the dark flower-第19章
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COULD not talkeverything that came into his mind to say seemed
false。 Ah！ it was a sad eveningwith its glimmering vision into
another's sore heart； its confused gnawing sense of things broken；
faith betrayed； and yet always the perplexed wonder〃How could I
have helped it？〃 And always Sylvia's wistful face that he tried
not to look at。
He stole out； leaving Gordy and his tutor still over their wine；
and roamed about the garden a long time； listening sadly to the
owls。 It was a blessing to get upstairs； though of course he would
not sleep。
But he did sleep； all through a night of many dreams； in the last
of which he was lying on a mountain side； Anna looking down into
his eyes； and bending her face to his。 He woke just as her lips
touched him。 Still under the spell of that troubling dream； he
became conscious of the sound of wheels and horses' hoofs on the
gravel； and sprang out of bed。 There was the waggonette moving
from the door； old Godden driving； luggage piled up beside him； and
the Stormers sitting opposite each other in the carriage。 Going
away like thathaving never even said good…bye！ For a moment he
felt as people must when they have unwittingly killed someone
utterly stunned and miserable。 Then he dashed into his clothes。
He would not let her go thus！ He wouldhe mustsee her again！
What had he done that she should go like this？ He rushed
downstairs。 The hall was empty； nineteen minutes to eight！ The
train left at eight o'clock。 Had he time to saddle Bolero？ He
rushed round to the stables； but the cob was out； being shoed。 He
wouldhe must get there in time。 It would show her anyway that he
was not quite a cad。 He walked till the drive curved； then began
running hard。 A quarter of a mile； and already he felt better； not
so miserable and guilty； it was something to feel you had a tough
job in hand； all your work cut outsomething to have to think of
economizing strength； picking out the best going； keeping out of
the sun； saving your wind uphill； flying down any slope。 It was
cool still； and the dew had laid the dust； there was no traffic and
scarcely anyone to look back and gape as he ran by。 What he would
do； if he got there in timehow explain this mad three…mile run
he did not think。 He passed a farm that he knew was just half…way。
He had left his watch。 Indeed； he had put on only his trousers；
shirt； and Norfolk jacket； no tie； no hat； not even socks under his
tennis shoes； and he was as hot as fire； with his hair flying back
a strange young creature indeed for anyone to meet。 But he had
lost now all feeling； save the will to get there。 A flock of sheep
came out of a field into the lane。 He pushed through them somehow；
but they lost him several seconds。 More than a mile still； and he
was blown； and his legs beginning to give！ Downhill indeed they
went of their own accord； but there was the long run…in； quite
level； and he could hear the train； now slowly puffing its way
along the valley。 Then； in spite of exhaustion； his spirit rose。
He would not go in looking like a scarecrow； utterly done； and make
a scene。 He must pull himself together at the end； and stroll in
as if he had come for fun。 But howseeing that at any moment he
felt he might fall flat in the dust； and stay there for ever！ And；
as he ran； he made little desperate efforts to mop his face； and
brush his clothes。 There were the gates； at lasttwo hundred
yards away。 The train； he could hear no longer。 It must be
standing in the station。 And a sob came from his overdriven lungs。
He heard the guard's whistle as he reached the gates。 Instead of
making for the booking…office； he ran along the paling； where an
entrance to the goods'…shed was open； and dashing through he fell
back against the honeysuckle。 The engine was just abreast of him；
he snatched at his sleeve and passed it over his face； to wipe the
sweat away。 Everything was blurred。 He must seesurely he had
not come in time just not to see！ He pushed his hands over his
forehead and hair； and spied up dizzily at the slowly passing
train。 She was there； at a window！ Standing； looking out！ He
dared not step forward； for fear of falling； but he put out his
hand She saw him。 Yes； she saw him！ Wasn't she going to make a
sign？ Not one？ And suddenly he saw her tear at her dress； pluck
something out； and throw it。 It fell close to his feet。 He did
not pick it uphe wanted to see her face till she was gone。 It
looked wonderfulvery proud； and pale。 She put her hand up to her
lips。 Then everything went blurred again and when he could see
once more； the train had vanished。 But at his feet was what she
had thrown。 He picked it up！ All dry and dark； it was the flower
she had given him in the Tyrol； and stolen back from his
buttonhole。
Creeping out； past the goods'…shed； he made his way to a field； and
lay down with his face pressed to that withered thing which still
had its scent。 。 。 。
The asphyxiated speculation in his guardian's eyes had not been
without significance。 Mark did not go back to Oxford。 He went
instead to Rometo live in his sister's house； and attend a school
of sculpture。 That was the beginning of a time when nothing
counted except his work。
To Anna he wrote twice； but received no answer。 From his tutor he
had one little note：
〃MY DEAR LENNAN；
〃So！ You abandon us for Art？ Ah！ wellit was your moon； if I
rememberone of them。 A worthy moona little dusty in these
daysa little in her declinebut to you no doubt a virgin
goddess； whose hem； etc。
〃We shall retain the friendliest memories of you in spite of your
defection。
〃Once your tutor and still your friend；
〃HAROLD STORMER。〃
After that vacation it was longvery long before he saw Sylvia
again。
PART II
SUMMER
I
Gleam of a thousand lights； clack and mutter of innumerable voices；
laughter； footsteps； hiss and rumble of passing trains taking
gamblers back to Nice or Mentone； fevered wailing from the violins
of four fiddlers with dark…white skins outside the cafe； and above；
around； beyond； the dark sky； and the dark mountains； and the dark
sea； like some great dark flower to whose heart is clinging a
jewelled beetle。 So was Monte Carlo on that May night of 1887。
But Mark Lennan； at one of the little marble…topped tables； was in
too great maze and exaltation of spirit and of senses to be
conscious of its glare and babel； even of its beauty。 He sat so
very still that his neighbours； with the instinctive aversion of
the human creature to what is too remote from its own mood； after
one good stare； turned their eyes away； as from something
ludicrous； almost offensive。
He was lost； indeed； in memory of the minutes just gone by。 For it
had come at last； after all these weeks of ferment； after all this
strange time of perturbation。
Very stealthily it had been creeping on him； ever since that chance
introduction nearly a year ago； soon after he settled down in
London； following those six years of Rome and Paris。 First the
merest friendliness； because she was so nice about his work； then
respectful admiration； because she was so beautiful； then pity；
because she was so unhappy in her marriage。 If she had been happy；
he would have fled。 The knowledge that she had been unhappy long
before he knew her had kept his conscience still。 And at last one
afternoon she said： 〃Ah！ if you come out there too！〃 Marvelously
subtle； the way that one little outslipped saying had worked in
him； as though it had a life of its ownlike a strange bird that
had flown into the garden of his heart； and established itself with
its new song and flutterings； its new flight； its wistful and ever
clearer call。 That and one moment； a few days later in her London
drawing…room； when he had told her that he WAS coming； and she did
not； could not； he felt； look at him。 Queer； that nothing
momentous said； doneor even left undonehad altered all the
future！
And so she had gone with her uncle and aunt； under whose wing one
might be sure she would meet with no wayward or exotic happenings。
And he had received from her this little letter：
〃HOTEL COEUR D'OR；
