the hand of ethelberta-第19章

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door　not　quite　close。　　No　gust　of　wind　had　realized　her　misgivings
that　it　might　be　blown　shut　on　her　return；　and　she　re…entered　as
softly　as　she　had　emerged。

It　will　be　seen　that　Ethelberta　had　said　nothing　about　her　family
after　all。



10。　LADY　PETHERWIN'S　HOUSE

The　next　day　old　Lady　Petherwin；　who　had　not　accompanied　Ethelberta
the　night　before；　came　into　the　morning…room；　with　a　newspaper　in
her　hand。

'What　does　this　mean；　Ethelberta？'　she　inquired　in　tones　from　which
every　shade　of　human　expressiveness　was　extracted　by　some　awful　and
imminent　mood　that　lay　behind。　　She　was　pointing　to　a　paragraph
under　the　heading　of　'Literary　Notes；'　which　contained　in　a　few
words　the　announcement　of　Ethelberta's　authorship　that　had　more
circumstantially　appeared　in　the　Wessex　Reflector。

'It　means　what　it　says；'　said　Ethelberta　quietly。

'Then　it　is　true？'

'Yes。　　I　must　apologize　for　having　kept　it　such　a　secret　from　you。
It　was　not　done　in　the　spirit　that　you　may　imagine：　　it　was　merely
to　avoid　disturbing　your　mind　that　I　did　it　so　privately。'

'But　surely　you　have　not　written　every　one　of　those　ribald　verses？'

Ethelberta　looked　inclined　to　exclaim　most　vehemently　against　this；
but　what　she　actually　did　say　was；　'〃Ribald〃what　do　you　mean　by
that？　　I　don't　think　that　you　are　aware　what　〃ribald〃　means。'

'I　am　not　sure　that　I　am。　　As　regards　some　words　as　well　as　some
persons；　the　less　you　are　acquainted　with　them　the　more　it　is　to
your　credit。'

'I　don't　quite　deserve　this；　Lady　Petherwin。'

'Really；　one　would　imagine　that　women　wrote　their　books　during　those
dreams　in　which　people　have　no　moral　sense；　to　see　how　improper
some；　even　virtuous；　ladies　become　when　they　get　into　print。'

'I　might　have　done　a　much　more　unnatural　thing　than　write　those
poems。　　And　perhaps　I　might　have　done　a　much　better　thing；　and　got
less　praise。　　But　that's　the　world's　fault；　not　mine。'

'You　might　have　left　them　unwritten；　and　shown　more　fidelity。'

'Fidelity！　it　is　more　a　matter　of　humour　than　principle。　　What　has
fidelity　to　do　with　it？'

'Fidelity　to　my　dear　boy's　memory。'

'It　would　be　difficult　to　show　that　because　I　have　written　so…called
tender　and　gay　verse；　I　feel　tender　and　gay。　　It　is　too　often
assumed　that　a　person's　fancy　is　a　person's　real　mind。　　I　believe
that　in　the　majority　of　cases　one　is　fond　of　imagining　the　direct
opposite　of　one's　principles　in　sheer　effort　after　something　fresh
and　free；　at　any　rate；　some　of　the　lightest　of　those　rhymes　were
composed　between　the　deepest　fits　of　dismals　I　have　ever　known。
However；　I　did　expect　that　you　might　judge　in　the　way　you　have
judged；　and　that　was　my　chief　reason　for　not　telling　you　what　I　had
done。'

'You　don't　deny　that　you　tried　to　escape　from　recollections　you
ought　to　have　cherished？　　There　is　only　one　thing　that　women　of　your
sort　are　as　ready　to　do　as　to　take　a　man's　name；　and　that　is；　drop
his　memory。'

'Dear　Lady　Petherwindon't　be　so　unreasonable　as　to　blame　a　live
person　for　living！　　No　woman's　head　is　so　small　as　to　be　filled　for
life　by　a　memory　of　a　few　months。　　Four　years　have　passed　since　I
last　saw　my　boy…husband。　　We　were　mere　children；　see　how　I　have
altered　since　in　mind；　substance；　and　outlineI　have　even　grown
half　an　inch　taller　since　his　death。　　Two　years　will　exhaust　the
regrets　of　widows　who　have　long　been　faithful　wives；　and　ought　I　not
to　show　a　little　new　life　when　my　husband　died　in　the　honeymoon？'

'No。　　Accepting　the　protection　of　your　husband's　mother　was；　in
effect；　an　avowal　that　you　rejected　the　idea　of　being　a　widow　to
prolong　the　idea　of　being　a　wife；　and　the　sin　against　your
conventional　state　thus　assumed　is　almost　as　bad　as　would　have　been
a　sin　against　the　married　state　itself。　　If　you　had　gone　off　when　he
died；　saying；　〃Thank　heaven；　I　am　free！〃　you　would；　at　any　rate；
have　shown　some　real　honesty。'

'I　should　have　been　more　virtuous　by　being　more　unfeeling。　　That
often　happens。'

'I　have　taken　to　you；　and　made　a　great　deal　of　yougiven　you　the
inestimable　advantages　of　foreign　travel　and　good　society　to　enlarge
your　mind。　　In　short；　I　have　been　like　a　Naomi　to　you　in　everything；
and　I　maintain　that　writing　these　poems　saps　the　foundation　of　it
all。'

'I　do　own　that　you　have　been　a　very　good　Naomi　to　me　thus　far；　but
Ruth　was　quite　a　fast　widow　in　comparison　with　me；　and　yet　Naomi
never　blamed　her。　　You　are　unfortunate　in　your　illustration。　　But　it
is　dreadfully　flippant　of　me　to　answer　you　like　this；　for　you　have
been　kind。　　But　why　will　you　provoke　me！'

'Yes；　you　are　flippant；　Ethelberta。　　You　are　too　much　given　to　that
sort　of　thing。'

'Well；　I　don't　know　how　the　secret　of　my　name　has　leaked　out；　and　I
am　not　ribald；　or　anything　you　say；'　said　Ethelberta；　with　a　sigh。

'Then　you　own　you　do　not　feel　so　ardent　as　you　seem　in　your　book？'

'I　do　own　it。'

'And　that　you　are　sorry　your　name　has　been　published　in　connection
with　it？'

'I　am。'

'And　you　think　the　verses　may　tend　to　misrepresent　your　character　as
a　gay　and　rapturous　one；　when　it　is　not？'

'I　do　fear　it。'

'Then；　of　course；　you　will　suppress　the　poems　instantly。　　That　is
the　only　way　in　which　you　can　regain　the　position　you　have　hitherto
held　with　me。'

Ethelberta　said　nothing；　and　the　dull　winter　atmosphere　had　far　from
light　enough　in　it　to　show　by　her　face　what　she　might　be　thinking。

'Well？'　said　Lady　Petherwin。

'I　did　not　expect　such　a　command　as　that；'　said　Ethelberta。　　'I　have
been　obedient　for　four　years；　and　would　continue　sobut　I　cannot
suppress　the　poems。　　They　are　not　mine　now　to　suppress。'

'You　must　get　them　into　your　hands。　　Money　will　do　it；　I　suppose？'

'Yes；　I　suppose　it　woulda　thousand　pounds。'

'Very　well；　the　money　shall　be　forthcoming；'　said　Lady　Petherwin；
after　a　pause。　　'You　had　better　sit　down　and　write　about　it　at
once。'

'I　cannot　do　it；'　said　Ethelberta；　'and　I　will　not。　　I　don't　wish
them　to　be　suppressed。　　I　am　not　ashamed　of　them；　there　is　nothing
to　be　ashamed　of　in　them；　and　I　shall　not　take　any　steps　in　the
matter。'

'Then　you　are　an　ungrateful　woman；　and　wanting　in　natural　affection
for　the　dead！　　Considering　your　birth'

'That's　an　intolerable'

Lady　Petherwin　crashed　out　of　the　room　in　a　wind　of　indignation；　and
went　upstairs　and　heard　no　more。　　Adjoining　her　chamber　was　a
smaller　one　called　her　study；　and；　on　reaching　this；　she　unlocked　a
cabinet；　took　out　a　small　deed…box；　removed　from　it　a　folded　packet；
unfolded　it；　crumpled　it　up；　and　turning　round　suddenly　flung　it
into　the　fire。　　Then　she　stood　and　beheld　it　eaten　away　word　after
word　by　the　flames；　'Testament　''all　that　freehold''heirs　and
assigns'　appearing　occasionally　for　a　moment　only　to　disappear　for
ever。　　Nearly　half　the　document　had　turned　into　a　glossy　black　when
the　lady　clasped　her　hands。

'What　have　I　done！'　she　exclaimed。　　Springing　to　the　tongs　she
seized　with　them　the　portion　of　the　writing　yet　unconsumed；　and
dragged　it　out　of　the　fire。　　Ethelberta　appeared　at　the　door。

'Quick；　Ethelberta！'　said　Lady　Petherwin。　　'Help　me　to　put　this
out！'　　And　the　two　women　went　trampling　wildly　upon　the　document　and
smothering　it　with　a　corner　of　the　hearth…rug。

'What　is　it？'　said　Ethelberta。

'My　will！'　said　Lady　Petherwin。　　'I　have　kept　it　by　me　lately；　for　I
have　wished　to　look　over　it　at　leisure'

'Good　heavens！'　said　Ethelberta。　　'And　I　was　just　coming　in　to　tell
you　that　I　would　always　cling　to　you；　and　never　desert　you；　ill…use
me　how　you　might！'

'Such　an　affectionate　remark　sounds　curious　at　such　a　time；'　said
Lady　Petherwin；　sinking　down　in　a　chair　at　the　end　of　the　struggle。

'But；'　cried　Ethelberta；　'you　don't　suppose'

'Selfishness；　my　dear；　has　given　me　such　crooked　looks　that　I　can
see　it　round　a　corner。'

'If　you　mean　that　what　is　yours　to　give　may　not　be　mine　to　take；　it
would　be　as　well　to　name　it　in　an　impersonal　way；　if　you　must　name
it　at　all；〃　said　the　daughter…in…law；　with　wet　eyelids。　　'God　knows
I　had　no　selfish　thought　in　saying　that。　　I　came　upstairs　to　ask　you
to　forgive　me；　and　knew　nothing　about　the　will。　　But　every
explanation　distorts　it　all　the　more！'

'We　two　have　got