short stories and essays-第15章

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my　teachings；　I　should　not　altogether　grieve　for　the　good　I　had　done。
I　added　that　if　all　the　States　should　pass　such　a　law；　and　other　laws
fixing　a　low　price　for　a　certain　number　of　seats　at　the　theatres；　or
obliging　the　managers　to　give　one　free　performance　every　month；　as　the
law　does　in　Paris；　and　should　then　forbid　indecent　and　immoral　plays

〃I　see　what　you　mean；〃　said　my　friend；　a　little　impatiently。　　〃You　mean
sumptuary　legislation。　　But　I　have　not　come　to　talk　to　you　upon　that
subject；　for　then　you　would　probably　want　to　do　all　the　talking　yourself。
I　want　to　ask　you　if　you　have　visited　any　of　the　cheaper　amusements　of
this　metropolis；　or　know　anything　of　the　really　clever　and　charming
things　one　may　see　there　for　a　very　little　money。〃

〃Ten　cents；　for　instance？〃

〃Yes。〃

I　answered　that　I　would　never　own　to　having　come　as　low　down　as　that；　and
I　expressed　a　hardy　and　somewhat　inconsistent　doubt　of　the　quality　of　the
amusement　that　could　be　had　for　that　money。　　I　questioned　if　anything
intellectual　could　be　had　for　it。

〃What　do　you　say　to　the　ten…cent　magazines？〃　　my　friend　retorted。　　〃And
do　you　pretend　that　the　two…dollar　drama　is　intellectual？〃

I　had　to　confess　that　it　generally　was　not；　and　that　this　was　part　of　my
grief　with　it。

Then　he　said：　〃I　don't　contend　that　it　is　intellectual；　but　I　say　that　it
is　often　clever　and　charming　at　the　ten…cent　shows；　just　as　it　is　less
often　clever　and　charming　in　the　ten…cent　magazines。　　I　think　the　average
of　propriety　is　rather　higher　than　it　is　at　the　two…dollar　theatres；　and
it　is　much　more　instructive　at　the　ten…cent　shows；　if　you　come　to　that。
The　other　day；〃　said　my　friend；　and　in　squaring　himself　comfortably　in
his　chair　and　finding　room　for　his　elbow　on　the　corner　of　my　table　he
knocked　off　some　books　for　review；　〃I　went　to　a　dime　museum　for　an　hour
that　I　had　between　two　appointments；　and　I　must　say　that　I　never　passed
an　hour's　time　more　agreeably。　　In　the　curio　hall；　as　one　of　the
lecturers　on　the　curios　called　itthey　had　several　lecturers　in　white
wigs　and　scholars'　caps　and　gownsthere　was　not　a　great　deal　to　see；　I
confess；　but　everything　was　very　high…class。　　There　was　the　inventor　of　a
perpetual　motion；　who　lectured　upon　it　and　explained　it　from　a　diagram。
There　was　a　fortune…teller　in　a　three…foot　tent　whom　I　did　not　interview；
there　were　five　macaws　in　one　cage；　and　two　gloomy　apes　in　another。　　On　a
platform　at　the　end　of　the　hall　was　an　Australian　family　a　good　deal
gloomier　than　the　apes；　who　sat　in　the　costume　of　our　latitude；　staring
down　the　room　with　varying　expressions　all　verging　upon　melancholy
madness；　and　who　gave　me　such　a　pang　of　compassion　as　I　have　seldom　got
from　the　tragedy　of　the　two…dollar　theatres。　　They　allowed　me　to　come
quite　close　up　to　them；　and　to　feed　my　pity　upon　their　wild　dejection　in
exile　without　stint。　　I　couldn't　enter　into　conversation　with　them；　and
express　my　regret　at　finding　them　so　far　from　their　native　boomerangs　and
kangaroos　and　pinetree　grubs；　but　I　know　they　felt　my　sympathy；　it　was　so
evident。　　I　didn't　see　their　performance；　and　I　don't　know　that　they　had
any。　　They　may　simply　have　been　there　ethnologically；　but　this　was　a　good
object；　and　the　sight　of　their　spiritual　misery　was　alone　worth　the　price
of　admission。

〃After　the　inventor　of　the　perpetual　motion　had　brought　his　harangue　to　a
close；　we　all　went　round　to　the　dais　where　a　lady　in　blue　spectacles
lectured　us　upon　a　fire…escape　which　she　had　invented；　and　operated　a
small　model　of　it。　　None　of　the　events　were　so　exciting　that　we　could
regret　it　when　the　chief　lecturer　announced　that　this　was　the　end　of　the
entertainment　in　the　curio　hall；　and　that　now　the　performance　in　the
theatre　was　about　to　begin。　　He　invited　us　to　buy　tickets　at　an
additional　charge　of　five；　ten；　or　fifteen　cents　for　the　gallery；
orchestra　circle；　or　orchestra。

〃I　thought　I　could　afford　an　orchestra　stall；　for　once。　　We　were　three　in
the　orchestra；　another　man　and　a　young　mother；　not　counting　the　little
boy　she　had　with　her；　there　were　two　people　in　the　gallery；　and　a　dozen
at　least　in　the　orchestra　circle。　　An　attendant　shouted；　'Hats　off！'　and
the　other　man　and　I　uncovered；　and　a　lady　came　up　from　under　the　stage
and　began　to　play　the　piano　in　front　of　it。　　The　curtain　rose；　and　the
entertainment　began　at　once。　　It　was　a　passage　apparently　from　real　life；
and　it　involved　a　dissatisfied　boarder　and　the　daughter　of　the　landlady。
There　was　not　much　coherence　in　it；　but　there　was　a　good　deal　of
conscience　on　the　part　of　the　actors；　who　toiled　through　it　with
unflagging　energy。　　The　young　woman　was　equipped　for　the　dance　she
brought　into　it　at　one　point　rather　than　for　the　part　she　had　to　sustain
in　the　drama。　　It　was　a　very　blameless　dance；　and　she　gave　it　as　if　she
was　tired　of　it；　but　was　not　going　to　falter。　　She　delivered　her　lines
with　a　hard；　Southwestern　accent；　and　I　liked　fancying　her　having　come　up
in　a　simpler…hearted　section　of　the　country　than　ours；　encouraged　by　a
strong　local　belief　that　she　was　destined　to　do　Juliet　and　Lady　Macbeth；
or　Peg　Woffington　at　the　least；　but　very　likely　she　had　not。

〃Her　performance　was　followed　by　an　event　involving　a　single　character。
The　actor；　naturally；　was　blackened　as　to　his　skin；　but　as　to　his　dress
he　was　all　in　white；　and　at　the　first　glance　I　could　see　that　he　had
temperament。　　I　suspect　that　he　thought　I　had；　too；　for　he　began　to
address　his　entire　drama　to　me。　　This　was　not　surprising；　for　it　would
not　have　been　the　thing　for　him　to　single　out　the　young　mother；　and　the
other　man　in　the　orchestra　stalls　seemed　a　vague　and　inexperienced　youth；
whom　he　would　hardly　have　given　the　preference　over　me。　　I　felt　the
compliment；　but　upon　the　whole　it　embarrassed　me；　it　was　too　intimate；
and　it　gave　me　a　publicity　I　would　willingly　have　foregone。　　I　did　what　I
could　to　reject　it；　by　feigning　an　indifference　to　his　jokes；　I　even
frowned　a　measure　of　disapproval；　but　this　merely　stimulated　his
ambition。　　He　was　really　a　merry　creature；　and　when　he　had　got　off　a
number　of　very　good　things　which　were　received　in　perfect　silence；　and
looked　over　his　audience　with　a　woe…begone　eye；　and　said；　with　an　effect
of　delicate　apology；　'I　hope　I'm　not　disturbing　you　any；'　I　broke　down
and　laughed；　and　that　delivered　me　into　his　hand。　　He　immediately　said　to
me　that　now　he　would　tell　me　about　a　friend　of　his；　who　had　a　pretty
large　family；　eight　of　them　living；　and　one　in　Philadelphia；　and　then　for
no　reason　he　seemed　to　change　his　mind；　and　said　he　would　sing　me　a　song
written　expressly　for　himby　an　expressman；　and　he　went　on　from　one　wild
gayety　to　another；　until　he　had　worked　his　audience　up　to　quite　a　frenzy
of　enthusiasm；　and　almost　had　a　recall　when　he　went　off。

〃I　was　rather　glad　to　be　rid　of　him；　and　I　was　glad　that　the　next
performers；　who　were　a　lady　and　a　gentleman　contortionist　of　Spanish…
American　extraction；　behaved　more　impartially。　　They　were　really
remarkable　artists　in　their　way；　and　though　it's　a　painful　way；　I
couldn't　help　admiring　their　gift　in　bowknots　and　other　difficult　poses。
The　gentleman　got　abundant　applause；　but　the　lady　at　first　got　none。　　I
think　perhaps　it　was　because；　with　the　correct　feeling　that　prevailed
among　us；　we　could　not　see　a　lady　contort　herself　with　so　much　approval
as　a　gentleman；　and　that　there　was　a　wound　to　our　sense　of　propriety　in
witnessing　her　skill。　　But　I　could　see　that　the　poor　girl　was　hurt　in　her
artist　pride　by　our　severity；　and　at　the　next　thing　she　did　I　led　off　the
applause　with　my　umbrella。　　She　instantly　lighted　up　with　a　joyful　smile；
and　the　young　mother　in　the　orchestra　leaned　forward　to　nod　her　sympathy
to　me　while　she　clapped。　　We　were　fast　becoming　a　domestic　circle；　and　it
was　very　pleasant；　but　I　thought　that　upon　the　whole　I　had　better　go。〃

〃And　do　you　think　you　had　a　profitable　hour　at　that　show？〃　　I　asked；　with
a　smile　that　was　meant　to　be　sceptical。

〃Profitable？〃　　said　my　friend。　　〃I　said　agreeable。　　I　don't　know　about
the　profit。　　But　it　was　very　good　variety；　and　it　was　very　cheap。　　I
understand　that　this　is　the　kind　of　thing　you　want　the　two…dolla