the hand of ethelberta-第34章

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'Ahnow；　Neighdon't；　I　say！'

'But　why　did'

'Why　did　I　love　her？'

'Yes；　why　did　you　love　her？'

'Ah；　if　I　could　only　turn　self…vivisector；　and　watch　the　operation
of　my　heart；　I　should　know！'

'My　dear　fellow；　you　must　be　very　bad　indeed　to　talk　like　that。　　A
poet　himself　couldn't　be　cleaner　gone。'

'Now；　don't　chaff；　Neigh；　do　anything；　but　don't　chaff。　　You　know
that　I　am　the　easiest　man　in　the　world　for　taking　it　at　most　times。
But　I　can't　stand　it　now；　I　don't　feel　up　to　it。　　A　glimpse　of
paradise；　and　then　perdition。　　What　would　you　do；　Neigh？'

'She　has　refused　you；　then？'

'Wellnot　positively　refused　me；　but　it　is　so　near　it　that　a　dull
man　couldn't　tell　the　difference。　　I　hardly　can　myself。'

'How　do　you　really　stand　with　her？'　said　Neigh；　with　an　anxiety　ill…
concealed。

'Off　and　onneither　one　thing　nor　the　other。　　I　was　determined　to
make　an　effort　the　last　time　she　sat　to　me；　and　so　I　met　her　quite
coolly；　and　spoke　only　of　technicalities　with　a　forced　smileyou
know　that　way　of　mine　for　drawing　people　out；　eh；　Neigh？'

'Quite；　quite。'

'A　forced　smile；　as　much　as　to　say；　〃I　am　obliged　to　entertain　you；
but　as　a　mere　model　for　art　purposes。〃　　But　the　deuce　a　bit　did　she
care。　　And　then　I　frequently　looked　to　see　what　time　it　was；　as　the
end　of　the　sitting　drew　nearrather　a　rude　thing　to　do；　as　a　rule。'

'Of　course。　　But　that　was　your　finesse。　　Ha…ha！capital！　　Yet　why
not　struggle　against　such　slavery？　　It　is　regularly　pulling　you
down。　　What's　a　woman's　beauty；　after　all？'

'Well　you　may　say　so！　　A　thing　easier　to　feel　than　define；'　murmured
Ladywell。　　'But　it's　no　use；　NeighI　can't　help　it　as　long　as　she
repulses　me　so　exquisitely！　　If　she　would　only　care　for　me　a　little；
I　might　get　to　trouble　less　about　her。'

'And　love　her　no　more　than　one　ordinarily　does　a　girl　by　the　time
one　gets　irrevocably　engaged　to　her。　　But　I　suppose　she　keeps　you
back　so　thoroughly　that　you　carry　on　the　old　adoration　with　as　much
vigour　as　if　it　were　a　new　fancy　every　time？'

'Partly　yes；　and　partly　no！　　It's　very　true；　and　it's　not　true！'

''Tis　to　be　hoped　she　won't　hate　you　outright；　for　then　you　would
absolutely　die　of　idolizing　her。'

'Don't；　Neigh！Still　there's　some　truth　in　itsuch　is　the
perversity　of　our　hearts。　　Fancy　marrying　such　a　woman！'

'We　should　feel　as　eternally　united　to　her　after　years　and　years　of
marriage　as　to　a　dear　new　angel　met　at　last　night's　dance。'

'Exactlyjust　what　I　should　have　said。　　But　did　I　hear　you　say
〃We；〃　Neigh？　　You　didn't　say　〃WE　should　feel？〃'

'Say　〃we〃？yesof　courseputting　myself　in　your　place　just　in　the
way　of　speaking；　you　know。'

'Of　course；　of　course；　but　one　is　such　a　fool　at　these　times　that
one　seems　to　detect　rivalry　in　every　trumpery　sound！　　Were　you　never
a　little　touched？'

'Not　I。　　My　heart　is　in　the　happy　position　of　a　country　which　has　no
history　or　debt。'

'I　suppose　I　should　rejoice　to　hear　it；'　said　Ladywell。　　'But　the
consciousness　of　a　fellow…sufferer　being　in　just　such　another　hole
is　such　a　relief　always；　and　softens　the　sense　of　one's　folly　so
very　much。'

'There's　less　Christianity　in　that　sentiment　than　in　your　confessing
to　it；　old　fellow。　　I　know　the　truth　of　it　nevertheless；　and　that's
why　married　men　advise　others　to　marry。　　Were　all　the　world　tied　up；
the　pleasantly　tied　ones　would　be　equivalent　to　those　at　present
free。　　But　what　if　your　fellow…sufferer　is　not　only　in　another　such
a　hole；　but　in　the　same　one？'

'No；　Neighnever！　　Don't　trifle　with　a　friend　who'

'That　is；　refused　like　yourself；　as　well　as　in　love。'

'Ah；　thanks；　thanks！　　It　suddenly　occurred　to　me　that　we　might　be
dead　against　one　another　as　rivals；　and　a　friendship　of　many　long
days　be　snapped　like　alike　a　reed。'

'Nonoonly　a　jest；'　said　Neigh；　with　a　strangely　accelerated
speech。　　'Love…making　is　an　ornamental　pursuit　that　matter…of…fact
fellows　like　me　are　quite　unfit　for。　　A　man　must　have　courted　at
least　half…a…dozen　women　before　he's　a　match　for　one；　and　since
triumph　lies　so　far　ahead；　I　shall　keep　out　of　the　contest
altogether。'

'Your　life　would　be　pleasanter　if　you　were　engaged。　　It　is　a　nice
thing；　after　all。'

'It　is。　　The　worst　of　it　would　be　that；　when　the　time　came　for
breaking　it　off；　a　fellow　might　get　into　an　action　for　breachwomen
are　so　fond　of　that　sort　of　thing　now；　and　I　hate　love…affairs　that
don't　end　peaceably！'

'But　end　it　by　peaceably　marrying；　my　dear　fellow！'

'It　would　seem　so　singular。　　Besides；　I　have　a　horror　of　antiquity：
and　you　see；　as　long　as　a　man　keeps　single；　he　belongs　in　a　measure
to　the　rising　generation；　however　old　he　may　be；　but　as　soon　as　he
marries　and　has　children；　he　belongs　to　the　last　generation；　however
young　he　may　be。　　Old　Jones's　son　is　a　deal　younger　than　young
Brown's　father；　though　they　are　both　the　same　age。'

'At　any　rate；　honest　courtship　cures　a　man　of　many　evils　he　had　no
power　to　stem　before。'

'By　substituting　an　incurable　matrimony！'

'Ahtwo　persons　must　have　a　mind　for　that　before　it　can　happen！'
said　Ladywell；　sorrowfully　shaking　his　head。

'I　think　you'll　find　that　if　one　has　a　mind　for　it；　it　will　be　quite
sufficient。　　But　here　we　are　at　my　rooms。　　Come　in　for　half…an…
hour？'

'Not　to…night；　thanks！'

They　parted；　and　Neigh　went　in。　　When　he　got　upstairs　he　murmured　in
his　deepest　chest　note；　'O；　lords；　that　I　should　come　to　this！　　But
I　shall　never　be　such　a　fool　as　to　marry　her！　　What　a　flat　that　poor
young　devil　was　not　to　discover　that　we　were　tarred　with　the　same
brush。　　O；　the　deuce；　the　deuce！'　he　continued；　walking　about　the
room　as　if　passionately　stamping；　but　not　quite　doing　it　because
another　man　had　rooms　below。

Neigh　drew　from　his　pocket…book　an　envelope　embossed　with　the　name
of　a　fashionable　photographer；　and　out　of　this　pulled　a　portrait　of
the　lady　who　had；　in　fact；　enslaved　his　secret　self　equally　with　his
frank　young　friend　the　painter。　　After　contemplating　it　awhile　with
a　face　of　cynical　adoration；　he　murmured；　shaking　his　head；　'Ah；　my
lady；　if　you　only　knew　this；　I　should　be　snapped　up　like　a　snail！
Not　a　minute's　peace　for　me　till　I　had　married　you。　　I　wonder　if　I
shall！I　wonder。'

Neigh　was　a　man　of　five…and…thirtyLadywell's　senior　by　ten　years；
and；　being　of　a　phlegmatic　temperament；　he　had　glided　thus　far
through　the　period　of　eligibility　with　impunity。　　He　knew　as　well　as
any　man　how　far　he　could　go　with　a　woman　and　yet　keep　clear　of
having　to　meet　her　in　church　without　her　bonnet；　but　it　is　doubtful
if　his　mind　that　night　were　less　disturbed　with　the　question　how　to
guide　himself　out　of　the　natural　course　which　his　passion　for
Ethelberta　might　tempt　him　into；　than　was　Ladywell's　by　his　ardent
wish　to　secure　her。



About　the　time　at　which　Neigh　and　Ladywell　parted　company；
Christopher　Julian　was　entering　his　little　place　in　Bloomsbury。　　The
quaint　figure　of　Faith；　in　her　bonnet　and　cloak；　was　kneeling　on　the
hearth…rug　endeavouring　to　stir　a　dull　fire　into　a　bright　one。

'WhatFaith！　you　have　never　been　out　alone？'　he　said。

Faith's　soft；　quick…shutting　eyes　looked　unutterable　things；　and　she
replied；　'I　have　been　to　hear　Mrs。　Petherwin's　story…telling　again。'

'And　walked　all　the　way　home　through　the　streets　at　this　time　of
night；　I　suppose！'

'Well；　nobody　molested　me；　either　going　or　coming　back。'

'Faith；　I　gave　you　strict　orders　not　to　go　into　the　streets　after
two　o'clock　in　the　day；　and　now　here　you　are　taking　no　notice　of
what　I　say　at　all！'

'The　truth　is；　Kit；　I　wanted　to　see　with　my　spectacles　what　this
woman　was　really　like；　and　I　went　without　them　last　time。　　I　slipped
in　behind；　and　nobody　saw　me。'

'I　don't　think　much　of　her　after　what　I　have　seen　tonight；'　said
Christopher；　moodily　recurring　to　a　previous　thought。

'Why？　What　is　the　matter？'

'I　thought　I　would　call　on　her　this　afternoon；　but　when　I　got　there
I　found　she　had　left　early　for　the　performance。　　So　in　the　evening；
when　I　thought　it　would　be　all　over；　I　went　to　the　private　door　of
the　Hall　to　speak　to　her　as　she　came　out；　and　ask　her　flatly　a
question　or　two　which　I　was　fool　enough　to　think　I　must　ask　her
before　I　went　to　bed。　　Just