the dwelling place of ligh-第50章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
understand that！an argument so repugnant as to cause her to shake with
sobs of inarticulate anger。 After this he would grow bewildered； then
repentant； then contrite。 In contritionhad he known ithe was nearest
to victory。
As has been said； she did not intellectualize her reasons； but the core
of her resistance was the very essence of an individuality having its
roots in a self…respecting and self…controlling inheritancean element
wanting in her sister Lise。 It must have been largely the thought of
Lise； the spectacle of Liseoften perhaps unconsciously present that
dominated her conduct； yet reinforcing such an ancestral sentiment was
another； environmental and more complicated； the result in our modern
atmosphere of an undefined feminism apt to reveal itself in many
undesirable ways； but which in reality is a logical projection of the
American tradition of liberty。 To submit was not only to lose her
liberty； to become a dependent； but also and inevitably； she thought； to
lose Ditmar's love。。。。
No experience； however； is emotionally continuous； nor was their intimacy
by any means wholly on this plane of conflict。 There were hours when；
Ditmar's passion leaving spent itself； they achieved comradeship； in the
office and out of it； revelations for Janet when he talked of himself；
relating the little incidents she found most illuminating。 And thus by
degrees she was able to build up a new and truer estimate of him。 For
example； she began to perceive that his life outside of his interest in
the mills； instead of being the romance of privileged joys she had once
imagined； had been almost as empty as her own； without either unity or
direction。 Her perception was none the less keen because definite terms
were wanting for its expression。 The idea of him that first had
captivated her was that of an energized and focussed character
controlling with a sure hand the fortunes of a great organization； of a
power in the city and state； of a being who； in his leisure moments；
dwelt in a delectable realm from which she was excluded。 She was still
acutely conscious of his force； but what she now felt was its lack of
directionsave for the portion that drove the Chippering Mills。 The
rest of it； like the river； flowed away on the line of least resistance
to the sea。
As was quite natural； this gradual discovery of what he wasor of what
he wasn'tthis truer estimate； this partial disillusionment； merely
served to deepen and intensify the feeling he had aroused in her； to
heighten； likewise； the sense of her own value by confirming a belief in
her possession of certain qualities； of a kind of fibre he needed in a
helpmate。 She dwelt with a woman's fascination upon the prospect of
exercising a creative influenceeven while she acknowledged the fearful
possibility of his power in unguarded moments to overwhelm and destroy
her。 Here was another incentive to resist the gusts of his passion。 She
could guide and develop him by helping and improving herself。 Hope and
ambition throbbed within her； she felt a contempt for his wife； for the
women who had been her predecessors。 He had not spoken of these； save
once or twice by implication； but with what may seem a surprising
leniency she regarded them as consequences of a life lacking in content。
If only she could keep her head； she might supply that content； and bring
him happiness！ The thought of his children troubled her most； but she
was quick to perceive that he got nothing from them； and even though it
were partly his own fault； she was inclined to lay the heavier blame on
the woman who had been their mother。 The triviality； the emptiness of
his existence outside of the walls of the mill made her heart beat with
pure pity。 For she could understand it。
One of the many； and often humorous； incidents that served to bring about
this realization of a former aimlessness happened on their second Sunday
excursion。 This time he had not chosen the Kingsbury Tavern； but another
automobilists' haunt； an enlightening indication of established habits
involving a wide choice of resorts。 While he was paying for luncheon and
chatting with the proprietor； Ditmar snatched from the change he had
flung down on the counter a five dollar gold coin。
〃Now how in thunder did that get into my right…hand pocket？ I always
keep it in my vest；〃 he exclaimed； and the matter continued to disturb
him after they were in the automobile。 〃It's my lucky piece。 I guess I
was so excited at the prospect of seeing you when I dressed this morning
I put it into my change。 Just see what you do to me！〃
〃Does it bring you luck？〃 she inquired smilingly。
〃How about you！ I call you the biggest piece of luck I ever had。〃
〃You'd better not be too sure；〃 she warned him。
〃Oh； I'm not worrying。 I has that piece in my pocket the day I went down
to see old Stephen Chippering； when he made me agent； and I've kept it
ever since。 And I'll tell you a funny thingit's enough to make any man
believe in luck。 Do you remember that day last summer I was tinkering
with the car by the canal and you came along？〃
〃The day you pretended to be tinkering；〃 she corrected him。
He laughed。 〃So you were on to me？〃 he said。 〃You're a foxy one！〃
〃Anyone could see you were only pretending。 It made me angry； when I
thought of it afterwards。〃
〃I just had to do itI wanted to talk to you。 But listen to what I'm
going to tell you！ It's a miracle； all right；happening just at that
timethat very morning。 I was coming back to Boston from New York on
the midnight； and when the train ran into Back Bay and I was putting on
my trousers the piece rolled out among the bed clothes。 I didn't know
I'd lost it until I sat down in the Parker House to eat my breakfast； and
I suddenly felt in my pocket。 It made me sick to think it was gone。
Well； I started to telephone the Pullman office； and then I made up my
mind I'd take a taxi and go down to the South Station myself； and just as
I got out of the cab there was the nigger porter； all dressed up in his
glad rags； coming out of the station！ I knew him； I'd been on his car
lots of times。 ‘Say； George；' I said； ‘I didn't forget you this morning；
did I？'
〃‘No； suh；' said George； 'you done give me a quarter。'
〃‘I guess you're mistaken； George；' says I； and I fished out a ten dollar
bill。 You ought to have seen that nigger's eyes。〃
〃‘What's this for； Mister Ditmar？' says he。
〃‘For that lucky gold piece you found in lower seven；' I told him。
‘We'll trade。'
〃‘Was you in lower seven？ so you was！' says George。 Well； he had it
all rightyou bet he had it。 Now wasn't that queer？ The very day you
and I began to know each other！〃
〃Wonderful！〃 Janet agreed。 〃Why don't you put it on your watch chain？〃
〃Well； I've thought of that；〃 he replied； with the air of having
considered all sides of the matter。 〃But I've got that charm of the
secret order I belong tothat's on my chain。 I guess I'll keep it in my
vest pocket。〃
〃I didn't know you were so superstitious；〃 she mocked。
〃Pretty nearly everybody's superstitious；〃 he declared。 And she thought
of Lise。
〃I'm not。 I believe if things are going to happen well； they're going to
happen。 Nothing can prevent it。〃
〃By thunder〃 he exclaimed； struck by her remark。 〃You are like that
You're different from any person I ever knew。。。。〃
From such anecdotes she pieced together her new Ditmar。 He spoke of a
large world she had never seen； of New York and Washington and Chicago；
where he intended to take her。 In the future he would never travel
alone。 And he told her of his having been a delegate to the last
National Republican Convention； explaining what a delegate was。 He
gloried in her innocence； and it was pleasant to dazzle her with
impressions of his cosmopolitanism。 In this； perhaps； he was not quite
so successful as he imagined； but her eyes shone。 She had never even
been in a sleeping car！ For her delectation he launched into an
enthusiastic description of these vehicles； of palatial compartment cars；
of limited； transcontinental trains； where one had a stenographer and a
barber at one's disposal。
〃Neither of them
