the quest of the golden girl-第33章

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re　are　limits　even　to　the　speed　of　American　girls；　but　the　first；　my　boy！　　You　are　more　like　the　twelfth；　to　my　ocular　knowledge。　　Here　comes　Dubois　the　poet。　　He　can　tell　you　something　about　Miss　Semiramis。

Eh！　　Dubois；　you　know　Miss　Semiramis　Wilcox；　don't　you？〃

The　Frenchman　smiled　and　shrugged。

〃Un　peu；〃　he　said。

〃Don't　be　an　ass　and　get　angry；〃　William　continued；　〃it's　all　for　your　own　good。〃

〃The　little　Semiramis　has　been　seducing　my　susceptible　friend　here。　　Like　many　of　us；　he　has　been　captivated　by　her　naturalness；　her　naivete；　her　clear　good　eyes；that　look　of　nature　that　is　always　art！　　May　I　relate　the　idyl　of　your　tragic　passion；　dear　Dubois；　as　an　object　lesson？〃

The　Frenchman　bowed；　and　signed　William　to　proceed。

〃You　dined　with　us　one　evening；　and　you　thus　met　for　the　first　time。　　You　sat　together　at　table。　　What　happened　with　the　fish？〃

〃She　swore　I　was　the　most　beautiful　man　she　had　ever　seen；and　I　am　not　beautiful；　as　you　perceive。〃

If　not　beautiful；　the　poet　was　certainly　true。

〃What　happened　at　the　entree？〃

〃Oh；　long　before　that　we　were　pressing　our　feet　under　the　table。〃

〃And　the　coffee〃

〃Mon　Dieu！　we　were　Tristram　and　Yseult；　we　were　all　the　great　lovers　in　the　Pantheon　of　love。〃

〃And　what　then？〃

〃Oh；　we　went　to　the　Cafe　d'Harcourtmon　ami。〃

〃Did　she　wear　a　veil？〃　I　asked。

〃Oui；　certainement！〃

〃And　did　you　say；　‘Why　do　you　wear　a　veil；setting　a　black　cloud　before　the　eyes　and　gates　of　heaven'？〃

〃The　very　words；〃　said　the　Frenchman。

〃And　did　she　say；　‘Yes；　but　the　veil　can　be　raised？'　〃

〃She　did；　mon　pauvre　ami；〃　said　the　poet。

〃And　did　you　raise　it？〃

〃I　did；〃　said　the　poet。

〃And　so　did　I；〃　I　answered。　　And　as　I　spoke；　there　was　a　crash　of　white　marble　in　my　soul；　and　lo！　　Love　had　fallen　from　his　pedestal　and　been　broken　into　a　thousand　pieces；a　heavy；　dead　thing　he　lay　upon　the　threshold　of　my　heart。

We　had　appointed　a　secret　meeting　in　the　salon　of　the　pension　that　afternoon。　　I　was　not　there！　　（Nor；　as　I　afterwards　learnt；　was　Semiramis。）　　When　we　did　meet；　I　was　brutally　cold。　　I　evaded　all　her　moves；　but　when　at　last　I　decided　to　give　her　a　hearing；　I　confess　it　needed　all　my　cynicism　to　resist　her　air　of　innocence；　of　pathetic　devotion。

If　I　couldn't　love　her；　she　said；　might　she　go　on　loving　me？　　Might　she　write　to　me　sometimes？　　She　would　be　content　if　now　and　again　I　would　send　her　a　little　word。　Perhaps　in　time　I　would　grow　to　believe　in　her　love；　etc。

The　heart…broken　abandonment　with　which　she　said　this　was　a　sore　trial　to　me；　but　though　love　may　be　deceived；　vanity　is　ever　vigilant；　and　vanity　saved　me。　　Yet　I　left　her　with　an　aching　sense　of　having　been　a　brute；　and　on　the　morning　of　my　departure　from　Paris；　as　I　said　good…bye　to　William　and　Dora；　I　spoke　somewhat　seriously　of　Semiramis。　Dora；　Dora…like；　had　believed　in　her　all　along；not　having　enjoyed　William's　opportunities　of　studying　her；and　she　reproached　me　with　being　rather　hard…hearted。

〃Nonsense；〃　said　William；　〃if　she　really　cared；　wouldn't　she　have　been　up　to　bid　you　good…bye？〃

The　words　were　hardly　gone　from　his　lips　when　there　came　a　little　knock　at　the　door。　It　was　Semiramis；　she　had　come　to　say　good…　bye。　　Was　it　in　nature　not　to　be　touched？　〃Good…bye；〃　she　said；　as　we　stood　a　moment　alone　in　the　hall。　　〃I　shall　always　think　of　you；　you　shall　not　be　to　me　as　a　ship　that　has　passed　in　the　night；　though　to　me　you　have　behaved　very　like　an　iceberg。〃

We　parted　in　tears　and　kisses；　and　I　lived　for　some　weeks　with　that　sense　of　having　been　a　Nero；　till　two　months　after　I　received　a　much　glazed　and　silvered　card　to　the　usual　effect。

And　so　I　ceased　to　repine　for　the　wound　I　had　made　in　the　heart　of　Semiramis　Wilcox。

Of　another　whom　I　met　and　loved　in　that　brief　month　in　Paris；　I　cherish　tenderer　memories。　　Prim　little　Pauline　Deschapelles！　How　clearly　I　can　still　see　the　respectable　brass　plate　on　the　door　of　your　little　flat　〃Mademoiselle　DeschapellesModes　et　Robes；〃　and　indeed　the　〃modes　et　robes〃　were　true　enough。　　For　you　were　in　truth　a　very　hard…working　little　dressmaker；　and　I　well　remember　how　impressed　I　was　to　sit　beside　you；　as　you　plied　your　needle　on　some　gown　that　must　be　finished　by　the　evening；　and　meditate　on　the　quaint　contrast　between　your　almost　Puritanic　industry　and　your　innocent　love　of　pleasure。　　I　don't　think　I　ever　met　a　more　conscientious　little　woman　than　little　Pauline　Deschapelles。

There　was　but　one　drawback　to　our　intercourse。　　She　didn't　know　a　word　of　English；　and　I　couldn't　speak　a　word　of　French。　　So　we　had　to　make　shift　to　love　without　either　language。　　But　sometimes　Pauline　would　throw　down　her　stitching　in　amused　impatience；　and；　going　to　her　dainty　secretaire；　write　me　a　little　message　in　the　simplest　baby　Frenchwhich　I　would　answer　in　French　which　would　knit　her　brows　for　a　moment　or　two；　and　then　send　her　off　in　peals　of　laughter。

It　WAS　French！　　I　know。　　Among　the　bric…a…brac　of　my　heart　I　still　cherish　some　of　those　little　slips　of　paper　with　which　we　made　international　lovequestion　and　answer。

〃Vous　allez　m'oublier；　et　ne　plus　penser　a　moini　me　voir。　　Les　hommesegoistes　menteurs；　pas　dire　la　verite　。　。　。〃　so　ran　the　questions；　considerably　devoid　of　auxiliary　verbs　and　such　details　of　construction。

〃Je　serais　jamais　t'oublier；〃　ran　the　frightful　answers！

Dear　Pauline！　　Shall　I　ever　see　her　again？　　She　was　but　twenty…six。　　She　may　still　live。



CHAPTER　XIV


END　OF　BOOK　THREE

So　ended　my　pilgrimage。　　I　had　wandered　far；　had　loved　many；　but　I　came　back　to　London　without　the　Golden　Girl。　　I　had　begun　my　pilgrimage　with　a　vision；　and　it　was　with　a　vision　that　I　ended　it。　　From　all　my　goings　to　and　fro　upon　the　earth；　I　had　brought　back　only　the　image　of　a　woman's　face；the　face　of　that　strange　woman　of　the　moorland；　still　haunting　my　dreams　of　the　night　and　the　day。

It　was　autumn　in　my　old　garden；　damp　and　forsaken；　and　the　mulberry…tree　was　hung　with　little　yellow　shields。　　My　books　looked　weary　of　awaiting　me；　and　they　and　the　whole　lonely　house　begged　me　to　take　them　where　sometimes　they　might　be　handled　by　human　fingers；　mellowed　by　lamplight；　cheered　by　friendly　laughter。

The　very　chairs　begged　mutely　to　be　sat　upon；　the　chill　white　beds　to　be　slept　in。　　Yes；　the　very　furniture　seemed　even　lonelier　than　myself。

So　I　took　heed　of　their　dumb　appeal。

〃I　know；〃　I　answered　them　tenderly；〃I　too；　with　you；　have　looked　on　better　days；　I　too　have　been　where　bells　have　knoll'd　to　church；　I　too　have　sat　at　many　a　good　man's　feast；yes！　　I　miss　human　society；　even　as　you；　my　books；　my　bedsteads；　and　my　side…　boards；so　let　it　be。　　It　is　plain　our　little　Margaret　is　not　coming　back；　our　little　Margaret；　dear　haunted　rooms；　will　never　come　back；　no　longer　shall　her　little　silken　figure　flit　up　and　down　your　quiet　staircases；　her　hands　filled　with　flowers；　and　her　heart　humming　with　little　songs。　　Yes；　let　us　go；　it　is　very　lonely；　we　shall　die　if　we　stay　here　all　so　lonely　together；　it　is　time；　let　us　go。〃

So　thereon　I　wrote　to　a　furniture…remover；　and　went　out　to　walk　round　the　mossy　old　garden　for　the　last　time；　and　say　good…bye　to　the　great　mulberry；　under　whose　Dodonaesque　shade　we　had　sat　half　frightened　on　starry　nights；　to　the　apple…trees　whose　blossom　had　seemed　like　fairy…land　to　Margaret　and　me；　town…bred　folk；　to　the　apricots　and　the　peaches　and　the　nectarines　that　it　had　seemed　almost　wicked　to　own；as　though　we　had　gone　abroad　in　silk　and　velvet；to　the　little　grassy　orchard；　and　to　the　little　green　corner　of　it；　where　Margaret　had　fallen　asleep　that　summer　afternoon；　in　the　great　wicker…chair；　and　I　had　brought　a　dear　friend　on　tiptoe　to　gaze　on　her　asleep；　with　her　olive　cheeks　delicately　flushed；　her　great　eyelids　closed　like　the　cheeks　of　roses；　and　her　gold　hair　tumbled　about　her　neck　。　。　。

Well；　well；　good…bye；tears　are　foolish　things。　　They　will　not　bring　Margaret　back。　Good…bye；　old　garden；　good…bye；　I　shall　never　see　you　again；good…bye。




BOOK　IV

THE　POSTSCRIPT　TO　A　PILGRIMAGE


CHAPTER　I


SIX　YEARS　AFTER

This　book　is　like　a　woman's　letter。　　The　most　important　part　of　it　is　the　postscript

Six　years　lie　between　the　end　of　the　last　chapt