short stories and essays-第7章

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were　already　making　their　rounds；　and　crying　their　wares　with　voices　from
the　tombs　of　the　dead　past；　and　the　child　of　the　young　mother　who　took　my
seat…ticket　from　me　was　going　to　sleep　at　full　length　on　the　lowermost
tread　of　the　benches；　so　that　I　had　to　step　across　its　prostrate　form。
These　reserved　seats　were　carpeted；　but　I　had　forgotten　how　little　one
rank　was　raised　above　another；　and　how　very　trying　they　were　upon　the
back　and　legs。　　But　for　the　carpeting；　I　could　not　see　how　I　was
advantaged　above　the　commoner　folk　in　the　unreserved　seats；　and　I
reflected　how　often　in　this　world　we　paid　for　an　inappreciable　splendor。
I　could　not　see　but　they　were　as　well　off　as　I；　they　were　much　more　gayly
dressed；　and　some　of　them　were　even　smoking　cigars；　while　they　were
nearly　all　younger　by　ten；　twenty；　forty；　or　fifty　years；　and　even　more。
They　did　not　look　like　the　country　people　whom　I　rather　hoped　and
expected　to　see；　but　were　apparently　my　fellow…villagers；　in　different
stages　of　excitement。　　They　manifested　by　the　usual　signs　their
impatience　to　have　the　performance　begin；　and　I　confess　that　I　shared
this；　though　I　did　not　take　part　in　the　demonstration。




II。

I　have　no　intention　of　following　the　events　seriatim。　　Front　time　to　time
during　their　progress　I　renewed　my　old　one…sided　acquaintance　with　the
circus…men。　　They　were　quite　the　same　people；　I　believe；　but　strangely
softened　and　ameliorated；　as　I　hope　I　am；　and　looking　not　a　day　older；
which　I　cannot　say　of　myself；　exactly。　　The　supernumeraries　were　patently
farmer　boys　who　had　entered　newly　upon　that　life　in　a　spirit　of
adventure；　and　who　wore　their　partial　liveries；　a　braided　coat　here　and　a
pair　of　striped　trousers　there；　with　a　sort　of　timorous　pride；　a
deprecating　bravado；　as　if　they　expected　to　be　hooted　by　the　spectators
and　were　very　glad　when　they　were　not。　　The　man　who　went　round　with　a　dog
to　keep　boys　from　hooking　in　under　the　curtain　had　grown　gentler；　and　his
dog　did　not　look　as　if　he　would　bite　the　worst　boy　in　town。　　The　man　came
up　and　asked　the　young　mother　about　her　sleeping　child；　and　I　inferred
that　the　child　had　been　sick；　and　was　therefore　unusually　interesting　to
all　the　great；　kind…hearted；　simple　circus　family。　　He　was　good　to　the
poor　supes；　and　instructed　them；　not　at　all　sneeringly；　how　best　to
manage　the　guy　ropes　for　the　nets　when　the　trapeze　events　began。

There　was；　in　fact；　an　air　of　pleasing　domesticity　diffused　over　the
whole　circus。　　This　was；　perhaps；　partly　an　effect　from　our　extreme
proximity　to　its　performances；　I　had　never　been　on　quite　such　intimate
terms　with　equitation　and　aerostation　of　all　kinds；　but　I　think　it　was
also　largely　from　the　good　hearts　of　the　whole　company。　　A　circus　must
become；　during　the　season；　a　great　brotherhood　and　sisterhood；　especially
sisterhood；　and　its　members　must　forget　finally　that　they　are　not　united
by　ties　of　blood。　　I　dare　say　they　often　become　so；　as　husbands　and　wives
and　fathers　and　mothers；　if　not　as　brothers。

The　domestic　effect　was　heightened　almost　poignantly　when　a　young　lady　in
a　Turkish…towel　bath…gown　came　out　and　stood　close　by　the　band；　waiting
for　her　act　on　a　barebacked　horse　of　a　conventional　pattern。　　She　really
looked　like　a　young　goddess　in　a　Turkish…towel　bath…gown：　goddesses　must
have　worn　bath…gowns；　especially　Venus；　who　was　often　imagined　in　the
bath；　or　just　out　of　it。　　But　when　this　goddess　threw　off　her　bath…gown；
and　came　bounding　into　the　ring　as　gracefully　as　the　clogs　she　wore　on
her　slippers　would　let　her；　she　was　much　more　modestly　dressed　than　most
goddesses。　　What　I　am　trying　to　say；　however；　is　that；　while　she　stood
there　by　the　band；　she　no　more　interested　the　musicians　than　if　she　were
their　collective　sister。　　They　were　all　in　their　shirt…sleeves　for　the
sake　of　the　coolness；　and　they　banged　and　trumpeted　and　fluted　away　as
indifferent　to　her　as　so　many　born　brothers。

Indeed；　when　the　gyrations　of　her　horse　brought　her　to　our　side　of　the
ring；　she　was　visibly　not　so　youthful　and　not　so　divine　as　she　might　have
been；　but　the　girl　who　did　the　trapeze　acts；　and　did　them　wonderfully；
left　nothing　to　be　desired　in　that　regard；　though　really　I　do　not　see　why
we　who　have　neither　youth　nor　beauty　should　always　expect　it　of　other
people。　　I　think　it　would　have　been　quite　enough　for　her　to　do　the
trapeze　acts　so　perfectly；　but　her　being　so　pretty　certainly　added　a
poignancy　to　the　contemplation　of　her　perils。　　One　could　follow　every
motion　of　her　anxiety　in　that　close　proximity：　the　tremor　of　her　chin　as
she　bit　her　lips　before　taking　her　flight　through　the　air；　the　straining
eagerness　of　her　eye　as　she　measured　the　distance；　the　frown　with　which
she　forbade　herself　any　shrinking　or　reluctance。




III。

How　strange　is　life；　how　sad　and　perplexing　its　contradictions！　　Why
should　such　an　exhibition　as　that　be　supposed　to　give　pleasure？　　Perhaps
it　does　not　give　pleasure；　but　is　only　a　necessary　fulfilment　of　one　of
the　many　delusions　we　are　in　with　regard　to　each　other　in　this
bewildering　world。　　They　are　of　all　sorts　and　degrees；　these　delusions；
and　I　suppose　that　in　the　last　analysis　it　was　not　pleasure　I　got　from
the　clown　and　his　clowning；　clowned　he　ever　so　merrily。　　I　remember　that
I　liked　hearing　his　old　jokes；　not　because　they　were　jokes；　but　because
they　were　old　and　endeared　by　long　association。　　He　sang　one　song　which　I
must　have　heard　him　sing　at　my　first　circus　（I　am　sure　it　was　he）；　about
〃Things　that　I　don't　like　to　see；〃　and　I　heartily　agreed　with　him　that
his　book　of　songs；　which　he　sent　round　to　be　sold；　was　fully　worth　the
half…dime　asked　for　it；　though　I　did　not　buy　it。

Perhaps　the　rival　author　in　me　withheld　me；　but；　as　a　brother　man；　I　will
not　allow　that　I　did　not　feel　for　him　and　suffer　with　him　because　of　the
thick；　white　pigment　which　plentifully　coated　his　face；　and；　with　the
sweat　drops　upon　it；　made　me　think　of　a　newly　painted　wall　in　the　rain。
He　was　infinitely　older　than　his　personality；　than　his　oldest　joke
（though　you　never　can　be　sure　how　old　a　joke　is）；　and；　representatively；
I　dare　say　he　outdated　the　pyramids。　　They　must　have　made　clowns　whiten
their　faces　in　the　dawn　of　time；　and　no　doubt　there　were　drolls　among　the
antediluvians　who　enhanced　the　effect　of　their　fun　by　that　means。　　All
the　same；　I　pitied　this　clown　for　it；　and　I　fancied　in　his　wildest
waggery　the　note　of　a　real　irascibility。　　Shall　I　say　that　he　seemed　the
only　member　of　that　little　circus　who　was　not　of　an　amiable　temper？　　But
I　do　not　blame　him；　and　I　think　it　much　to　have　seen　a　clown　once　more
who　jested　audibly　with　the　ringmaster　and　always　got　the　better　of　him
in　repartee。　　It　was　long　since　I　had　known　that　pleasure。




IV。

Throughout　the　performance　at　this　circus　I　was　troubled　by　a　curious
question；　whether　it　were　really　of　the　same　moral　and　material　grandeur
as　the　circuses　it　brought　to　memory；　or　whether　these　were　thin　and
slight；　too。　　We　all　know　how　the　places　of　our　childhood；　the　heights；
the　distances；　shrink　and　dwindle　when　we　go　back　to　them；　and　was　it
possible　that　I　had　been　deceived　in　the　splendor　of　my　early　circuses？
The　doubt　was　painful；　but　I　was　forced　to　own　that　there　might　be　more
truth　in　it　than　in　a　blind　fealty　to　their　remembered　magnificence。
Very　likely　circuses　have　grown　not　only　in　size；　but　in　the　richness　and
variety　of　　their　entertainments；　and　I　was　spoiled　for　the　simple　joys
of　this。　　But　I　could　see　no　reflection　of　my　dissatisfaction　on　the
young　faces　around　me；　and　I　must　confess　that　there　was　at　least　so　much
of　the　circus　that　I　left　when　it　was　half　over。　　I　meant　to　go　into　the
side…shows　and　see　the　fat　woman　and　the　living　skeleton；　and　take　the
giant　by　the　hand　and　the　armless　man　by　his　friendly　foot；　if　I　might　be
so　honored。　　But　I　did　none　of　these　things；　and　I　am　willing　to　believe
the　fault　was　in　me；　if　I　was　disappointed　in　the　circus。　　It　was　I　who
had　shrunk　and　dwindled；　and　not　it。　　To　real　boys　it　was　still　the　size
of　the　firmament；　and　was　a　world　of　wonders　and　delights。　　At　least　I
can　recognize　this　fact　now；　and　can　rejoice　in　the　pea