the dwelling place of ligh-第79章
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He accompanied her down the stairs。 From her willowy walk a
sophisticated observer would have hazarded the guess that her search for
an occupation had included a course of lessons in fancy dancing。
Somewhat dazed by this interview which had been so suddenly forced upon
her； Janet remained seated on the platform。 She had the perception to
recognize that in Mrs。 Brocklehurst and Insall she had come in contact
with a social stratum hitherto beyond the bounds of her experience； those
who belonged to that stratum were not characterized by the possession of
independent incomes alone； but by an attitude toward life； a manner of
not appearing to take its issues desperately。 Ditmar was not like that。
She felt convicted of enthusiasms； she was puzzled； rather annoyed and
ashamed。 Insall and Mrs。 Brocklehurst； different though they were； had
this attitude in common。。。。 Insall； when he returned； regarded her
amusedly。
〃So you'd like to exterminate Mrs。 Brocklehurst？〃 he asked。
And Janet flushed。 〃Well； she forced me to say it。〃
〃Oh； it didn't hurt her；〃 he said。
〃And it didn't help her；〃 Janet responded quickly。
〃No； it didn't help her；〃 Insall agreed； and laughed。
〃But I'm not sure it isn't true；〃 she went on； 〃that we want what she's
got。〃 The remark； on her own lips； surprised Janet a little。 She had
not really meant to make it。 Insall seemed to have the quality of
forcing one to think out loud。
〃And what she wants； you've got；〃 he told her。
〃What have I got？〃
〃Perhaps you'll find out； some day。〃
〃It may be too late；〃 she exclaimed。 〃If you'd only tell me； it might
help。〃
〃I think it's something you'll have to discover for yourself；〃 he
replied； more gravely than was his wont。
She was silent a moment； and then she demanded： 〃Why didn't you tell me
who you were？ You let me think； when I met you in Silliston that day；
that you were a carpenter。 I didn't know you'd written books。〃
〃You can't expect writers to wear uniforms； like policementhough
perhaps we ought to； it might be a little fairer to the public；〃 he said。
〃Besides； I am a carpenter； a better carpenter than a writer。。〃
〃I'd give anything to be an author！〃 she cried。
〃It's a hard life；〃 he assured her。 〃We have to go about seeking
inspiration from others。〃
〃Is that why you came to Hampton？〃
〃Well； not exactly。 It's a queer thing about inspiration； you only find
it when you're not looking for it。〃
She missed the point of this remark； though his eyes were on her。 They
were not like Rolfe's eyes； insinuating； possessive； they had the
anomalistic quality； of being at once personel and impersonal； friendly；
alight； evoking curiosity yet compelling trust。
〃And you didn't tell me；〃 he reproached her； 〃that you were at I。W。W。
Headquarters。〃
A desire for self…justification impelled her to exclaim： 〃You don't
believe in Syndicalismand yet you've come here to feed these children！〃
〃Oh； I think I understand the strike；〃 he said。
〃How？ Have you seen it？ Have you heard the arguments？〃
〃No。 I've seen you。 You've explained it。〃
〃To Mrs。 Brocklehurst？〃
〃It wasn't necessary；〃 he repliedand immediately added； in semi…serious
apology： 〃I thought it was admirable； what you said。 If she'd talked to
a dozen syndicalist leaders； she couldn't have had it put more clearly。
Only I'm afraid she doesn't know the truth when she hears it。〃
〃Now you're making fun of me！〃
〃Indeed I'm not；〃 he protested。
〃But I didn't give any of the arguments； any of thephilosophy；〃 she
pronounced the word hesitatingly。 〃I don't understand it yet as well as
I should。〃
〃You are it；〃 he said。 〃It's not always easy to understand what we are
it's generally after we've become something else that we comprehend what
we have been。〃
And while she was pondering over this one of the ladies who had been
waiting on the table came toward Insall。
〃The children have finished； Brooks；〃 she informed him。 〃It's time to
let in the others。〃
Insall turned to Janet。 〃This is Miss Bumpusand this is Mrs。 Maturin；〃
he said。 〃Mrs。 Maturin lives in Silliston。〃
The greeting of this lady differed from that of Mrs。 Brocklehurst。 She；
too； took Janet's hand。
〃Have you come to help us？〃 she asked。
And Janet said： 〃Oh； I'd like to； but I have other work。〃
〃Come in and see us again；〃 said Insall； and Janet； promising； took her
leave。。。。
〃Who is she； Brooks？〃 Mrs。 Maturin asked； when Janet had gone。
〃Well；〃 he answered； 〃I don't know。 What does it matter？〃
Mrs。 Maturin smiled。
〃I should say that it did matter；〃 she replied。 〃But there's something
unusual about herwhere did you find her？〃
〃She found me。〃 And Insall explained。 〃She was a stenographer； it
seems； but now she's enlisted heart and soul with the syndicalists；〃 he
added。
〃A history？〃 Mrs。 Maturin queried。 〃Well； I needn't askit's written on
her face。〃
〃That's all I know；〃 said Insall。
〃I'd like to know；〃 said Mrs。 Maturin。 〃You say she's in the strike？〃
〃I should rather put it that the strike is in her。〃
〃What do you mean； Brooks？〃
But Insall did not reply。
Janet came away from Dey Street in a state of mental and emotional
confusion。 The encounter with Mrs。 Brocklehurst had been upsetting； she
had an uneasy feeling of having made a fool of herself in Insall's eyes；
she desired his approval；； even on that occasion when she had first met
him and mistaken him for a workman she had been conscious of a compelling
faculty in him； of a pressure he exerted demanding justification of
herself； and to…day； because she was now pledged to Syndicalism； because
she had made the startling discovery that he was a writer of some renown；
she had been more than ever anxious to vindicate her cause。 She found
herself； indeed； wondering uneasily whether there were a higher truth of
which he was in possession。 And the fact that his attitude toward her
had been one of sympathy and friendliness rather than of disapproval；
that his insight seemed to have fathomed her case； apprehended it in all
but the details； was even more disturbingyet vaguely consoling。 The
consolatory element in the situation was somehow connected with the lady；
his friend from Silliston； to whom he had introduced her and whose image
now came before her the more vividly； perhaps； in contrast with that of
Mrs。 Brocklehurst。 Mrs。 Maturincould Janet have so expressed her
thought！ had appeared as an extension of Insall's own personality。 She
was a strong； tall； vital woman with a sweet irregularity of feature；
with a heavy crown of chestnut hair turning slightly grey； quaintly
braided； becomingly framing her face。 Her colour was high。 The
impression she conveyed of having suffered was emphasized by the simple
mourning gown she wore； but the dominant note she had struck was one of
dependability。 It was； after all； Insall's dominant； too。 Insall had
asked her to call again； and the reflection that she might do so was
curiously comforting。 The soup kitchen in the loft； with these two
presiding over it； took on something of the aspect of a sanctuary。。。。
Insall； in some odd manner； and through the medium of that frivolous
lady； had managed to reenforce certain doubts that had been stirring in
Janetdoubts of Rolfe； of the verity of the doctrine which with such
abandon she had embraced。 It was Insall who； though remaining silent；
just by being there seemed to have suggested her manner of dealing with
Mrs。 Brocklehurst。 It had； indeed； been his manner of dealing with Mrs。
Brocklehurst。 Janet had somehow been using his words； his method； and
thus for the first time had been compelled to look objectively on what
she had deemed a part of herself。 We never know what we are； he had
said； until we become something else！ He had forced her to use an
argument that failed to harmonize； somehow； with Rolfe's poetical
apologetics。 Stripped of the glamour of these； was not Rolfe's doctrine
just one of taking； taking？ And when the workers were in possession of
all； would not they be as badly off as Mrs。 Brocklehurst or Ditmar？
Rolfe； despite the inspiring intellectual creed he professed； lacked the
poise and
