first epilogue-第17章

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noticed　that　she　had　been　thinking　about　something　else。　But　she　had

to　force　herself　to　attend；　for　what　he　was　saying　did　not　interest

her　at　all。　She　looked　at　him　and　did　not　think；　but　felt；　about

something　different。　She　felt　a　submissive　tender　love　for　this　man

who　would　never　understand　all　that　she　understood；　and　this　seemed　to

make　her　love　for　him　still　stronger　and　added　a　touch　of　passionate

tenderness。　Besides　this　feeling　which　absorbed　her　altogether　and

hindered　her　from　following　the　details　of　her　husband's　plans；

thoughts　that　had　no　connection　with　what　he　was　saying　flitted

through　her　mind。　She　thought　of　her　nephew。　Her　husband's　account

of　the　boy's　agitation　while　Pierre　was　speaking　struck　her

forcibly；　and　various　traits　of　his　gentle；　sensitive　character

recurred　to　her　mind；　and　while　thinking　of　her　nephew　she　thought

also　of　her　own　children。　She　did　not　compare　them　with　him；　but

compared　her　feeling　for　them　with　her　feeling　for　him；　and　felt

with　regret　that　there　was　something　lacking　in　her　feeling　for

young　Nicholas。

　　Sometimes　it　seemed　to　her　that　this　difference　arose　from　the

difference　in　their　ages；　but　she　felt　herself　to　blame　toward　him　and

promised　in　her　heart　to　do　better　and　to　accomplish　the　impossible…

in　this　life　to　love　her　husband；　her　children；　little　Nicholas；　and

all　her　neighbors；　as　Christ　loved　mankind。　Countess　Mary's　soul

always　strove　toward　the　infinite；　the　eternal；　and　the　absolute；

and　could　therefore　never　be　at　peace。　A　stern　expression　of　the

lofty；　secret　suffering　of　a　soul　burdened　by　the　body　appeared　on　her

face。　Nicholas　gazed　at　her。　〃O　God！　What　will　become　of　us　if　she

dies；　as　I　always　fear　when　her　face　is　like　that？〃　thought　he；　and

placing　himself　before　the　icon　he　began　to　say　his　evening　prayers。

EP1｜CH16

　　CHAPTER　XVI



　　Natasha　and　Pierre；　left　alone；　also　began　to　talk　as　only　a　husband

and　wife　can　talk；　that　is；　with　extraordinary　clearness　and　rapidity；

understanding　and　expressing　each　other's　thoughts　in　ways　contrary　to

all　rules　of　logic；　without　premises；　deductions；　or　conclusions；

and　in　a　quite　peculiar　way。　Natasha　was　so　used　to　this　kind　of

talk　with　her　husband　that　for　her　it　was　the　surest　sign　of　something

being　wrong　between　them　if　Pierre　followed　a　line　of　logical

reasoning。　When　he　began　proving　anything；　or　talking

argumentatively　and　calmly　and　she；　led　on　by　his　example；　began　to　do

the　same；　she　knew　that　they　were　on　the　verge　of　a　quarrel。

　　From　the　moment　they　were　alone　and　Natasha　came　up　to　him　with

wide…open　happy　eyes；　and　quickly　seizing　his　head　pressed　it　to　her

bosom；　saying：　〃Now　you　are　all　mine；　mine！　You　won't　escape！〃…　from

that　moment　this　conversation　began；　contrary　to　all　the　laws　of　logic

and　contrary　to　them　because　quite　different　subjects　were　talked

about　at　one　and　the　same　time。　This　simultaneous　discussion　of　many

topics　did　not　prevent　a　clear　understanding　but　on　the　contrary　was

the　surest　sign　that　they　fully　understood　one　another。

　　Just　as　in　a　dream　when　all　is　uncertain；　unreasoning；　and

contradictory；　except　the　feeling　that　guides　the　dream；　so　in　this

intercourse　contrary　to　all　laws　of　reason；　the　words　themselves

were　not　consecutive　and　clear　but　only　the　feeling　that　prompted

them。

　　Natasha　spoke　to　Pierre　about　her　brother's　life　and　doings；　of

how　she　had　suffered　and　lacked　life　during　his　own　absence；　and　of

how　she　was　fonder　than　ever　of　Mary；　and　how　Mary　was　in　every　way

better　than　herself。　In　saying　this　Natasha　was　sincere　in

acknowledging　Mary's　superiority；　but　at　the　same　time　by　saying　it

she　made　a　demand　on　Pierre　that　he　should；　all　the　same；　prefer　her

to　Mary　and　to　all　other　women；　and　that　now；　especially　after

having　seen　many　women　in　Petersburg；　he　should　tell　her　so　afresh。

　　Pierre；　answering　Natasha's　words；　told　her　how　intolerable　it　had

been　for　him　to　meet　ladies　at　dinners　and　balls　in　Petersburg。

　　〃I　have　quite　lost　the　knack　of　talking　to　ladies；〃　he　said。　〃It　was

simply　dull。　Besides；　I　was　very　busy。〃

　　Natasha　looked　intently　at　him　and　went　on：

　　〃Mary　is　so　splendid；〃　she　said。　〃How　she　understands　children！　It

is　as　if　she　saw　straight　into　their　souls。　Yesterday；　for　instance；

Mitya　was　naughty。。。〃

　　〃How　like　his　father　he　is；〃　Pierre　interjected。

　　Natasha　knew　why　he　mentioned　Mitya's　likeness　to　Nicholas：　the

recollection　of　his　dispute　with　his　brother…in…law　was　unpleasant　and

he　wanted　to　know　what　Natasha　thought　of　it。

　　〃Nicholas　has　the　weakness　of　never　agreeing　with　anything　not

generally　accepted。　But　I　understand　that　you　value　what　opens　up　a

fresh　line；〃　said　she；　repeating　words　Pierre　had　once　uttered。

　　〃No；　the　chief　point　is　that　to　Nicholas　ideas　and　discussions　are

an　amusement…　almost　a　pastime；〃　said　Pierre。　〃For　instance；　he　is

collecting　a　library　and　has　made　it　a　rule　not　to　buy　a　new　book　till

he　has　read　what　he　had　already　bought…　Sismondi　and　Rousseau　and

Montesquieu；〃　he　added　with　a　smile。　〃You　know　how　much　I。。。〃　he　began

to　soften　down　what　he　had　said；　but　Natasha　interrupted　him　to　show

that　this　was　unnecessary。

　　〃So　you　say　ideas　are　an　amusement　to　him。。。。〃

　　〃Yes；　and　for　me　nothing　else　is　serious。　All　the　time　in　Petersburg

I　saw　everyone　as　in　a　dream。　When　I　am　taken　up　by　a　thought；　all

else　is　mere　amusement。〃

　　〃Ah；　I'm　so　sorry　I　wasn't　there　when　you　met　the　children；〃　said

Natasha。　〃Which　was　most　delighted？　Lisa；　I'm　sure。〃

　　〃Yes；〃　Pierre　replied；　and　went　on　with　what　was　in　his　mind。

〃Nicholas　says　we　ought　not　to　think。　But　I　can't　help　it。　Besides；

when　I　was　in　Petersburg　I　felt　（I　can　this　to　you）　that　the　whole

affair　would　go　to　pieces　without　me…　everyone　was　pulling　his　own

way。　But　I　succeeded　in　uniting　them　all；　and　then　my　idea　is　so　clear

and　simple。　You　see；　I　don't　say　that　we　ought　to　oppose　this　and

that。　We　may　be　mistaken。　What　I　say　is：　'Join　hands；　you　who　love　the

right；　and　let　there　be　but　one　banner…　that　of　active　virtue。'　Prince

Sergey　is　a　fine　fellow　and　clever。〃

　　Natasha　would　have　had　no　doubt　as　to　the　greatness　of　Pierre's

idea；　but　one　thing　disconcerted　her。　〃Can　a　man　so　important　and

necessary　to　society　be　also　my　husband？　How　did　this　happen？〃　She

wished　to　express　this　doubt　to　him。　〃Now　who　could　decide　whether

he　is　really　cleverer　than　all　the　others？〃　she　asked　herself；　and

passed　in　review　all　those　whom　Pierre　most　respected。　Judging　by　what

he　had　said　there　was　no　one　he　had　respected　so　highly　as　Platon

Karataev。

　　〃Do　you　know　what　I　am　thinking　about？〃　she　asked。　〃About　Platon

Karataev。　Would　he　have　approved　of　you　now；　do　you　think？〃

　　Pierre　was　not　at　all　surprised　at　this　question。　He　understood

his　wife's　line　of　thought。

　　〃Platon　Karataev？〃　he　repeated；　and　pondered；　evidently　sincerely

trying　to　imagine　Karataev's　opinion　on　the　subject。　〃He　would　not

have　understood。。。　yet　perhaps　he　would。〃

　　〃I　love　you　awfully！〃　Natasha　suddenly　said。　〃Awfully；　awfully！〃

　　〃No；　he　would　not　have　approved；〃　said　Pierre；　after　reflection。

〃What　he　would　have　approved　of　is　our　family　life。　He　was　always　so

anxious　to　find　seemliness；　happiness；　and　peace　in　everything；　and

I　should　have　been　proud　to　let　him　see　us。　There　now…　you　talk　of

my　absence；　but　you　wouldn't　believe　what　a　special　feeling　I　have　for

you　after　a　separation。。。。〃

　　〃Yes；　I　should　think。。。〃　Natasha　began。

　　〃No；　it's　not　that。　I　never　leave　off　loving　you。　And　one　couldn't

love　more；　but　this　is　something　special。。。。　Yes；　of　course…〃　he　did

not　finish　because　their　eyes　meeting　said　the　rest。

　　〃What　nonsense　it　is；〃　Natasha　suddenly　exclaimed；　〃about

honeymoons；　and　that　the　greatest　happiness　is　at　first！　On　the

contrary；　now　is　the　best　of　all。　If　only　you　did　not　go　away！　Do

you　remember　how　we　quarreled？　And　it　was　always　my　fault。　Always

mine。　And　what　we　quarreled