the hand of ethelberta-第18章

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Shortest　Way　with　the　Dissenters；〃　which　had　a　great　effect。'

'I　have　always　understood　that　that　was　written　by　a　dissenter　as　a
satire　upon　the　Church？'

'Ahso　it　was：　　but　the　example　will　do　to　illustrate　my　meaning。'

'Quite　soI　understandso　it　will；'　said　Mrs。　Belmaine；　with
clouded　faculties。

Meanwhile　Christopher's　music　had　arrived。　　An　accomplished
gentleman　who　had　every　musical　talent　except　that　of　creation；
scanned　the　notes　carefully　from　top　to　bottom；　and　sat　down　to
accompany　the　singer。　　There　was　no　lady　present　of　sufficient
confidence　or　skill　to　venture　into　a　song　she　had　never　seen
before；　and　the　only　one　who　had　seen　it　was　Ethelberta　herself；　she
did　not　deny　having　practised　it　the　greater　part　of　the　afternoon；
and　was　very　willing　to　sing　it　now　if　anybody　would　derive　pleasure
from　the　performance。　　Then　she　began；　and　the　sweetness　of　her
singing　was　such　that　even　the　most　unsympathetic　honoured　her　by
looking　as　if　they　would　be　willing　to　listen　to　every　note　the　song
contained　if　it　were　not　quite　so　much　trouble　to　do　so。　　Some　were
so　interested　that；　instead　of　continuing　their　conversation；　they
remained　in　silent　consideration　of　how　they　would　continue　it　when
she　had　finished；　while　the　particularly　civil　people　arranged　their
countenances　into　every　attentive　form　that　the　mind　could　devise。
One　emotional　gentleman　looked　at　the　corner　of　a　chair　as　if；　till
that　moment；　such　an　object　had　never　crossed　his　vision　before；　the
movement　of　his　finger　to　the　imagined　tune　was；　for　a　deaf　old
clergyman；　a　perfect　mine　of　interest；　whilst　a　young　man　from　the
country　was　powerless　to　put　an　end　to　an　enchanted　gaze　at　nothing
at　all　in　the　exact　middle　of　the　room　before　him。　　Neigh；　and　the
general　phalanx　of　cool　men　and　celebrated　club　yawners；　were　so
much　affected　that　they　raised　their　chronic　look　of　great　objection
to　things；　to　an　expression　of　scarcely　any　objection　at　all。

'What　makes　it　so　interesting；'　said　Mrs。　Doncastle　to　Ethelberta；
when　the　song　was　over　and　she　had　retired　from　the　focus　of　the
company；　'is；　that　it　is　played　from　the　composer's　own　copy；　which
has　never　met　the　public　eye；　or　any　other　than　his　own　before　to…
day。　　And　I　see　that　he　has　actually　sketched　in　the　lines　by　hand；
instead　of　having　ruled　paperjust　as　the　great　old　composers　used
to　do。　　You　must　have　been　as　pleased　to　get　it　fresh　from　the
stocks　like　that　as　he　probably　was　pleased　to　get　your　thanks。'

Ethelberta　became　reflective。　　She　had　not　thanked　Christopher；
moreover；　she　had　decided；　after　some　consideration；　that　she　ought
not　to　thank　him。　　What　new　thoughts　were　suggested　by　that　remark
of　Mrs。　Doncastle's；　and　what　new　inclination　resulted　from　the
public　presentation　of　his　tune　and　her　words　as　parts　of　one
organic　whole；　are　best　explained　by　describing　her　doings　at　a
later　hour；　when；　having　left　her　friends　somewhat　early；　she　had
reached　home　and　retired　from　public　view　for　that　evening。

Ethelberta　went　to　her　room；　sent　away　the　maid　who　did　double　duty
for　herself　and　Lady　Petherwin；　walked　in　circles　about　the　carpet
till　the　fire　had　grown　haggard　and　cavernous；　sighed；　took　a　sheet
of　paper　and　wrote：

'DEAR　MR。　JULIAN；I　have　said　I　would　not　write：　　I　have　said　it
twice；　but　discretion；　under　some　circumstances；　is　only　another
name　for　unkindness。　　Before　thanking　you　for　your　sweet　gift；　let
me　tell　you　in　a　few　words　of　something　which　may　materially　change
an　aspect　of　affairs　under　which　I　appear　to　you　to　deserve　it。

'With　regard　to　my　history　and　origin　you　are　altogether　mistaken；
and　how　can　I　tell　whether　your　bitterness　at　my　previous　silence　on
those　points　may　not　cause　you　to　withdraw　your　act　of　courtesy　now？
But　the　gratification　of　having　at　last　been　honest　with　you　may
compensate　even　for　the　loss　of　your　respect。

'The　matter　is　a　small　one　to　tell；　after　all。　　What　will　you　say　on
learning　that　I　am　not　the　trodden…down　〃lady　by　birth〃　that　you
have　supposed　me？　　That　my　father　is　not　dead；　as　you　probably
imagine；　that　he　is　working　for　his　living　as　one　among　a　peculiarly
stigmatized　and　ridiculed　multitude？

'Had　he　been　a　brawny　cottager；　carpenter；　mason；　blacksmith；　well…
digger；　navvy；　tree…fellerany　effective　and　manly　trade；　in　short；
a　worker　in　which　can　stand　up　in　the　face　of　the　noblest　and
daintiest；　and　bare　his　gnarled　arms　and　say；　with　a　consciousness
of　superior　power；　〃Look　at　a　real　man！〃　I　should　have　been　able　to
show　you　antecedents　which；　if　not　intensely　romantic；　are　not
altogether　antagonistic　to　romance。　　But　the　present　fashion　of
associating　with　one　particular　class　everything　that　is　ludicrous
and　bombastic　overpowers　me　when　I　think　of　it　in　relation　to　myself
and　your　known　sensitiveness。　　When　the　well…born　poetess　of　good
report　melts　into。　。　。'

Having　got　thus　far；　a　faint…hearted　look；　which　had　begun　to　show
itself　several　sentences　earlier；　became　pronounced。　　She　threw　the
writing　into　the　dull　fire；　poked　and　stirred　it　till　a　red
inflammation　crept　over　the　sheet；　and　then　started　anew：

'DEAR　MR。　JULIAN；Not　knowing　your　present　rank　as　composer
whether　on　the　very　brink　of　fame；　or　as　yet　a　long　way　offI
cannot　decide　what　form　of　expression　my　earnest　acknowledgments
should　take。　　Let　me　simply　say　in　one　short　phrase；　I　thank　you
infinitely！

'I　am　no　musician；　and　my　opinion　on　music　may　not　be　worth　much：
yet　I　know　what　I　like　（as　everybody　says；　but　I　do　not　use　the
words　as　a　form　to　cover　a　hopeless　blank　on　all　connected　with　the
subject）；　and　this　sweet　air　I　love。　　You　must　have　glided　like　a
breeze　about　meseen　into　a　heart　not　worthy　of　scrutiny；　jotted
down　words　that　cannot　justify　attentionbefore　you　could　have
apotheosized　the　song　in　so　exquisite　a　manner。　　My　gratitude　took
the　form　of　wretchedness　when；　on　hearing　the　effect　of　the　ballad
in　public　this　evening；　I　thought　that　I　had　not　power　to　withhold　a
reply　which　might　do　us　both　more　harm　than　good。　　Then　I　said；
〃Away　with　all　emotionI　wish　the　world　was　drained　dry　of　itI
will　take　no　notice；〃　when　a　lady　whispered　at　my　elbow　to　the
effect　that　of　course　I　had　expressed　my　gratification　to　you。　　I
ought　first　to　have　mentioned　that　your　creation　has　been　played　to…
night　to　full　drawing…rooms；　and　the　original　tones　cooled　the
artificial　air　like　a　fountain　almost。

'I　prophesy　great　things　of　you。　　Perhaps；　at　the　time　when　we　are
each　but　a　row　of　bones　in　our　individual　graves；　your　genius　will
be　remembered；　while　my　mere　cleverness　will　have　been　long
forgotten。

'Butyou　must　allow　a　woman　of　experience　to　say　thisthe
undoubted　power　that　you　possess　will　do　you　socially　no　good　unless
you　mix　with　it　the　ingredient　of　ambitiona　quality　in　which　I
fear　you　are　very　deficient。　　It　is　in　the　hope　of　stimulating　you
to　a　better　opinion　of　yourself　that　I　write　this　letter。

'Probably　I　shall　never　meet　you　again。　　Not　that　I　think
circumstances　to　be　particularly　powerful　to　prevent　such　a　meeting；
rather　it　is　that　I　shall　energetically　avoid　it。　　There　can　be　no
such　thing　as　strong　friendship　between　a　man　and　a　woman　not　of　one
family。

'More　than　that　there　must　not　be；　and　this　is　why　we　will　not　meet。
You　see　that　I　do　not　mince　matters　at　all；　but　it　is　hypocrisy　to
avoid　touching　upon　a　subject　which　all　men　and　women　in　our
position　inevitably　think　of；　no　matter　what　they　say。　　Some　women
might　have　written　distantly；　and　wept　at　the　repression　of　their
real　feeling；　but　it　is　better　to　be　more　frank；　and　keep　a　dry
eye。Yours；　　　　　　ETHELBERTA。'

Her　feet　felt　cold　and　her　heart　weak　as　she　directed　the　letter；
and　she　was　overpowered　with　weariness。　　But　murmuring；　'If　I　let　it
stay　till　the　morning　I　shall　not　send　it；　and　a　man　may　be　lost　to
fame　because　of　a　woman's　squeamishnessit　shall　go；'　she　partially
dressed　herself；　wrapped　a　large　cloak　around　her；　descended　the
stairs；　and　went　out　to　the　pillar…box　at　the　corner；　leaving　the
door　not　quite　close。　　No　gust　of　wind　had　realized　her　misgivings
that　it　might　be　blown　shut　on　her　return；　and　she　re…en