the new machiavelli-第18章

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antagonised　by　the　family　traditions　that　ran　through　the　school。　　I　

was　made　to　feel　at　first　that　I　was　a　rank　outsider；　and　I　never　

quite　forgot　it。　　I　suffered　very　little　bullying；　and　I　never　had　a　

fightin　all　my　time　there　were　only　three　fightsbut　I　followed　

my　own　curiosities。　　I　was　already　a　very　keen　theologian　and　

politician　before　I　was　fifteen。　　I　was　also　intensely　interested　in　

modern　warfare。　　I　read　the　morning　papers　in　the　Reading　Room　

during　the　midday　recess；　never　missed　the　illustrated　weeklies；　and　

often　when　I　could　afford　it　I　bought　a　PALL　MALL　GAZETTE　on　my　way　

home。



I　do　not　think　that　I　was　very　exceptional　in　that；　most　intelligent　

boys；　I　believe；　want　naturally　to　be　men；　and　are　keenly　interested　

in　men's　affairs。　　There　is　not　the　universal　passion　for　a　

magnified　puerility　among　them　it　is　customary　to　assume。　　I　was　

indeed　a　voracious　reader　of　everything　but　boys'　bookswhich　I　

detestedand　fiction。　　I　read　histories；　travel；　popular　science　

and　controversy　with　particular　zest；　and　I　loved　maps。　　School　work　

and　school　games　were　quite　subordinate　affairs　for　me。　　I　worked　

well　and　made　a　passable　figure　at　games；　and　I　do　not　think　I　was　

abnormally　insensitive　to　the　fine　quality　of　our　school；　to　the　

charm　of　its　mediaeval　nucleus；　its　Gothic　cloisters；　its　scraps　of　

Palladian　and　its　dignified　Georgian　extensions；　the　contrast　of　the　

old　quiet；　that　in　spite　of　our　presence　pervaded　it　everywhere；　

with　the　rushing　and　impending　London　all　about　it；　was　indeed　a　

continual　pleasure　to　me。　　But　these　things　were　certainly　not　the　

living　and　central　interests　of　my　life。



I　had　to　conceal　my　wider　outlook　to　a　certain　extentfrom　the　

masters　even　more　than　from　the　boys。　　Indeed　I　only　let　myself　go　

freely　with　one　boy；　Britten；　my　especial　chum；　the　son　of　the　

Agent…General　for　East　Australia。　　We　two　discovered　in　a　chance　

conversation　A　PROPOS　of　a　map　in　the　library　that　we　were　both　of　

us　curious　why　there　were　Malays　in　Madagascar；　and　how　the　Mecca　

pilgrims　came　from　the　East　Indies　before　steamships　were　available。　　

Neither　of　us　had　suspected　that　there　was　any　one　at　all　in　the　

school　who　knew　or　cared　a　rap　about　the　Indian　Ocean；　except　as　

water　on　the　way　to　India。　　But　Britten　had　come　up　through　the　Suez　

Canal；　and　his　ship　had　spoken　a　pilgrim　ship　on　the　way。　　It　gave　

him　a　startling　quality　of　living　knowledge。　　From　these　pilgrims　we　

got　to　a　comparative　treatment　of　religions；　and　from　that；　by　a　

sudden　plunge；　to　entirely　sceptical　and　disrespectful　confessions　

concerning　Gates'　last　outbreak　of　simple　piety　in　School　Assembly。　　

We　became　congenial　intimates　from　that　hour。



The　discovery　of　Britten　happened　to　me　when　we　were　both　in　the　

Lower　Fifth。　　Previously　there　had　been　a　watertight　compartment　

between　the　books　I　read　and　the　thoughts　they　begot　on　the　one　hand　

and　human　intercourse　on　the　other。　　Now　I　really　began　my　higher　

education；　and　aired　and　examined　and　developed　in　conversation　the　

doubts；　the　ideas；　the　interpretations　that　had　been　forming　in　my　

mind。　　As　we　were　both　day…boys　with　a　good　deal　of　control　over　our　

time　we　organised　walks　and　expeditions　together；　and　my　habit　of　

solitary　and　rather　vague　prowling　gave　way　to　much　more　definite　

joint　enterprises。　　I　went　several　times　to　his　house；　he　was　the　

youngest　of　several　brothers；　one　of　whom　was　a　medical　student　and　

let　us　assist　at　the　dissection　of　a　cat；　and　once　or　twice　in　

vacation　time　he　came　to　Penge；　and　we　went　with　parcels　of　

provisions　to　do　a　thorough　day　in　the　grounds　and　galleries　of　the　

Crystal　Palace；　ending　with　the　fireworks　at　close　quarters。　　We　

went　in　a　river　steamboat　down　to　Greenwich；　and　fired　by　that　made　

an　excursion　to　Margate　and　back；　we　explored　London　docks　and　

Bethnal　Green　Museum；　Petticoat　Lane　and　all　sorts　of　out…of…the…way　

places　together。



We　confessed　shyly　to　one　another　a　common　secret　vice；　〃Phantom　

warfare。〃　　When　we　walked　alone；　especially　in　the　country；　we　had　

both　developed　the　same　practice　of　fighting　an　imaginary　battle　

about　us　as　we　walked。　　As　we　went　along　we　were　generals；　and　our　

attacks　pushed　along　on　either　side；　crouching　and　gathering　behind　

hedges；　cresting　ridges；　occupying　copses；　rushing　open　spaces；　

fighting　from　house　to　house。　　The　hillsides　about　Penge　were　

honeycombed　in　my　imagination　with　the　pits　and　trenches　I　had　

created　to　cheek　a　victorious　invader　coming　out　of　Surrey。　　For　him　

West　Kensington　was　chiefly　important　as　the　scene　of　a　desperate　

and　successful　last　stand　of　insurrectionary　troops　（who　had　seized　

the　Navy；　the　Bank　and　other　advantages）　against　a　royalist　army

reinforced　by　Germansadvancing　for　reasons　best　known　to　

themselves　by　way　of　Harrow　and　Ealing。　　It　is　a　secret　and　solitary　

game；　as　we　found　when　we　tried　to　play　it　together。　　We　made　a　

success　of　that　only　once。　　All　the　way　down　to　Margate　we　schemed　

defences　and　assailed　and　fought　them　as　we　came　back　against　the　

sunset。　　Afterwards　we　recapitulated　all　that　conflict　by　means　of　a　

large　scale　map　of　the　Thames　and　little　paper　ironclads　in　plan　cut　

out　of　paper。



A　subsequent　revival　of　these　imaginings　was　brought　about　by　

Britten's　luck　in　getting；　through　a　friend　of　his　father's；　

admission　for　us　both　to　the　spectacle　of　volunteer　officers　

fighting　the　war　game　in　Caxton　Hall。　　We　developed　a　war　game　of　

our　own　at　Britten's　home　with　nearly　a　couple　of　hundred　lead　

soldiers；　some　excellent　spring　cannons　that　shot　hard　and　true　at　

six　yards；　hills　of　books　and　a　constantly　elaborated　set　of　rules。　　

For　some　months　that　occupied　an　immense　proportion　of　our　leisure。　　

Some　of　our　battles　lasted　several　days。　　We　kept　the　game　a　

profound　secret　from　the　other　fellows。　　They　would　not　have　

understood。



And　we　also　began；　it　was　certainly　before　we　were　sixteen；　to　

write；　for　the　sake　of　writing。　　We　liked　writing。　　We　had　

discovered　Lamb　and　the　best　of　the　middle　articles　in　such　weeklies　

as　the　SATURDAY　GAZETTE；　and　we　imitated　them。　　Our　minds　were　full　

of　dim　uncertain　things　we　wanted　to　drag　out　into　the　light　of　

expression。　　Britten　had　got　hold　of　IN　MEMORIAM；　and　I　had　

disinterred　Pope's　ESSAY　ON　MAN　and　RABBI　BEN　EZRA；　and　these　things　

had　set　our　theological　and　cosmic　solicitudes　talking。　　I　was　

somewhere　between　sixteen　and　eighteen；　I　know；　when　he　and　I　walked　

along　the　Thames　Embankment　confessing　shamefully　to　one　another　

that　we　had　never　read　Lucretius。　　We　thought　every　one　who　mattered　

had　read　Lucretius。



When　I　was　nearly　sixteen　my　mother　was　taken　ill　very　suddenly；　and　

died　of　some　perplexing　complaint　that　involved　a　post…mortem　

examination；　it　was；　I　think；　the　trouble　that　has　since　those　days　

been　recognised　as　appendicitis。　　This　led　to　a　considerable　change　

in　my　circumstances；　the　house　at　Penge　was　given　up；　and　my　

Staffordshire　uncle　arranged　for　me　to　lodge　during　school　terms　

with　a　needy　solicitor　and　his　wife　in　Vicars　Street；　S。　W。；　about　a　

mile　and　a　half　from　the　school。　　So　it　was　I　came　right　into　

London；　I　had　almost　two　years　of　London　before　I　went　to　Cambridge。



Tehose　were　our　great　days　together。　　Afterwards　we　were　torn　apart；　

Britten　went　to　Oxford；　and　our　circumstances　never　afterwards　threw　

us　continuously　together　until　the　days　of　the　BLUE　WEEKLY。



As　boys；　we　walked　together；　read　and　discussed　the　same　books；　

pursued　the　same　enquiries。　　We　got　a　reputation　as　inseparables　and　

the　nickname　of　the　Rose　and　the　Lily；　for　Britten　was　short　and　

thick…set　with　dark　close　curling　hair　and　a　ruddy　Irish　type　of　

face；　I　was　lean　and　fair…haired　and　some　inches　taller　than　he。　　

Our　talk　ranged　widely　and　yet　had　certain　very　definite　

limitations。　　We　were　amazingly　free　with　politics　and　reli