the uncommercial traveller-第58章

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again；　and　the　Coroner　backed　me　again；　for　which　I　ever　afterwards

felt　grateful　to　him　as　I　do　now　to　his　memory；　and　we　got　another

favourable　turn；　out　of　some　other　witness；　some　member　of　the

family　with　a　strong　prepossession　against　the　sinner；　and　I　think

we　had　the　doctor　back　again；　and　I　know　that　the　Coroner　summed　up

for　our　side；　and　that　I　and　my　British　brothers　turned　round　to

discuss　our　verdict；　and　get　ourselves　into　great　difficulties　with

our　large　chairs　and　the　broker。　　At　that　stage　of　the　case　I　tried

hard　again；　being　convinced　that　I　had　cause　for　it；　and　at　last　we

found　for　the　minor　offence　of　only　concealing　the　birth；　and　the

poor　desolate　creature；　who　had　been　taken　out　during　our

deliberation；　being　brought　in　again　to　be　told　of　the　verdict；

then　dropped　upon　her　knees　before　us；　with　protestations　that　we

were　right　…　protestations　among　the　most　affecting　that　I　have

ever　heard　in　my　life　…　and　was　carried　away　insensible。



（In　private　conversation　after　this　was　all　over；　the　Coroner

showed　me　his　reasons　as　a　trained　surgeon；　for　perceiving　it　to　be

impossible　that　the　child　could；　under　the　most　favourable

circumstances；　have　drawn　many　breaths；　in　the　very　doubtful　case

of　its　having　ever　breathed　at　all；　this；　owing　to　the　discovery　of

some　foreign　matter　in　the　windpipe；　quite　irreconcilable　with　many

moments　of　life。）



When　the　agonised　girl　had　made　those　final　protestations；　I　had

seen　her　face；　and　it　was　in　unison　with　her　distracted　heartbroken

voice；　and　it　was　very　moving。　　It　certainly　did　not　impress　me　by

any　beauty　that　it　had；　and　if　I　ever　see　it　again　in　another　world

I　shall　only　know　it　by　the　help　of　some　new　sense　or　intelligence。

But　it　came　to　me　in　my　sleep　that　night；　and　I　selfishly　dismissed

it　in　the　most　efficient　way　I　could　think　of。　　I　caused　some　extra

care　to　be　taken　of　her　in　the　prison；　and　counsel　to　be　retained

for　her　defence　when　she　was　tried　at　the　Old　Bailey；　and　her

sentence　was　lenient；　and　her　history　and　conduct　proved　that　it

was　right。　　In　doing　the　little　I　did　for　her；　I　remember　to　have

had　the　kind　help　of　some　gentle…hearted　functionary　to　whom　I

addressed　myself　…　but　what　functionary　I　have　long　forgotten　…　who

I　suppose　was　officially　present　at　the　Inquest。



I　regard　this　as　a　very　notable　uncommercial　experience；　because

this　good　came　of　a　Beadle。　　And　to　the　best　of　my　knowledge；

information；　and　belief；　it　is　the　only　good　that　ever　did　come　of

a　Beadle　since　the　first　Beadle　put　on　his　cocked…hat。







CHAPTER　XX　…　BIRTHDAY　CELEBRATIONS







It　came　into　my　mind　that　I　would　recall　in　these　notes　a　few　of

the　many　hostelries　I　have　rested　at　in　the　course　of　my　journeys；

and；　indeed；　I　had　taken　up　my　pen　for　the　purpose；　when　I　was

baffled　by　an　accidental　circumstance。　　It　was　the　having　to　leave

off；　to　wish　the　owner　of　a　certain　bright　face　that　looked　in　at

my　door；　'many　happy　returns　of　the　day。'　　Thereupon　a　new　thought

came　into　my　mind；　driving　its　predecessor　out；　and　I　began　to

recall　…　instead　of　Inns　…　the　birthdays　that　I　have　put　up　at；　on

my　way　to　this　present　sheet　of　paper。



I　can　very　well　remember　being　taken　out　to　visit　some　peach…faced

creature　in　a　blue　sash；　and　shoes　to　correspond；　whose　life　I

supposed　to　consist　entirely　of　birthdays。　　Upon　seed…cake；　sweet

wine；　and　shining　presents；　that　glorified　young　person　seemed　to

me　to　be　exclusively　reared。　　At　so　early　a　stage　of　my　travels　did

I　assist　at　the　anniversary　of　her　nativity　（and　become　enamoured

of　her）；　that　I　had　not　yet　acquired　the　recondite　knowledge　that　a

birthday　is　the　common　property　of　all　who　are　born；　but　supposed

it　to　be　a　special　gift　bestowed　by　the　favouring　Heavens　on　that

one　distinguished　infant。　　There　was　no　other　company；　and　we　sat

in　a　shady　bower　…　under　a　table；　as　my　better　（or　worse）　knowledge

leads　me　to　believe　…　and　were　regaled　with　saccharine　substances

and　liquids；　until　it　was　time　to　part。　　A　bitter　powder　was

administered　to　me　next　morning；　and　I　was　wretched。　　On　the　whole；

a　pretty　accurate　foreshadowing　of　my　more　mature　experiences　in

such　wise！



Then　came　the　time　when；　inseparable　from　one's　own　birthday；　was　a

certain　sense　of　merit；　a　consciousness　of　well…earned　distinction。

When　I　regarded　my　birthday　as　a　graceful　achievement　of　my　own；　a

monument　of　my　perseverance；　independence；　and　good　sense；

redounding　greatly　to　my　honour。　　This　was　at　about　the　period　when

Olympia　Squires　became　involved　in　the　anniversary。　　Olympia　was

most　beautiful　（of　course）；　and　I　loved　her　to　that　degree；　that　I

used　to　be　obliged　to　get　out　of　my　little　bed　in　the　night；

expressly　to　exclaim　to　Solitude；　'O；　Olympia　Squires！'　　Visions　of

Olympia；　clothed　entirely　in　sage…green；　from　which　I　infer　a

defectively　educated　taste　on　the　part　of　her　respected　parents；

who　were　necessarily　unacquainted　with　the　South　Kensington　Museum；

still　arise　before　me。　　Truth　is　sacred；　and　the　visions　are

crowned　by　a　shining　white　beaver　bonnet；　impossibly　suggestive　of

a　little　feminine　postboy。　　My　memory　presents　a　birthday　when

Olympia　and　I　were　taken　by　an　unfeeling　relative　…　some　cruel

uncle；　or　the　like　…　to　a　slow　torture　called　an　Orrery。　　The

terrible　instrument　was　set　up　at　the　local　Theatre；　and　I　had

expressed　a　profane　wish　in　the　morning　that　it　was　a　Play：　　for

which　a　serious　aunt　had　probed　my　conscience　deep；　and　my　pocket

deeper；　by　reclaiming　a　bestowed　half…crown。　　It　was　a　venerable

and　a　shabby　Orrery；　at　least　one　thousand　stars　and　twenty…five

comets　behind　the　age。　　Nevertheless；　it　was　awful。　　When　the　low…

spirited　gentleman　with　a　wand　said；　'Ladies　and　gentlemen'

（meaning　particularly　Olympia　and　me）；　'the　lights　are　about　to　be

put　out；　but　there　is　not　the　slightest　cause　for　alarm；'　it　was

very　alarming。　　Then　the　planets　and　stars　began。　　Sometimes　they

wouldn't　come　on；　sometimes　they　wouldn't　go　off；　sometimes　they

had　holes　in　them；　and　mostly　they　didn't　seem　to　be　good

likenesses。　　All　this　time　the　gentleman　with　the　wand　was　going　on

in　the　dark　（tapping　away　at　the　heavenly　bodies　between　whiles；

like　a　wearisome　woodpecker）；　about　a　sphere　revolving　on　its　own

axis　eight　hundred　and　ninety…seven　thousand　millions　of　times　…　or

miles　…　in　two　hundred　and　sixty…three　thousand　five　hundred　and

twenty…four　millions　of　something　elses；　until　I　thought　if　this

was　a　birthday　it　were　better　never　to　have　been　born。　　Olympia；

also；　became　much　depressed；　and　we　both　slumbered　and　woke　cross；

and　still　the　gentleman　was　going　on　in　the　dark　…　whether　up　in

the　stars；　or　down　on　the　stage；　it　would　have　been　hard　to　make

out；　if　it　had　been　worth　trying　…　cyphering　away　about　planes　of

orbits；　to　such　an　infamous　extent　that　Olympia；　stung　to　madness；

actually　kicked　me。　　A　pretty　birthday　spectacle；　when　the　lights

were　turned　up　again；　and　all　the　schools　in　the　town　（including

the　National；　who　had　come　in　for　nothing；　and　serve　them　right；

for　they　were　always　throwing　stones）　were　discovered　with

exhausted　countenances；　screwing　their　knuckles　into　their　eyes；　or

clutching　their　heads　of　hair。　　A　pretty　birthday　speech　when　Dr。

Sleek　of　the　City…Free　bobbed　up　his　powdered　head　in　the　stage…

box；　and　said　that　before　this　assembly　dispersed　he　really　must

beg　to　express　his　entire　approval　of　a　lecture　as　improving；　as

informing；　as　devoid　of　anything　that　could　call　a　blush　into　the

cheek　of　youth；　as　any　it　had　ever　been　his　lot　to　hear　delivered。

A　pretty　birthday　altogether；　when　Astronomy　couldn't　leave　poor

Small　Olympia　Squires　and　me　alone；　but　must　put　an　end　to　our

loves！　　For；　we　never　got　over　it；　the　threadbare　Orrery　outwore

our　mutual　tenderness；　the　man　with　the　wand　was　too　much　for　the

boy　with　the　bow。



When　shall　I　disconnect　the　combined　smells　of　oranges；　brown

pa