the dark flower-第47章
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theory he could accept。 In practice he did not as yet know what he
could do。 One thing only he had discovered during the night's
reflections： That those who scouted belief in the principle of
Liberty made no greater mistake than to suppose that Liberty was
dangerous because it made a man a libertine。 To those with any
decency； the creed of Freedom wasof allthe most enchaining。
Easy enough to break chains imposed by others； fling his cap over
the windmill； and cry for the moment at least： I am unfettered；
free！ Hard； indeed； to say the same to his own unfettered Self！
Yes； his own Self was in the judgment…seat； by his own verdict and
decision he must abide。 And though he ached for the sight of her；
and his will seemed paralyzedmany times already he had thought：
It won't do！ God help me！
Then twelve o'clock had come； and she had not。 Would 'The Girl on
the Magpie Horse' be all he would see of her to…daythat
unsatisfying work； so cold； and devoid of witchery？ Better have
tried to paint herwith a red flower in her hair； a pout on her
lips； and her eyes fey； or languorous。 Goya could have painted
her！
And then； just as he had given her up； she came。
After taking one look at his face； she slipped in ever so quietly；
like a very good child。 。 。 。 Marvellous the instinct and finesse
of the young when they are women！ 。 。 。 Not a vestige in her of
yesterday's seductive power； not a sign that there had been a
yesterday at alljust confiding； like a daughter。 Sitting there；
telling him about Ireland； showing him the little batch of drawings
she had done while she was away。 Had she brought them because she
knew they would make him feel sorry for her？ What could have been
less dangerous； more appealing to the protective and paternal side
of him than she was that morning； as if she only wanted what her
father and her home could not give heronly wanted to be a sort of
daughter to him！
She went away demurely； as she had come； refusing to stay to lunch；
manifestly avoiding Sylvia。 Only then he realized that she must
have taken alarm from the look of strain on his face； been afraid
that he would send her away； only then perceived that； with her
appeal to his protection； she had been binding him closer； making
it harder for him to break away and hurt her。 And the fevered
aching began againworse than everthe moment he lost sight of
her。 And more than ever he felt in the grip of something beyond
his power to fight against； something that； however he swerved； and
backed； and broke away； would close in on him； find means to bind
him again hand and foot。
In the afternoon Dromore's confidential man brought him a note。
The fellow； with his cast…down eyes； and his well…parted hair；
seemed to Lennan to be saying： 〃Yes； sirit is quite natural that
you should take the note out of eyeshot； sirBUT I KNOW；
fortunately； there is no necessity for alarmI am strictly
confidential。〃
And this was what the note contained：
〃You promised to ride with me onceyou DID promise； and you never
have。 Do please ride with me to…morrow； then you will get what you
want for the statuette instead of being so cross with it。 You can
have Dad's horsehe has gone to Newmarket again； and I'm so
lonely。 Pleaseto…morrow； at half…past twostarting from here。
NELL。〃
To hesitate in view of those confidential eyes was not possible； it
must be 'Yes' or 'No'； and if 'No；' it would only mean that she
would come in the morning instead。 So he said：
〃Just say 'All right！'〃
〃Very good； sir。〃 Then from the door： 〃Mr。 Dromore will be away
till Saturday； sir。〃
Now； why had the fellow said that？ Curious how this desperate
secret feeling of his own made him see sinister meaning in this
servant； in Oliver's visit of last nightin everything。 It was
vilethis suspiciousness！ He could feel； almost see； himself
deteriorating already； with this furtive feeling in his soul。 It
would soon be written on his face！ But what was the use of
troubling？ What would come； wouldone way or the other。
And suddenly he remembered with a shock that it was the first of
NovemberSylvia's birthday！ He had never before forgotten it。 In
the disturbance of that discovery he was very near to going and
pouring out to her the whole story of his feelings。 A charming
birthday present； that would make！ Taking his hat； instead； he
dashed round to the nearest flower shop。 A Frenchwoman kept it。
What had she？
What did Monsieur desire？ 〃Des oeillets rouges？ J'en ai de bien
beaux ce soir。〃
Nonot those。 White flowers！
〃Une belle azalee？〃
Yes； that would doto be sent at onceat once！
Next door was a jeweller's。 He had never really known if Sylvia
cared for jewels； since one day he happened to remark that they
were vulgar。 And feeling that he had fallen low indeed； to be
trying to atone with some miserable gewgaw for never having thought
of her all day； because he had been thinking of another； he went in
and bought the only ornament whose ingredients did not make his
gorge rise； two small pear…shaped black pearls； one at each end of
a fine platinum chain。 Coming out with it； he noticed over the
street； in a clear sky fast deepening to indigo； the thinnest slip
of a new moon； like a bright swallow； with wings bent back； flying
towards the ground。 That meantfine weather！ If it could only be
fine weather in his heart！ And in order that the azalea might
arrive first； he walked up and down the Square which he and Oliver
had patrolled the night before。
When he went in； Sylvia was just placing the white azalea in the
window of the drawing…room； and stealing up behind her he clasped
the little necklet round her throat。 She turned round and clung to
him。 He could feel that she was greatly moved。 And remorse
stirred and stirred in him that he was betraying her with his kiss。
But； even while he kissed her； he was hardening his heart。
XI
Next day； still following the lead of her words about fresh air and
his tired look； he told her that he was going to ride； and did not
say with whom。 After applauding his resolution； she was silent for
a littlethen asked：
〃Why don't you ride with Nell？〃
He had already so lost his dignity； that he hardly felt disgraced
in answering：
〃It might bore her！〃
〃Oh； no； it wouldn't bore her。〃
Had she meant anything by that？ And feeling as if he were fencing
with his own soul； he said：
〃Very well； I will。〃
He had perceived suddenly that he did not know his wife； having
always till now believed that it was she who did not quite know
him。
If she had not been out at lunch…time； he would have lunched out
himselfafraid of his own face。 For feverishness in sick persons
mounts steadily with the approach of a certain hour。 And surely
his face； to anyone who could have seen him being conveyed to
Piccadilly； would have suggested a fevered invalid rather than a
healthy； middle…aged sculptor in a cab。
The horses were before the doorthe little magpie horse； and a
thoroughbred bay mare； weeded from Dromore's racing stable。 Nell；
too； was standing ready； her cheeks very pink； and her eyes very
bright。 She did not wait for him to mount her； but took the aid of
the confidential man。 What was it that made her look so perfect on
that little horseshape of limb； or something soft and fiery in
her spirit that the little creature knew of？
They started in silence； but as soon as the sound of hoofs died on
the tan of Rotten Row； she turned to him。
〃It was lovely of you to come！ I thought you'd be afraidyou ARE
afraid of me。〃
And Lennan thought： You're right！
〃But please don't look like yesterday。 To…day's too heavenly。 Oh！
I love beautiful days； and I love riding； and〃 She broke off and
looked at him。 'Why can't you just be nice to me'she seemed to
be saying'and love me as you ought！' That was her powerthe
conviction that he did； and ought to love her； that she ought to
and did love him。 How simple！
But riding； too； is a simple passion； and simple passions distract
each other。 It was a treat to be on that bay mare。 Who so to be
trusted to ride the best as Johnny Dromore？
At the far end of th
