camille-第38章

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untried　which　could　give　pain　to　Marguerite；　that　she　was　completely　upset　by　it；　and　that　the　scene　of　last　night　and　my　angry　letter　of　the　morning　had　forced　her　to　take　to　her　bed。　In　short；　without　making　any　reproach；　Marguerite　sent　to　ask　me　for　a　little　pity；　since　she　had　no　longer　the　moral　or　physical　strength　to　endure　what　I　was　making　her　suffer。

〃That　Mlle。　Gautier；〃　I　said　to　Prudence；　〃should　turn　me　out　of　her　own　house　is　quite　reasonable；　but　that　she　should　insult　the　woman　whom　I　love；　under　the　pretence　that　this　woman　is　my　mistress；　is　a　thing　I　will　never　permit。〃

〃My　friend；〃　said　Prudence；　〃you　are　under　the　influence　of　a　woman　who　has　neither　heart　nor　sense；　you　are　in　love　with　her；　it　is　true；　but　that　is　not　a　reason　for　torturing　a　woman　who　can　not　defend　herself。〃

〃Let　Mlle。　Gautier　send　me　her　Comte　de　N。　and　the　sides　will　be　equal。〃

〃You　know　very　well　that　she　will　not　do　that。　So；　my　dear　Armand；　let　her　alone。　If　you　saw　her　you　would　be　ashamed　of　the　way　in　which　you　are　treating　her。　She　is　white；　she　coughsshe　won't　last　long　now。〃

And　Prudence　held　out　her　hand　to　me；　adding：

〃Come　and　see　her；　it　will　make　her　very　happy。〃

〃I　have　no　desire　to　meet　M。　de　N。〃

〃M。　de　N。　is　never　there。　She　can　not　endure　him。〃

〃If　Marguerite　wishes　to　see　me；　she　knows　where　I　live；　let　her　come　to　see　me；　but；　for　my　part；　I　will　never　put　foot　in　the　Rue　d'Antin。〃

〃Will　you　receive　her　well？〃

〃Certainly。〃

〃Well；　I　am　sure　that　she　will　come。〃

〃Let　her　come。〃

〃Shall　you　be　out　to…day？〃

〃I　shall　be　at　home　all　the　evening。〃

〃I　will　tell　her。〃

And　Prudence　left　me。

I　did　not　even　write　to　tell　Olympe　not　to　expect　me。　I　never　troubled　much　about　her；　scarcely　going　to　see　her　one　night　a　week。　She　consoled　herself；　I　believe；　with　an　actor　from　some　theatre　or　other。

I　went　out　for　dinner　and　came　back　almost　immediately。　I　had　a　fire　lit　in　my　room　and　I　told　Joseph　he　could　go　out。

I　can　give　you　no　idea　of　the　different　impressions　which　agitated　me　during　the　hour　in　which　I　waited；　but　when；　toward　nine　o'clock；　I　heard　a　ring；　they　thronged　together　into　one　such　emotion；　that；　as　I　opened　the　door；　I　was　obliged　to　lean　against　the　wall　to　keep　myself　from　falling。

Fortunately　the　anteroom　was　in　half　darkness；　and　the　change　in　my　countenance　was　less　visible。　Marguerite　entered。

She　was　dressed　in　black　and　veiled。　I　could　scarcely　recognise　her　face　through　the　veil。　She　went　into　the　drawing…room　and　raised　her　veil。　She　was　pale　as　marble。

〃I　am　here；　Armand；〃　she　said；　〃you　wished　to　see　me　and　I　have　come。〃

And　letting　her　head　fall　on　her　hands；　she　burst　into　tears。

I　went　up　to　her。

〃What　is　the　matter？〃　I　said　to　her　in　a　low　voice。

She　pressed　my　hand　without　a　word；　for　tears　still　veiled　her　voice。　But　after　a　few　minutes；　recovering　herself　a　little；　she　said　to　me：

〃You　have　been　very　unkind　to　me；　Armand；　and　I　have　done　nothing　to　you。〃

〃Nothing？〃　I　answered；　with　a　bitter　smile。

〃Nothing　but　what　circumstances　forced　me　to　do。〃

I　do　not　know　if　you　have　ever　in　your　life　experienced；　or　if　you　will　ever　experience；　what　I　felt　at　the　sight　of　Marguerite。

The　last　time　she　had　come　to　see　me　she　had　sat　in　the　same　place　where　she　was　now　sitting；　only；　since　then；　she　had　been　the　mistress　of　another　man；　other　kisses　than　mine　had　touched　her　lips；　toward　which；　in　spite　of　myself；　my　own　reached　out；　and　yet　I　felt　that　I　loved　this　woman　as　much；　more　perhaps；　than　I　had　ever　loved　her。

It　was　difficult　for　me　to　begin　the　conversation　on　the　subject　which　brought　her。　Marguerite　no　doubt　realized　it；　for　she　went　on：

〃I　have　come　to　trouble　you；　Armand；　for　I　have　two　things　to　ask：　pardon　for　what　I　said　yesterday　to　Mlle。　Olympe；　and　pity　for　what　you　are　perhaps　still　ready　to　do　to　me。　Intentionally　or　not；　since　your　return　you　have　given　me　so　much　pain　that　I　should　be　incapable　now　of　enduring　a　fourth　part　of　what　I　have　endured　till　now。　You　will　have　pity　on　me；　won't　you？　And　you　will　understand　that　a　man　who　is　not　heartless　has　other　nobler　things　to　do　than　to　take　his　revenge　upon　a　sick　and　sad　woman　like　me。　See；　take　my　hand。　I　am　in　a　fever。　I　left　my　bed　to　come　to　you；　and　ask；　not　for　your　friendship；　but　for　your　indifference。〃

I　took　Marguerite's　hand。　It　was　burning；　and　the　poor　woman　shivered　under　her　fur　cloak。

I　rolled　the　arm…chair　in　which　she　was　sitting　up　to　the　fire。

〃Do　you　think；　then；　that　I　did　not　suffer；〃　said　I；　〃on　that　night　when；　after　waiting　for　you　in　the　country；　I　came　to　look　for　you　in　Paris；　and　found　nothing　but　the　letter　which　nearly　drove　me　mad？　How　could　you　have　deceived　me；　Marguerite；　when　I　loved　you　so　much？

〃Do　not　speak　of　that；　Armand；　I　did　not　come　to　speak　of　that。　I　wanted　to　see　you　only　not　an　enemy；　and　I　wanted　to　take　your　hand　once　more。　You　have　a　mistress；　she　is　young；　pretty；　you　love　her　they　say。　Be　happy　with　her　and　forget　me。〃

〃And　you。　You　are　happy；　no　doubt？〃

〃Have　I　the　face　of　a　happy　woman；　Armand？　Do　not　mock　my　sorrow；　you；　who　know　better　than　any　one　what　its　cause　and　its　depth　are。〃

〃It　only　depended　on　you　not　to　have　been　unhappy　at　all；　if　you　are　as　you　say。〃

〃No；　my　friend；　circumstances　were　stronger　than　my　will。　I　obeyed；　not　the　instincts　of　a　light　woman；　as　you　seem　to　say；　but　a　serious　necessity；　and　reasons　which　you　will　know　one　day；　and　which　will　make　you　forgive　me。〃

〃Why　do　you　not　tell　me　those　reasons　to…day？〃

〃Because　they　would　not　bring　about　an　impossible　reunion　between　us；　and　they　would　separate　you　perhaps　from　those　from　whom　you　must　not　be　separated。〃

〃Who　do　you　mean？〃

〃I　can　not　tell　you。〃

〃Then　you　are　lying　to　me。〃

Marguerite　rose　and　went　toward　the　door。　I　could　not　behold　this　silent　and　expressive　sorrow　without　being　touched；　when　I　compared　in　my　mind　this　pale　and　weeping　woman　with　the　madcap　who　had　made　fun　of　me　at　the　Opera　Comique。

〃You　shall　not　go；〃　I　said；　putting　myself　in　front　of　the　door。

〃Why？〃

〃Because；　in　spite　of　what　you　have　done　to　me；　I　love　you　always；　and　I　want　you　to　stay　here。〃

〃To　turn　me　out　to…morrow？　No；　it　is　impossible。　Our　destinies　are　separate；　do　not　try　to　reunite　them。　You　will　despise　me　perhaps；　while　now　you　can　only　hate　me。〃

〃No；　Marguerite；〃　I　cried；　feeling　all　my　love　and　all　my　desire　reawaken　at　the　contact　of　this　woman。　〃No；　I　will　forget　everything；　and　we　will　be　happy　as　we　promised　one　another　that　we　would　be。〃

Marguerite　shook　her　head　doubtfully；　and　said：

〃Am　I　not　your　slave；　your　dog？　Do　with　me　what　you　will。　Take　me；　I　am　yours。〃

And　throwing　off　her　cloak　and　hat；　she　flung　them　on　the　sofa；　and　began　hurriedly　to　undo　the　front　of　her　dress；　for；　by　one　of　those　reactions　so　frequent　in　her　malady；　the　blood　rushed　to　her　head　and　stifled　her。　A　hard；　dry　cough　followed。

〃Tell　my　coachman；〃　she　said；　〃to　go　back　with　the　carriage。〃

I　went　down　myself　and　sent　him　away。　When　I　returned　Marguerite　was　lying　in　front　of　the　fire；　and　her　teeth　chattered　with　the　cold。

I　took　her　in　my　arms。　I　undressed　her；　without　her　making　a　movement；　and　carried　her；　icy　cold；　to　the　bed。　Then　I　sat　beside　her　and　tried　to　warm　her　with　my　caresses。　She　did　not　speak　a　word；　but　smiled　at　me。

It　was　a　strange　night。　All　Marguerite's　life　seemed　to　have　passed　into　the　kisses　with　which　she　covered　me；　and　I　loved　her　so　much　that　in　my　transports　of　feverish　love　I　asked　myself　whether　I　should　not　kill　her；　so　that　she　might　never　belong　to　another。

A　month　of　love　like　that；　and　there　would　have　remained　only　the　corpse　of　heart　or　body。

The　dawn　found　us　both　awake。　Marguerite　was　livid　white。　She　did　not　speak　a　word。　From　time　to　time；　big　tears　rolled　from　her　eyes；　and　stayed　upon　her　cheeks；　shining　like　diamonds。　Her　thin　arms　opened；　from　time　to　time；　to　hold　me　fast；　and　fell　back　helplessly　upon　the　bed。

For　a　moment　it　seemed　to　me　as　if　I　could　forget　all　that　had　passed　since　I　had　left　Bougival；　and　I　said　to　Marguerite：

〃Shall　we　go　away　and　leave　Paris？〃

〃No；　no！〃　she　said；　al