the dark flower-第14章
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he had a strange； unhappy time。 He was a beast； he had not been
thinking of her half enough！ He took the letter out； and frowned
at it horribly。 Why could he not feel more？ What was the matter
with him？ Why was he such a brutenot to be thinking of her day
and night？ For long he stood； disconsolate； in the little dark
greenhouse among the images of his beasts； the letter in his hand。
He stole out presently； and got down to the river unobserved。
Comfortingthat crisp； gentle sound of water； ever so comforting
to sit on a stone； very still； and wait for things to happen round
you。 You lost yourself that way； just became branches； and stones；
and water； and birds； and sky。 You did not feel such a beast。
Gordy would never understand why he did not care for fishingone
thing trying to catch anotherinstead of watching and
understanding what things were。 You never got to the end of
looking into water； or grass or fern； always something queer and
new。 It was like that； too； with yourself； if you sat down and
looked properlymost awfully interesting to see things working in
your mind。
A soft rain had begun to fall； hissing gently on the leaves； but he
had still a boy's love of getting wet； and stayed where he was； on
the stone。 Some people saw fairies in woods and down in water； or
said they did； that did not seem to him much fun。 What was really
interesting was noticing that each thing was different from every
other thing； and what made it so； you must see that before you
could draw or model decently。 It was fascinating to see your
creatures coming out with shapes of their very own； they did that
without your understanding how。 But this vacation he was no good
couldn't draw or model a bit！
A jay had settled about forty yards away； and remained in full
view； attending to his many…coloured feathers。 Of all things；
birds were the most fascinating！ He watched it a long time； and
when it flew on； followed it over the high wall up into the park。
He heard the lunch…bell ring in the far distance； but did not go
in。 So long as he was out there in the soft rain with the birds
and trees and other creatures； he was free from that unhappy
feeling of the morning。 He did not go back till nearly seven；
properly wet through； and very hungry。
All through dinner he noticed that Sylvia seemed to be watching
him； as if wanting to ask him something。 She looked very soft in
her white frock； open at the neck； and her hair almost the colour
of special moonlight； so goldy…pale； and he wanted her to
understand that it wasn't a bit because of her that he had been out
alone all day。 After dinner； when they were getting the table
ready to play 'red nines；' he did murmur：
〃Did you sleep last nightafter？〃
She nodded fervently to that。
It was raining really hard now； swishing and dripping out in the
darkness； and he whispered：
〃Our stars would be drowned to…night。〃
〃Do you really think we have stars？〃
〃We might。 But mine's safe； of course； your hair IS jolly；
Sylvia。〃
She gazed at him； very sweet and surprised。
XIV
Anna did not receive the boy's letter in the Tyrol。 It followed
her to Oxford。 She was just going out when it came； and she took
it up with the mingled beatitude and almost sickening tremor that a
lover feels touching the loved one's letter。 She would not open it
in the street； but carried it all the way to the garden of a
certain College； and sat down to read it under the cedar…tree。
That little letter； so short； boyish； and dry； transported her
halfway to heaven。 She was to see him again at once； not to wait
weeks； with the fear that he would quite forget her！ Her husband
had said at breakfast that Oxford without 'the dear young clowns'
assuredly was charming； but Oxford 'full of tourists and other
strange bodies' as certainly was not。 Where should they go？ Thank
heaven； the letter could be shown him！ For all that； a little stab
of pain went through her that there was not one word which made it
unsuitable to show。 Still； she was happy。 Never had her favourite
College garden seemed so beautiful； with each tree and flower so
cared for； and the very wind excluded； never had the birds seemed
so tame and friendly。 The sun shone softly； even the clouds were
luminous and joyful。 She sat a long time； musing； and went back
forgetting all she had come out to do。 Having both courage and
decision； she did not leave the letter to burn a hole in her
corsets； but gave it to her husband at lunch； looking him in the
face； and saying carelessly：
〃Providence； you see； answers your question。〃
He read it； raised his eyebrows； smiled； and； without looking up；
murmured：
〃You wish to prosecute this romantic episode？〃
Did he mean anythingor was it simply his way of putting things？
〃I naturally want to be anywhere but here。〃
〃Perhaps you would like to go alone？〃
He said that； of course； knowing she could not say： Yes。 And she
answered simply： 〃No。〃
〃Then let us both goon Monday。 I will catch the young man's
trout； thou shalt catchh'm！he shall catch What is it he
catchestrees？ Good！ That's settled。〃
And； three days later； without another word exchanged on the
subject； they started。
Was she grateful to him？ No。 Afraid of him？ No。 Scornful of
him？ Not quite。 But she was afraid of HERSELF； horribly。 How
would she ever be able to keep herself in hand； how disguise from
these people that she loved their boy？ It was her desperate mood
that she feared。 But since she so much wanted all the best for him
that life could give； surely she would have the strength to do
nothing that might harm him。 Yet she was afraid。
He was there at the station to meet them； in riding things and a
nice rough Norfolk jacket that she did not recognize； though she
thought she knew his clothes by heart； and as the train came slowly
to a standstill the memory of her last moment with him； up in his
room amid the luggage that she had helped to pack； very nearly
overcame her。 It seemed so hard to have to meet him coldly；
formally； to have to waitwho knew how longfor a minute with him
alone！ And he was so polite； so beautifully considerate； with all
the manners of a host； hoping she wasn't tired； hoping Mr。 Stormer
had brought his fishing…rod； though they had lots； of course； they
could lend him； hoping the weather would be fine； hoping that they
wouldn't mind having to drive three miles； and busying himself
about their luggage。 All this when she just wanted to take him in
her arms and push his hair back from his forehead； and look at him！
He did not drive with themhe had thought they would be too
crowdedbut followed； keeping quite close in the dust to point out
the scenery； mounted on a 'palfrey；' as her husband called the roan
with the black swish tail。
This countryside； so rich and yet a little wild； the independent…
looking cottages； the old dark cosy manor…house； all was very new
to one used to Oxford； and to London； and to little else of
England。 And all was delightful。 Even Mark's guardian seemed to
her delightful。 For Gordy； when absolutely forced to face an
unknown woman； could bring to the encounter a certain bluff
ingratiation。 His sister； too； Mrs。 Doone； with her faded
gentleness； seemed soothing。
When Anna was alone in her room； reached by an unexpected little
stairway； she stood looking at its carved four…poster bed and the
wide lattice window with chintz curtains； and the flowers in a blue
bowl。 Yes； all was delightful。 And yet！ What was it？ What had
she missed？ Ah； she was a fool to fret！ It was only his anxiety
that they should be comfortable； his fear that he might betray
himself。 Out there those last few dayshis eyes！ And now！ She
brooded earnestly over what dress she should put on。 She； who
tanned so quickly； had almost lost her sunburn in the week of
travelling and Oxford。 To…day her eyes looked tired； and she was
pale。 She was not going to disdain anything that might help。 She
had reached thirty…six last month； and he would be nineteen to…
morrow！ She decided on black。 In black she knew that her neck
looked whiter； and the colour of her eyes and h
