the dwelling place of ligh-第88章
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at bay by a stronger； fiercer； more imperative emotion now demanding
expression； refusing at last to be denied。 She opened the top drawer of
the chest； the drawer in which Hannah； breaking tradition； had put the
Bumpus genealogy。 Edward had never kept it there。 Would the other
things be in place？ Groping with her hands in the left…hand corner； her
fingers clasped exultantly something heavy； something wrapped carefully
in layers of flannel。 She had feared her father might have taken it to
the mill！ She drew it out； unwound the flannel； and held to the light an
old…fashioned revolver； the grease glistening along its barrel。 She
remembered； too； that the cartridges had lain beside it； and thrusting
her hand once more into the drawer found the box； extracting several； and
replacing the rest； closed the drawer； and crept through the dining…room
to her bedroom； where she lit the gas in order to examine the weapon
finally contriving； more by accident than skill； to break it。 The
cartridges； of course； fitted into the empty cylinder。 But before
inserting them she closed the pistol once more； cocked it； and held it
out。 Her arm trembled violently as she pulled the trigger。 Could she do
it？ As though to refute this doubt of her ability to carry out an act
determined upon； she broke the weapon once more； loaded and closed it；
and thrust it in the pocket of her coat。 Then； washing the grease from
her hands； she put on her gloves； and was about to turn out the light
when she saw reflected in the glass the red button of the I。W。W。 still
pinned on her coat。 This she tore off； and flung on the bureau。
When she had kissed her mother； when she had stood hesitatingly in the
darkness of the familiar front bedroom in the presence of unsummoned
memories of a home she had believed herself to resent and despise； she
had nearly faltered。 But once in the street； this weakness suddenly
vanished； was replaced by a sense of wrong that now took complete and
furious possession of her； driving her like a gale at her back。 She
scarcely felt on her face the fine rain that had begun to fall once more。
Her feet were accustomed to the way。 When she had turned down West
Street and almost gained the canal； it was with a shock of surprise that
she found herself confronted by a man in a long cape who held a rifle and
barred her path。 She stared at him as at an apparition。
〃You can't get by here；〃 he said。 〃Don't you know that？〃
She did not reply。 He continued to look at her； and presently asked； in
a gentler tone：
〃Where did you wish to go； lady？〃
〃Into the mill；〃 she replied； 〃to the offices。〃
〃But there can't anybody go through here unless they have a pass。 I'm
sorry； but that's the order。〃
Her answer came so readily as to surprise her。
〃I was Mr。 Ditmar's private stenographer。 I have to see him。〃
The sentry hesitated； and then addressed another soldier； who was near
the bridge。
〃Hi； sergeant！〃 he called。 The sergeant came upa conscientious Boston
clerk who had joined the militia from a sense of duty and a need for
exercise。 While the sentry explained the matter he gazed at Janet。 Then
be said politely：
〃I'm sorry； Miss； but I can't disobey orders。〃
〃But can't you send word to Mr。 Ditmar； and tell him I want to see him？〃
she asked。
〃Why； I guess so；〃 he answered； after a moment。 〃What name shall I say？〃
〃Miss Bumpus。〃
〃Bumpus；〃 he repeated。 〃That's the gatekeeper's name。〃
〃I'm his daughterbut I want to see Mr。 Ditmar。〃
〃Well；〃 said the sergeant； 〃I'm sure it's all right； but I'll have to
send in anyway。 Orders are orders。 You understand？〃
She nodded as he departed。 She saw him cross the bridge like a ghost
through the white mist rising from the canal。 And through the mist she
could make out the fortresslike mass of the mill itself； and the blurred；
distorted lights in the paymaster's offices smeared on the white curtain
of the vapour。
〃Nasty weather；〃 the sentry remarked； in friendly fashion。 He appeared
now； despite his uniform； as a good…natured； ungainly youth。
Janet nodded。
〃You'd ought to have brought an umbrella；〃 he said。 〃I guess it'll rain
harder； before it gets through。 But it's better than ten below zero；
anyhow。〃
She nodded again； but he did not seem to resent her silence。 He talked
about the hardship of patrolling in winter； until the sergeant came back。
〃It's all right； Miss Bumpus；〃 he said； and touched his hat as he
escorted her to the bridge。 She crossed the canal and went through the
vestibule without replying to the greeting of the night…watchman； or
noticing his curious glance； she climbed the steel…clad stairway； passed
the paymaster's offices and Mr。 Orcutt's； and gained the outer office
where she had worked as a stenographer。 It was dark； but sufficient
light came through Ditmar's open door to guide her beside the rail。 He
had heard her step； and as she entered his room he had put his hands
heavily on his desk； in the act of rising from his chair。
〃Janet！〃 he said； and started toward her； but got no farther than the
corner of the desk。 The sight of her heaving breast； of the peculiar
light that flashed from beneath her lashes stopped him suddenly。 Her
hands were in her pockets。 〃What is it？〃 he demanded stupidly。
But she continued to stand there； breathing so heavily that she could not
speak。 It was then that he became aware of an acute danger。 He did not
flinch。
〃What is it？〃 he repeated。
Still she was silent。 One hand was thrust deeper into its pocket； he saw
a shudder run through her； and suddenly she burst into hysterical
weeping； sinking into a chair。 He stood for some moments helplessly
regarding her before he gained the presence of mind to go to the door and
lock it； returning to bend over her。
〃Don't touch me！〃 she said； shrinking from him。
〃For God's sake tell me what's the matter；〃 he begged。
She looked up at him and tried to speak； struggling against the sobs that
shook her。
〃II came here toto kill youonly I can't do it。〃
〃To kill me！〃 he said； after a pause。 In spite of the fact that he had
half divined her intention； the words shocked him。 Whatever else may be
said of him； he did not lack courage； his alarm was not of a physical
nature。 Mingled with it were emotions he himself did not understand；
caused by the unwonted sight of her loss of self…control； of her anger；
and despair。 〃Why did you want to kill me？〃
And again he had to wait for an answer。
〃Because you've spoiled my lifebecause I'm going to have a child！〃
〃What do you mean？ Are you？。。。 it can't be possible。〃
〃It is possible； it's trueit's true。 I've waited and waited； I've
suffered； I've almost gone crazyand now I know。 And I said I'd kill
you if it were so； I'd kill myselfonly I can't。 I'm a coward。〃 Her
voice was drowned again by weeping。
A child！ He had never imagined such a contingency！ And as he leaned
back against the desk； his emotions became chaotic。 The sight of her；
even as she appeared crazed by anger； had set his passion aflamefor the
intensity and fierceness of her nature had always made a strong appeal to
dominant qualities in Ditmar's nature。 And thenthis announcement！
Momentarily it turned his heart to water。 Now that he was confronted by
an exigency that had once vicariously yet deeply disturbed him in a
similar affair of a friend of his； the code and habit of a lifetime
gained an immediate ascendencysince then he had insisted that this
particular situation was to be avoided above all others。 And his mind
leaped to possibilities。 She had wished to kill himwould she remain
desperate enough to ruin him？ Even though he were not at a crisis in his
affairs； a scandal of this kind would be fatal。
〃I didn't know；〃 he said desperately； 〃I couldn't guess。 Do you think I
would have had this thing happen to you？ I was carried awaywe were
both carried away 〃
〃You planned it！〃 she replied vehemently； without looking up。 〃You
didn't care for me； you onlywanted me。〃
〃That isn't soI swear that isn't so。 I loved you I love you。〃
〃Oh； do you think I believe that？〃 she exclaimed。
〃I swear itI'll prove i
