a face illumined-第74章

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good　of　my　sitting　here　like　a　post？〃



〃Well；〃　said　Ida；　desperately；　〃I　promised　to　tell　you　everything；

and　I　will。　　If　there　is　any　chance　for　me　I'll　then　know　it；　for

you　will　not　deceive　me。　　Somehow；　what　I　am　and　what　I　have　to　say

seemed　in　such　sad　contrast　with　you　and　your　garden　that　I　became

afraid。　　You　asked　about　my　parents。　　My　father　is　a　very　unhappy

man。　　He　seems　to　have　lost　hope　and　courage。　　I　now　begin　to　see

that　I　have　been　chiefly　to　blame　for　this。　　I　do　nothing　for　his

comfort。　　Indeed；　I　have　been　so　occupied　with　myself　and　my　own

pleasure　that　I　have　given　him　little　thought。　　He　does　not　spend

much　of　his　time　at　home；　and　when　I　saw　him　he　was　always　tired；

sad；　and　moody。　　He　seemed　to　possess　nothing　that　could　minister

to　my　pride　and　pleasure　save　money；　and　I　took　that　freely；　with

scarcely　even　thanks　in　return。



〃I　don't　like　to　speak　against　my　mother；　but　truth　compels　me　to

add　that　she　acts　much　in　the　same　way。　　I　don't　think　she　loves

papa。　　Perhaps　our　treatment　is　the　chief　reason　why　life；　seemingly；

has　become　to　him　a　burden。　　When　he's　not　busy　in　he　office　he

drinks；　and　drinks；　and　I　fear　it　is　only　to　forget　his　trouble。

Once　or　twice　this　summer　he　has　looked　like　a　man；　and　appeared

capable　of　throwing　off　this　destroying　habit；　and　then　by　my

wretched　folly　I　made　him　do　worse　than　ever；〃　and　she　burst　into

a　remorseful　passion　of　tears。



〃That's　right；　my　child；〃　said　Mr。　Eltinge；　taking　off　his

spectacles　that　he　might　wipe　his　sympathetic　eyes；　〃you　were　very

much　to　blame。　　Thank　god；　there　are　no　Pharisees　in　this　garden。

God　bless　you；　go　on。〃



〃This　that　I've　told　you　about　my　father　ought　to　be　my　chief

trouble；　but　it　isn't；〃　faltered　Ida。　　〃I　fear　you　won't　understand

me　very　well　now；　and　you　certainly　will　never　be　able　to　understand

how　I　could　be　tempted　to　do　something　at　the　very　thought　of　which

I　now　shudder。〃



〃No　matter；　my　Master　can　understand　it　all　if　I　can't。　　He's

listening；　too；　remember。〃



〃It　frightens　me　to　think　so；〃　said　Ida；　in　an　awed；　trembling

tone。



〃That's　because　you　don't　know　him。　　If　you　were　severely　wounded；

would　you　be　frightened　to　know　that　a　good　physician　was　right　at

hand　to　heal　you？〃



〃But　isn't　God　too　infinite　and　far　away　to　listen　to　listen　to

the　story　of　my　weakness　and　folly？　　I　dare　not　think　of　him。　　My

difficulty　is　just　thishe　IS　God；　and　what　am　I？〃



〃One　of　his　little　children；　my　dear。　　Yes；　he　is　infinite；　but

not　far　away。　　In　the　worst　of　my　weakness　and　folly　he　listened

patiently；　and　helped　me　out　of　my　trouble。　　How　are　you　going　to

get　over　this　fact？　　He　has　listened　to　and　helped　multitudes　of

others　in　every　kind　of　trouble　and　wrong。　　How　are　you　going　to

get　over　these　facts？〃



Ida　slowly　wiped　her　eyes。　　Her　face　grew　very　pale；　and　she　looked

at　Mr。　Eltinge　steadily　and　earnestly；　as　if　to　gather　from　his

expression　and　manner；　as　well　as　words；　the　precise　effect　of　her

confession。



〃Mr。　Eltinge；〃　she　said；　〃at　this　time　yesterday　I　did　not　expect

to　be　alive　to…day。　　I　expected　to　be　dead；　and　by　my　own　hand。

Will　God　forgive　such　wickedness？〃



〃Dead！〃　exclaimed　the　old　gentleman；　starting　up。



〃Yes；〃　said　Ida；　growing　still　paler　and　trembling　with　apprehension；

but　still　looking　fixedly　at　Mr。　Eltinge　as　if　she　would　learn

from　his　face　whether　she　could　hope　or　must　despair　because　of

her　intended　crime。



〃And　what　changed　your　awful　purpose；　my　child？〃　he　said；　very

gravely。



〃Your　words　at　the　prayer…meeting　last　night。〃



The　old　gentleman　removed　his　hat　and　reverently　bowed　his　head。

〃O　God；〃　he　murmured；　〃thou　hast　been　merciful　to　me　all　my　days；

I　thank　thee　for　this　crowning　mercy。〃



〃But　will　God　be　merciful　to　ME？〃　cried　Ida；　in　a　tone　of　sharp

agony。



The　old　man　came　to　he　side；　and　placing　his　hands　on　her　head　spoke

with　almost　the　authority　and　solemnity　of　one　of　God's　ancient

prophets。



〃Yes；　my　child；　yes；　he　will　be　merciful　unto　youhe　will　forgive

you。　　But　in　your　deep　need　you　require　more　than　the　assurance

of　a　poor　sinful　mortal　like　yourself。　　Listen　to　God's　own　word：

'Thus　saith　the　high　and　lofty　One　that　inhabiteth　eternity；　whose

name　is　Holy：　I　dwell　in　the　high　and　holy　place；　with　him　also

that　is　of　a　contrite　and　humble　spirit；　to　revive　the　spirit　of

the　humble；　and　to　revive　the　heart　of　the　contrite　ones。'



〃'Like　as　a　father　pitieth　his　children；　so　the　Lord　pitieth　them

that　fear　him。'



〃'If　we　confess　our　sins　he　is　faithful　and　just　to　forgive　us　our

sins；　and　the　blood　of　Jesus　Christ；　his　Son；　cleanseth　us　from

all　sin。'　　God　answers　your　question　himself；　my　child。〃



〃Oh；　may　He　bless　you　for　your　kindness　to　me！　　It　has　saved　me

from　despair　and　death；〃　sobbed　Ida；　burying　her　face　in　her　hands；

and　giving　way　to　the　natural　expression　of　feeling　that　ever

relieves　a　heart　that　has　long　been　overburdened。



For　a　few　moments　Mr。　Eltinge　said　nothing；　but　gently　stroked　the

bowed　head　as　he　might　caress　a　daughter　of　his　own。　　At　last　he

asked；　with　a　voice　that　was　broken　from　sympathy　with　her　emotion；



〃How　about　my　Master；　whose　kind　providence　has　brought　all　this

about？〃



Ida　gradually　became　more　quiet；　and　as　soon　as　she　could　trust

herself　to　speak　she　lifter　her　head　and　answered：



〃Mr。　Eltinge；　I　think　I　can　learn　to　love　God　as　you　portray　him

to　me。　　But　in　my　imperfection　and　wickedness　I　have　not　dared　to

think　of　him　till　I　came　here。〃



〃Now；　isn't　that　just　like　the　devil's　work！〃　exclaimed　Mr。　Eltinge。

〃It　was　our　imperfection　and　wickedness　that　brought　Christ　to

our　rescue；　and　yet　you　have　been　made　to　believe　that　your　chief

claim　upon　our　Divine　Friend　is　a　hopeless　barrier　against　you！〃



〃Mr。　Eltinge；〃　said　Ida；　slowly；　as　if　she　were　trying　to　be　sure

that　each　word　expressed　her　thought；　〃it　was　that　word；　FRIEND；

as　you　used　it　last　night；　that　caught　my　ear　and　revived　my　hopes。

I　now　believe　that　if　you　had　spoken　only　of　duty　or　truth；　or　even

of　God　in　the　ordinary　way；　I　should　now　be〃she　buried　her　face

in　her　hands　and　shuddered〃I　should　not　be　in　this　sunny　garden

with　the　memory　that　your　hands　have　rested　on　my　hands　in　blessing。

If　I　am　to　live；　I　shall　need；　above　all　things；　a　friend；　and

a　very　patient　and　helpful　one；　or　else　my　burden　will　be　heavier

than　I　can　carry。　　I　have　told　you　about　my　parents；　and　you　thus

know　what　I　must　look　forward　to　in　my　own　home。　　But　such　is　my

weakness　and　folly；　I　have　a　far　worse　trouble　than　that。　　You　may

smile　at　it　and　think　that　time　will　bring　speedy　relief。　　Perhaps

it　willI　hope　so。　　I　feel　that　I　know　so　little　about　myself　and

everything　else　that　I　can　never　be　sure　of　anything　again。　　Mr。

Eltinge；　I　have　been　so　unfortunate　as　to　give　my　whole　heart's　love

to　a　man　who　despises　me。　　At　first　he　seemed　somewhat　attracted；

but　he　soon　discovered　how　imperfect　and　ignorant　I　was；　and　coldly

withdrew。　　He　is　now　paying　his　addresses；　I　believe；　to　another

lady；　and　I　must　admit　that　she　is　a　lovely　girl；　and　every　way

worthy　of　him。　　I　think　she　will　return　his　regard；　if　she　does　not

already。　　But　whether　she　does　or　not　cannot　matter；　for　he　is　so

far　my　superior　in　every　respect　that　he　would　never　think　of　me

again。　　In　order　to　hide　my　foolish；　hopeless　passion；　I　received

attentions　from　another　man　that　I　detested；　and　who　has　since　proved

himself　an　utter　villain；　but　it　so　happened　that　my　name　became

so　closely　associated　with　this　low　fellow；　that　when　my　heart　was

breaking　for　another　reason；　all　thought　that　it　was　because　I　was

infatuated　with　a　man　I　loathed。　　Even　Mr。　Van　Berg　thought　so；

and　I　intended　to　compel　him　to　respect　me；　or　at　least　to　think

better　of　me；　even　if　I　had　to　die　to　carry　out　my　purpose。　　I　was

desperate　and　blind　with　disappointment　and　despair。