the new machiavelli-第39章

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starts　and　we　raced　up　and　down　the　middle　garden　path。　　　Then；　a　

little　breathless；　we　went　into　the　new　twenty…five　guinea　summer…

house　at　the　end　of　the　herbaceous　border。



We　sat　side　by　side；　pleasantly　hidden　from　the　house；　and　she　

became　anxious　about　her　hair；　which　was　slightly　and　prettily　

disarranged；　and　asked　me　to　help　her　with　the　adjustment　of　a　

hairpin。　　I　had　never　in　my　life　been　so　near　the　soft　curly　hair　

and　the　dainty　eyebrow　and　eyelid　and　warm　soft　cheek　of　a　girl；　and　

I　was　stirred



It　stirs　me　now　to　recall　it。



I　became　a　battleground　of　impulses　and　inhibitions。



〃Thank　you；〃　said　my　cousin；　and　moved　a　little　away　from　me。



She　began　to　talk　about　friendship；　and　lost　her　thread　and　forgot　

the　little　electric　stress　between　us　in　a　rather　meandering　

analysis　of　her　principal　girl　friends。



But　afterwards　she　resumed　her　purpose。



I　went　to　bed　that　night　with　one　propostion　overshadowing　

everything　else　in　my　mind；　namely；　that　kissing　my　cousin　Sybil　was　

a　difficult；　but　not　impossible；　achievement。　　I　do　not　recall　any　

shadow　of　a　doubt　whether　on　the　whole　it　was　worth　doing。　　The　

thing　had　come　into　my　existence；　disturbing　and　interrupting　its　

flow　exactly　as　a　fever　does。　　Sybil　had　infected　me　with　herself。



The　next　day　matters　came　to　a　crisis　in　the　little　upstairs　

sitting…room　which　had　been　assigned　me　as　a　study　during　my　visit。　　

I　was　working　up　there；　or　rather　trying　to　work　in　spite　of　the　

outrageous　capering　of　some　very　primitive　elements　in　my　brain；　

when　she　came　up　to　me；　under　a　transparent　pretext　of　looking　for　a　

book。



I　turned　round　and　then　got　up　at　the　sight　of　her。　　I　quite　forget　

what　our　conversation　was　about；　but　I　know　she　led　me　to　believe　I　

might　kiss　her。　　Then　when　I　attempted　to　do　so　she　averted　her　

face。



〃How　COULD　you？〃　she　said；　〃I　didn't　mean　that！〃



That　remained　the　state　of　our　relations　for　two　days。　　I　developed　

a　growing　irritation　with　and　resentment　against　cousin　Sybil；　

combined　with　an　intense　desire　to　get　that　kiss　for　which　I　

hungered　and　thirsted。　　Cousin　Sybil　went　about　in　the　happy　

persuasion　that　I　was　madly　in　love　with　her；　and　her　game；　so　far　

as　she　was　concerned；　was　played　and　won。　　It　wasn't　until　I　had　

fretted　for　two　days　that　I　realised　that　I　was　being　used　for　the　

commonest　form　of　excitement　possible　to　a　commonplace　girl；　that　

dozens　perhaps　of　young　men　had　played　the　part　of　Tantalus　at　

cousin　Sybil's　lips。　　I　walked　about　my　room　at　nights；　damning　her　

and　calling　her　by　terms　which　on　the　whole　she　rather　deserved；　

while　Sybil　went　to　sleep　pitying　〃poor　old　Dick！〃



〃Damn　it！〃　I　said；　〃I　WILL　be　equal　with　you。〃



But　I　never　did　equalise　the　disadvantage；　and　perhaps　it's　as　well；　

for　I　fancy　that　sort　of　revenge　cuts　both　people　too　much　for　a　

rational　man　to　seek　it。　。　。　。　　　



〃Why　are　men　so　silly？〃　said　cousin　Sybil　next　morning；　wriggling　

back　with　down…bent　head　to　release　herself　from　what　should　have　

been　a　compelling　embrace。



〃Confound　it！〃　I　said　with　a　flash　of　clear　vision。　　〃You　STARTED　

this　game。〃



〃Oh！〃



She　stood　back　against　a　hedge　of　roses；　a　little　flushed　and　

excited　and　interested；　and　ready　for　the　delightful　defensive　if　I　

should　renew　my　attack。



〃Beastly　hot　for　scuffling；〃　I　said；　white　with　anger。　　〃I　don't　

know　whether　I'm　so　keen　on　kissing　you；　Sybil；　after　all。　　I　just　

thought　you　wanted　me　to。〃



I　could　have　whipped　her；　and　my　voice　stung　more　than　my　words。



Our　eyes　met；　a　real　hatred　in　hers　leaping　up　to　meet　mine。



〃Let's　play　tennis；〃　I　said；　after　a　moment's　pause。



〃No；〃　she　answered　shortly；　〃I'm　going　indoors。〃



〃Very　well。〃



And　that　ended　the　affair　with　Sybil。



I　was　still　in　the　full　glare　of　this　disillusionment　when　Gertrude　

awoke　from　some　preoccupation　to　an　interest　in　my　existence。　　She　

developed　a　disposition　to　touch　my　hand　by　accident；　and　let　her　

fingers　rest　in　contact　with　it　for　a　moment；she　had　pleasant　soft　

hands；she　began　to　drift　into　summer　houses　with　me；　to　let　her　

arm　rest　trustfully　against　mine；　to　ask　questions　about　Cambridge。　　

They　were　much　the　same　questions　that　Sybil　had　asked。　　But　I　

controlled　myself　and　maintained　a　profile　of　intelligent　and　

entirely　civil　indifference　to　her　blandishments。



What　Gertrude　made　of　it　came　out　one　evening　in　some　talkI　forget　

about　whatwith　Sybil。



〃Oh；　Dick！〃　said　Gertrude　a　little　impatiently；　〃Dick's　Pi。〃



And　I　never　disillusioned　her　by　any　subsequent　levity　from　this　

theory　of　my　innate　and　virginal　piety。







6





It　was　against　this　harsh　and　crude　Staffordshire　background　that　I　

think　I　must　have　seen　Margaret　for　the　first　time。　　I　say　I　think　

because　it　is　quite　possible　that　we　had　passed　each　other　in　the　

streets　of　Cambridge；　no　doubt　with　that　affectation　of　mutual　

disregard　which　was　once　customary　between　undergraduates　and　

Newnham　girls。　　But　if　that　was　so　I　had　noted　nothing　of　the　

slender　graciousness　that　shone　out　so　pleasingly　against　the　

bleaker　midland　surroundings。



She　was　a　younger　schoolfellow　of　my　cousins'；　and　the　step…daughter　

of　Seddon；　a　prominent　solicitor　of　Burslem。　　She　was　not　only　not　

in　my　cousins'　generation　but　not　in　their　set；　she　was　one　of　a　

small　hardworking　group　who　kept　immaculate　note…books；　and　did　as　

much　as　is　humanly　possible　of　that　insensate　pile　of　written　work　

that　the　Girls'　Public　School　movement　has　inflicted　upon　school…

girls。　　She　really　learnt　French　and　German　admirably　and　

thoroughly；　she　got　as　far　in　mathematics　as　an　unflinching　industry　

can　carry　any　one　with　no　great　natural　aptitude；　and　she　went　up　to　

Bennett　Hall；　Newnham；　after　the　usual　conflict　with　her　family；　to　

work　for　the　History　Tripos。



There　in　her　third　year　she　made　herself　thoroughly　ill　through　

overwork；　so　ill　that　she　had　to　give　up　Newnham　altogether　and　go　

abroad　with　her　stepmother。　　She　made　herself　ill；　as　so　many　girls　

do　in　those　university　colleges；　through　the　badness　of　her　home　and　

school　training。　　She　thought　study　must　needs　be　a　hard　straining　

of　the　mind。　　She　worried　her　work；　she　gave　herself　no　leisure　to　

see　it　as　a　whole；　she　felt　herself　not　making　headway　and　she　cut　

her　games　and　exercise　in　order　to　increase　her　hours　of　toil；　and　

worked　into　the　night。　　She　carried　a　knack　of　laborious　

thoroughness　into　the　blind　alleys　and　inessentials　of　her　subject。　　

It　didn't　need　the　badness　of　the　food　for　which　Bennett　Hall　is　

celebrated　and　the　remarkable　dietary　of　nocturnal　cocoa；　cakes　and　

soft　biscuits　with　which　the　girls　have　supplemented　it；　to　ensure　

her　collapse。　　Her　mother　brought　her　home；　fretting　and　distressed；　

and　then　finding　her　hopelessly　unhappy　at　home；　took　her　and　her　

half…brother；　a　rather　ailing　youngster　of　ten　who　died　three　years　

later；　for　a　journey　to　Italy。



Italy　did　much　to　assuage　Margaret's　chagrin。　　I　think　all　three　of　

them　had　a　very　good　time　there。　　At　home　Mr。　Seddon；　her　step…

father；　played　the　part　of　a　well…meaning　blight　by　reason　of　the　

moods　that　arose　from　nervous　dyspepsia。　　They　went　to　Florence；　

equipped　with　various　introductions　and　much　sound　advice　from　

sympathetic　Cambridge　friends；　and　having　acquired　an　ease　in　Italy　

there；　went　on　to　Siena；　Orvieto；　and　at　last　Rome。　　They　returned；　

if　I　remember　rightly；　by　Pisa；　Genoa；　Milan　and　Paris。　　Six　months　

or　more　they　had　had　abroad；　and　now　Margaret　was　back　in　Burslem；　

in　health　again　and　consciously　a　very　civilised　person。



New　ideas　were　abroad；　it　was　Maytime　and　a　spring　of　abundant　

flowersdaffodils　were　particularly　good　that　yearand　Mrs。　Seddon　

celebrated　her　return　by　giving　an　afternoon　reception　at　short　

notice；　with　the　clear　intention　of　lettin