the hand of ethelberta-第30章

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should　be；　but　I　think　that　now　I　will　wish　you　good…bye。'

'You　are　not　vexed　with　me？'　she　said；　looking　quite　into　his　face。
'Mr。　Ladywell　is　nobody；　you　know。'

'Nobody？'

'Well；　he　is　not　much；　I　mean。　　The　case　is；　that　I　am　sitting　to
him　for　a　subject　in　which　my　face　is　to　be　usedotherwise　than　as
a　portraitand　he　called　about　it。'

'May　I　say；'　said　Christopher；　'that　if　you　want　yourself　painted；
you　are　ill…advised　not　to　let　it　be　done　by　a　man　who　knows　how　to
use　the　brush　a　little？'

'O；　he　can　paint！'　said　Ethelberta；　rather　warmly。　　'His　last
picture　was　excellent；　I　think。　　It　was　greatly　talked　about。'

'I　imagined　you　to　say　that　he　was　a　mere　nobody！'

'Yes；　buthow　provoking　you　are！nobody；　I　mean；　to　talk　to。　　He
is　a　true　artist；　nevertheless。'

Christopher　made　no　reply。　　The　warm　understanding　between　them　had
quite　ended　now；　and　there　was　no　fanning　it　up　again。　　Sudden　tiffs
had　been　the　constant　misfortune　of　their　courtship　in　days　gone　by；
had　been　the　remote　cause　of　her　marriage　to　another；　and　the
familiar　shadows　seemed　to　be　rising　again　to　cloud　them　with　the
same　persistency　as　ever。　　Christopher　went　downstairs　with　well…
behaved　moodiness；　and　left　the　house　forthwith。　　The　postman　came
to　the　door　at　the　same　time。

Ethelberta　opened　a　letter　from　Picoteenow　at　Sandbourne　again；
and；　stooping　to　the　fire…light；　she　began　to　read：

'MY　DEAR　ETHELBERTA；I　have　tried　to　like　staying　at　Sandbourne
because　you　wished　it；　but　I　can't　endure　the　town　at　all；　dear
Berta；　everything　is　so　wretched　and　dull！　　O；　I　only　wish　you　knew
how　dismal　it　is　here；　and　how　much　I　would　give　to　come　to　London！
I　cannot　help　thinking　that　I　could　do　better　in　town。　　You　see；　I
should　be　close　to　you；　and　should　have　the　benefit　of　your
experience。　　I　would　not　mind　what　I　did　for　a　living　could　I　be
there　where　you　all　are。　　It　is　so　like　banishment　to　be　here。　　If　I
could　not　get　a　pupil…teachership　in　some　London　school　（and　I
believe　I　could　by　advertising）　I　could　stay　with　you；　and　be
governess　to　Georgina　and　Myrtle；　for　I　am　sure　you　cannot　spare
time　enough　to　teach　them　as　they　ought　to　be　taught；　and　Emmeline
is　not　old　enough　to　have　any　command　over　them。　　I　could　also
assist　at　your　dressmaking；　and　you　must　require　a　great　deal　of
that　to　be　done　if　you　continue　to　appear　in　public。　　Mr。　Long　read
in　the　papers　the　account　of　your　first　evening；　and　afterwards　I
heard　two　ladies　of　our　committee　talking　about　it；　but　of　course
not　one　of　them　knew　my　personal　interest　in　the　discussion。　　Now
will　you；　Ethelberta；　think　if　I　may　not　come：　　Do；　there's　a　dear
sister！　　I　will　do　anything　you　set　me　about　if　I　may　only　come。
Your　ever　affectionate；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　PICOTEE。'

'Great　powers　abovewhat　worries　do　beset　me！'　cried　Ethelberta；
jumping　up。　　'What　can　possess　the　child　so　suddenly？she　used　to
like　Sandbourne　well　enough！'　　She　sat　down；　and　hastily　scribbled
the　following　reply：

'MY　DEAR　PICOTEEThere　is　only　a　little　time　to　spare　before　the
post　goes；　but　I　will　try　to　answer　your　letter　at　once。　　Whatever
is　the　reason　of　this　extraordinary　dislike　to　Sandbourne？　　It　is　a
nice　healthy　place；　and　you　are　likely　to　do　much　better　than　either
of　our　elder　sisters；　if　you　follow　straight　on　in　the　path　you　have
chosen。　　Of　course；　if　such　good　fortune　should　attend　me　that　I　get
rich　by　my　contrivances　of　public　story…telling　and　so　on；　I　shall
share　everything　with　you　and　the　rest　of　us；　in　which　case　you
shall　not　work　at　all。　　But　（although　I　have　been　unexpectedly
successful　so　far）　this　is　problematical；　and　it　would　be　rash　to
calculate　upon　all　of　us　being　able　to　live；　or　even　us　seven　girls
only；　upon　the　fortune　I　am　going　to　make　that　way。　　So；　though　I
don't　mean　to　be　harsh；　I　must　impress　upon　you　the　necessity　of
going　on　as　you　are　going　just　at　present。　　I　know　the　place　must　be
dull；　but　we　must　all　put　up　with　dulness　sometimes。　　You；　being
next　to　me　in　age；　must　aid　me　as　well　as　you　can　in　doing　something
for　the　younger　ones；　and　if　anybody　at　all　comes　and　lives　here
otherwise　than　as　a　servant；　it　must　be　our　fatherwho　will　not；
however；　at　present　hear　of　such　a　thing　when　I　mention　it　to　him。
Do　think　of　all　this；　Picotee；　and　bear　up！　　Perhaps　we　shall　all　be
happy　and　united　some　day。　　Joey　is　waiting　to　run　to　the　post…
office　with　this　at　once。　　All　are　well。　　Sol　and　Dan　have　nearly
finished　the　repairs　and　decorations　of　my　housebut　I　will　tell
you　of　that　another　time。Your　affectionate　sister；
BERTA。'



18。　NEAR　SANDBOURNE　…　LONDON　STREETS　…　ETHELBERTA'S

When　this　letter　reached　its　destination　the　next　morning；　Picotee；
in　her　over…anxiety；　could　not　bring　herself　to　read　it　in　anybody's
presence；　and　put　it　in　her　pocket　till　she　was　on　her　walk　across
the　moor。　　She　still　lived　at　the　cottage　out　of　the　town；　though　at
some　inconvenience　to　herself；　in　order　to　teach　at　a　small　village
night…school　whilst　still　carrying　on　her　larger　occupation　of
pupil…teacher　in　Sandbourne。

So　she　walked　and　read；　and　was　soon　in　tears。　　Moreover；　when　she
thought　of　what　Ethelberta　would　have　replied　had　that　keen　sister
known　the　wildness　of　her　true　reason　in　wishing　to　go；　she
shuddered　with　misery。　　To　wish　to　get　near　a　man　only　because　he
had　been　kind　to　her；　and　had　admired　her　pretty　face；　and　had　given
her　flowers；　to　nourish　a　passion　all　the　more　because　of　its
hopeless　impracticability；　were　things　to　dream　of；　not　to　tell。
Picotee　was　quite　an　unreasoning　animal。　　Her　sister　arranged
situations　for　her；　told　her　how　to　conduct　herself　in　them；　how　to
make　up　anew；　in　unobtrusive　shapes；　the　valuable　wearing　apparel
she　sent　from　time　to　timeso　as　to　provoke　neither　exasperation　in
the　little　gentry；　nor　superciliousness　in　the　great。　　Ethelberta
did　everything　for　her；　in　short；　and　Picotee　obeyed　orders　with　the
abstracted　ease　of　mind　which　people　show　who　have　their　thinking
done　for　them；　and　put　out　their　troubles　as　they　do　their　washing。
She　was　quite　willing　not　to　be　clever　herself；　since　it　was
unnecessary　while　she　had　a　much…admired　sister；　who　was　clever
enough　for　two　people　and　to　spare。

This　arrangement；　by　which　she　gained　an　untroubled　existence　in
exchange　for　freedom　of　will；　had　worked　very　pleasantly　for　Picotee
until　the　anomaly　of　falling　in　love　on　her　own　account　created　a
jar　in　the　machinery。　　Then　she　began　to　know　how　wearing　were
miserable　days；　and　how　much　more　wearing　were　miserable　nights。
She　pictured　Christopher　in　London　calling　upon　her　dignified　sister
（for　Ethelberta　innocently　mentioned　his　name　sometimes　in　writing）
and　imagined　over　and　over　again　the　mutual　signs　of　warm　feeling
between　them。　　And　now　Picotee　resolved　upon　a　noble　course。　　Like
Juliet；　she　had　been　troubled　with　a　consciousness　that　perhaps　her
love　for　Christopher　was　a　trifle　forward　and　unmaidenly；　even
though　she　had　determined　never　to　let　him　or　anybody　in　the　whole
world　know　of　it。　　To　set　herself　to　pray　that　she　might　have
strength　to　see　him　without　a　pang　the　lover　of　her　sister；　who
deserved　him　so　much　more　than　herself；　would　be　a　grand　penance　and
corrective。

After　uttering　petitions　to　this　effect　for　several　days；　she　still
felt　very　bad；　indeed；　in　the　psychological　difficulty　of　striving
for　what　in　her　soul　she　did　not　desire；　rather　worse；　if　anything。
At　last；　weary　of　walking　the　old　road　and　never　meeting　him；　and
blank　in　a　general　powerlessness；　she　wrote　the　letter　to
Ethelberta；　which　was　only　the　last　one　of　a　series　that　had
previously　been　written　and　torn　up。

Now　this　hope　had　been　whirled　away　like　thistledown；　and　the　case
was　grievous　enough　to　distract　a　greater　stoic　than　Picotee。　　The
end　of　it　was　that　she　left　the　school　on　insufficient　notice；　gave
up　her　cottage　home　on　the　pleatrue　in　the　letterthat　she　was
going　to　join　a　relative　in　London；　and　went　off　thither　by　a
morning　train；　leaving　her　things　packed　ready　to　be　sent　on　when
she　should　write　for　them。

Picotee　arrived　in　town　late　on　a　cold　February　afternoon；　bearing　a
small　bag　in　her　han