the story of a pioneer-第12章

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me；　after　which　they　naturally　assumed　that　the

entertainment　I　furnished　was　over　for　the　evening。　

I；　however；　felt　that　if　I　let　that　failure　stand　against

me　I　could　never　afterward　speak　in　public；　and

within　ten　minutes；　notwithstanding　the　protests

of　my　friends；　I　was　back　in　the　hall　and　beginning

my　recitation　a　second　time。　　The　audience　gave

me　its　eager　attention。　　Possibly　it　hoped　to　see　me

topple　off　the　platform　again；　but　nothing　of　the

sort　occurred。　　I　went　through　the　recitation　with

self…possession　and　received　some　friendly　applause　at

the　end。　　Strangely　enough；　those　first　sensations　of

‘‘stage　fright''　have　been　experienced；　in　a　lesser　de…

gree；　in　connection　with　each　of　the　thousands　of

public　speeches　I　have　made　since　that　time。　　I

have　never　again　gone　so　far　as　to　faint　in　the

presence　of　an　audience；　but　I　have　invariably

walked　out　on　the　platform　feeling　the　sinking　sen…

sation　at　the　pit　of　the　stomach；　the　weakness　of　the

knees；　that　I　felt　in　the　hour　of　my　debut。　　Now；

however；　the　nervousness　passes　after　a　moment

or　two。



From　that　night　Miss　Foot　lost　no　opportunity　of

putting　me　into　the　foreground　of　our　school　affairs。　

I　took　part　in　all　our　debates；　recited　yards　of　poe…

try　to　any　audience　we　could　attract；　and　even　shone

mildly　in　our　amateur　theatricals。　　It　was　probably

owing　to　all　this　activity　that　I　attracted　the　in…

terest　of　the　presiding　elder　of　our　districtDr。

Peck；　a　man　of　progressive　ideas。　　There　was　at

that　time　a　movement　on　foot　to　license　women　to

preach　in　the　Methodist　Church；　and　Dr。　Peck　was

ambitious　to　be　the　first　presiding　elder　to　have　a

woman　ordained　for　the　Methodist　ministry。　　He

had　urged　Miss　Foot　to　be　this　pioneer；　but　her

ambitions　did　not　turn　in　that　direction。　　Though

she　was　a　very　devout　Methodist；　she　had　no　wish

to　be　the　shepherd　of　a　religious　flock。　　She　loved

her　school…work；　and　asked　nothing　better　than　to

remain　in　it。　　Gently　but　persistently　she　directed

the　attention　of　Dr。　Peck　to　me；　and　immediately

things　began　to　happen。



Without　telling　me　to　what　it　might　lead；　Miss

Foot　finally　arranged　a　meeting　at　her　home　by　in…

viting　Dr。　Peck　and　me　to　dinner。　　Being　uncon…

scious　of　any　significance　in　the　occasion；　I　chatted

light…heartedly　about　the　large　issues　of　life　and

probably　settled　most　of　them　to　my　personal　satis…

faction。　　Dr。　Peck　drew　me　out　and　led　me　on；

listened　and　smiled。　　When　the　evening　was　over

and　we　rose　to　go；　he　turned　to　me　with　sudden

seriousness：



‘‘My　quarterly　meeting　will　be　held　at　Ashton；''

he　remarked；　casually。　　‘‘I　would　like　you　to　preach

the　quarterly　sermon。''



For　a　moment　the　earth　seemed　to　slip　away　from

my　feet。　　I　stared　at　him　in　utter　stupefaction。　

Then　slowly　I　realized　that；　incredible　as　it　seemed；

the　man　was　in　earnest。



‘‘Why；''　I　stammered；　‘‘_I_　can't　preach　a　ser…

mon！''



Dr。　Peck　smiled　at　me。　　‘‘Have　you　ever　tried？''

he　asked。



I　started　to　assure　him　vehemently　that　I　never

had。　　Then；　as　if　Time　had　thrown　a　picture　on　a

screen　before　me；　I　saw　myself　as　a　little　girl　preach…

ing　alone　in　the　forest；　as　I　had　so　often　preached

to　a　congregation　of　listening　trees。　　I　qualified　my

answer。



‘‘Never；''　I　said；　‘‘to　human　beings。''



Dr。　Peck　smiled　again。　　‘‘Well；''　he　told　me；

‘‘the　door　is　open。　　Enter　or　not；　as　you　wish。''



He　left　the　house；　but　I　remained　to　discuss　his

overwhelming　proposition　with　Miss　Foot。　　A　sud…

den　sobering　thought　had　come　to　me。



‘‘But；''　I　exclaimed；　‘‘I've　never　been　converted。　

How　can　I　preach　to　any　one？''



We　both　had　the　old…time　idea　of　conversion；　which

now　seems　so　mistaken。　　We　thought　one　had　to

struggle　with　sin　and　with　the　Lord　until　at　last　the

heart　opened；　doubts　were　dispersed；　and　the　light

poured　in。　　Miss　Foot　could　only　advise　me　to

put　the　matter　before　the　Lord；　to　wrestle　and　to

pray；　and　thereafter；　for　hours　at　a　time；　she　worked

and　prayed　with　me；　alternately　urging；　pleading；

instructing；　and　sending　up　petitions　in　my　behalf。　

Our　last　session　was　a　dramatic　one；　which　took　up

the　entire　night。　　Long　before　it　was　over　we　were

both　worn　out；　but　toward　morning；　either　from

exhaustion　of　body　or　exaltation　of　soul；　I　seemed

to　see　the　light；　and　it　made　me　very　happy。　　With

all　my　heart　I　wanted　to　preach；　and　I　believed　that

now　at　last　I　had　my　call。　　The　following　day　we

sent　word　to　Dr。　Peck　that　I　would　preach　the　ser…

mon　at　Ashton　as　he　had　asked；　but　we　urged　him　to

say　nothing　of　the　matter　for　the　present；　and　Miss

Foot　and　I　also　kept　the　secret　locked　in　our　breasts。　

I　knew　only　too　well　what　view　my　family　and　my

friends　would　take　of　such　a　step　and　of　me。　　To

them　it　would　mean　nothing　short　of　personal　dis…

grace　and　a　blotted　page　in　the　Shaw　record。



I　had　six　weeks　in　which　to　prepare　my　sermon；

and　I　gave　it　most　of　my　waking　hours　as　well　as

those　in　which　I　should　have　been　asleep。　　I　took

for　my　text：　　‘‘And　as　Moses　lifted　up　the　serpent

in　the　wilderness；　even　so　must　the　Son　of　Man　be

lifted　up；　that　whosoever　believeth　in　Him　should

not　perish；　but　have　eternal　life。''



It　was　not　until　three　days　before　I　preached　the

sermon　that　I　found　courage　to　confide　my　purpose

to　my　sister　Mary；　and　if　I　had　confessed　my　inten…

tion　to　commit　a　capital　crime　she　could　not　have

been　more　disturbed。　　We　two　had　always　been　very

close；　and　the　death　of　Eleanor；　to　whom　we　were

both　devoted；　had　drawn　us　even　nearer　to　each

other。　　Now　Mary's　tears　and　prayers　wrung　my

heart　and　shook　my　resolution。　　But；　after　all；　she

was　asking　me　to　give　up　my　whole　future；　to　close

my　ears　to　my　call；　and　I　felt　that　I　could　not　do

it。　　My　decision　caused　an　estrangement　between

us　which　lasted　for　years。　　On　the　day　preceding

the　delivery　of　my　sermon　I　left　for　Ashton　on　the

afternoon　train；　and　in　the　same　car；　but　as　far

away　from　me　as　she　could　get；　Mary　sat　alone　and

wept　throughout　the　journey。　　She　was　going　to

my　mother；　but　she　did　not　speak　to　me；　and　I；

for　my　part；　facing　both　alienation　from　her　and　the

ordeal　before　me；　found　my　one　comfort　in　Lucy

Foot's　presence　and　understanding　sympathy。



There　was　no　church　in　Ashton；　so　I　preached

my　sermon　in　its　one　little　school…house；　which　was

filled　with　a　curious　crowd；　eager　to　look　at　and　hear

the　girl　who　was　defying　all　conventions　by　getting

out　of　the　pew　and　into　the　pulpit。　　There　was

much　whispering　and　suppressed　excitement　before

I　began；　but　when　I　gave　out　my　text　silence　fell

upon　the　room；　and　from　that　moment　until　I　had

finished　my　hearers　listened　quietly。　　A　kerosene…

lamp　stood　on　a　stand　at　my　elbow；　and　as　I　preached

I　trembled　so　violently　that　the　oil　shook　in　its　glass

globe；　but　I　finished　without　breaking　down；　and

at　the　end　Dr。　Peck；　who　had　his　own　reasons　for

nervousness；　handsomely　assured　me　that　my　first

sermon　was　better　than　his　maiden　effort　had　been。　

It　was　evidently　not　a　failure；　for　the　next　day　he

invited　me　to　follow　him　around　in　his　circuit；　which

included　thirty…six　appointments；　he　wished　me　to

preach　in　each　of　the　thirty…six　places；　as　it　was　de…

sirable　to　let　the　various　ministers　hear　and　know

me　before　I　applied　for　my　license　as　a　local　preacher。



The　sermon　also　had　another　result；　less　gratify…

ing。　　It　brought　out；　on　the　following　morning；　the

first　notice　of　me　ever　printed　in　a　newspaper。　

This　was　instigated　by　my　brother…in…law；　and　it

was　brief　but　pointed。　　It　read：





A　young　girl　named　Anna　Shaw；　seventeen　years　old；＇1＇

preached　at　Ashton　yesterday。　　Her　real　friends　deprecate　the

course　she　is　pursuing。



＇1＇　A　misstatement　by　the　brother…in…law。　　Dr。　Shaw　was　at　this

time　twenty…three　years　old。E。　J。





The　little　notice　had　something　of　the　effect　o