the relics of general chasse-第2章
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They owned no pockets； and were； with the exception of the
legitimate outlet； continuous in the circumference of the waistband。
No dangling strings gave them an appearance of senile imbecility。
Were it not for a certain rigidity； sternness； and mental
inflexibility；we will call it military ardour；with which they
were imbued； they would have created envy in the bosom of a fox…
hunter。
Mr。 Horne was no fox…hunter； but still he seemed to be irresistibly
taken with the lady…like propensity of wishing to wear them。
〃Surely； George；〃 he said； 〃the general must have been a stouter man
than I am〃and he contemplated his own proportions with
complacency〃these what's…the…names are quite big enough for me。〃
I differed in opinion； and was obliged to explain that I thought he
did the good living of Ollerton insufficient justice。
〃I am sure they are large enough for me；〃 he repeated； with
considerable obstinacy。 I smiled incredulously； and then to settle
the matter he resolved that he would try them on。 Nobody had been
in these rooms for the last hour； and it appeared as though they
were never visited。 Even the guide had not come on with us； but was
employed in showing other parties about the fortifications。 It was
clear that this portion of the building was left desolate； and that
the experiment might be safely made。 So the sportive rector
declared that he would for a short time wear the regimentals which
had once contained the valorous heart of General Chasse。
With all decorum the Rev。 Mr。 Horne divested himself of the work of
the London artist's needle； and； carefully placing his own garments
beyond the reach of dust； essayed to fit himself in military garb。
At that important momentat the critical instant of the attempt
the clatter of female voices was heard approaching the chamber。
They must have suddenly come round some passage corner； for it was
evident by the sound that they were close upon us before we had any
warning of their advent。 At this very minute Mr。 Horne was somewhat
embarrassed in his attempts； and was not fully in possession of his
usual active powers of movement； nor of his usual presence of mind。
He only looked for escape； and seeing a door partly open； he with
difficulty retreated through it； and I followed him。 We found that
we were in a small dressing…room； and as by good luck the door was
defended by an inner bolt； my friend was able to protect himself。
〃There shall be another siege； at any rate as stout as the last；
before I surrender；〃 said he。
As the ladies seemed inclined to linger in the room it became a
matter of importance that the above…named articles should fit； not
only for ornament but for use。 It was very cold； and Mr。 Horne was
altogether unused to move in a Highland sphere of life。 But alas；
alas！ General Chasse had not been nurtured in the classical
retirement of Ollerton。 The ungiving leather would stretch no point
to accommodate the divine； though it had been willing to minister to
the convenience of the soldier。 Mr。 Horne was vexed and chilled；
and throwing the now hateful garments into a corner； and protecting
himself from the cold as best he might by standing with his knees
together and his body somewhat bent so as to give the skirts of his
coat an opportunity of doing extra duty； he begged me to see if
those jabbering females were not going to leave him in peace to
recover his own property。 I accordingly went to the door； and
opening it to a small extent I peeped through。
Who shall describe my horror at the sight which I then saw？ The
scene； which had hitherto been tinted with comic effect； was now
becoming so decidedly tragic that I did not dare at once to acquaint
my worthy pastor with that which was occurring；and； alas！ had
already occurred。
Five country…women of our ownit was easy to know them by their
dress and general aspectwere standing in the middle of the room；
and one of them； the centre of the group； the senior harpy of the
lot； a maiden ladyI could have sworn to thatwith a red nose；
held in one hand a huge pair of scissors； and in the otherthe
already devoted goods of my most unfortunate companion！ Down from
the waistband； through that goodly expanse； a fell gash had already
gone through and through； and in useless； unbecoming disorder the
broadcloth fell pendant from her arm on this side and on that。 At
that moment I confess that I had not the courage to speak to Mr。
Horne；not even to look at him。
I must describe that group。 Of the figure next to me I could only
see the back。 It was a broad back done up in black silk not of the
newest。 The whole figure； one may say； was dumpy。 The black silk
was not long； as dresses now are worn； nor wide in its skirts。 In
every way it was skimpy； considering the breadth it had to cover；
and below the silk I saw the heels of two thick shoes； and enough to
swear by of two woollen stockings。 Above the silk was a red and
blue shawl； and above that a ponderous； elaborate brown bonnet； as
to the materials of which I should not wish to undergo an
examination。 Over and beyond this I could only see the backs of her
two hands。 They were held up as though in wonder at that which the
red…nosed holder of the scissors had dared to do。
Opposite to this lady； and with her face fully tamed to me； was a
kindly…looking； fat motherly woman； with light…coloured hair； not in
the best order。 She was hot and scarlet with exercise； being
perhaps too stout for the steep steps of the fortress； and in one
hand she held a handkerchief； with which from time to time she wiped
her brow。 In the other hand she held one of the extremities of my
friend's property； feelinggood； careful soul！what was the
texture of the cloth。 As she did so； I could see a glance of
approbation pass across her warm features。 I liked that lady's
face； in spite of her untidy hair； and felt that had she been alone
my friend would not have been injured。
On either side of her there stood a flaxen…haired maiden； with long
curls； large blue eyes； fresh red cheeks； an undefined lumpy nose；
and large good…humoured mouth。 They were as like as two peas； only
that one was half an inch taller than the other； and there was no
difficulty in discovering； at a moment's glance； that they were the
children of that over…heated matron who was feeling the web of my
friend's cloth。
But the principal figure was she who held the centre place in the
group。 She was tall and thin； with fierce…looking eyes； rendered
more fierce by the spectacles which she wore； with a red nose as I
said before； and about her an undescribable something which quite
convinced me that she had never knowncould never knowaught of
the comforts of married life。 It was she who held the scissors and
the black garments。 It was she who had given that unkind cut。 As I
looked at her she whisked herself quickly round from one companion
to the other； triumphing in what she had done； and ready to triumph
further in what she was about to do。 I immediately conceived a deep
hatred for that Queen of the Harpies。
〃Well； I suppose they can't be wanted again；〃 said the mother；
rubbing her forehead。
〃Oh dear no！〃 said she of the red nose。 〃They are relics！〃 I
thought to leap forth； but for what purpose should I have leaped？
The accursed scissors had already done their work； and the symmetry；
nay； even the utility of the vestment was destroyed。
〃General Chasse wore a very good article；I will say that for him；〃
continued the mother。
〃Of course he did！〃 said the Queen Harpy。 〃Why should he not；
seeing that the country paid for it for him？ Well； ladies； who's
for having a bit？〃
〃Oh my！ you won't go for to cut them up；〃 said the stout back。
〃Won't I；〃 said the scissors； and she immediately made another
incision。 〃Who's for having a bit？ Don't all speak at once。〃
〃I should like a morsel for a pincushion；〃 said flaxen…haired Miss
No。 1； a young lady about nineteen； actuated by a general affection
for all sword…bearing； fire…eating heroes。 〃I should like to have
something to make me think of the poor general！〃
Snip； snip went the scissors with professional rapidity； and a round
p
