the dwelling place of ligh-第94章

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　　　　　　　　　　　　　　‘Here；　where　the　moors　stretch　free
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　In　the　high　blue　afternoon；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Are　the　marching　sun　and　the　talking　sea。'

and　those　last　lines：

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　‘But　thou；　vast　outbound　ship　of　souls；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　What　harbour　town　for　thee？
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　What　shapes；　when　thy　arriving　tolls；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Shall　crowd　the　banks　to　see？
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Shall　all　the　happy　shipmates　then
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Stand　singing　brotherly？
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Or　shall　a　haggard；　ruthless　few
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Warp　her　over　and　bring　her　to；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　While　the　many　broken　souls　of　me
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Fester　down　in　the　slaver's　pen；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　And　nothing　to　say　or　do？'

I　was　sorry　afterwards；　I　could　see　that　she　was　tremendously　excited。
And　she　made　me　feel　as　if　I；　too；　had　been　battened　down　in　that　hold
and　bruised　and　almost　strangled。　　I　often　wonder　whether　she　has　got　out
of　it　into　the　lightwhether　we　can　rescue　her。〃　　Mrs。　Maturin　paused。

〃What　do　you　mean？〃　　Insall　asked。

〃Well；　it's　difficult　to　describe；　what　I　feelshe's　such　a　perplexing
mixture　of　old　New　England　and　modernity；　of　a　fatalism；　and　an　aliveness
that　fairly　vibrates。　　At　first；　when　she　began　to　recover；　I　was
conscious　only　of　the　vitalitybut　lately　I　feel　the　other　quality。　　It
isn't　exactly　the　old　Puritan　fatalism；　or　even　the　Greek；　it's　oddly
modern；　too；　almost　agnostic；　I　should　say；a　calm　acceptance　of　the
hazards　of　life；　of　nature；　of　sun　and　rain　and　storm　alikevery
different　from　the　cheap　optimism　one　finds　everywhere　now。　　She　isn't
exactly　resignedI　don't　say　thatI　know　she　can　be　rebellious。　　And
she's　grateful　for　the　sun；　yet　she　seems　to　have　a　conviction　that　the
clouds　will　gather　again。。。。　　The　doctor　says　she　may　leave　the　hospital
on　Monday；　and　I'm　going　to　bring　her　over　here　for　awhile。　　Then；〃　she
added　insinuatingly；　〃we　can　collaborate。〃

〃I　think　I'll　go　back　to　Maine；〃　Insall　exclaimed。

〃If　you　desert　me；　I　shall　never　speak　to　you　again；〃　said　Mrs。　Maturin。

〃Janet；〃　said　Mrs。　Maturin　the　next　day；　as　she　laid　down　the　book　from
which　she　was　reading；　〃do　you　remember　that　I　spoke　to　you　once　in
Hampton　of　coming　here　to　Silliston？　　Well；　now　we've　got　you　here；　we
don't　want　to　lose　you。　　I've　been　making　inquiries；　quite　a　number　of
the　professors　have　typewriting　to　be　done；　and　they　will　be　glad　to　give
their　manuscripts　to　you　instead　of　sending　them　to　Boston。　　And　there's
Brooks　Insall　tooif　he　ever　takes　it　into　his　head　to　write　another
book。　　You　wouldn't　have　any　trouble　reading　his　manuscript；　it's　like
script。　　Of　course　it　has　to　be　copied。　　You　can　board　with　Mrs。　Case
I've　arranged　that；　too。　　But　on　Monday　I'm　going　to　take　you　to　my
house；　and　keep　you　until　you're　strong　enough　to　walk。〃

Janet's　eyes　were　suddenly　bright　with　tears。

〃You'll　stay？〃

〃I　can't；〃　answered　Janet。　　〃I　couldn't。〃

〃But　why　not？　　Have　you　any　other　plans？〃

〃No；　I　haven't　any　plans；　butI　haven't　the　right　to　stay　here。〃
Presently　she　raised　her　face　to　her　friend。　　〃Oh　Mrs。　Maturin；　I'm　so
sorry！　　I　didn't　want　to　bring　any　sadness　hereit's　all　so　bright　and
beautiful！　　And　now　I've　made　you　sad！〃

It　was　a　moment　before　Augusta　Maturin　could　answer　her。

〃What　are　friends　for；　Janet；〃　she　asked；　〃if　not　to　share　sorrow　with？
And　do　you　suppose　there's　any　place；　however　bright；　where　sorrow　has
not　come？　　Do　you　think　I've　not　known　it；　too？　　And　Janet；　I　haven't　sat
here　all　these　days　with　you　without　guessing　that　something　worries　you。
I've　been　waiting；　all　this　time；　for　you　to　tell　me；　in　order　that　I
might　help　you。〃

〃I　wanted　to；〃　said　Janet；　〃every　day　I　wanted　to；　but　I　couldn't。　　I
couldn't　bear　to　trouble　you　with　it；　I　didn't　mean　ever　to　tell　you。
And　thenit's　so　terrible；　I　don't　know　what　you'll　think。〃

〃I　think　I　know　you；　Janet；〃　answered　Mrs。　Maturin。　　〃Nothing　human；
nothing　natural　is　terrible；　in　the　sense　you　mean。　　At　least　I'm　one　of
those　who　believe　so。〃

Presently　Janet　said；　〃I'm　going　to　have　a　child。〃

Mrs。　Maturin　sat　very　still。　　Something　closed　in　her　throat；　preventing
her　immediate　reply。

〃I；　too；　had　a　child；　my　dear；〃　she　answered。　　〃I　lost　her。〃　　She　felt
the　girl's　clasp　tighten　on　her　fingers。

〃But　youyou　had　a　right　to　ityou　were　married。〃　　Children　are　sacred
things；〃　said　Augusta　Maturin。

〃Sacred！　　Could　it　be　that　a　woman　like　Mrs。　Maturity　thought　that　this
child　which　was　coming　to　her　was　sacred；　too？

〃However　they　come？〃　asked　Janet。　　〃Oh；　I　tried　to　believe　that；　too！　　At
firstat　first　I　didn't　want　it；　and　when　I　knew　it　was　coming　I　was
driven　almost　crazy。　　And　then；　all　at　once；　when　I　was　walking　in　the
rain；　I　knew　I　wanted　it　to　haveto　keep　all　to　myself。　　You
understand？〃

Augusta　Maturity　inclined　her　head。

〃But　the　father？〃　she　managed　to　ask；　after　a　moment。　　〃I　don't　wish　to
pry；　my　dear；　but　does　hedoes　he　realize？　　Can't　he　help　you？〃

〃It　was　Mr。　Ditmar。〃

〃Perhaps　it　will　help　you　to　tell　me　about　it；　Janet。〃

〃I'dI'd　like　to。　　I've　been　so　unhappy　since　you　told　me　he　was　dead
and　I　felt　like　a　cheat。　　You　see；　he　promised　to　marry　me；　and　I　know
now　that　he　loved　me；　that　he　really　wanted　to　marry　me；　but　something
happened　to　make　me　believe　he　wasn't　going　to；　I　sawanother　girl　who'd
got　into　trouble；　and　then　I　thought　he'd　only　been　playing　with　me；　and
I　couldn't　stand　it。　　I　joined　the　strikersI　just　had　to　do　something。〃

Augusta　Maturity　nodded；　and　waited。

〃I　was　only　a　stenographer；　and　we　were　very　poor；　and　he　was　rich　and
lived　in　a　big　house；　the　most　important　man　in　Hampton。　　It　seemed　too
good　to　be　trueI　suppose　I　never　really　thought　it　could　happen。
Please　don't　think　I'm　putting　all　the　blame　on　him；　Mrs。　Maturityit
was　my　fault　just　as　much　as　his。　　I　ought　to　have　gone　away　from
Hampton；　but　I　didn't　have　the　strength。　　And　I　shouldn't　have〃　Janet
stopped。

〃Butyou　loved　him？〃

〃Yes；　I　did。　　For　a　long　time；　after　I　left　him；　I　thought　I　didn't；　I
thought　I　hated　him；　and　when　I　found　out　what　had　happened　to　methat
night　I　came　to　youI　got　my　father's　pistol　and　went　to　the　mill　to
shoot　him。　　I　was　going　to　shoot　myself；　too。〃

〃Oh！〃　Mrs。　Maturity　gasped。　　She　gave　a　quick　glance　of　sheer　amazement
at　Janet；　who　did　not　seem　to　notice　it；　who　was　speaking　objectively；
apparently　with　no　sense　of　the　drama　in　her　announcement。

〃But　I　couldn't；〃　she　went　on。　　〃At　the　time　I　didn't　know　why　I
couldn't；　but　when　I　went　out　I　understood　it　was　because　I　wanted　the
child；　because　it　was　his　child。　　And　though　he　was　almost　out　of　his
head；　he　seemed　so　glad　because　I'd　come　back　to　him；　and　said　he'd　marry
me　right　away。〃

〃And　you　refused！〃　exclaimed　Mrs。　Maturity。

〃Well；　you　see；　I　was　out　of　my　head；　too；　I　still　thought　I　hated　him
but　I'd　loved　him　all　the　time。　　It　was　funny！　　He　had　lots　of　faults；
and　he　didn't　seem　to　understand　or　care　much　about　how　poor　people　feel；
though　he　was　kind　to　them　in　the　mills。　　He　might　have　come　to
understandI　don't　knowit　wasn't　because　he　didn't　want　to；　but
because　he　was　so　separated　from　them；　I　guess；　and　he　was　so　interested
in　what　he　was　doing。　　He　had　ambition；　he　thought　everything　of　that
mill；　he'd　made　it。　　I　don't　know　why　I　loved　him；　it　wasn't　because　he
was　fine；　like　Mr。　Insall；　but　he　was　strong　and　brave；　and　he　needed　me
and　just　took　me。〃

〃One　never　knows！〃　　Augusta　Maturity　murmured。

〃I　went　back　that　night　to　tell　him　I'd　marry　himand　he'd　gone。　　Then　I
came　to　you；　to　the　soup　kitchen。　　I　didn't　mean　to　bother　you；　I've
never　quite　understood　how　I　got　there。　　I　don't　care　so　much　what
happens　to　me；　now　that　I've　told　you；〃　Janet　added。　　〃It　was　mean；　not
to　tell　you；　but　I'd　never　had　anything　like　thiswhat　you　were　giving
meand　I　wanted　all　I　could　get。〃

〃I'm　thankful　you　did　come　to　us！〃　　Augusta　Maturin　managed　to　reply。

〃You　mean？〃　Janet　exclaimed。

〃I　mean；　that　we　who　have　been　morefortunate　don't　look　at　these　things
quite　as　we　used　to；　that　the　world　is　less　censorious；　is　growing　to
understand　situations　it　formerly　condemned。　　AndI　don't　know　what　k