the patrician-第39章
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Lord and Lady Valleys。 If she herself were in doubt as to the state
of her affections； it was not as with Miltoun； on the score of the
senses and the heart； but on the score of her spirit and curiosity；
which Courtier had awakened and caused to flap their wings a little。
She worried over Miltoun's forlorn case； it hurt her too to think of
Mrs。 Noel eating her heart out in that lonely cottage。 A sister so
good and earnest as Agatha had ever inclined Barbara to a rebellious
view of morals； and disinclined her altogether to religion。 And so；
she felt that if those two could not be happy apart； they should be
happy together； in the name of all the joy there was in life！
And while her brother lay face to the sky under the tamarisks； she
kept trying to think of how to console him； conscious that she did
not in the least understand the way he thought about things。 Over
the fields behind； the larks were hymning the promise of the unripe
corn； the foreshore was painted all colours； from vivid green to
mushroom pink； by the edge of the blue sea little black figures
stooped； gathering sapphire。 The air smelled sweet in the shade of
the tamarisk； there was ineffable peace。 And Barbara； covered by the
network of sunlight； could not help impatience with a suffering which
seemed to her so corrigible by action。 At last she ventured：
〃Life is short； Eusty！〃
Miltoun's answer； given without movement； startled her：
〃Persuade me that it is； Babs； and I'll bless you。 If the singing of
these larks means nothing； if that blue up there is a morass of our
invention； if we are pettily； creeping on furthering nothing； if
there's no purpose in our lives； persuade me of it； for God's sake！〃
Carried suddenly beyond her depth； Barbara could only put out her
hand； and say： 〃Oh！ don't take things so hard！〃
〃Since you say that life is short；〃 Miltoun muttered； with his smile；
〃you shouldn't spoil it by feeling pity！ In old days we went to the
Tower for our convictions。 We can stand a little private roasting； I
hope； or has the sand run out of us altogether？〃
Stung by his tone； Barbara answered in rather a hard voice：
〃What we must bear； we must； I suppose。 But why should we make
trouble？ That's what I can't stand！〃
〃O profound wisdom！〃
Barbara flushed。
〃I love Life！〃 she said。
The galleons of the westering sun were already sailing in a broad
gold fleet straight for that foreshore where the little black
stooping figures had not yet finished their toil； the larks still
sang over the unripe cornwhen Harbinger； galloping along the sands
from Whitewater to Sea House； came on that silent couple walking home
to dinner。
It would not be safe to say of this young man that he readily
diagnosed a spiritual atmosphere； but this was the less his demerit；
since everything from his cradle up had conspired to keep the
spiritual thermometer of his surroundings at 60 in the shade。 And
the fact that his own spiritual thermometer had now run up so that it
threatened to burst the bulb； rendered him less likely than ever to
see what was happening with other people's。 Yet； he did notice that
Barbara was looking pale； andit seemedsweeter than ever。。。。 With
her eldest brother he always somehow felt ill at ease。 He could not
exactly afford to despise an uncompromising spirit in one of his own
order； but he was no more impervious than others to Miltoun's
caustic； thinly…veiled contempt for the commonplace； and having a
full…blooded belief in himself…usual with men of fine physique；
whose lots are so cast that this belief can never or almost never be
really shakenhe greatly disliked the feeling of being a little
looked down on。 It was an intense relief； when； saying that he
wanted a certain magazine； Miltoun strode off into the town。
To Harbinger； no less than to Miltoun and Barbara； last night had
been bitter and restless。 The sight of that pale swaying figure；
with the parted lips； whirling round in Courtier's arms； had clung to
his vision ever since； the Ball。 During his own last dance with her
he had been almost savagely silent； only by a great effort
restraining his tongue from mordant allusions to that 'prancing； red…
haired fellow；' as he secretly called the champion of lost causes。
In fact； his sensations there and since had been a revelation； or
would have teen if he could have stood apart to see them。 True； he
had gone about next day with his usual cool； off…hand manner； because
one naturally did not let people see； but it was with such an inner
aching and rage of want and jealousy as to really merit pity。 Men of
his physically big； rather rushing； type； are the last to possess
their souls in patience。 Walking home after the Ball he had
determined to follow her down to the sea； where she had said； so
maliciously； that she was going。 After a second almost sleepless
night he had no longer any hesitation。 He must see her！ After all；
a man might go to his own 'place' with impunity； he did not care if
it were a pointed thing to do。。。。 Pointed！ The more pointed the
better！ There was beginning to be roused in him an ugly stubbornness
of male determination。 She should not escape him！
But now that he was walking at her side； all that determination and
assurance melted to perplexed humility。 He marched along by his
horse with his head down； just feeling the ache of being so close to
her and yet so far； angry with his own silence and awkwardness；
almost angry with her for her loveliness； and the pain it made him
suffer。 When they reached the house； and she left him at the stable…
yard； saying she was going to get some flowers； he jerked the beast's
bridle and swore at it for its slowness in entering the stable。 He；
was terrified that she would be gone before he could get into the
garden； yet half afraid of finding her there。 But she was still
plucking carnations by the box hedge which led to the conservatories。
And as she rose from gathering those blossoms； before he knew what he
was doing； Harbinger had thrown his arm around her； held her as in a
vice； kissed her unmercifully。
She seemed to offer no resistance； her smooth cheeks growing warmer
and warmer； even her lips passive； but suddenly he recoiled； and his
heart stood still at his own outrageous daring。 What had he done？
He saw her leaning back almost buried in the clipped box hedge； and
heard her say with a sort of faint mockery： 〃Well！〃
He would have flung himself down on his knees to ask for pardon but
for the thought that someone might come。 He muttered hoarsely： 〃By
God； I was mad！〃 and stood glowering in sullen suspense between
hardihood and fear。 He heard her say； quietly：
〃Yes； you were…rather。〃
Then seeing her put her hand up to her lips as if he had hurt them；
he muttered brokenly：
〃Forgive me； Babs！〃
There was a full minute's silence while he stood there； no longer
daring to look at her； beaten all over by his emotions。 Then； with
bewilderment； he heard her say：
〃I didn't mind itfor once！〃
He looked up at that。 How could she love him； and speak so coolly！
How could she not mind； if she did not love him！ She was passing her
hands over her face and neck and hair； repairing the damage of his
kisses。
〃Now shall we go in？〃 she said。
Harbinger took a step forward。
〃I love you so；〃 he said； 〃I will put my life in your hands； and you
shall throw it away。〃
At those words； of whose exact nature he had very little knowledge；
he saw her smile。
〃If I let you come within three yards； will you be good？〃
He bowed； and； in silence； they walked towards the house。
Dinner that evening was a strange； uncomfortable meal。 But its
comedy； too subtly played for Miltoun and Lord Dennis； seemed
transparent to the eyes of Lady Casterley； for； when Harbinger had
sallied forth to ride back along the sands； she took her candle and
invited Barbara to retire。 Then； having admitted her granddaughter
to the apartment always reserved for herself； and specially furnished
with practically nothing； she sat down opposite that tall； young；
solid figure； as it were taking stock of it； and said：
〃So you are coming to your senses； at all events
