first epilogue-第11章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



occupied…　that　is；　was　reading　or　writing　in　his　study。　Pierre　had　but

to　show　a　partiality　for　anything　to　get　just　what　he　liked　done

always。　He　had　only　to　express　a　wish　and　Natasha　would　jump　up　and

run　to　fulfill　it。

　　The　entire　household　was　governed　according　to　Pierre's　supposed

orders；　that　is；　by　his　wishes　which　Natasha　tried　to　guess。　Their　way

of　life　and　place　of　residence；　their　acquaintances　and　ties；

Natasha's　occupations；　the　children's　upbringing；　were　all　selected

not　merely　with　regard　to　Pierre's　expressed　wishes；　but　to　what

Natasha　from　the　thoughts　he　expressed　in　conversation　supposed　his

wishes　to　be。　And　she　deduced　the　essentials　of　his　wishes　quite

correctly；　and　having　once　arrived　at　them　clung　to　them

tenaciously。　When　Pierre　himself　wanted　to　change　his　mind　she　would

fight　him　with　his　own　weapons。

　　Thus　in　a　time　of　trouble　ever　memorable　to　him　after　the　birth　of

their　first　child　who　was　delicate；　when　they　had　to　change　the　wet

nurse　three　times　and　Natasha　fell　ill　from　despair；　Pierre　one　day

told　her　of　Rousseau's　view；　with　which　he　quite　agreed；　that　to

have　a　wet　nurse　is　unnatural　and　harmful。　When　her　next　baby　was

born；　despite　the　opposition　of　her　mother；　the　doctors；　and　even　of

her　husband　himself…　who　were　all　vigorously　opposed　to　her　nursing

her　baby　herself；　a　thing　then　unheard　of　and　considered　injurious…

she　insisted　on　having　her　own　way；　and　after　that　nursed　all　her

babies　herself。

　　It　very　often　happened　that　in　a　moment　of　irritation　husband　and

wife　would　have　a　dispute；　but　long　afterwards　Pierre　to　his

surprise　and　delight　would　find　in　his　wife's　ideas　and　actions　the

very　thought　against　which　she　had　argued；　but　divested　of

everything　superfluous　that　in　the　excitement　of　the　dispute　he　had

added　when　expressing　his　opinion。

　　After　seven　years　of　marriage　Pierre　had　the　joyous　and　firm

consciousness　that　he　was　not　a　bad　man；　and　he　felt　this　because　he

saw　himself　reflected　in　his　wife。　He　felt　the　good　and　bad　within

himself　inextricably　mingled　and　overlapping。　But　only　what　was　really

good　in　him　was　reflected　in　his　wife；　all　that　was　not　quite　good　was

rejected。　And　this　was　not　the　result　of　logical　reasoning　but　was　a

direct　and　mysterious　reflection。

EP1｜CH11

　　CHAPTER　XI



　　Two　months　previously　when　Pierre　was　already　staying　with　the

Rostovs　he　had　received　a　letter　from　Prince　Theodore；　asking　him　to

come　to　Petersburg　to　confer　on　some　important　questions　that　were

being　discussed　there　by　a　society　of　which　Pierre　was　one　of　the

principal　founders。

　　On　reading　that　letter　（she　always　read　her　husband's　letters）

Natasha　herself　suggested　that　he　should　go　to　Petersburg；　though

she　would　feel　his　absence　very　acutely。　She　attributed　immense

importance　to　all　her　husband's　intellectual　and　abstract　interests

though　she　did　not　understand　them；　and　she　always　dreaded　being　a

hindrance　to　him　in　such　matters。　To　Pierre's　timid　look　of　inquiry

after　reading　the　letter　she　replied　by　asking　him　to　go；　but　to　fix　a

definite　date　for　his　return。　He　was　given　four　weeks'　leave　of

absence。

　　Ever　since　that　leave　of　absence　had　expired；　more　than　a

fortnight　before；　Natasha　had　been　in　a　constant　state　of　alarm；

depression；　and　irritability。

　　Denisov；　now　a　general　on　the　retired　list　and　much　dissatisfied

with　the　present　state　of　affairs；　had　arrived　during　that

fortnight。　He　looked　at　Natasha　with　sorrow　and　surprise　as　at　a　bad

likeness　of　a　person　once　dear。　A　dull；　dejected　look；　random　replies；

and　talk　about　the　nursery　was　all　he　saw　and　heard　from　his　former

enchantress。

　　Natasha　was　sad　and　irritable　all　that　time；　especially　when　her

mother；　her　brother；　Sonya；　or　Countess　Mary　in　their　efforts　to

console　her　tried　to　excuse　Pierre　and　suggested　reasons　for　his　delay

in　returning。

　　〃It's　all　nonsense；　all　rubbish…　those　discussions　which　lead　to

nothing　and　all　those　idiotic　societies！〃　Natasha　declared　of　the　very

affairs　in　the　immense　importance　of　which　she　firmly　believed。

　　And　she　would　go　to　the　nursery　to　nurse　Petya；　her　only　boy。　No　one

else　could　tell　her　anything　so　comforting　or　so　reasonable　as　this

little　three…month…old　creature　when　he　lay　at　her　breast　and　she

was　conscious　of　the　movement　of　his　lips　and　the　snuffling　of　his

little　nose。　That　creature　said：　〃You　are　angry；　you　are　jealous；

you　would　like　to　pay　him　out；　you　are　afraid…　but　here　am　I！　And　I　am

he。。。〃　and　that　was　unanswerable。　It　was　more　than　true。

　　During　that　fortnight　of　anxiety　Natasha　resorted　to　the　baby　for

comfort　so　often；　and　fussed　over　him　so　much；　that　she　overfed　him

and　he　fell　ill。　She　was　terrified　by　his　illness；　and　yet　that　was

just　what　she　needed。　While　attending　to　him　she　bore　the　anxiety

about　her　husband　more　easily。

　　She　was　nursing　her　boy　when　the　sound　of　Pierre's　sleigh　was

heard　at　the　front　door；　and　the　old　nurse…　knowing　how　to　please

her　mistress…　entered　the　room　inaudibly　but　hurriedly　and　with　a

beaming　face。

　　〃Has　he　come？〃　Natasha　asked　quickly　in　a　whisper；　afraid　to　move

lest　she　should　rouse　the　dozing　baby。

　　〃He's　come；　ma'am；〃　whispered　the　nurse。

　　The　blood　rushed　to　Natasha's　face　and　her　feet　involuntarily　moved；

but　she　could　not　jump　up　and　run　out。　The　baby　again　opened　his

eyes　and　looked　at　her。　〃You're　here？〃　he　seemed　to　be　saying；　and

again　lazily　smacked　his　lips。

　　Cautiously　withdrawing　her　breast；　Natasha　rocked　him　a　little；

handed　him　to　the　nurse；　and　went　with　rapid　steps　toward　the　door。

But　at　the　door　she　stopped　as　if　her　conscience　reproached　her　for

having　in　her　joy　left　the　child　too　soon；　and　she　glanced　round。

The　nurse　with　raised　elbows　was　lifting　the　infant　over　the　rail　of

his　cot。

　　〃Go；　ma'am！　Don't　worry；　go！〃　she　whispered；　smiling；　with　the

kind　of　familiarity　that　grows　up　between　a　nurse　and　her　mistress。

　　Natasha　ran　with　light　footsteps　to　the　anteroom。

　　Denisov；　who　had　come　out　of　the　study　into　the　dancing　room　with

his　pipe；　now　for　the　first　time　recognized　the　old　Natasha。　A　flood

of　brilliant；　joyful　light　poured　from　her　transfigured　face。

　　〃He's　come！〃　she　exclaimed　as　she　ran　past；　and　Denisov　felt　that　he

too　was　delighted　that　Pierre；　whom　he　did　not　much　care　for；　had

returned。

　　On　reaching　the　vestibule　Natasha　saw　a　tall　figure　in　a　fur　coat

unwinding　his　scarf。　〃It's　he！　It's　really　he！　He　has　come！〃　she

said　to　herself；　and　rushing　at　him　embraced　him；　pressed　his　head

to　her　breast；　and　then　pushed　him　back　and　gazed　at　his　ruddy；

happy　face；　covered　with　hoarfrost。　〃Yes；　it　is　he；　happy　and

contented。。。〃

　　Then　all　at　once　she　remembered　the　tortures　of　suspense　she　had

experienced　for　the　last　fortnight；　and　the　joy　that　had　lit　up　her

face　vanished；　she　frowned　and　overwhelmed　Pierre　with　a　torrent　of

reproaches　and　angry　words。

　　〃Yes；　it's　all　very　well　for　you。　You　are　pleased；　you've　had　a　good

time。。。。　But　what　about　me？　You　might　at　least　have　shown

consideration　for　the　children。　I　am　nursing　and　my　milk　was

spoiled。。。。　Petya　was　at　death's　door。　But　you　were　enjoying　yourself。

Yes；　enjoying。。。〃

　　Pierre　knew　he　was　not　to　blame；　for　he　could　not　have　come

sooner；　he　knew　this　outburst　was　unseemly　and　would　blow　over　in　a

minute　or　two；　above　all　he　knew　that　he　himself　was　bright　and　happy。

He　wanted　to　smile　but　dared　not　even　think　of　doing　so。　He　made　a

piteous；　frightened　face　and　bent　down。

　　〃I　could　not；　on　my　honor。　But　how　is　Petya？〃

　　〃All　right　now。　Come　along！　I　wonder　you're　not　ashamed！　If　only　you

could　see　what　I　was　like　without　you；　how　I　suffered！〃

　　〃You　are　well？〃

　　〃Come；　come！〃　she　said；　not　letting　go　of　his　arm。　And　they　went

to　their　rooms。

　　When　Nicholas　and　his　wife　came　to　look　for　Pierre　he　was　in　the

nursery　holding　his　baby　son；　who　was　again　awake；　on　his　huge　right

palm　and　dandling　him。　A　bli