the uncommercial traveller-第79章

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herbs；　or　implements；　or　what　not。　　A　better　custom　than　the

popular　one　of　keeping　the　refuse…heap　and　puddle　close　before　the

house　door：　　which；　although　I　paint　my　dwelling　never　so　brightly

blue　（and　it　cannot　be　too　blue　for　me；　hereabouts）；　will　bring

fever　inside　my　door。　　Wonderful　poultry　of　the　French…Flemish

country；　why　take　the　trouble　to　BE　poultry？　　Why　not　stop　short　at

eggs　in　the　rising　generation；　and　die　out　and　have　done　with　it？

Parents　of　chickens　have　I　seen　this　day；　followed　by　their

wretched　young　families；　scratching　nothing　out　of　the　mud　with　an

air　…　tottering　about　on　legs　so　scraggy　and　weak；　that　the　valiant

word　drumsticks　becomes　a　mockery　when　applied　to　them；　and　the

crow　of　the　lord　and　master　has　been　a　mere　dejected　case　of　croup。

Carts　have　I　seen；　and　other　agricultural　instruments；　unwieldy；

dislocated；　monstrous。　　Poplar…trees　by　the　thousand　fringe　the

fields　and　fringe　the　end　of　the　flat　landscape；　so　that　I　feel；

looking　straight　on　before　me；　as　if；　when　I　pass　the　extremest

fringe　on　the　low　horizon；　I　shall　tumble　over　into　space。　　Little

whitewashed　black　holes　of　chapels；　with　barred　doors　and　Flemish

inscriptions；　abound　at　roadside　corners；　and　often　they　are

garnished　with　a　sheaf　of　wooden　crosses；　like　children's　swords；

or；　in　their　default；　some　hollow　old　tree　with　a　saint　roosting　in

it；　is　similarly　decorated；　or　a　pole　with　a　very　diminutive　saint

enshrined　aloft　in　a　sort　of　sacred　pigeon…house。　　Not　that　we　are

deficient　in　such　decoration　in　the　town　here；　for；　over　at　the

church　yonder；　outside　the　building；　is　a　scenic　representation　of

the　Crucifixion；　built　up　with　old　bricks　and　stones；　and　made　out

with　painted　canvas　and　wooden　figures：　　the　whole　surmounting　the

dusty　skull　of　some　holy　personage　（perhaps）；　shut　up　behind　a

little　ashy　iron　grate；　as　if　it　were　originally　put　there　to　be

cooked；　and　the　fire　had　long　gone　out。　　A　windmilly　country　this；

though　the　windmills　are　so　damp　and　rickety；　that　they　nearly

knock　themselves　off　their　legs　at　every　turn　of　their　sails；　and

creak　in　loud　complaint。　　A　weaving　country；　too；　for　in　the

wayside　cottages　the　loom　goes　wearily　…　rattle　and　click；　rattle

and　click　…　and；　looking　in；　I　see　the　poor　weaving　peasant；　man　or

woman；　bending　at　the　work；　while　the　child；　working　too；　turns　a

little　hand…wheel　put　upon　the　ground　to　suit　its　height。　　An

unconscionable　monster；　the　loom　in　a　small　dwelling；　asserting

himself　ungenerously　as　the　bread…winner；　straddling　over　the

children's　straw　beds；　cramping　the　family　in　space　and　air；　and

making　himself　generally　objectionable　and　tyrannical。　　He　is

tributary；　too；　to　ugly　mills　and　factories　and　bleaching…grounds；

rising　out　of　the　sluiced　fields　in　an　abrupt　bare　way；　disdaining；

like　himself；　to　be　ornamental　or　accommodating。　　Surrounded　by

these　things；　here　I　stood　on　the　steps　of　the　Hotel　de　Ville；

persuaded　to　remain　by　the　P。　Salcy　family；　fifteen　dramatic

subjects　strong。



There　was　a　Fair　besides。　　The　double　persuasion　being

irresistible；　and　my　sponge　being　left　behind　at　the　last　Hotel；　I

made　the　tour　of　the　little　town　to　buy　another。　　In　the　small

sunny　shops　…　mercers；　opticians；　and　druggist…grocers；　with　here

and　there　an　emporium　of　religious　images　…　the　gravest　of　old

spectacled　Flemish　husbands　and　wives　sat　contemplating　one　another

across　bare　counters；　while　the　wasps；　who　seemed　to　have　taken

military　possession　of　the　town；　and　to　have　placed　it　under　wasp…

martial　law；　executed　warlike　manoeuvres　in　the　windows。　　Other

shops　the　wasps　had　entirely　to　themselves；　and　nobody　cared　and

nobody　came　when　I　beat　with　a　five…franc　piece　upon　the　board　of

custom。　　What　I　sought　was　no　more　to　be　found　than　if　I　had　sought

a　nugget　of　Californian　gold：　　so　I　went；　spongeless；　to　pass　the

evening　with　the　Family　P。　Salcy。



The　members　of　the　Family　P。　Salcy　were　so　fat　and　so　like　one

another　…　fathers；　mothers；　sisters；　brothers；　uncles；　and　aunts　…

that　I　think　the　local　audience　were　much　confused　about　the　plot

of　the　piece　under　representation；　and　to　the　last　expected　that

everybody　must　turn　out　to　be　the　long…lost　relative　of　everybody

else。　　The　Theatre　was　established　on　the　top　story　of　the　Hotel　de

Ville；　and　was　approached　by　a　long　bare　staircase；　whereon；　in　an

airy　situation；　one　of　the　P。　Salcy　Family　…　a　stout　gentleman

imperfectly　repressed　by　a　belt　…　took　the　money。　　This　occasioned

the　greatest　excitement　of　the　evening；　for；　no　sooner　did　the

curtain　rise　on　the　introductory　Vaudeville；　and　reveal　in　the

person　of　the　young　lover　（singing　a　very　short　song　with　his

eyebrows）　apparently　the　very　same　identical　stout　gentleman

imperfectly　repressed　by　a　belt；　than　everybody　rushed　out　to　the

paying…place；　to　ascertain　whether　he　could　possibly　have　put　on

that　dress…coat；　that　clear　complexion；　and　those　arched　black

vocal　eyebrows；　in　so　short　a　space　of　time。　　It　then　became

manifest　that　this　was　another　stout　gentleman　imperfectly

repressed　by　a　belt：　　to　whom；　before　the　spectators　had　recovered

their　presence　of　mind；　entered　a　third　stout　gentleman　imperfectly

repressed　by　a　belt；　exactly　like　him。　　These　two　'subjects；'

making　with　the　money…taker　three　of　the　announced　fifteen；　fell

into　conversation　touching　a　charming　young　widow：　　who；　presently

appearing；　proved　to　be　a　stout　lady　altogether　irrepressible　by

any　means　…　quite　a　parallel　case　to　the　American　Negro　…　fourth　of

the　fifteen　subjects；　and　sister　of　the　fifth　who　presided　over　the

check…department。　　In　good　time　the　whole　of　the　fifteen　subjects

were　dramatically　presented；　and　we　had　the　inevitable　Ma　Mere；　Ma

Mere！　and　also　the　inevitable　malediction　d'un　pere；　and　likewise

the　inevitable　Marquis；　and　also　the　inevitable　provincial　young

man；　weak…minded　but　faithful；　who　followed　Julie　to　Paris；　and

cried　and　laughed　and　choked　all　at　once。　　The　story　was　wrought

out　with　the　help　of　a　virtuous　spinning…wheel　in　the　beginning；　a

vicious　set　of　diamonds　in　the　middle；　and　a　rheumatic　blessing

（which　arrived　by　post）　from　Ma　Mere　towards　the　end；　the　whole

resulting　in　a　small　sword　in　the　body　of　one　of　the　stout

gentlemen　imperfectly　repressed　by　a　belt；　fifty　thousand　francs

per　annum　and　a　decoration　to　the　other　stout　gentleman　imperfectly

repressed　by　a　belt；　and　an　assurance　from　everybody　to　the

provincial　young　man　that　if　he　were　not　supremely　happy　…　which　he

seemed　to　have　no　reason　whatever　for　being　…　he　ought　to　be。　　This

afforded　him　a　final　opportunity　of　crying　and　laughing　and　choking

all　at　once；　and　sent　the　audience　home　sentimentally　delighted。

Audience　more　attentive　or　better　behaved　there　could　not　possibly

be；　though　the　places　of　second　rank　in　the　Theatre　of　the　Family

P。　Salcy　were　sixpence　each　in　English　money；　and　the　places　of

first　rank　a　shilling。　　How　the　fifteen　subjects　ever　got　so　fat

upon　it；　the　kind　Heavens　know。



What　gorgeous　china　figures　of　knights　and　ladies；　gilded　till　they

gleamed　again；　I　might　have　bought　at　the　Fair　for　the　garniture　of

my　home；　if　I　had　been　a　French…Flemish　peasant；　and　had　had　the

money！　　What　shining　coffee…cups　and　saucers　I　might　have　won　at

the　turntables；　if　I　had　had　the　luck！　　Ravishing　perfumery　also；

and　sweetmeats；　I　might　have　speculated　in；　or　I　might　have　fired

for　prizes　at　a　multitude　of　little　dolls　in　niches；　and　might　have

hit　the　doll　of　dolls；　and　won　francs　and　fame。　　Or；　being　a

French…Flemish　youth；　I　might　have　been　drawn　in　a　hand…cart　by　my

compeers；　to　tilt　for　municipal　rewards　at　the　water…quintain；

which；　unless　I　sent　my　lance　clean　through　the　ring；　emptied　a

full　bucket　over　me；　to　fend　off　which；　the　competitors　wore

grotesque　old　scarecrow　hats。　　Or；　being　French…Flemish　man　or

woman；　boy　or　girl；　I　might　have　circled　all　night　on　my　hobby…

horse　in　a　stately　cavalcade