the dwelling place of ligh-第57章

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〃You　didn't　anything　of　the　kind；　Edward　Bumpus；〃　she　exclaimed。

〃Just　to　think　of　Janet　livin'　in　that　big　house　up　in　Warren　Street！〃
he　went　on；　unheeding；　jubilant。　　〃You'll　drop　in　and　see　the　old　people
once　in　a　while；　Janet；　you　won't　forget　us？〃

〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　talk　like　that；　father；〃　said　Janet。

〃Well；　he's　a　fine　man；　Claude　Ditmar；　I　always　said　that。　　The　way　he
stops　and　talks　to　me　when　he　passes　the　gate〃

〃That　doesn't　make　him　a　good　man；〃　Hannah　declared；　and　added：　〃If　he
wasn't　a　good　man；　Janet　wouldn't　be　marrying　him。〃

〃I　don't　know　whether　he's　good　or　not；〃　said　Janet。

〃That's　so；　too；〃　observed　Hannah；　approvingly。　　〃We　can't　any　of　us　tell
till　we've　tried　'em；　and　then　it's　too　late　to　change。　　I'd　like　to　see
him；　but　I　guess　he　wouldn't　care　to　come　down　here　to　Fillmore　Street。〃
The　difference　between　Ditmar's　social　and　economic　standing　and　their
own　suggested　appalling　complications　to　her　mind。　　〃I　suppose　I　won't
get　a　sight　of　him　till　after　you're　married；　and　not　much　then。〃

〃There's　plenty　of　time　to　think　about　that；　mother；〃　answered　Janet。

〃I'd　want　to　have　everything　decent　and　regular；〃　Hannah　insisted。　　〃We
may　be　poor；　but　we　come　of　good　stock；　as　your　father　says。〃

〃It'll　be　all　rightMr。　Ditmar　will　behave　like　a　gentleman；〃　Edward
assured　her。

〃I　thought　I　ought　to　tell　you　about　it；〃　Janet　said；　〃but　you　mustn't
mention　it；　yet；　not　even　to　Lise。　　Lise　will　talk。　　Mr。　Ditmar's　very
busy　now；he　hasn't　made　any　plans。〃

〃I　wish　Lise　could　get　married！〃　exclaimed　Hannah；　irrelevantly。　　〃She's
been　acting　so　queer　lately；　she's　not　been　herself　at　all。〃

〃Now　there　you　go；　borrowing　trouble；　mother；〃　Edward　exclaimed。　　He
could　not　take　his　eyes　from　Janet；　but　continued　to　regard　her　with
benevolence。　　〃Lise'll　get　married　some　day。　　I　don't　suppose　we　can
expect　another　Mr。　Ditmar。。。。〃

〃Well；〃　said　Hannah；　presently；　〃there's　no　use　sitting　up　all　night。〃
She　rose　and　kissed　Janet　again。　　〃I　just　can't　believe　it；〃　she
declared；　〃but　I　guess　it's　so　if　you　say　it　is。〃

〃Of　course　it's　so；〃　said　Edward。

〃I　so　want　you　should　be　happy；　Janet；〃　said　Hannah。。。。

Was　it　so？　　Her　mother　and　father；　the　dwarfed　and　ugly　surroundings　of
Fillmore　Street　made　it　seem　incredible　once　more。　　Andwhat　would　they
say　if　they　knew　what　had　happened　to　her　this　day？　　When　she　had　reached
her　room；　Janet　began　to　wonder　why　she　had　told　her　parents。　　Had　it　not
been　in　order　to　relieve　their　anxietyespecially　her　mother'son　the
score　of　her　recent　absences　from　home？　　Yes；　that　was　it；　and　because
the　news　would　make　them　happy。　　And　then　the　mere　assertion　to　them　that
she　was　to　marry　Ditmar　helped　to　make　it　more　real　to　herself。　　But；　now
that　reality　was　fading　again；　she　was　unable　to　bring　it　within　the
scope　of　her　imagination；　her　mind　refused　to　hold　one　remembered
circumstance　long　enough　to　coordinate　it　with　another：　she　realized　that
she　was　tiredtoo　tired　to　think　any　more。　　But　despite　her　exhaustion
there　remained　within　her；　possessing　her；　as　it　were　overshadowing　her；
unrelated　to　future　or　past；　the　presence　of　the　man　who　had　awakened　her
to　an　intensity　of　life　hitherto　unconceived。　　When　her　head　touched　the
pillow　she　fell　asleep。。。。

When　the　bells　and　the　undulating　scream　of　the　siren　awoke　her；　she　lay
awhile　groping　in　the　darkness。　　Where　was　she？　　Who　was　she？　　The
discovery　of　the　fact　that　the　nail　of　the　middle　finger　on　her　right
hand　was　broken；　gave　her　a　clew。　　She　had　broken　that　nail　in　reaching
out　to　save　somethinga　vase　of　rosesthat　was　it！a　vase　of　roses　on
a　table　with　a　white　cloth。　　Ditmar　had　tipped　it　over。　　The　sudden
flaring　up　of　this　trivial　incident　served　to　re…establish　her　identity；
to　light　a　fuse　along　which　her　mind　began　to　run　like　fire；　illuminating
redly　all　the　events　of　the　day　before。　　It　was　sweet　to　lie　thus；　to
possess；　as　her　very　own；　these　precious；　passionate　memories　of　life
lived　at　last　to　fulness；　to　feel　that　she　had　irrevocably　given　herself
and　takenall。　　A　longing　to　see　Ditmar　again　invaded　her：　he　would　take
an　early　train；　he　would　be　at　the　office　by　nine。　　How　could　she　wait
until　then？

With　a　movement　that　had　become　habitual；　subconscious；　she　reached　out
her　hand　to　arouse　her　sister。　　The　coldness　of　the　sheets　on　the　right
side　of　the　bed　sent　a　shiver　through　hera　shiver　of　fear。

〃Lise！〃　she　called。　　But　there　was　no　answer　from　the　darkness。　　And
Janet；　trembling；　her　heart　beating　wildly；　sprang　from　the　bed；　searched
for　the　matches；　and　lit　the　gas。　　There　was　no　sign　of　Lise；　her
clothes；　which　she　had　the　habit　of　flinging　across　the　chairs；　were
nowhere　to　be　seen。　　Janet's　eyes　fell　on　the　bureau；　marked　the　absence
of　several　knick…knacks；　including　a　comb　and　brush；　and　with　a　sudden
sickness　of　apprehension　she　darted　to　the　wardrobe　and　flung　open　the
doors。　　In　the　bottom　were　a　few　odd　garments；　above　was　the　hat　with　the
purple　feather；　now　shabby　and　discarded；　on　the　hooks　a　skirt　and　jacket
Lise　wore　to　work　at　the　Bagatelle　in　bad　weather。　　That　was　all。。。。
Janet　sank　down　in　the　rocking…chair；　her　hands　clasped　together；
overwhelmed　by　the　sudden　apprehension　of　the　tragedy　that　had　lurked；
all　unsuspected；　in　the　darkness：　a　tragedy；　not　of　Lise　alone；　but　in
which　she　herself　was　somehow　involved。　　Just　why　this　was　so；　she　could
not　for　the　moment　declare。　　The　room　was　cold；　she　was　clad　only　in　a
nightdress；　but　surges　of　heat　ran　through　her　body。　　What　should　she　do？
She　must　think。　　But　thought　was　impossible。　　She　got　up　and　closed　the
window　and　began　to　dress　with　feverish　rapidity；　pausing　now　and　again
to　stand　motionless。　　In　one　such　moment　there　entered　her　mind　an
incident　that　oddly　had　made　little　impression　at　the　time　of　its
occurrence　because　she；　Janet；　had　been　blinded　by　the　prospect　of　her
own　happinessthat　happiness　which；　a　few　minutes　ago；　had　seemed　so
real　and　vital　a　thing！　　And　it　was　the　memory　of　this　incident　that
suddenly　threw　a　glaring；　evil　light　on　all　of　Lise's　conduct　during　the
past　monthsher　accidental　dropping　of　the　vanity　case　and　the　gold
coin！　　Now　she　knew'for　a　certainty　what　had　happened　to　her　sister。

Having　dressed　herself；　she　entered　the　kitchen；　which　was　warm；　filled
with　the　smell　of　frying　meat。　　Streaks　of　grease　smoke　floated
fantastically　beneath　the　low　ceiling；　and　Hannah；　with　the　fryingpan　in
one　hand　and　a　fork　in　the　other；　was　bending　over　the　stove。　　Wisps　of
her　scant；　whitening　hair　escaped　from　the　ridiculous；　tightly　drawn　knot
at　the　back　of　her　head；　in　the　light　of　the　flickering　gas…jet　she
looked　so　old　and　worn　that　a　sudden　pity　smote　Janet　and　made　her　dumb
pity　for　her　mother；　pity　for　herself；　pity　for　Lise；　pity　that　lent　a
staggering　insight　into　life　itself。　　Hannah　had　once　been　young；
desirable；　perhaps；　swayed　by　those　forces　which　had　swayed　her。　　Janet
wondered　why　she　had　never　guessed　this　before；　and　why　she　had　guessed
it　now。　　But　it　was　Hannah　who；　looking　up　and　catching　sight　of　Janet's
face；　was　quick　to　divine　the　presage　in　it　and　gave　voice　to　the
foreboding　that　had　weighed　on　her　for　many　weeks。

〃Where's　Lise？〃

And　Janet　could　not　answer。　　She　shook　her　head。　　Hannah　dropped　the
fork；　the　handle　of　the　frying　pan　and　crossed　the　room　swiftly；　seizing
Janet　by　the　shoulders。

〃Is　she　gone？　　I　knew　it；　I　felt　it　all　along。　　I　thought　she'd　done
something　she　was　afraid　to　tell　aboutI　tried　to　ask　her；　but　I
couldn'tI　couldn't！　　And　now　she's　gone。　　Oh；　my　God；　I'll　never
forgive　myself！〃

The　unaccustomed　sight　of　her　mother's　grief　was　terrible。　　For　an
instant　only　she　clung　to　Janet；　then　becoming　mute；　she　sat　down　in　the
kitchen　chair　and　stared　with　dry；　unseeing　eyes　at　the　wall。　　Her　face
twitched。　　Janet　could　not　bear　to　look　at　it；　to　see　the　torture　in　her
mother's　eyes。　　She；　Janet；　seemed　suddenly　to　have　grown　old　herself；　to
have　lived　through　ages　of　misery　and　tragedy。。。。　　She　was　aware　of　a
pungent　odour；　went　to　the　stove；　picked　up　the　fork；　and　turned　the
steak。　　Now　and　then　she　glanced　at　Hannah。