the story of a pioneer-第13章

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time　twenty…three　years　old。E。　J。





The　little　notice　had　something　of　the　effect　of

a　lighted　match　applied　to　gunpowder。　　An　ex…

plosion　of　public　sentiment　followed　it；　the　entire

community　arose　in　consternation；　and　I　became　a

bone　of　contention　over　which　friends　and　strangers

alike　wrangled　until　they　wore　themselves　out。　

The　members　of　my　family；　meeting　in　solemn

council；　sent　for　me；　and　I　responded。　　They　had

a　proposition　to　make；　and　they　lost　no　time　in　put…

ting　it　before　me。　　If　I　gave　up　my　preaching　they

would　send　me　to　college　and　pay　for　my　entire

course。　　They　suggested　Ann　Arbor；　and　Ann　Arbor

tempted　me　sorely；　but　to　descend　from　the　pulpit

I　had　at　last　enteredthe　pulpit　I　had　visualized

in　all　my　childish　dreamswas　not　to　be　considered。　

We　had　a　long　evening　together；　and　it　was　a　very

unhappy　one。　　At　the　end　of　it　I　was　given　twenty…

four　hours　in　which　to　decide　whether　I　would　choose

my　people　and　college；　or　my　pulpit　and　the　arctic

loneliness　of　a　life　that　held　no　family…circle。　　It

did　not　require　twenty…four　hours　of　reflection　to

convince　me　that　I　must　go　my　solitary　way。



That　year　I　preached　thirty…six　times；　at　each　of

the　presiding　elder's　appointments；　and　the　follow…

ing　spring；　at　the　annual　Methodist　Conference　of

our　district；　held　at　Big　Rapids；　my　name　was　pre…

sented　to　the　assembled　ministers　as　that　of　a　can…

didate　for　a　license　to　preach。　　There　was　unusual

interest　in　the　result；　and　my　father　was　among　those

who　came　to　the　Conference　to　see　the　vote　taken。　

During　these　Conferences　a　minister　voted　affirma…

tively　on　a　question　by　holding　up　his　hand；　and

negatively　by　failing　to　do　so。　　When　the　question

of　my　license　came　up　the　majority　of　the　ministers

voted　by　raising　both　hands；　and　in　the　pleasant

excitement　which　followed　my　father　slipped　away。

Those　who　saw　him　told　me　he　looked　pleased；　but

he　sent　me　no　message　showing　a　change　of　view…

point；　and　the　gulf　between　the　family　and　its　black

sheep　remained　unbridged。　　Though　the　warmth　of

Mary's　love　for　me　had　become　a　memory；　the

warmth　of　her　hearthstone　was　still　offered　me。　　I

accepted　it；　perforce；　and　we　lived　together　like

shadows　of　what　we　had　been。　　Two　friends　alone

of　all　I　had　made　stood　by　me　without　qualification

Miss　Foot　and　Clara　Osborn；　the　latter　my

‘‘chum''　at　Big　Rapids　and　a　dweller　in　my　heart

to　this　day。



In　the　mean　time　my　preaching　had　not　inter…

fered　with　my　studies。　　I　was　working　day　and　night；

but　life　was　very　difficult；　for　among　my　school…

mates；　too；　there　were　doubts　and　much　head…shaking

over　this　choice　of　a　career。　　I　needed　the　sound　of

friendly　voices；　for　I　was　very　lonely；　and　suddenly；

when　the　pressure　from　all　sides　was　strongest　and

I　was　going　down　physically　under　it；　a　voice　was

raised　that　I　had　never　dared　to　dream　would　speak

for　me。　　Mary　A。　Livermore　came　to　Big　Rapids；

and　as　she　was　then　at　the　height　of　her　career；　the

entire　countryside　poured　in　to　hear　her。　　Far　back

in　the　crowded　hall　I　sat　alone　and　listened　to　her；

thrilled　by　the　lecture　and　tremulous　with　the　hope

of　meeting　the　lecturer。　　When　she　had　finished

speaking　I　joined　the　throng　that　surged　forward

from　the　body　of　the　hall；　and　as　I　reached　her　and

felt　the　grasp　of　her　friendly　hand　I　had　a　sudden

conviction　that　the　meeting　was　an　epoch　in　my　life。

I　was　right。　　Some　one　in　the　circle　around　us　told

her　that　I　wanted　to　preach；　and　that　I　was　meeting

tremendous　opposition。　　She　was　interested　at　once。　

She　looked　at　me　with　quickening　sympathy；　and

then；　suddenly　putting　an　arm　around　me；　drew　me

close　to　her　side。



‘‘My　dear；''　she　said；　quietly；　‘‘if　you　want　to

preach；　go　on　and　preach。　　Don't　let　anybody　stop

you。　　No　matter　what　people　say；　don't　let　them

stop　you！''



For　a　moment　I　was　too　overcome　to　answer　her。　

These　were　almost　my　first　encouraging　words；　and

the　morning　stars　singing　together　could　not　have

made　sweeter　music　for　my　ears。　　Before　I　could

recover　a　woman　within　hearing　spoke　up。



‘‘Oh；　Mrs。　Livermore；''　she　exclaimed；　‘‘don't　say

that　to　her！　　We're　all　trying　to　stop　her。　　Her　peo…

ple　are　wretched　over　the　whole　thing。　　And　don't

you　see　how　ill　she　is？　　She　has　one　foot　in　the　grave

and　the　other　almost　there！''



Mrs。　Livermore　turned　upon　me　a　long　and　deeply

thoughtful　look。　　‘‘Yes；''　she　said　at　last；　‘‘I　see　she

has。　　But　it　is　better　that　she　should　die　doing　the

thing　she　wants　to　do　than　that　she　should　die

because　she　can't　do　it。''



Her　words　were　a　tonic　which　restored　my　voice。　

‘‘So　they　think　I'm　going　to　die！''　I　cried。　　‘‘Well；

I'm　not！　　I'm　going　to　live　and　preach！''



I　have　always　felt　since　then　that　without　the

inspiration　of　Mrs。　Livermore's　encouragement　I

might　not　have　continued　my　fight。　　Her　sanction

was　a　shield；　however；　from　which　the　criticisms　of

the　world　fell　back。　　Fate's　more　friendly　interest

in　my　affairs　that　year　was　shown　by　the　fact　that

she　sent　Mrs。　Livermore　into　my　life　before　I　had

met　Anna　Dickinson。　　Miss　Dickinson　came　to　us

toward　spring　and　lectured　on　Joan　of　Arc。　　Never

before　or　since　have　I　been　more　deeply　moved　by　a

speaker。　　When　she　had　finished　her　address　I　made

my　happy　way　to　the　front　of　the　hall　with　the　others

who　wished　to　meet　the　distinguished　guest。　　It

was　our　local　manager　who　introduced　me；　and　he

said；　‘‘This　is　our　Anna　Shaw。　　She　is　going　to　be

a　lecturer；　too。''



I　looked　up　at　the　brilliant　Miss　Dickinson　with

the　trustfulness　of　youth　in　my　eyes。　　I　remem…

bered　Mrs。　Livermore　and　I　thought　all　great　wom…

en　were　like　her；　but　I　was　now　to　experience　a　bitter

disillusionment。　　Miss　Dickinson　barely　touched

the　tips　of　my　fingers　as　she　looked　indifferently

past　the　side　of　my　face。　　‘‘Ah；''　she　said；　icily；

and　turned　away。　　In　later　years　I　learned　how

impossible　it　is　for　a　public　speaker　to　leave　a

gracious　impression　on　every　life　that　for　a　moment

touches　her　own；　but　I　have　never　ceased　to　be

thankful　that　I　met　Mrs。　Livermore　before　I　met

Miss　Dickinson　at　the　crisis　in　my　career。



In　the　autumn　of　1873　I　entered　Albion　College；

in　Albion；　Michigan。　　I　was　twenty…five　years　of

age；　but　I　looked　much　youngerprobably　not　more

than　eighteen　to　the　casual　glance。　　Though　I　had

made　every　effort　to　save　money；　I　had　not　been

successful；　for　my　expenses　constantly　outran　my

little　income；　and　my　position　as　preacher　made　it

necessary　for　me　to　have　a　suitable　wardrobe。　

When　the　time　came　to　enter　college　I　had　exactly

eighteen　dollars　in　the　world；　and　I　started　for

Albion　with　this　amount　in　my　purse　and　without

the　slightest　notion　of　how　I　was　to　add　to　it。　　The

money　problem　so　pressed　upon　me；　in　fact；　that

when　I　reached　my　destination　at　midnight　and　dis…

covered　that　it　would　cost　fifty　cents　to　ride　from

the　station　to　the　college；　I　saved　that　amount　by

walking　the　entire　distance　on　the　railroad　tracks；

while　my　imagination　busied　itself　pleasantly　with

pictures　of　the　engine　that　might　be　thundering　upon

me　in　the　rear。　　I　had　chosen　Albion　because　Miss

Foot　had　been　educated　there；　and　I　was　encouraged

by　an　incident　that　happened　the　morning　after　my

arrival。　　I　was　on　the　campus；　walking　toward　the

main　building；　when　I　saw　a　big　copper　penny　lying

on　the　ground；　and；　on　picking　it　up；　I　discovered

that　it　bore　the　year　of　my　birth。　　That　seemed　a

good　omen；　and　it　was　emphatically　underlined　by

the　finding　of　two　exactly　similar　pennies　within　a

week。　　Though　there　have　been　days　since　then

when　I　was　sorely　tempted　to　spend　them；　I　have

those　three　pennies　still；　and　I　confess　to　a　certain

comfort　in　their　possession！



As　I　had　not　completed　my　high…school　course；

my　first　days　at　Albion　were　spent　in　strenuous　prep…

aration　for　the　entrance　examinati