fraternity-第46章
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Mr。 Stone; who was indeed shaking so that he could hardly stand; allowed Hilary to assist him into bed and tuck the blankets round him。
〃I must be at work by ten o'clock;〃 he said。
Hilary; who was also shivering; hastened to Bianca's room。 She was just coming down; and exclaimed at seeing him all wet。 When he had told her of the episode she touched his shoulder。
〃What about you?〃
〃A hot bath and drink will set me right。 You'd better go to him。〃
He turned towards the bathroom; where Miranda stood; lifting a white foot。 Compressing her lips; Bianca ran downstairs。 Startled by his tale; she would have taken his wet body in her arms; if the ghosts of innumerable moments had not stood between。 So this moment passed too; and itself became a ghost。
Mr。 Stone; greatly to his disgust; had not succeeded in resuming work at ten o'clock。 Failing simply because he could not stand on his legs; he had announced his intention of waiting until half…past three; when he should get up; in preparation for the coming of the little girl。 Having refused to see a doctor; or have his temperature taken; it was impossible to tell precisely what degree of fever he was in。 In his cheeks; just visible over the blankets; there was more colour than there should have been; and his eyes; fixed on the ceiling; shone with suspicious brilliancy。 To the dismay of Bianca who sat as far out of sight as possible; lest he should see her; and fancy that she was doing him a servicehe pursued his thoughts aloud:
〃Wordswordsthey have taken away brotherhood!〃 Bianca shuddered; listening to that uncanny sound。 〃'In those days of words they called it deathpale deathmors pallida。 They saw that word like a gigantic granite block suspended over them; and slowly coming down。 Some; turning up their faces at the sight; trembled painfully; awaiting their obliteration。 Others; unable; while they still lived; to face the thought of nothingness; inflated by some spiritual wind; and thinking always of their individual forms; called out unceasingly that those selves of theirs would and must survive this wordthat in some fashion; which no man could understand; each self…conscious entity reaccumulated after distribution。 Drunk with this thought; these; too; passed away。 Some waited for it with grim; dry eyes; remarking that the process was molecular; and thus they also met their so…called death。'〃
His voice ceased; and in place of it rose the sound of his tongue moistening his palate。 Bianca; from behind; placed a glass of barley…water to his lips。 He drank it with a slow; clucking noise; then; seeing that a hand held the glass; said: 〃Is that you? Are you ready for me? Follow。 'In those days no one leaped up to meet pale riding Death; no one saw in her face that she was brotherhood incarnate; no one with a heart as light as gossamer kissed her feet; and; smiling; passed into the Universe。'〃 His voice died away; and when next he spoke it was in a quick; husky whisper: 〃I mustI must I must…〃 There was silence; then he added: 〃Give me my trousers。〃
Bianca placed them by his bed。 The sight seemed to reassure him。 He was once more silent。
For more than an hour after this he was so absolutely still that Bianca rose continually to look at him。 Each time; his eyes; wide open; were fixed on a little dark mark across the ceiling; his face had a look of the most singular determination; as though his spirit were slowly; relentlessly; regaining mastery over his fevered body。 He spoke suddenly:
〃Who is there?〃
〃Bianca。〃
〃Help me out of bed!〃
The flush had left his face; the brilliance had faded from his eyes; he looked just like a ghost。 With a sort of terror Bianca helped him out of bed。 This weird display of mute white will…power was unearthly。
When he was dressed in his woollen gown and seated before the fire; she gave him a cup of strong beef…tea; with brandy。 He swallowed it with great avidity。
〃I should like some more of that;〃 he said; and fell asleep。
While he was asleep Cecilia came; and the two sisters watched his slumber; and; watching it; felt nearer to each other than they had for many years。 Before she went away Cecilia whispered
〃B。 if he seems to want that little girl while he's like this; don't you think she ought to come?〃
Bianca answered: 〃I don't know where she is。〃
〃I do。〃
〃Ah!〃 said Bianca; 〃of course!〃 And she turned her head away。
Disconcerted by that sarcastic little speech; Cecilia was silent; then; summoning all her courage; she said:
〃Here's the address; B。 I've written it down for you;〃 and; with puckers of anxiety in her face; she left the room。
Bianca sat on in the old golden chair; watching the deep hollows beneath the sleeper's temples; the puffs of breath stirring the silver round his mouth。 Her ears burned crimson。 Carried out of herself by the sight of that old form; dearer to her than she had thought; fighting its great battle for the sake of its idea; her spirit grew all tremulous and soft within her。 With eagerness she embraced the thought of self…effacement。 It did not seem to matter whether she were first with Hilary。 Her spirit should so manifest its capacity for sacrifice that she would be first with him through sheer nobility。 At this moment she could almost have taken that common little girl into her arms and kissed her。 So would all disquiet end! Some harmonious messenger had fluttered to her for a secondthe gold…winged bird of peace。 In this sensuous exaltation her nerves vibrated like the strings of a violin。
When Mr。 Stone woke it was past three o'clock and Bianca at once handed him another cup of strong beef…tea。
He swallowed it; and said: 〃What is this?〃
〃Beef…tea。〃
Mr。 Stone looked at the empty cup。
〃I must not drink it。 The cow and the sheep are on the same plane as man。〃
〃But how do you feel; dear?〃
〃I feel;〃 said Mr。 Stone; 〃able to dictate what I have already writtennot more。 Has she come?〃
〃Not yet; but I will go and find her if you like。〃
Mr。 Stone looked at his daughter wistfully。
〃That will be taking up your time;〃 he said。
Bianca answered: 〃My time is of no consequence。〃
Mr。 Stone stretched his hands out to the fire。
〃I will not consent;〃 he said; evidently to himself; 〃to be a drag on anyone。 If that has come; then I must go!〃
Bianca; placing herself beside him on her knees; pressed her hot cheek against his temple。
〃But it has not come; Dad。〃
〃I hope not;〃 said Mr。 Stone。 〃I wish to end my book first。〃
The sudden grim coherence of his last two sayings terrified Bianca more than all his feverish; utterances。
〃I rely on your sitting quite still;〃 she said; 〃while I go and find her。〃 And with a feeling in her heart as though two hands had seized and were pulling it asunder; she went out。
Some half…hour later Hilary slipped quietly in; and stood watching at the door。 Mr。 Stone; seated on the very verge of his armchair; with his hands on its arms; was slowly rising to his feet; and slowly falling back again; not once; but many times; practising a standing posture。 As Hilary came into his line of sight; he said:
〃I have succeeded twice。〃
〃I am very glad;〃 said Hilary。 〃Won't you rest now; sir?〃
〃It is my knees;〃 said Mr。 Stone。 〃She has gone to find her。〃
Hilary heard those words with bewilderment; and; sitting down on the other chair; waited。
〃I have fancied;〃 said Mr。 Stone; looking at him wistfully; 〃that when we pass away from life we may become the wind。 Is that your opinion?〃
〃It is a new thought to me;〃 said Hilary。
〃It is not tenable;〃 said Mr。 Stone。 〃But it is restful。 The wind is everywhere and nowhere; and nothing can be hidden from it。 When I have missed that little girl; I have tried; in a sense; to become the wind; but I have found it difficult。〃
His eyes left Hilary's face; whose mournful smile he had not noticed; and fixed themselves on the bright fire。 〃'In those days;〃' he said; 〃'men's relation to the eternal airs was the relation of a billion little separate draughts blowing against the south…west wind。 They did not wish to merge themselves in that soft; moon…uttered sigh; but blew in its face through crevices; and cracks; and