…vine；　and　my　club…footed　old

neighbor；　and　my　claw…footed　old　chair；　and　above　all；　high　above

all；　would　fain　persecute；　until　death；　my　high…mantled　old

chimney。　By　what　perverse　magic；　I　a　thousand　times　think；　does

such　a　very　autumnal　old　lady　have　such　a　very　vernal　young　soul？

When　I　would　remonstrate　at　times；　she　spins　round　on　me　with；

〃Oh；　don't　you　grumble；　old　man　（she　always　calls　me　old　man）；

it's　I；　young　I；　that　keep　you　from　stagnating。〃　Well；　I　suppose

it　is　so。　Yea；　after　all；　these　things　are　well　ordered。　My　wife；

as　one　of　her　poor　relations；　good　soul；　intimates；　is　the　salt

of　the　earth；　and　none　the　less　the　salt　of　my　sea；　which

otherwise　were　unwholesome。　She　is　its　monsoon；　too；　blowing　a

brisk　gale　over　it；　in　the　one　steady　direction　of　my　chimney。　



Not　insensible　of　her　superior　energies；　my　wife　has　frequently

made　me　propositions　to　take　upon　herself　all　the

responsibilities　of　my　affairs。　She　is　desirous　that；

domestically；　I　should　abdicate；　that；　renouncing　further　rule；

like　the　venerable　Charles　V；　I　should　retire　intoo　some　sort　of

monastery。　But　indeed；　the　chimney　excepted；　I　have　little

authority　to　lay　down。　By　my　wife's　ingenious　application　of　the

principle　that　certain　things　belong　of　right　to　female

jurisdiction；　I　find　myself；　through　my　easy　compliances；

insensibly　stripped　by　degrees　of　one　masculine　prerogative　after

another。　In　a　dream　I　go　about　my　fields；　a　sort　of　lazy；

happy…go…lucky；　good…for…nothing；　loafing　old　Lear。　Only　by　some

sudden　revelation　am　I　reminded　who　is　over　me；　as　year　before

last；　one　day　seeing　in　one　corner　of　the　premises　fresh　deposits

of　mysterious　boards　and　timbers；　the　oddity　of　the　incident　at

length　begat　serious　meditation。　〃Wife；〃　said　I；　〃whose　boards

and　timbers　are　those　I　see　near　the　orchard　there？　Do　you　know

anything　about　them；　wife？　Who　put　them　there？　You　know　I　do　not

like　the　neighbors　to　use　my　land　that　way；　they　should　ask

permission　first。〃　



She　regarded　me　with　a　pitying　smile。



〃Why；　old　man；　don't　you　know　I　am　building　a　new　barn？　Didn't

you　know　that；　old　man？〃　



This　is　the　poor　old　lady　who　was　accusing　me　of　tyrannizing　over

her。　



To　return　now　to　the　chimney。　Upon　being　assured　of　the　futility

of　her　proposed　hall；　so　long　as　the　obstacle　remained；　for　a

time　my　wife　was　for　a　modified　project。　But　I　could　never

exactly　comprehend　it。　As　far　as　I　could　see　through　it；　it

seemed　to　involve　the　general　idea　of　a　sort　of　irregular

archway；　or　elbowed　tunnel；　which　was　to　penetrate　the　chimney　at

some　convenient　point　under　the　staircase；　and　carefully　avoiding

dangerous　contact　with　the　　fireplaces；　and　particularly　steering

clear　of　the　great　interior　flue；　was　to　conduct　the　enterprising

traveler　from　the　front　door　all　the　way　into　the　dining…room　in

the　remote　rear　of　the　mansion。　Doubtless　it　was　a　bold　stroke　of

genius；　that　plan　of　hers；　and　so　was　Nero's　when　he　schemed　his

grand　canal　through　the　Isthmus　of　Corinth。　Nor　will　I　take　oath；

that；　had　her　project　been　accomplished；　then；　by　help　of　lights

hung　at　judicious　intervals　through　the　tunnel；　some　Belzoni　or

other　might　have　succeeded　in　future　ages　in　penetrating　through

the　masonry；　and　actually　emerging　into　the　dining…room；　and　once

there；　it　would　have　been　inhospitable　treatment　of　such　a

traveler　to　have　denied　him　a　recruiting　meal。　



But　my　bustling　wife　did　not　restrict　her　objections；　nor　in　the

end　confine　her　proposed　alterations　to　the　first　floor。　Her

ambition　was　of　the　mounting　order。　She　ascended　with　her　schemes

to　the　second　floor；　and　so　to　the　attic。　Perhaps　there　was　some

small　ground　for　her　discontent　with　things　as　they　were。　The

truth　is；　there　was　no　regular　passage…way　up…stairs　or　down；

unless　we　again　except　that　little　orchestra…gallery　before

mentioned。　And　all　this　was　owing　to　the　chimney；　which　my

gamesome　spouse　seemed　despitefully　to　regard　as　the　bully　of　the

house。　On　all　its　four　sides；　nearly　all　the　chambers　sidled　up

to　the　chimney　for　the　benefit　of　a　fireplace。　The　chimne