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第29章

the hand of ethelberta-第29章

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acquaintance?'

She introduced him to a large attic; where he found himself in the
society of two or three persons considerably below the middle
height; whose manners were of that gushing kind sometimes called
Continental; their ages ranging from five years to eight。  These
were the youngest children; presided over by Emmeline; as professor
of letters; capital and small。

'I am giving them the rudiments of education here;' said Ethelberta;
'but I foresee several difficulties in the way of keeping them here;
which I must get over as best I can。  One trouble is; that they
don't get enough air and exercise。'

'Is Mrs。 Chickerel living here as well?' Christopher ventured to
inquire; when they were downstairs again。

'Yes; but confined to her room as usual; I regret to say。  Two more
sisters of mine; whom you have never seen at all; are also here。
They are older than any of the rest of us; and had; broadly
speaking; no education at all; poor girls。  The eldest; Gwendoline;
is my cook; and Cornelia is my housemaid。  I suffer much sadness;
and almost misery sometimes; in reflecting that here are we; ten
brothers and sisters; born of one father and mother; who might have
mixed together and shared all in the same scenes; and been properly
happy; if it were not for the strange accidents that have split us
up into sections as you see; cutting me off from them without the
compensation of joining me to any others。  They are all true as
steel in keeping the secret of our kin; certainly; but that brings
little joy; though some satisfaction perhaps。'

'You might be less despondent; I think。  The tale…telling has been
one of the successes of the season。'

'Yes; I might; but I may observe that you scarcely set the example
of blitheness。'

'Ahthat's not because I don't recognize the pleasure of being
here。  It is from a more general cause:  simply an underfeeling I
have that at the most propitious moment the distance to the
possibility of sorrow is so short that a man's spirits must not rise
higher than mere cheerfulness out of bare respect to his insight。

          〃As long as skies are blue; and fields are green;
           Evening must usher night; night urge the morrow;
     Month follow month with woe; and year wake year to sorrow。〃'

Ethelberta bowed uncertainly; the remark might refer to her past
conduct or it might not。  'My great cause of uneasiness is the
children;' she presently said; as a new page of matter。  'It is my
duty; at all risk and all sacrifice of sentiment; to educate and
provide for them。  The grown…up ones; older than myself; I cannot
help much; but the little ones I can。  I keep my two French lodgers
for the sake of them。'

'The lodgers; of course; don't know the relationship between
yourself and the rest of the people in the house?'

'O no!nor will they ever。  My mother is supposed to let the ground
and first floors to mea strange ladyas she does the second and
third floors to them。  Still; I may be discovered。'

'Wellif you are?'

'Let me be。  Life is a battle; they say; but it is only so in the
sense that a game of chess is a battlethere is no seriousness in
it; it may be put an end to at any inconvenient moment by owning
yourself beaten; with a careless 〃Ha…ha!〃 and sweeping your pieces
into the box。  Experimentally; I care to succeed in society; but at
the bottom of my heart; I don't care。'

'For that very reason you are likely to do it。  My idea is; make
ambition your business and indifference your relaxation; and you
will fail; but make indifference your business and ambition your
relaxation; and you will succeed。  So impish are the ways of the
gods。'

'I hope that you at any rate will succeed;' she said; at the end of
a silence。

'I never canif success means getting what one wants。'

'Why should you not get that?'

'It has been forbidden to me。'

Her complexion changed just enough to show that she knew what he
meant。  'If you were as bold as you are subtle; you would take a
more cheerful view of the matter;' she said; with a look signifying
innermost things。

'I will instantly!  Shall I test the truth of my cheerful view by a
word of question?'

'I deny that you are capable of taking that view; and until you
prove that you are; no question is allowed;' she said; laughing; and
still warmer in the face and neck。  'Nothing but melancholy; gentle
melancholy; now as in old times when there was nothing to cause it。'

'Ahyou only tease。'

'You will not throw aside that bitter medicine of distrust; for the
world。  You have grown so used to it; that you take it as food; as
some invalids do their mixtures。'

'Ethelberta; you have my heartmy whole heart。  You have had it
ever since I first saw you。  Now you understand me; and no
pretending that you don't; mind; this second time。'

'I understood you long ago; you have not understood me。'

'You are mysterious;' he said lightly; 'and perhaps if I disentangle
your mystery I shall find it to coverindifference。  I hope it
doesfor your sake。'

'How can you say so!' she exclaimed reproachfully。  'Yet I wish it
did tooI wish it did cover indifferencefor yours。  But you have
all of me that you care to have; and may keep it for life if you
wish to。  Listen; surely there was a knock at the door?  Let us go
inside the room:  I am always uneasy when anybody comes; lest any
awkward discovery should be made by a visitor of my miserable
contrivances for keeping up the establishment。'

Joey met them before they had left the landing。

'Please; Berta;' he whispered; 'Mr。 Ladywell has called; and I've
showed him into the liberry。  You know; Berta; this is how it was;
you know:  I thought you and Mr。 Julian were in the drawing…room;
and wouldn't want him to see ye together; and so I asked him to step
into the liberry a minute。'

'You must improve your way of speaking;' she said; with quick
embarrassment; whether at the mention of Ladywell's name before
Julian; or at the way Joey coupled herself with Christopher; was
quite uncertain。  'Will you excuse me for a few moments?' she said;
turning to Christopher。  'Pray sit down; I shall not be long。'  And
she glided downstairs。

They had been standing just by the drawing…room door; and
Christopher turned back into the room with no very satisfactory
countenance。  It was very odd; he thought; that she should go down
to Ladywell in that mysterious manner; when he might have been
admitted to where they were talking without any trouble at all。
What could Ladywell have to say; as an acquaintance calling upon her
for a few minutes; that he was not to hear?  Indeed; if it came to
that; what right had Ladywell to call upon her at all; even though
she were a widow; and to some extent chartered to live in a way
which might be considered a trifle free if indulged in by other
young women。  This was the first time that he himself had ventured
into her house on that very accounta doubt whether it was quite
proper to call; considering her youth; and the fertility of her
position as ground for scandal。  But no sooner did he arrive than
here was Ladywell blundering in; and; since this conjunction had
occurred on his first visit; the chances were that Ladywell came
very often。

Julian walked up and down the room; every moment expanding itself to
a minute in his impatience at the delay and vexation at the cause。
After scrutinizing for the fifth time every object on the walls as
if afflicted with microscopic closeness of sight; his hands under
his coat…tails; and his person jigging up and down upon his toes; he
heard her coming up the stairs。  When she entered the apartment her
appearance was decidedly that of a person subsiding after some
little excitement。

'I did not calculate upon being so long;' she said sweetly; at the
same time throwing back her face and smiling。  'But Iwas longer
than I expected。'

'It seemed rather long;' said Christopher gloomily; 'but I don't
mind it。'

'I am glad of that;' said Ethelberta。

'As you asked me to stay; I was very pleased to do so; and always
should be; but I think that now I will wish you good…bye。'

'You are not vexed with me?' she said; looking quite into his 

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