she-第36章

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ignorance；　of　any　subsequent　history？　What；　too；　of　
her　wonderful　and　awful　loveliness？　This；　at　any　rate；　
was　a　patent　fact；　and　beyond　the　experience　of　the　
world。　No　merely　mortal　woman　could　shine　with　such　a　
supernatural　radiance。　About　that　she　had；　at　any　
rate；　been　in　the　rightit　was　not　safe　for　any　man　
to　look　upon　such　beauty。　I　was　a　hardened　vessel　in　
such　matters；　having；　with　the　exception　of　one　
painful　experience　of　my　green　and　tender　youth；　put　
the　softer　sex　（I　sometimes　think　that　this　is　a　
misnomer）　almost　entirely　out　of　my　thoughts。　But　now；　
to　my　intense　horror；　I　_i_　knew　_i_　that　I　could　
never　put　away　the　vision　of　those　glorious　eyes；　and；　
alas！　the　very　_i_　diablerie　_i_　of　the　woman；　while　
it　horrified　and　repelled；　attracted　in　even　a　greater　
degree。　A　person　with　the　experience　of　two　thousand　
years　at　her　back；　with　the　command　of　such　tremendous　
powers　and　the　knowledge　of　a　mystery　that　could　hold　
off　death；　was　certainly　worth　falling　in　love　with；　
if　ever　woman　was。　But；　alas！　it　was　not　a　question　of　
whether　or　not　she　was　worth　it；　for；　so　far　as　I　
could　judge；　not　being　versed　in　such　matters；　I；　a　
fellow　of　my　college；　noted　for　what　my　acquaintances　
are　pleased　to　call　my　misogyny；　and　a　respectable　man　
now　well　on　in　middle　life；　had　fallen　absolutely　and　
hopelessly　in　love　with　this　white　sorceress。　
Nonsense；　it　must　be　nonsense！　She　had　warned　me　
fairly；　and　I　had　refused　to　take　the　warning。　Curses　
on　the　fatal　curiosity　that　is　ever　prompting　man　to　
draw　the　veil　from　woman；　and　curses　on　the　natural　
impulse　that　begets　it！　It　is　the　cause　of　halfay；　
and　more　than　half；　of　our　misfortunes。　Why　cannot　man　
be　content　to　live　alone　and　be　happy；　and　let　the　
women　live　alone　and　be　happy　too？　but　perhaps　they　
would　not　be　happy；　and　I　am　not　sure　that　we　should　
either。　Here　was　a　nice　state　of　affairs。　I；　at　my　
age；　to　fall　a　victim　to　this　modern　Circe！　But　then　
she　was　not　modern；　at　least　she　said　not。　She　was　
almost　as　ancient　as　the　original　Circe。

I　tore　my　hair；　and　jumped　up　from　my　couch；　feeling　
that　if　I　did　not　do　something　I　should　go　off　my　
head。　What　did　she　mean　about　the　scarabaeus　too？　It　
was　Leo's　scarabaeus；　and　had　come　out　of　the　old　
coffer　that　Vincey　had　left　in　my　rooms　nearly　one…
and…twenty　years　before。　Could　it　be；　after　all；　that　
the　whole　story　was　true；　and　the　writing　on　the　sherd　
was　not　a　forgery；　or　the　invention　of　some　crack　
brained；　long…forgotten　individual？　And　if　so；　could　
it　be　that　_i_　Leo　_i_　was　the　man　that　_i_　She　_i_　
was　waiting　forthe　dead　man　who　was　to　be　born　
again？　Impossible　again！　The　whole　thing　was　
gibberish！　Who　ever　heard　of　a　man　being　born　again？

But　if　it　were　possible　that　a　woman　could　exist　for　
two　thousand　years；　this　might　be　possible　also
anything　might　be　possible。　I　myself　might；　for　aught　
I　knew；　be　a　reincarnation　of　some　other　forgotten　
self；　or　perhaps　the　last　of　a　long　line　of　ancestral　
selves。　Well；　_i_　vive　la　guerre！　_i_　why　not？　Only；　
unfortunately；　I　had　no　recollection　of　these　previous　
conditions。　The　idea　was　so　absurd　to　me　that　I　burst　
out　laughing；　and；　addressing　the　sculptured　picture　
of　a　grim…looking　warrior　on　the　cave　wall；　called　out　
to　him　aloud；　〃Who　knows；　Old　fellow？perhaps　I　was　
your　contemporary。　By　Jove！　perhaps　I　was　you　and　you　
are　I；〃　and　then　I　laughed　again　at　my　own　folly；　and　
the　sound　of　my　laughter　rang　dismally　along　the　
vaulted　roof；　as　though　the　ghost　of　the　warrior　had　
uttered　the　ghost　of　a　laugh。

Next　I　bethought　me　that　I　had　not　been　to　see　how　Leo　
was；　so；　taking　up　one　of　the　lamps　which　was　burning　
at　my　bedside；　I　slipped　off　my　shoes　and　crept　down　
the　passage　to　the　entrance　of　his　sleeping…cave。　The　
draught　of　the　night　air　was　lifting　his　curtain　to　
and　fro　gently；　as　though　spirit　hands　were　drawing　
and　redrawing　it。　I　slid　into　the　vault　like　
apartment；　and　looked　round。　There　was　a　light　by　
which　I　could　see　that　Leo　was　lying　on　the　couch；　
tossing　restlessly　in　his　fever；　but　asleep。　At　his　
side；　half…lying　on　the　floor；　half…leaning　against　
the　stone　couch；　was　Ustane。　She　held　his　hand　in　one　
of　hers；　but　she　too　was　dozing；　and　the　two　made　a　
pretty；　or　rather　a　pathetic；　picture。　Poor　Leo！　his　
cheek　was　burning　red；　there　were　dark　shadows　beneath　
his　eyes；　and　his　breath　came　heavily。　He　was　very；　
very　ill；　and　again　the　horrible　fear　seized　me　that　
he　might　die；　and　I　be　left　alone　in　the　world。　And　
yet　if　he　lived　he　would　perhaps　be　my　rival　with　
Ayesha；　even　if　he　were　not　the　man；　what　chance　
should　I；　middle…aged　and　hideous；　have　against　his　
bright　youth　and　beauty？　Well；　thank　Heaven！　my　sense　
of　right　was　not　dead。　_i_　She　_i_　had　not　killed　that　
yet；　and；　as　I　stood　there；　I　prayed　to　the　Almighty　
in　my　heart　that　my　boy；　my　more　than　son；　might　live…
…ay；　even　if　he　proved　to　be　the　man。

Then　I　went　back　as　softly　as　I　had　come；　but　still　I　
could　not　sleep；　the　sight　and　thought　of　dear　Leo　
lying　there　so　ill　had　but　added　fuel　to　the　fire　of　
my　unrest。　My　wearied　body　and　overstrained　mind　
awakened　all　my　imagination　into　preternatural　
activity。　Ideas；　visions；　almost　inspirations；　floated　
before　it　with　startling　vividness。　Most　of　them　were　
grotesque　enough；　some　were　ghastly；　some　recalled　
thoughts　and　sensations　that　had　for　years　been　buried　
in　the　_i_　de'bris　_i_　of　my　past　life。　But　behind　and　
above　them　all　hovered　the　shape　of　that　awful　woman；　
and　through　them　gleamed　the　memory　of　her　entrancing　
loveliness。　Up　and　down　the　cave　I　strodeup　and　
down。

Suddenly　I　observed；　what　I　had　not　noticed　before；　
that　there　was　a　narrow　aperture　in　the　rocky　wall。　I　
took　up　the　lamp　and　examined　it；　the　aperture　led　to　
a　passage。　Now；　I　was　still　sufficiently　sensible　to　
remember　that　it　is　not　pleasant；　in　such　a　situation　
as　ours　was；　to　have　passages　running　into　one's　bed…
chamber　from　no　one　knows　where。　If　there　are　
passages；　people　can　come　up　them；　they　can　come　up　
when　one　is　asleep。　Partly　to　see　where　it　went　to；　
and　partly　from　a　restless　desire　to　be　doing　
something；　I　followed　the　passage。　It　led　to　a　stone　
stair；　which　I　descended；　the　stair　ended　in　another　
passage；　or　rather　tunnel；　also　hewn　out　of　the　bed…
rock；　and　running；　so　far　as　I　could　judge；　exactly　
beneath　the　gallery　that　led　to　the　entrance　of　our　
rooms；　and　across　the　great　central　cave。　I　went　on　
down　it：　it　was　as　silent　as　the　grave；　but　still；　
drawn　by　some　sensation　or　attraction　that　I　cannot　
describe；　I　followed　on；　my　stockinged　feet　falling　
without　noise　on　the　smooth　and　rocky　floor。　When　I　
had　traversed　some　fifty　yards　of　space；　I　came　to　
another　passage　running　at　right　angles；　and　here　an　
awful　thing　happened　to　me：　the　sharp　draught　caught　
my　lamp　and　extinguished　it；　leaving　me　in　utter　
darkness　in　the　bowels　of　that　mysterious　place。　I　
took　a　couple　of　strides　forward　so　as　to　clear　the　
bisecting　tunnel；　being　terribly　afraid　lest　I　should　
turn　up　it　in　the　dark　if　once　I　got　confused　as　to　
the　direction；　and　then　paused　to　think。　What　was　I　to　
do？　I　had　no　match；　it　seemed　awful　to　attempt　that　
long　journey　back　through　the　utter　gloom；　and　yet　I　
could　not　stand　there　all　night；　and；　if　I　did；　
probably　it　would　not　help　me　much；　for　in　the　bowels　
of　the　rock　it　would　be　as　dark　at　midday　as　at　
midnight。　I　looked　back　over　my　shouldernot　a　sight　
or　a　sound。　I　peered　forward　down　the　darkness：　
surely；　far　away；　I　saw　something　like　the　faint　glow　
of　fire。　Perhaps　it　was　a　cave　where　I　could　get　a　
lightat　any　rate；　it　was　worth　investigating。　Slowly　
and　painfully　I　crept　along　the　tunnel；　keeping　my　
hand　against　its　wall；　and　feeling　at　every　step　with　
my　foot　before　I　put　it　down；　fearing　lest　I　should　
fall　into　some　pit。　Thirty　pacesthere　was　a　light；　a　
broad　light　that　came　and　went；　shining　through　
curtains！　Fifty　pacesit　was　close　at　hand！　Sixty
oh；　great　heaven！　

I　was　at　the　curtains；　and　they　did　not　hang　close；　so　
I　could　see　clearly　into　t