a modest proposal-第2章

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will　make　admirable　gloves　for　ladies；　and　summer　boots　for　fine

gentlemen。



As　to　our　City　of　Dublin；　shambles　may　be　appointed　for　this

purpose；　in　the　most　convenient　parts　of　it；　and　butchers　we　may

be　assured　will　not　be　wanting；　although　I　rather　recommend

buying　the　children　alive；　and　dressing　them　hot　from　the　knife；

as　we　do　roasting　pigs。



A　very　worthy　person；　a　true　lover　of　his　country；　and　whose

virtues　I　highly　esteem；　was　lately　pleased；　in　discoursing　on

this　matter；　to　offer　a　refinement　upon　my　scheme。　He　said；　that

many　gentlemen　of　this　kingdom；　having　of　late　destroyed　their

deer；　he　conceived　that　the　want　of　venison　might　be　well

supply'd　by　the　bodies　of　young　lads　and　maidens；　not　exceeding

fourteen　years　of　age；　nor　under　twelve；　so　great　a　number　of

both　sexes　in　every　country　being　now　ready　to　starve　for　want　of

work　and　service：　And　these　to　be　disposed　of　by　their　parents　if

alive；　or　otherwise　by　their　nearest　relations。　But　with　due

deference　to　so　excellent　a　friend；　and　so　deserving　a　patriot；　I

cannot　be　altogether　in　his　sentiments；　for　as　to　the　males；　my

American　acquaintance　assured　me　from　frequent　experience；　that

their　flesh　was　generally　tough　and　lean；　like　that　of　our

school…boys；　by　continual　exercise；　and　their　taste　disagreeable；

and　to　fatten　them　would　not　answer　the　charge。　Then　as　to　the

females；　it　would；　I　think；　with　humble　submission；　be　a　loss　to

the　publick；　because　they　soon　would　become　breeders　themselves：

And　besides；　it　is　not　improbable　that　some　scrupulous　people

might　be　apt　to　censure　such　a　practice；　（although　indeed　very

unjustly）　as　a　little　bordering　upon　cruelty；　which；　I　confess；

hath　always　been　with　me　the　strongest　objection　against　any

project；　how　well　soever　intended。



But　in　order　to　justify　my　friend；　he　confessed；　that　this

expedient　was　put　into　his　head　by　the　famous　Salmanaazor；　a

native　of　the　island　Formosa；　who　came　from　thence　to　London；

above　twenty　years　ago；　and　in　conversation　told　my　friend；　that

in　his　country；　when　any　young　person　happened　to　be　put　to

death；　the　executioner　sold　the　carcass　to　persons　of　quality；　as

a　prime　dainty；　and　that；　in　his　time；　the　body　of　a　plump　girl

of　fifteen；　who　was　crucified　for　an　attempt　to　poison　the

Emperor；　was　sold　to　his　imperial　majesty's　prime　minister　of

state；　and　other　great　mandarins　of　the　court　in　joints　from　the

gibbet；　at　four　hundred　crowns。　Neither　indeed　can　I　deny；　that

if　the　same　use　were　made　of　several　plump　young　girls　in　this

town；　who　without　one　single　groat　to　their　fortunes；　cannot　stir

abroad　without　a　chair；　and　appear　at　a　play…house　and　assemblies

in　foreign　fineries　which　they　never　will　pay　for；　the　kingdom

would　not　be　the　worse。



Some　persons　of　a　desponding　spirit　are　in　great　concern　about

that　vast　number　of　poor　people；　who　are　aged；　diseased；　or

maimed；　and　I　have　been　desired　to　employ　my　thoughts　what　course

may　be　taken；　to　ease　the　nation　of　so　grievous　an　incumbrance。

But　I　am　not　in　the　least　pain　upon　that　matter；　because　it　is

very　well　known；　that　they　are　every　day　dying；　and　rotting；　by

cold　and　famine；　and　filth；　and　vermin；　as　fast　as　can　be

reasonably　expected。　And　as　to　the　young　labourers；　they　are　now

in　almost　as　hopeful　a　condition。　They　cannot　get　work；　and

consequently　pine　away　from　want　of　nourishment；　to　a　degree；

that　if　at　any　time　they　are　accidentally　hired　to　common　labour；

they　have　not　strength　to　perform　it；　and　thus　the　country　and

themselves　are　happily　delivered　from　the　evils　to　come。



I　have　too　long　digressed；　and　therefore　shall　return　to　my

subject。　I　think　the　advantages　by　the　proposal　which　I　have　made

are　obvious　and　many；　as　well　as　of　the　highest　importance。



For　first；　as　I　have　already　observed；　it　would　greatly　lessen

the　number　of　Papists；　with　whom　we　are　yearly　over…run；　being

the　principal　breeders　of　the　nation；　as　well　as　our　most

dangerous　enemies；　and　who　stay　at　home　on　purpose　with　a　design

to　deliver　the　kingdom　to　the　Pretender；　hoping　to　take　their

advantage　by　the　absence　of　so　many　good　Protestants；　who　have

chosen　rather　to　leave　their　country；　than　stay　at　home　and　pay

tithes　against　their　conscience　to　an　episcopal　curate。



Secondly；　The　poorer　tenants　will　have　something　valuable　of

their　own；　which　by　law　may　be　made　liable　to　a　distress；　and

help　to　pay　their　landlord's　rent；　their　corn　and　cattle　being

already　seized；　and　money　a　thing　unknown。



Thirdly；　Whereas　the　maintainance　of　an　hundred　thousand

children；　from　two　years　old；　and　upwards；　cannot　be　computed　at

less　than　ten　shillings　a　piece　per　annum；　the　nation's　stock

will　be　thereby　encreased　fifty　thousand　pounds　per　annum；

besides　the　profit　of　a　new　dish；　introduced　to　the　tables　of　all

gentlemen　of　fortune　in　the　kingdom；　who　have　any　refinement　in

taste。　And　the　money　will　circulate　among　our　selves；　the　goods

being　entirely　of　our　own　growth　and　manufacture。



Fourthly；　The　constant　breeders；　besides　the　gain　of　eight

shillings　sterling　per　annum　by　the　sale　of　their　children；　will

be　rid　of　the　charge　of　maintaining　them　after　the　first　year。



Fifthly；　This　food　would　likewise　bring　great　custom　to　taverns；

where　the　vintners　will　certainly　be　so　prudent　as　to　procure　the

best　receipts　for　dressing　it　to　perfection；　and　consequently

have　their　houses　frequented　by　all　the　fine　gentlemen；　who

justly　value　themselves　upon　their　knowledge　in　good　eating；　and

a　skilful　cook；　who　understands　how　to　oblige　his　guests；　will

contrive　to　make　it　as　expensive　as　they　please。



Sixthly；　This　would　be　a　great　inducement　to　marriage；　which　all

wise　nations　have　either　encouraged　by　rewards；　or　enforced　by

laws　and　penalties。　It　would　encrease　the　care　and　tenderness　of

mothers　towards　their　children；　when　they　were　sure　of　a

settlement　for　life　to　the　poor　babes；　provided　in　some　sort　by

the　publick；　to　their　annual　profit　instead　of　expence。　We　should

soon　see　an　honest　emulation　among　the　married　women；　which　of

them　could　bring　the　fattest　child　to　the　market。　Men　would

become　as　fond　of　their　wives；　during　the　time　of　their

pregnancy；　as　they　are　now　of　their　mares　in　foal；　their　cows　in

calf；　or　sow　when　they　are　ready　to　farrow；　nor　offer　to　beat　or

kick　them　（as　is　too　frequent　a　practice）　for　fear　of　a

miscarriage。



Many　other　advantages　might　be　enumerated。　For　instance；　the

addition　of　some　thousand　carcasses　in　our　exportation　of

barrel'd　beef：　the　propagation　of　swine's　flesh；　and　improvement

in　the　art　of　making　good　bacon；　so　much　wanted　among　us　by　the

great　destruction　of　pigs；　too　frequent　at　our　tables；　which　are

no　way　comparable　in　taste　or　magnificence　to　a　well　grown；　fat

yearly　child；　which　roasted　whole　will　make　a　considerable　figure

at　a　Lord　Mayor's　feast；　or　any　other　publick　entertainment。　But

this；　and　many　others；　I　omit；　being　studious　of　brevity。



Supposing　that　one　thousand　families　in　this　city；　would　be

constant　customers　for　infants　flesh；　besides　others　who　might

have　it　at　merry　meetings；　particularly　at　weddings　and

christenings；　I　compute　that　Dublin　would　take　off　annually　about

twenty　thousand　carcasses；　and　the　rest　of　the　kingdom　（where

probably　they　will　be　sold　somewhat　cheaper）　the　remaining　eighty

thousand。



I　can　think　of　no　one　objection；　that　will　possibly　be　raised

against　this　proposal；　unless　it　should　be　urged；　that　the　number

of　people　will　be　thereby　much　lessened　in　the　kingdom。　This　I

freely　own；　and　'twas　indeed　one　principal　design　in　offering　it

to　the　world。　I　desire　the　reader　will　observe；　that　I　calculate

my　remedy　for　this　one　individual　Kingdom　of　Ireland；　and　for　no

other　that　ever　was；　is；　or；　I　think；　ever　can　be　upon　Earth。

Therefore　let　no　man　talk　to　me　of　other　expedients：　Of　taxing

our　absentees　at　five　shillings　a　pound：　Of　using　neither