the secrets of the princesse de cadignan-第13章

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do；'　replied　my　best　friend；　a　relation；　she；　at　whose　house　I　met

you〃



〃Madame　d'Espard！〃　cried　Daniel；　with　a　gesture　of　horror。



〃Oh！　I　have　forgiven　her。　Besides；　it　was　very　witty；　and　I　have

myself　made　just　as　cruel　epigrams　on　other　poor　women　as　innocent　as

myself。〃



D'Arthez　again　kissed　the　hand　of　that　saintly　woman　who；　having

hacked　her　mother　in　pieces；　and　turned　the　Prince　de　Cadignan　into　an

Othello；　now　proceeded　to　accuse　herself　in　order　to　appear　in　the

eyes　of　that　innocent　great　man　as　immaculate　as　the　silliest　or　the

wisest　of　women　desire　to　seem　at　all　costs　to　their　lovers。



〃You　will　readily　understand；　my　friend；　that　I　returned　to　society

for　the　purpose　of　excitement　and　I　may　say　of　notoriety。　I　felt　that

I　must　conquer　my　independence。　I　led　a　life　of　dissipation。　To　divert

my　mind；　to　forget　my　real　life　in　fictitious　enjoyments　I　was　gay；　I

shone；　I　gave　fetes；　I　played　the　princess；　and　I　ran　in　debt。　At　home

I　could　forget　myself　in　the　sleep　of　weariness；　able　to　rise　the　next

day　gay；　and　frivolous　for　the　world；　but　in　that　sad　struggle　to

escape　my　real　life　I　wasted　my　fortune。　The　revolution　of　1830　came；

it　came　at　the　very　moment　when　I　had　met；　at　the　end　of　that　Arabian

Nights'　life；　a　pure　and　sacred　love　which　（I　desire　to　be　honest）　I

had　longed　to　know。　Was　it　not　natural　in　a　woman　whose　heart；

repressed　by　many　causes　and　accidents；　was　awakening　at　an　age　when　a

woman　feels　herself　cheated　if　she　has　never　known；　like　the　women　she

sees　about　her；　a　happy　love？　Ah！　why　was　Michel　Chrestien　so

respectful？　Why　did　he　not　seek　to　meet　me？　There　again　was　another

mockery！　But　what　of　that？　in　falling；　I　have　lost　everything；　I　have

no　illusions　left；　I　had　tasted　of　all　things　except　the　one　fruit　for

which　I　have　no　longer　teeth。　Yes；　I　found　myself　disenchanted　with

the　world　at　the　very　moment　when　I　was　forced　to　leave　it。

Providential；　was　it　not？　like　all　those　strange　insensibilities　which

prepare　us　for　death〃　（she　made　a　gesture　full　of　pious　unction）。　〃All

things　served　me　then；〃　she　continued；　〃the　disasters　of　the　monarchy

and　its　ruin　helped　me　to　bury　myself。　My　son　consoles　me　for　much。

Maternal　love　takes　the　place　of　all　frustrated　feelings。　The　world　is

surprised　at　my　retirement；　but　to　me　it　has　brought　peace。　Ah！　if　you

knew　how　happy　the　poor　creature　before　you　is　in　this　little　place。

In　sacrificing　all　to　my　son　I　forget　to　think　of　joys　of　which　I　am

and　ever　must　be　ignorant。　Yes；　hope　has　flown；　I　now　fear　everything；

no　doubt　I　should　repulse　the　truest　sentiment；　the　purest　and　most

veritable　love；　in　memory　of　the　deceptions　and　the　miseries　of　my

life。　It　is　all　horrible；　is　it　not？　and　yet；　what　I　have　told　you　is

the　history　of　many　women。〃



The　last　few　words　were　said　in　a　tone　of　easy　pleasantry　which

recalled　the　presence　of　the　woman　of　the　world。　D'Arthez　was

dumbfounded。　In　his　eyes　convicts　sent　to　the　galleys　for　murder；　or

aggravated　robbery；　or　for　putting　a　wrong　name　to　checks；　were　saints

compared　to　the　men　and　women　of　society。　This　atrocious　elegy；　forged

in　the　arsenal　of　lies；　and　steeped　in　the　waters　of　the　Parisian

Styx；　had　been　poured　into　his　ears　with　the　inimitable　accent　of

truth。　The　grave　author　contemplated　for　a　moment　that　adorable　woman

lying　back　in　her　easy…chair；　her　two　hands　pendant　from　its　arms　like

dewdrops　from　a　rose…leaf；　overcome　by　her　own　revelation；　living　over

again　the　sorrows　of　her　life　as　she　told　themin　short　an　angel　of

melancholy。



〃And　judge；〃　she　cried；　suddenly　lifting　herself　with　a　spring　and

raising　her　hand；　while　lightning　flashed　from　eyes　where　twenty

chaste　years　shone〃judge　of　the　impression　the　love　of　a　man　like

Michel　must　have　made　upon　me。　But　by　some　irony　of　fateor　was　it

the　hand　of　God？well；　he　died；　died　in　saving　the　life　of；　whom　do

you　suppose？　of　Monsieur　de　Cadignan。　Are　you　now　surprised　to　find　me

thoughtful？〃



This　was　the　last　drop；　poor　d'Arthez　could　bear　no　more。　He　fell　upon

his　knees；　and　laid　his　head　on　Diane's　hand；　weeping　soft　tears　such

as　the　angels　shed；if　angels　weep。　As　Daniel　was　in　that　bent

posture；　Madame　de　Cadignan　could　safely　let　a　malicious　smile　of

triumph　flicker　on　her　lips；　a　smile　such　as　the　monkeys　wear　after

playing　a　sly　trickif　monkeys　smile。



〃Ah！　I　have　him；〃　thought　she；　and；　indeed；　she　had　him　fast。



〃But　you　are〃　he　said；　raising　his　fine　head　and　looking　at　her　with

eyes　of　love。



〃Virgin　and　martyr；〃　she　replied；　smiling　at　the　commonness　of　that

hackneyed　expression；　but　giving　it　a　freshness　of　meaning　by　her

smile；　so　full　of　painful　gayety。　〃If　I　laugh；〃　she　continued；　〃it　is

that　I　am　thinking　of　that　princess　whom　the　world　thinks　it　knows；

that　Duchesse　de　Maufrigneuse　to　whom　it　gives　as　lovers　de　Marsay；

that　infamous　de　Trailles　（a　political　cutthroat）；　and　that　little

fool　of　a　d'Esgrignon；　and　Rastignac；　Rubempre；　ambassadors；

ministers；　Russian　generals；　heaven　knows　who！　all　Europe！　They　have

gossiped　about　that　album　which　I　ordered　made；　believing　that　those

who　admired　me　were　my　friends。　Ah！　it　is　frightful！　I　wonder　that　I

allow　a　man　at　my　feet！　Despise　them　all；　THAT　should　be　my　religion。〃



She　rose　and　went　to　the　window　with　a　gait　and　bearing　magnificent　in

motifs。



D'Arthez　remained　on　the　low　seat　to　which　he　had　returned　not　daring

to　follow　the　princess；　but　he　looked　at　her；　he　heard　her　blowing　her

nose。　Was　there　ever　a　princess　who　blew　her　nose？　but　Diane　attempted

the　impossible　to　convey　an　idea　of　her　sensibility。　D'Arthez　believed

his　angel　was　in　tears；　he　rushed　to　her　side；　took　her　round　the

waist；　and　pressed　her　to　his　heart。



〃No；　no；　leave　me！〃　she　murmured　in　a　feeble　voice。　〃I　have　too　many

doubts　to　be　good　for　anything。　To　reconcile　me　with　life　is　a　task

beyond　the　powers　of　any　man。〃



〃Diane！　I　will　love　you　for　your　whole　lost　life。〃



〃No；　don't　speak　to　me　thus；〃　she　answered。　〃At　this　moment　I　tremble；

I　am　ashamed　as　though　I　had　committed　the　greatest　sins。〃



She　was　now　entirely　restored　to　the　innocence　of　little　girls；　and

yet　her　bearing　was　august；　grand；　noble　as　that　of　a　queen。　It　is

impossible　to　describe　the　effect　of　these　manoeuvres；　so　clever　that

they　acted　like　the　purest　truth　on　a　soul　as　fresh　and　honest　as　that

of　d'Arthez。　The　great　author　remained　dumb　with　admiration；　passive

beside　her　in　the　recess　of　that　window　awaiting　a　word；　while　the

princess　awaited　a　kiss；　but　she　was　far　too　sacred　to　him　for　that。

Feeling　cold；　the　princess　returned　to　her　easy…chair；　her　feet　were

frozen。



〃It　will　take　a　long　time；〃　she　said　to　herself；　looking　at　Daniel's

noble　brow　and　head。



〃Is　this　a　woman？〃　thought　that　profound　observer　of　human　nature。

〃How　ought　I　to　treat　her？〃



Until　two　o'clock　in　the　morning　they　spent　their　time　in　saying　to

each　other　the　silly　things　that　women　of　genius；　like　the　princess；

know　how　to　make　adorable。　Diane　pretended　to　be　too　worn；　too　old；

too　faded；　D'Arthez　proved　to　her　（facts　of　which　she　was　well

convinced）　that　her　skin　was　the　most　delicate；　the　softest　to　the

touch；　the　whitest　to　the　eye；　the　most　fragrant；　she　was　young　and　in

her　bloom；　how　could　she　think　otherwise？　Thus　they　disputed；　beauty

by　beauty；　detail　by　detail　with　many：　〃Oh！　do　you　think　so？〃〃You

are　beside　yourself！〃〃It　is　hope；　it　is　fancy！〃〃You　will　soon　see

me　as　I　am。I　am　almost　forty　years　of　age。　Can　a　man　love　so　old　a

woman？〃



D'Arthez　responded　with　impetuous　and　school…boy　eloquence；　larded

with　exaggerated　epithets。　When　the　princess　heard　this　wise　and　witty

writer　talking　the　nonsense　of　an　amorous　sub…lieutenant　she　listened

with　an　absorbed　air　and　much　sensibility；　but　she　laughed　in　her

sleeve。



When　d'Arthez　was　in　the　street；　he　asked　himself　whether　he　might　not

have　been　rather　less　re