the dwelling place of ligh-第98章

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beautiful　things　in　the　world；　if　we　only　open　our　eyes　and　look　for
them。　　Oh　Mr。　Insall；　I　wish　I　could　tell　you　how　I　felt　when　I　read　your
story；　and　when　Mrs。　Maturin　read　me　those　other　books　of　yours　〃

She　stopped　breathlessly；　aghast　at　her　boldnessand　then；　suddenly；　a
barrier　between　them　seemed　to　break　down；　and　for　the　first　time　since
she　had　known　him　she　felt　near　to　him。　　He　could　not　doubt　the　sincerity
of　her　tribute。

〃You　like　them　as　much　as　that；　Janet？〃　he　said；　looking　at　her。

〃I　can't　tell　you　how　much；　I　can't　express　myself。　　And　I　want　to　tell
you　something　else；　Mr。　Insall；　while　I　have　the　chancehow　just　being
with　you　and　Mrs。　Maturin　has　changed　me。　　I　can　face　life　now；　you　have
shown　me　so　much　in　it　I　never　saw　before。〃

〃While　you　have　the　chance？〃　he　repeated。

〃Yes。〃　　She　strove　to　go　on　cheerfully；　〃Now　I've　said　it；　I　feel　better；
I　promise　not　to　mention　it　again。　　I　knewyou　didn't　think　me
ungrateful。　　It's　funny；〃　she　added；　〃the　more　people　have　done　for　you…
when　they've　given　you　everything；　life　and　hope；the　harder　it　is　to
thank　them。〃　　She　turned　her　face　away；　lest　he　might　see　that　her　eyes
were　wet。　　〃Mrs。　Maturin　will　be　expecting　us。〃

〃Not　yet；〃　she　heard　him　say；　and　felt　his　hand　on　her　arm。　　〃You　haven't
thought　of　what　you're　doing　for　me。〃

〃What　I'm　doing　for　you！〃　she　echoed。　　〃What　hurts　me　most；　when　I　think
about　it；　is　that　I'll　never　be　able　to　do　anything。〃

〃Why　do　you　say　that？〃　he　asked。

〃If　I　only　could　believe　that　some　day　I　might　be　able　to　help　youjust
a　littleI　should　be　happier。　　All　I　have；　all　I　am　I　owe　to　you　and
Mrs。　Maturin。〃

〃No；　Janet；〃　he　answered。　　〃What　you　are　is　you；　and　it's　more　real　than
anything　we　could　have　put　into　you。　　What　you　have　to　give　is
yourself。〃　His　fingers　trembled　on　her　arm；　but　she　saw　him　smile　a
little　before　he　spoke　again。　　〃Augusta　Maturin　was　right　when　she　said
that　you　were　the　woman　I　needed。　　I　didn't　realize　it　then　perhaps　she
didn'tbut　now　I'm　sure　of　it。　　Will　you　come　to　me？〃

She　stood　staring　at　him；　as　in　terror；　suddenly　penetrated　by　a　dismay
that　sapped　her　strength；　and　she　leaned　heavily　against　the　fireplace；
clutching　the　mantel…shelf。

〃Don't！〃　she　pleaded。　　〃Please　don'tI　can't。〃

〃You　can't！。。。　　Perhaps；　after　a　while；　you　may　come　to　feel　differently
I　didn't　mean　to　startle　you；〃　she　heard　him　reply　gently。　　This
humility；　in　him；　was　unbearable。

〃Oh；　it　isn't　thatit　isn't　that！　　If　I　could；　I'd　be　willing　to　serve
you　all　my　lifeI　wouldn't　ask　for　anything　more。　　I　never　thought　that
this　would　happen。　　I　oughtn't　to　have　stayed　in　Silliston。〃

〃You　didn't　suspect　that　I　loved　you？〃

〃How　could　I？　　Oh；　I　might　have　loved　you；　if　I'd　been　fortunateif　I'd
deserved　it。　　But　I　never　thought；　I　always　looked　up　to　youyou　are　so
far　above　me！〃　　She　lifted　her　face　to　him　in　agony。　　〃I'm　sorryI'm
sorry　for　youI'll　never　forgive　myself！〃

〃It'ssome　one　else？〃　he　asked。

〃I　wasgoing　to　be　married　toto　Mr。　Ditmar；〃　she　said　slowly；
despairingly。

〃But　even　then〃　Insall　began。

〃You　don't　understand！〃　she　cried。　　〃What　will　you　think　of　me？Mrs。
Maturin　was　to　have　told　you；　after　I'd　gone。　　It'sit's　the　same　as　if
I　were　married　to　himonly　worse。〃

〃Worse！〃　Insall　repeated　uncomprehendingly。。。。　　And　then　she　was　aware
that　he　had　left　her　side。　　He　was　standing　by　the　window。

A　thrush　began　to　sing　in　the　maple。　　She　stole　silently　toward　the　door；
and　paused　to　look　back　at　him；　once　to　meet　his　glance。　　He　had　turned。

〃I　can'tI　can't　let　you　go　like　this！〃　she　heard　him　say；　but　she　fled
from　him；　out　of　the　gate　and　toward　the　Common。。。。

When　Janet　appeared；　Augusta　Maturin　was　in　her　garden。　　With　an　instant
perception　that　something　was　wrong；　she　went　to　the　girl　and　led　her　to
the　sofa　in　the　library。　　There　the　confession　was　made。

〃I　never　guessed　it；〃　Janet　sobbed。　　〃Oh；　Mrs。　Maturin；　you'll　believe
mewon't　you？〃

〃Of　course　I　believe　you；　Janet；〃　Augusta　Maturity　replied；　trying　to
hide　her　pity；　her　own　profound　concern　and　perplexity。　　〃I　didn't
suspect　it　either。　　If　I　had〃

〃You　wouldn't　have　brought　me　here；　you　wouldn't　have　asked　me　to　stay
with　you。　　But　I　was　to　blame；　I　oughtn't　to　have　stayed；　I　knew　all
along　that　something　would　happensomething　terrible　that　I　hadn't　any
right　to　stay。〃

〃Who　could　have　foreseen　it！〃　　her　friend　exclaimed　helplessly。　　〃Brooks
isn't　like　any　other　man　I've　ever　knownone　can　never　tell　what　he　has
in　mind。　　Not　that　I'm　surprised　as　I　look　back　upon　it　all！〃

〃I've　hurt　him！〃

Augusta　Maturity　was　silent　awhile。　　〃Remember；　my　dear；〃　she　begged；
〃you　haven't　only　yourself　to　think　about；　from　now　on。〃

But　comfort　was　out　of　the　question；　the　task　of　calming　the　girl
impossible。　　Finally　the　doctor　was　sent　for；　and　she　was　put　to　bed。。。。

Augusta　Maturity　spent　an　agonized；　sleepless　night；　a　prey　of　many
emotions；　of　self…reproach；　seeing　now　that　she　had　been　wrong　in　not
telling　Brooks　Insall　of　the　girl's　secret；　of　sorrow　and　sympathy　for
him；　of　tenderness　toward　the　girl；　despite　the　suffering　she　had
brought；　of　unwonted　rebellion　against　a　world　that　cheated　her　of　this
cherished　human　tie　for　which　she　had　longed　the　first　that　had　come　into
her　life　since　her　husband　and　child　had　gone。　　And　there　was　her　own
responsibility　for　Insall's　unhappinesswhen　she　recalled　with　a　pang
her　innocent　sayings　that　Janet　was　the　kind　of　woman　he；　an　artist；
should　marry！　　And　it　was　trueif　he　must　marry。　　He　himself　had　seen
it。　　Did　Janet　love　him？　　or　did　she　still　remember　Ditmar？　　Again　and
again；　during　the　summer　that　followed；　this　query　was　on　her　lips；　but
remained　unspoken。。。。

The　next　day　Insall　disappeared。　　No　one　knew　where　he　had　gone；　but　his
friends　in　Silliston　believed　he　had　been　seized　by　one　of　his　sudden；
capricious　fancies　for　wandering。　　For　many　months　his　name　was　not
mentioned　between　Augusta　Maturity　and　Janet。　　By　the　middle　of　June　they
had　gone　to　Canada。。。。

In　order　to　reach　the　camp　on　Lac　du　Sablier　from　the　tiny　railroad
station　at　Saint　Hubert；　a　trip　of　some　eight　miles　up　the　decharge　was
necessary。　　The　day　had　been　when　Augusta　Maturity　had　done　her　share　of
paddling　and　poling；　with　an　habitant　guide　in　the　bow。　　She　had　foreseen
all　the　needs　of　this　occasion；　warm　clothes　for　Janet；　who　was　wrapped
in　blankets　and　placed　on　cushions　in　the　middle　of　a　canoe；　while　she
herself　followed　in　a　second；　from　time　to　time　exclaiming；　in　a
reassuring　voice；　that　one　had　nothing　to　fear　in　the　hands　of　Delphin
and　Herve；　whom　she　had　known　intimately　for　more　than　twenty　years。　　It
was　indeed　a　wonderful；　exciting；　and　at　moments　seemingly　perilous
journey　up　the　forested　aisle　of　the　river：　at　sight　of　the　first　roaring
reach　of　rapids　Janet　held　her　breathso　incredible　did　it　appear　that　any
human　power　could　impel　and　guide　a　boat　up　the　white　stairway　between
the　boulders！　　Was　it　not　courting　destruction？　　Yet　she　felt　a　strange；
wild　delight　in　the　sense　of　danger；　of　amazement　at　the　woodsman's　eye
that　found　and　followed　the　crystal　paths　through　the　waste　of　foam。。。。
There　were　long；　quiet　stretches；　hemmed　in　by　alders；　where　the　canoes；
dodging　the　fallen　trees；　glided　through　the　still　water。。。　　No　such
silent；　exhilarating　motion　Janet　had　ever　known。　　Even　the　dipping
paddles　made　no　noise；　though　sometimes　there　was　a　gurgle；　as　though　a
fish　had　broken　the　water　behind　them；　sometimes；　in　the　shining　pools
ahead；　she　saw　the　trout　leap　out。　　At　every　startling　flop　Delphin　would
exclaim：　〃Un　gros！〃　　From　an　upper　branch　of　a　spruce　a　kingfisher　darted
like　an　arrow　into　the　water；　making　a　splash　like　a　falling　stone。
Once；　after　they　had　passed　through　the　breach　of　a　beaver　dam；　Herve
nodded　his　head　toward　a　mound　of　twigs　by　the　bank　and　muttered
something。　　Augusta　Maturin　laughed。

〃Cabane　de　castor；　he　saysa　beaver　cabin。　　And　the　beavers　made　the　dam
we　just　passed。　　Did　you　notice；　Janet；　how　beautifully　clean　those　logs
had　been　cut　by　their　sharp　teeth？〃

At　moments　she　conversed　rapidly　with　Delphin　in　the　same　pat