i and my chimney-第2章

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As　for　the　hills；　especially　where　the　roads　cross　them　the

supervisors　of　our　various　towns　have　given　notice　to　all

concerned；　that　they　can　come　and　dig　them　down　and　cart　them

off；　and　never　a　cent　to　pay；　no　more　than　for　the　privilege　of

picking　blackberries。　The　stranger　who　is　buried　here；　what

liberal…hearted　landed　proprietor　among　us　grudges　him　six　feet

of　rocky　pasture？　



Nevertheless；　cheap；　after　all；　as　our　land　is；　and　much　as　it　is

trodden　under　foot；　I；　for　one；　am　proud　of　it　for　what　it　bears；

and　chiefly　for　its　three　great　lionsthe　Great　Oak；　Ogg

Mountain；　and　my　chimney。　

　　　　

Most　houses；　here；　are　but　one　and　a　half　stories　high；　few

exceed　two。　That　in　which　I　and　my　chimney　dwell；　is　in　width

nearly　twice　its　height；　from　sill　to　eaveswhich　accounts　for

the　magnitude　of　its　main　contentbesides　showing　that　in　this

house；　as　in　this　country　at　large；　there　is　abundance　of　space；

and　to　spare；　for　both　of　us。　



The　frame　of　the　old　house　is　of　woodwhich　but　the　more　sets

forth　the　solidity　of　the　chimney；　which　is　of　brick。　And　as　the

great　wrought　nails；　binding　the　clapboards；　are　unknown　in　these

degenerate　days；　so　are　the　huge　bricks　in　the　chimney　walls。　The

architect　of　the　chimney　must　have　had　the　pyramid　of　Cheops

before　him；　for；　after　that　famous　structure；　it　seems　modeled；

only　its　rate　of　decrease　towards　the　summit　is　considerably

less；　and　it　is　truncated。　From　the　exact　middle　of　the　mansion

it　soars　from　the　cellar；　right　up　through　each　successive　floor；

till；　four　feet　square；　it　breaks　water　from　the　ridge…pole　of

the　roof；　like　an　anvil…headed　whale；　through　the　crest　of　a

billow。　Most　people；　though；　liken　it；　in　that　part；　to　a　razed

observatory；　masoned　up。　



The　reason　for　its　peculiar　appearance　above　the　roof　touches

upon　rather　delicate　ground。　How　shall　I　reveal　that；　forasmuch

as　many　years　ago　the　original　gable　roof　of　the　old　house　had

become　very　leaky；　a　temporary　proprietor　hired　a　band　of

woodmen；　with　their　huge；　cross…cut　saws；　and　went　to　sawing　the

old　gable　roof　clean　off。　Off　it　went；　with　all　its　birds'　nests；

and　dormer　windows。　It　was　replaced　with　a　modern　roof；　more　fit

for　a　railway　wood…house　than　an　old　country　gentleman's　abode。

This　operationrazeeing　the　structure　some　fifteen　feetwas；　in

effect　upon　the　chimney；　something　like　the　falling　of　the　great

spring　tides。　It　left　uncommon　low　water　all　about　the

chimneyto　abate　which　appearance；　the　same　person　now　proceeds

to　slice　fifteen　feet　off　the　chimney　itself；　actually　beheading

my　royal　old　chinmeya　regicidal　act；　which；　were　it　not　for　the

palliating　fact　that　he　was　a　poulterer　by　trade；　and；　therefore；

hardened　to　such　neck…wringings；　should　send　that　former

proprietor　down　to　posterity　in　the　same　cart　with　Cromwell。　



Owing　to　its　pyramidal　shape；　the　reduction　of　the　chimney

inordinately　widened　its　razeed　summit。　Inordinately；　I　say；　but

only　in　the　estimation　of　such　as　have　no　eye　to　the　picturesque。

What　care　I；　if；　unaware　that　my　chimney；　as　a　free　citizen　of

this　free　land；　stands　upon　an　independent　basis　of　its　own；

people　passing　it；　wonder　how　such　a　brick…kiln；　as　they　call　it；

is　supported　upon　mere　joists　and　rafters？　What　care　I？　I　will

give　a　traveler　a　cup　of　switchel；　if　he　want　it；　but　am　I　bound

to　supply　him　with　a　sweet　taste？　Men　of　cultivated　minds　see；　in

my　old　house　and　chimney；　a　goodly　old　elephant…and…castle。　



All　feeling　hearts　will　sympathize　with　me　in　what　I　am　now　about

to　add。　The　surgical　operation；　above　referred　to；　necessarily

brought　into　the　open　air　a　part　of　the　chimney　previously　under

cover；　and　intended　to　remain　so；　and；　therefore；　not　built　of

what　are　called　weather…bricks。　In　consequence；　the　chimney；

though　of　a　vigorous　constitution；　suffered　not　a　little；　from　so

naked　an　exposure；　and；　unable　to　acclimate　itself；　ere　long

began　to　failshowing　blotchy　symptoms　akin　to　those　in　measles。

Whereupon　travelers；　passing　my　way；　would　wag　their　heads；

laughing；　〃See　that　wax　nosehow　it　melts　off！〃　But　what　cared

I？　The　same　travelers　would　travel　across　the　sea　to　view

Kenilworth　peeling　away；　and　for　a　very　good　reason：　that　of　all

artists　of　the　picturesque；　decay　wears　the　palmI　would　say；

the　ivy。　In　fact；　I've　often　thought　that　the　proper　place　for　my

old　chimney　is　ivied　old　England。　



In　vain　my　wifewith　what　probable　ulterior　intent　will；　ere

long；　appearsolemnly　warned　me；　that　unless　something　were

done；　and　speedily；　we　should　be　burnt　to　the　ground；　owing　to

the　holes　crumbling　through　the　aforesaid　blotchy　parts；　where

the　chimney　joined　the　roof。　〃Wife；〃　said　I；　〃far　better　that　my

house　should　bum　down；　than　that　my　chimney　should　be　pulled

down；　though　but　a　few　feet。　They　call　it　a　wax　nose；　very　good；

not　for　me　to　tweak　the　nose　of　my　superior。〃　But　at　last　the　man

who　has　a　mortgage　on　the　house　dropped　me　a　note；　reminding　me

that；　if　my　chimney　was　allowed　to　stand　in　that　invalid

condition；　my　policy　of　insurance　would　be　void。　This　was　a　sort

of　hint　not　to　be　neglected。　All　the　world　over；　the　picturesque

yields　to　the　pocketesque。　The　mortgagor　cared　not；　but　the

mortgagee　did。　



So　another　operation　was　performed。　The　wax　nose　was　taken　off；

and　a　new　one　fitted　on。　Unfortunately　for　the　expressionbeing

put　up　by　a　squint…eyed　mason；　who；　at　the　time；　had　a　bad　stitch

in　the　same　sidethe　new　nose　stands　a　little　awry；　in　the　same

direction。　



Of　one　thing；　however；　I　am　proud。　The　horizontal　dimensions　of

the　new　part　are　unreduced。　



Large　as　the　chimney　appears　upon　the　roof；　that　is　nothing　to

its　spaciousness　below。　At　its　base　in　the　cellar；　it　is

precisely　twelve　feet　square；　and　hence　covers　precisely　one

hundred　and　forty…four　superficial　feet。　What　an　　　　　　　

appropriation　of　terra　firma　for　a　chimney；　and　what　a　huge　load

for　this　earth！　　In　fact；　it　was　only　because　I　and　my　chimney

formed　no　part　of　his　ancient　burden；　that　that　stout　peddler；

Atlas　of　old；　was　enabled　to　stand　up　so　bravely　under　his　pack。

The　dimensions　given　may；　perhaps；　seem　fabulous。　But；　like　those

stones　at　Gilgal；　which　Joshua　set　up　for　a　memorial　of　having

passed　over　Jordan；　does　not　my　chimney　remain；　even　unto　this

day？　



Very　often　I　go　down　into　my　cellar；　and　attentively　survey　that

vast　square　of　masonry。　　I　stand　long；　and　ponder　over；　and

wonder　at　it。　It　has　a　druidical　look；　away　down　in　the

umbrageous　cellar　there　whose　numerous　vaulted　passages；　and　far

glens　of　gloom；　resemble　the　dark；　damp　depths　of　primeval　woods。

So　strongly　did　this　conceit　steal　over　me；　so　deeply　was　I

penetrated　with　wonder　at　the　chimney；　that　one　daywhen　I　was　a

little　out　of　my　mind；　I　now　thinkgetting　a　spade　from　the

garden；　I　set　to　work；　digging　round　the　foundation；　especially

at　the　corners　thereof；　obscurely　prompted　by　dreams　of　striking

upon　some　old；　earthen…worn　memorial　of　that　by…gone　day；　when；

into　all　this　gloom；　the　light　of　heaven　entered；　as　the　masons

laid　the　foundation…stones；　peradventure　sweltering　under　an

August　sun；　or　pelted　by　a　March　storm。　　Plying　my　blunted　spade；

how　vexed　was　I　by　that　ungracious　interruption　of　a　neighbor

who；　calling　to　see　me　upon　some　business；　and　being　informed

that　I　was　below　said　I　need　not　be　troubled　to　come　up；　but　he

would　go　down　to　me；　and　so；　without　ceremony；　and　without　my

having　been　forewarned；　suddenly　discovered　me；　digging　in　my

cellar。　



〃Gold　digging；　sir？〃



〃Nay；　sir；〃　answered　I；　starting；　〃I　was　merelyahem！merelyI

say　I　was　merely　digging…round　my　chimney。〃　



〃Ah；　loosening　the　soil；　to　make　it　grow。　Your　chimney；　sir；　you

regard　as　too　small；　I　suppose；　needing　further　development；

especially　at　the　top？〃　



〃Sir！〃　said　I；　throwing　down　the　spade；　〃do　not　be　personal。　I

and　my　chimney〃



〃Personal？〃　



〃Sir；　I　look　upon