the dwelling place of ligh-第31章

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artist　of　living　memory　has　called　the　incommunicable　thrill　of　things。。。。




CHAPTER　VIII

The　after…effects　of　this　experience　of　Janet's　were　not　what　ordinarily　are
called　〃spiritual；〃　though　we　may　some　day　arrive　at　a　saner　meaning　of　the
term；　include　within　it　the　impulses　and　needs　of　the　entire　organism。　　It　left
her　with　a　renewed　sense　of　energy　and　restlessness；　brought　her　nearer　to　high
discoveries　of　mysterious　joys　which　a　voice　out　of　the　past　called　upon　her　to
forego；　a　voice　somehow　identified　with　her　father！　　It　was　faint；　ineffectual。
In　obeying　it；　would　she　not　lose　all　life　had　to　give？　　When　she　came　in　to
supper　her　father　was　concerned　about　her　because；　instead　of　walking　home　with
him　she　had　left　him　without　explanation　to　plunge　into　the　crowd　of　workers。
Her　evident　state　of　excitement　had　worried　him；　her　caprice　was　beyond　his
comprehension。　　And　how　could　she　explain　the　motives　that　led　to　it？　　She　was
sure　he　had　never　felt　like　that；　and　as　she　evaded　his　questions　the　something
within　her　demanding　life　and　expression　grew　stronger　and　more　rebellious；
more　contemptuous　of　the　fear…precepts　congenial　to　a　nature　timorous　and　less
vitalized。

After　supper；　unable　to　sit　still；　she　went　out；　and；　filled　with　the　spirit　of
adventure；　hurried　toward　Faber　Street；　which　was　already　thronging　with
people。　　It　was　bright　here　and　gay；　the　shops　glittered；　and　she　wandered　from
window　to　window　until　she　found　herself　staring　at　a　suit　of　blue　cloth　hung
on　a　form；　beneath　which　was　a　card　that　read；　〃Marked　down　to　20。〃　　And
suddenly　the　suggestion　flashed　into　her　mind；　why　shouldn't　she　buy　it？　　She
had　the　money；　she　needed　a　new　suit　for　the　winter；　the　one　she　possessed　was
getting　shabby。。。but　behind　the　excuse　of　necessity　was　the　real　reason
triumphantly　proclaiming　itselfshe　would　look　pretty　in　it；　she　would　be
transformed；　she　would　be　buying　a　new　character　to　which　she　would　have　to
live　up。　　The　old　Janet　would　be　cast　off　with　the　old　raiment；　the　new　suit
would　announce　to　herself　and　to　the　world　a　Janet　in　whom　were　released　all
those　longings　hitherto　disguised　and　suppressed；　and　now　become　insupportable！
This　was　what　the　purchase　meant；　a　change　of　existence　as　complete　as　that
between　the　moth　and　the　butterfly；　and　the　realization　of　this　fact；　of　the
audacity　she　was　resolved　to　commit　made　her　hot　as　she　gazed　at　the　suit。　　It
was　modest　enough；　yet　it　had　a　certain　distinction　of　cut；　it　looked
expensive：　twenty　dollars　was　not　cheap；　to　be　sure；　but　as　the　placard
announced；　it　had　the　air　of　being　much　more　costlyeven　more　costly　than
thirty　dollars；　which　seemed　fabulous。　　Though　she　strove　to　remain　outwardly
calm；　her　heart　beat　rapidly　as　she　entered　the　store　and　asked　for　the
costume；　and　was　somewhat　reassured　by　the　comportment　of　the　saleswoman；　who
did　not　appear　to　think　the　request　preposterous；　to　regard　her　as　a
spendthrift　and　a　profligate。　　She　took　down　the　suit　from　the　form　and　led
Janet　to　a　cabinet　in　the　back　of　the　shop；　where　it　was　tried　on。

〃It's　worth　every　bit　of　thirty　dollars；〃　she　heard　the　woman　say；　〃but　we've
had　it　here　for　some　time；　and　it's　no　use　for　our　trade。　　You　can't　sell
anything　like　that　in　Hampton；　there's　no　taste　here；　it's　too　good；　it　ain't
showy　enough。　　My；　it　fits　you　like　it　was　made　for　you；　and　it's　just　your
styleand　you　can　see　it　wants　a　lady　to　wear　it。　　Your　old　suit　is　too　tight…
…I　guess　you've　filled　out　some　since　you　bought　it。〃

She　turned　Janet　around　and　around；　patting　the　skirt　here　and　there；　and　then
stood　off　a　little　way；　with　clasped　hands；　her　expression　almost　rapturous。
Janet's　breath　came　fast　as　she　gazed　into　the　mirror　and　buttoned　up　the　coat。
Was　the　woman's　admiration　cleverly　feigned？　this　image　she　beheld　an　illusion？
or　did　she　really　look　different；　distinguished？　and　if　not　beautiful
alluring？　　She　had　had　a　momentary　apprehension；　almost　sickening；　that　she
would　be　too　conspicuous；　but　the　saleswoman　had　anticipated　that　objection
with　the　magical　word　〃lady。〃

〃I'll　take　it；〃　she　announced。

〃Well；　you　couldn't　have　done　better　if　you'd　gone　to　Boston；〃　declared　the
woman。　　〃It's　one　chance　in　a　thousand。　　Will　you　wear　it？〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Janet　faintly。。。。　　〃Just　put　my　old　suit　in　a　box；　and　I'll　call
for　it　in　an　hour。〃

The　woman's　sympathetic　smile　followed　her　as　she　left　the　shop。　　She　had　an
instant　of　hesitation；　of　an　almost　panicky　desire　to　go　back　and　repair　her
folly；　ere　it　was　too　late。　　Why　had　she　taken　her　money　with　her　that　evening；
if　not　with　some　deliberate　though　undefined　purpose？　　But　she　was　ashamed　to
face　the　saleswoman　again；　and　her　elation　was　not　to　be　repressedan　elation
optically　presented　by　a　huge　electric　sign　on　the　farther　side　of　the　street
that　flashed　through　all　the　colours　of　the　spectrum；　surrounded　by　running
fire　like　the　running　fire　in　her　soul。　　Deliciously　self…conscious；　her　gaze
fixed　ahead；　she　pressed　through　the　Wednesday　night　crowds；　young　mill　men　and
women　in　their　best　clothes；　housewives　and　fathers　of　families　with　children
and　bundles。　　In　front　of　the　Banner　office　a　group　blocked　the　pavement
staring　up　at　the　news　bulletin；　which　she　paused　to　read。　　〃Five　Millionaire
Directors　Indicted　in　New　York；〃　〃State　Treasurer　Accused　of　Graft；〃　〃Murdock
Fortune　Contested　by　Heirs。〃　　The　phrases　seemed　meaningless；　and　she　hurried
on　again。。。。　　She　was　being　noticed！　　A　man　looked　at　her；　twice；　the　first
glance　accidental；　the　second　arresting；　appealing；　subtly　flattering；
agitatingshe　was　sure　he　had　turned　and　was　following　her。　　She　hastened　her
steps。　　It　was　wicked；　what　she　was　doing；　but　she　gloried　in　it；　and　even　the
sight；　in　burning　red　letters；　of　Gruber's　Cafe　failed　to　bring　on　a　revulsion
by　its　association　with　her　sister　Lise。　　The　fact　that　Lise　had　got　drunk
there　meant　nothing　to　her　now。　　She　gazed　curiously　at　the　illuminated；
orange…coloured　panes　separated　by　curving　leads；　at　the　design　of　a　harp　in
green；　at　the　sign　〃Ladies'　Entrance〃；　listened　eagerly　to　the　sounds　of　voices
and　laughter　that　came　from　within。　　She　looked　cautiously　over　her　shoulder；　a
shadow　appeared；　she　heard　a　voice；　low；　insinuating。。。。

Four　blocks　farther　down　she　stopped。　　The　man　was　no　longer　following　her。
She　had　been　almost　self…convinced　of　an　intention　to　go　to　Eda'snot　quite。
Of　late　her　conscience　had　reproached　her　about　Eda；　Janet　had　neglected　her。
She　told　herself　she　was　afraid　of　Eda's　uncanny　and　somewhat　nauseating　flair
for　romance；　and　to　show　Eda　the　new　suit；　though　she　would　relish　her　friend's
praise；　would　be　the　equivalent　of　announcing　an　affair　of　the　heart　which　she；
Janet；　would　have　indignantly　to　deny。　　She　was　not　going　to　Eda's。　　She　knew
now　where　she　was　going。　　A　prepared　but　hitherto　undisclosed　decree　of　fate
had　bade　her　put　money　in　her　bag　that　evening；　directed　her　to　the　shop　to　buy
the　dress；　and　would　presently　impel　her　to　go　to　West　Streetnay；　was　even
now　so　impelling　her。　　Ahead　of　her　were　the　lights　of　the　Chippering　Mill；　in
her　ears　was　the　rhythmic　sound　of　the　looms　working　of　nights　on　the　Bradlaugh
order。　　She　reached　the　canal。　　The　white　arc　above　the　end　of　the　bridge　cast
sharp；　black　shadows　of　the　branches　of　the　trees　on　the　granite；　the　thousand
windows　of　the　mill　shone　yellow；　reflected　in　the　black　water。　　Twice　she
started　to　go；　twice　she　paused；　held　by　the　presage　of　a　coming　event；　a
presage　that　robbed　her　of　complete　surprise　when　she　heard　footsteps　on　the
bridge；　saw　the　figure　of　a　man　halting　at　the　crown　of　the　arch　to　look　back
at　the　building　he　had　left；　his　shoulders　squared；　his　hand　firmly　clasping
the　rail。　　Her　heart　was　throbbing　with　the　looms；　and　yet　she　stood
motionless；　until　he　turned　and　came　rapidly　down　the　slope　of　the　arch　and
stopped　in　front　of　her。　　Under　the　arc　lamp　it　was　almost　as　bright　as　day。

〃Miss　Bumpus！〃　　he　exclaimed。

〃Mr。　Ditmar〃　she　said。

〃Were　youwere　you　coming　to　the　office？〃

〃I　was　just　out　walking；〃　she　told　him。　　〃I　thought　you　were　in　Boston。〃

〃I　came　home；〃　he