the new machiavelli-第21章

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a　thing　in　a　net。　　I　knew　so　little　and　I　felt　so　much。　　There　was　

indeed　no　Aphrodite　at　all　in　my　youthful　Pantheon；　but　instead　

there　was　a　mysterious　and　minatory　gap。　　I　have　told　how　at　last　a　

new　Venus　was　born　in　my　imagination　out　of　gas　lamps　and　the　

twilight；　a　Venus　with　a　cockney　accent　and　dark　eyes　shining　out　of　

the　dusk；　a　Venus　who　was　a　warm；　passion…stirring　atmosphere　rather　

than　incarnate　in　a　body。　　And　I　have　told；　too；　how　I　bought　a　

picture。



All　this　was　a　thing　apart　from　the　rest　of　my　life；　a　locked　

avoided　chamber。　。　。　。



It　was　not　until　my　last　year　at　Trinity　that　I　really　broke　down　

the　barriers　of　this　unwholesome　silence　and　brought　my　secret　

broodings　to　the　light　of　day。　　Then　a　little　set　of　us　plunged　

suddenly　into　what　we　called　at　first　sociological　discussion。　　I　

can　still　recall　even　the　physical　feeling　of　those　first　tentative　

talks。　　I　remember　them　mostly　as　occurring　in　the　rooms　of　Ted　

Hatherleigh；　who　kept　at　the　corner　by　the　Trinity　great　gate；　but　

we　also　used　to　talk　a　good　deal　at　a　man's　in　King's；　a　man　named；　

if　I　remember　rightly；　Redmayne。　　The　atmosphere　of　Hatherleigh's　

rooms　was　a　haze　of　tobacco　smoke　against　a　background　brown　and　

deep。　　He　professed　himself　a　socialist　with　anarchistic　leanings

he　had　suffered　the　martyrdom　of　ducking　for　itand　a　huge　French　

May…day　poster　displaying　a　splendid　proletarian　in　red　and　black　on　

a　barricade　against　a　flaring　orange　sky；　dominated　his　decorations。　　

Hatherleigh　affected　a　fine　untidiness；　and　all　the　place；　even　the　

floor；　was　littered　with　books；　for　the　most　part　open　and　face　

downward；　deeper　darknesses　were　supplied　by　a　discarded　gown　and　

our　caps；　all　conscientiously　battered；　Hatherleigh's　flopped　like　

an　elephant's　ear　and　inserted　quill　pens　supported　the　corners　of　

mine；　the　highlights　of　the　picture　came　chiefly　as　reflections　from　

his　chequered　blue　mugs　full　of　audit　ale。　　We　sat　on　oak　chairs；　

except　the　four　or　five　who　crowded　on　a　capacious　settle；　we　drank　

a　lot　of　beer　and　were　often　fuddled；　and　occasionally　quite　drunk；　

and　we　all　smoked　reckless…looking　pipes；there　was　a　transient　

fashion　among　us　for　corn　cobs　for　which　Mark　Twain；　I　think；　was　

responsible。　　Our　little　excesses　with　liquor　were　due　far　more　to　

conscience　than　appetite；　indicated　chiefly　a　resolve　to　break　away　

from　restraints　that　we　suspected　were　keeping　us　off　the　

instructive　knife…edges　of　life。　　Hatherleigh　was　a　good　Englishman　

of　the　premature　type　with　a　red　face；　a　lot　of　hair；　a　deep　voice　

and　an　explosive　plunging　manner；　and　it　was　he　who　said　one　

eveningHeaven　knows　how　we　got　to　it〃　Look　here；　you　know；　it's　

all　Rot；　this　Shutting　Up　about　Women。　　We　OUGHT　to　talk　about　them。　　

What　are　we　going　to　do　about　them？　　It's　got　to　come。　　We're　all　

festering　inside　about　it。　　Let's　out　with　it。　　There's　too　much　

Decency　altogether　about　this　Infernal　University！〃



We　rose　to　his　challenge　a　little　awkwardly　and　our　first　talk　was　

clumsy；　there　were　flushed　faces　and　red　ears；　and　I　remember　

Hatherleigh　broke　out　into　a　monologue　on　decency。　　〃Modesty　and　

Decency；〃　said　Hatherleigh；　〃are　Oriental　vices。　　The　Jews　brought　

them　to　Europe。　　They're　Semitic；　just　like　our　monasticism　here　and　

the　seclusion　of　women　and　mutilating　the　dead　on　a　battlefield。　　

And　all　that　sort　of　thing。〃



Hatherleigh's　mind　progressed　by　huge　leaps；　leaps　that　were　usually　

wildly　inaccurate；　and　for　a　time　we　engaged　hotly　upon　the　topic　of　

those　alleged　mutilations　and　the　Semitic　responsibility　for　

decency。　　Hatherleigh　tried　hard　to　saddle　the　Semitic　race　with　the　

less　elegant　war　customs　of　the　Soudan　and　the　northwest　frontier　of　

India；　and　quoted　Doughty；　at　that　time　a　little…known　author；　and　

Cunninghame　Graham　to　show　that　the　Arab　was　worse　than　a　county…

town　spinster　in　his　regard　for　respectability。　　But　his　case　was　

too　preposterous；　and　Esmeer；　with　his　shrill　penetrating　voice　and　

his　way　of　pointing　with　all　four　long　fingers　flat　together；　

carried　the　point　against　him。　　He　quoted　Cato　and　Roman　law　and　the　

monasteries　of　Thibet。



〃Well；　anyway；〃　said　Hatherleigh；　escaping　from　our　hands　like　an　

intellectual　frog；　〃Semitic　or　not；　I've　got　no　use　for　decency。〃



We　argued　points　and　Hatherleigh　professed　an　unusually　balanced　and　

tolerating　attitude。　　〃I　don't　mind　a　certain　refinement　and　

dignity；〃　he　admitted　generously。　　〃What　I　object　to　is　this　

spreading　out　of　decency　until　it　darkens　the　whole　sky；　until　it　

makes　a　man's　father　afraid　to　speak　of　the　most　important　things；　

until　it　makes　a　man　afraid　to　look　a　frank　book　in　the　face　or　

thinkeven　think！　until　it　leads　to　our　coming　toto　the　business　

at　last　with　nothing　but　a　few　prohibitions；　a　few　hints；　a　lot　of　

dirty　jokes　and；　and　〃he　waved　a　hand　and　seemed　to　seek　and　catch　

his　image　in　the　air〃　oh；　a　confounded　buttered　slide　of　

sentiment；　to　guide　us。　　I　tell　you　I'm　going　to　think　about　it　and　

talk　about　it　until　I　see　a　little　more　daylight　than　I　do　at　

present。　　I'm　twenty…two。　　Things　might　happen　to　me　anywhen。　　You　

men　can　go　out　into　the　world　if　you　like；　to　sin　like　fools　and　

marry　like　fools；　not　knowing　what　you　are　doing　and　ashamed　to　ask。　　

You'll　take　the　consequences；　too；　I　expect；　pretty　meekly；　

sniggering　a　bit；　sentimentalising　a　bit；　likelike　Cambridge　

humorists。　。　。　。　　I　mean　to　know　what　I'm　doing。〃



He　paused　to　drink；　and　I　think　I　cut　in　with　ideas　of　my　own。　　But　

one　is　apt　to　forget　one's　own　share　in　a　talk；　I　find；　more　than　

one　does　the　clear…cut　objectivity　of　other　people's；　and　I　do　not　

know　how　far　I　contributed　to　this　discussion　that　followed。　　I　am；　

however；　pretty　certain　that　it　was　then　that　ideal　that　we　were　

pleased　to　call　aristocracy　and　which　soon　became　the　common　

property　of　our　set　was　developed。　　It　was　Esmeer；　I　know；　who　laid　

down　and　maintained　the　proposition　that　so　far　as　minds　went　there　

were　really　only　two　sorts　of　man　in　the　world；　the　aristocrat　and　

the　man　who　subdues　his　mind　to　other　people's。



〃'I　couldn't　THINK　of　it；　Sir；'〃　said　Esmeer　in　his　elucidatory　

tones；　〃that's　what　a　servant　says。　　His　mind　even　is　broken　in　to　

run　between　fences；　and　he　admits　it。　　WE'VE　got　to　he　able　to　think　

of　anything。　　And　'such　things　aren't　for　the　Likes　of　Us！'　　That's　

another　servant's　saying。　　Well；　everything　IS　for　the　Likes　of　Us。　　

If　we　see　fit；　that　is。〃



A　small　fresh…coloured　man　in　grey　objected。



〃Well；〃　exploded　Hatherleigh；　〃if　that　isn't　so　what　the　deuce　are　

we　up　here　for？　　Instead　of　working　in　mines？　　If　some　things　aren't　

to　be　thought　about　ever！　　We've　got　the　privilege　of　all　these　

extra　years　for　getting　things　straight　in　our　heads；　and　then　we　

won't　use　'em。　　Good　God！　what　do　you　think　a　university's　for？〃　。　。　。



Esmeer's　idea　came　with　an　effect　of　real　emancipation　to　several　of　

us。　　We　were　not　going　to　be　afraid　of　ideas　any　longer；　we　were　

going　to　throw　down　every　barrier　of　prohibition　and　take　them　in　

and　see　what　came　of　it。　　We　became　for　a　time　even　intemperately　

experimental；　and　one　of　us；　at　the　bare　suggestion　of　an　eminent　

psychic　investigator；　took　hashish　and　very　nearly　died　of　it　within　

a　fortnight　of　our　great　elucidation。



The　chief　matter　of　our　interchanges　was　of　course　the　discussion　of　

sex。　　Once　the　theme　had　been　opened　it　became　a　sore　place　in　our　

intercourse；　none　of　us　seemed　able　to　keep　away　from　it。　　Our　

imaginations　got　astir　with　it。　　We　made　up　for　lost　time　and　went　

round　it　and　through　it　and　over　it　exhaustively。　　I　recall　

prolonged　discussion　of　polygamy　on　the　way　to　Royston；　muddy　

November　tramps　to　Madingley；　when　amidst　much　profanity　from　

Hatherleigh　at　the　serious　treatment　of　so　obsolete　a　matter；　we　

weighed　the　reasons；　if　any；　for　the　inst