the new machiavelli-第14章

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carriage　who　were　coming　from　the　Anerley　direction。



〃Lost　anythink；　Matey？〃　said　he。



I　explained。



〃'E's　dropped　'is　knife；〃　said　my　interlocutor；　and　joined　in　the　

search。



〃What　sort　of　'andle　was　it；　Matey？〃　said　a　small　white…faced　

sniffing　boy　in　a　big　bowler　hat。



I　supplied　the　information。　　His　sharp　little　face　scrutinised　the　

ground　about　us。



〃GOT　it；〃　he　said；　and　pounced。



〃Give　it　'ere；〃　said　the　big　boy　hoarsely；　and　secured　it。



I　walked　towards　him　serenely　confident　that　he　would　hand　it　over　

to　me；　and　that　all　was　for　the　best　in　the　best　of　all　possible　

worlds。



〃No　bloomin'　fear！〃　he　said；　regarding　me　obliquely。　　〃Oo　said　it　

was　your　knife？〃



Remarkable　doubts　assailed　me。　　〃Of　course　it's　my　knife；〃　I　said。　　

The　other　boys　gathered　round　me。



〃This　ain't　your　knife；〃　said　the　big　boy；　and　spat　casually。



〃I　dropped　it　just　now。〃



〃Findin's　keepin's；　I　believe；〃　said　the　big　boy。



〃Nonsense；〃　I　said。　　〃Give　me　my　knife。〃



〃'Ow　many　blades　it　got？〃



〃Three。〃



〃And　what　sort　of　'andle？〃



〃Bone。〃



〃Got　a　corkscrew　like？〃



〃Yes。〃



〃Ah！　　This　ain't　your　knife　no'ow。　　See？〃



He　made　no　offer　to　show　it　to　me。　　My　breath　went。



〃Look　here！〃　I　said。　　〃I　saw　that　kid　pick　it　up。　　It　IS　my　knife。〃



〃Rot！〃　said　the　big　boy；　and　slowly；　deliberately　put　my　knife　into　

his　trouser　pocket。



I　braced　my　soul　for　battle。　　All　civilisation　was　behind　me；　but　I　

doubt　if　it　kept　the　colour　in　my　face。　　I　buttoned　my　jacket　and　

clenched　my　fists　and　advanced　on　my　antagonisthe　had；　I　suppose；　

the　advantage　of　two　years　of　age　and　three　inches　of　height。　　〃Hand　

over　that　knife；〃　I　said。



Then　one　of　the　smallest　of　the　band　assailed　me　with　extraordinary　

vigour　and　swiftness　from　behind；　had　an　arm　round　my　neck　and　a　

knee　in　my　back　before　I　had　the　slightest　intimation　of　attack；　and　

so　got　me　down。　　〃I　got　'im；　Bill；〃　squeaked　this　amazing　little　

ruffian。　　My　nose　was　flattened　by　a　dirty　hand；　and　as　I　struck　out　

and　hit　something　like　sacking；　some　one　kicked　my　elbow。　　Two　or　

three　seemed　to　be　at　me　at　the　same　time。　　Then　I　rolled　over　and　

sat　up　to　discover　them　all　making　off；　a　ragged　flight；　footballing　

my　cap；　my　City　Merchants'　cap；　amongst　them。　　I　leapt　to　my　feet　in　

a　passion　of　indignation　and　pursued　them。



But　I　did　not　overtake　them。　　We　are　beings　of　mixed　composition；　

and　I　doubt　if　mine　was　a　single…minded　pursuit。　　I　knew　that　honour　

required　me　to　pursue；　and　I　had　a　vivid　impression　of　having　just　

been　down　in　the　dust　with　a　very　wiry　and　active　and　dirty　little　

antagonist　of　disagreeable　odour　and　incredible　and　incalculable　

unscrupulousness；　kneeling　on　me　and　gripping　my　arm　and　neck。　　I　

wanted　of　course　to　be　even　with　him；　but　also　I　doubted　if　catching　

him　would　necessarily　involve　that。　　They　kicked　my　cap　into　the　

ditch　at　the　end　of　the　field；　and　made　off　compactly　along　a　cinder　

lane　while　I　turned　aside　to　recover　my　dishonoured　headdress。　　As　I　

knocked　the　dust　out　of　that　and　out　of　my　jacket；　and　brushed　my　

knees　and　readjusted　my　very　crumpled　collar；　I　tried　to　focus　this　

startling　occurrence　in　my　mind。



I　had　vague　ideas　of　going　to　a　policeman　or　of　complaining　at　a　

police　station；　but　some　boyish　instinct　against　informing　prevented　

that。　　No　doubt　I　entertained　ideas　of　vindictive　pursuit　and　

murderous　reprisals。　　And　I　was　acutely　enraged　whenever　I　thought　

of　my　knife。　　The　thing　indeed　rankled　in　my　mind　for　weeks　and　

weeks；　and　altered　all　the　flavour　of　my　world　for　me。　　It　was　the　

first　time　I　glimpsed　the　simple　brute　violence　that　lurks　and　peeps　

beneath　our　civilisation。　　A　certain　kindly　complacency　of　attitude　

towards　the　palpably　lower　classes　was　qualified　for　ever





4



But　the　other　experience　was　still　more　cardinal。　　It　was　the　first　

clear　intimation　of　a　new　motif　in　life；　the　sex　motif；　that　was　to　

rise　and　increase　and　accumulate　power　and　enrichment　and　interweave　

with　and　at　last　dominate　all　my　life。



It　was　when　I　was　nearly　fifteen　this　happened。　　It　is　inseparably　

connected　in　my　mind　with　the　dusk　of　warm　September　evenings。　　I　

never　met　the　girl　I　loved　by　daylight；　and　I　have　forgotten　her　

name。　　It　was　some　insignificant　name。



Yet　the　peculiar　quality　of　the　adventure　keeps　it　shining　darkly　

like　some　deep　coloured　gem　in　the　common　setting　of　my　memories。　　

It　came　as　something　new　and　strange；　something　that　did　not　join　on　

to　anything　else　in　my　life　or　connect　with　any　of　my　thoughts　or　

beliefs　or　habits；　it　was　a　wonder；　a　mystery；　a　discovery　about　

myself；　a　discovery　about　the　whole　world。　　Only　in　after　years　did　

sexual　feeling　lose　that　isolation　and　spread　itself　out　to　

illuminate　and　pervade　and　at　last　possess　the　whole　broad　vision　of　

life。



It　was　in　that　phase　of　an　urban　youth's　development；　the　phase　of　

the　cheap　cigarette；　that　this　thing　happened。　　One　evening　I　came　

by　chance　on　a　number　of　young　people　promenading　by　the　light　of　a　

row　of　shops　towards　Beckington；　and；　with　all　the　glory　of　a　

glowing　cigarette　between　my　lips；　I　joined　their　strolling　number。　　

These　twilight　parades　of　young　people；　youngsters　chiefly　of　the　

lower　middle…class；　are　one　of　the　odd　social　developments　of　the　

great　suburban　growthsunkindly　critics；　blind　to　the　inner　

meanings　of　things；　call　them；　I　believe；　Monkeys'　Paradesthe　shop　

apprentices；　the　young　work　girls；　the　boy　clerks　and　so　forth；　

stirred　by　mysterious　intimations；　spend　their　first…earned　money　

upon　collars　and　ties；　chiffon　hats；　smart　lace　collars；　walking…

sticks；　sunshades　or　cigarettes；　and　come　valiantly　into　the　vague　

transfiguring　mingling　of　gaslight　and　evening；　to　walk　up　and　down；　

to　eye　meaningly；　even　to　accost　and　make　friends。　　It　is　a　queer　

instinctive　revolt　from　the　narrow　limited　friendless　homes　in　which　

so　many　find　themselves；　a　going　out　towards　something；　romance　if　

you　will；　beauty；　that　has　suddenly　become　a　needa　need　that　

hitherto　has　lain　dormant　and　unsuspected。　　They　promenade。



Vulgar！it　is　as　vulgar　as　the　spirit　that　calls　the　moth　abroad　in　

the　evening　and　lights　the　body　of　the　glow…worm　in　the　night。　　I　

made　my　way　through　the　throng；　a　little　contemptuously　as　became　a　

public　schoolboy；　my　hands　in　my　pocketsnone　of　your　cheap　canes　

for　me！and　very　careful　of　the　lie　of　my　cigarette　upon　my　lips。　　

And　two　girls　passed　me；　one　a　little　taller　than　the　other；　with　

dim　warm…tinted　faces　under　clouds　of　dark　hair　and　with　dark　eyes　

like　pools　reflecting　stars。



I　half　turned；　and　the　shorter　one　glanced　back　at　me　over　her　

shoulderI　could　draw　you　now　the　pose　of　her　cheek　and　neck　and　

shoulderand　instantly　I　was　as　passionately　in　love　with　the　girl　

as　I　have　ever　been　before　or　since；　as　any　man　ever　was　with　any　

woman。　　I　turned　about　and　followed　them；　I　flung　away　my　cigarette　

ostentatiously　and　lifted　my　school　cap　and　spoke　to　them。



The　girl　answered　shyly　with　her　dark　eyes　on　my　face。　　What　I　said　

and　what　she　said　I　cannot　remember；　but　I　have　little　doubt　it　was　

something　absolutely　vapid。　　It　really　did　not　matter；　the　thing　was　

we　had　met。　　I　felt　as　I　think　a　new…hatched　moth　must　feel　when　

suddenly　its　urgent　headlong　searching　brings　it　in　tremulous　

amazement　upon　its　mate。



We　met；　covered　from　each　other；　with　all　the　nets　of　civilisation　

keeping　us　apart。　　We　walked　side　by　side。



It　led　to　scarcely　more　than　that。　　I　think　we　met　four　or　five　

times　altogether；　and　always　with　her　nearly　silent　elder　sister　on　

the　other　side　of　her。　　We　walked　on　the　last　two　occasions　arm　in　

arm；　furtively　caressing　each　other's　hands；　we　went　away　from　the　

glare　of　the　shops　into　the　quiet　roads　of　villadom；　and　there　we　

whispered　instead　of　t