camille-第35章

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called　out　my　name　to　the　porter；　who　had　had　from　me　enough　twenty…franc　pieces　to　know　that　I　had　the　right　to　call　on　Mlle。　Gautier　at　five　in　the　morning。　I　passed　without　difficulty。　I　might　have　asked　if　Marguerite　was　at　home；　but　he　might　have　said　〃No；〃　and　I　preferred　to　remain　in　doubt　two　minutes　longer；　for；　as　long　as　I　doubted；　there　was　still　hope。

I　listened　at　the　door；　trying　to　discover　a　sound；　a　movement。　Nothing。　The　silence　of　the　country　seemed　to　be　continued　here。　I　opened　the　door　and　entered。　All　the　curtains　were　hermetically　closed。　I　drew　those　of　the　dining…room　and　went　toward　the　bed…room　and　pushed　open　the　door。　I　sprang　at　the　curtain　cord　and　drew　it　violently。　The　curtain　opened；　a　faint　light　made　its　way　in。　I　rushed　to　the　bed。　It　was　empty。

I　opened　the　doors　one　after　another。　I　visited　every　room。　No　one。　It　was　enough　to　drive　one　mad。

I　went　into　the　dressing…room；　opened　the　window；　and　called　Prudence　several　times。　Mme。　Duvernoy's　window　remained　closed。

I　went　downstairs　to　the　porter　and　asked　him　if　Mlle。　Gautier　had　come　home　during　the　day。

〃Yes；〃　answered　the　man；　〃with　Mme。　Duvernoy。〃

〃She　left　no　word　for　me？〃

〃No。〃

〃Do　you　know　what　they　did　afterward？〃

〃They　went　away　in　a　carriage。〃

〃What　sort　of　a　carriage？〃

〃A　private　carriage。〃

What　could　it　all　mean？

I　rang　at　the　next　door。

〃Where　are　you　going；　sir？〃　asked　the　porter；　when　he　had　opened　to　me。

〃To　Mme。　Duvernoy's。〃

〃She　has　not　come　back。〃

〃You　are　sure？〃

〃Yes；　sir；　here's　a　letter　even；　which　was　brought　for　her　last　night　and　which　I　have　not　yet　given　her。〃

And　the　porter　showed　me　a　letter　which　I　glanced　at　mechanically。　I　recognised　Marguerite's　writing。　I　took　the　letter。　It　was　addressed；　〃To　Mme。　Duvernoy；　to　forward　to　M。　Duval。〃

〃This　letter　is　for　me；〃　I　said　to　the　porter；　as　I　showed　him　the　address。

〃You　are　M。　Duval？〃　he　replied。

〃Yes。

〃Ah！　I　remember。　You　often　came　to　see　Mme。　Duvernoy。〃

When　I　was　in　the　street　I　broke　the　seal　of　the　letter。　If　a　thunder…bolt　had　fallen　at　my　feet　I　should　have　been　less　startled　than　I　was　by　what　I　read。

〃By　the　time　you　read　this　letter；　Armand；　I　shall　be　the　mistress　of　another　man。　All　is　over　between　us。

〃Go　back　to　your　father；　my　friend；　and　to　your　sister；　and　there；　by　the　side　of　a　pure　young　girl；　ignorant　of　all　our　miseries；　you　will　soon　forget　what　you　would　have　suffered　through　that　lost　creature　who　is　called　Marguerite　Gautier；　whom　you　have　loved　for　an　instant；　and　who　owes　to　you　the　only　happy　moments　of　a　life　which；　she　hopes；　will　not　be　very　long　now。〃

When　I　had　read　the　last　word；　I　thought　I　should　have　gone　mad。　For　a　moment　I　was　really　afraid　of　falling　in　the　street。　A　cloud　passed　before　my　eyes　and　my　blood　beat　in　my　temples。　At　last　I　came　to　myself　a　little。　I　looked　about　me；　and　was　astonished　to　see　the　life　of　others　continue　without　pausing　at　my　distress。

I　was　not　strong　enough　to　endure　the　blow　alone。　Then　I　remembered　that　my　father　was　in　the　same　city；　that　I　might　be　with　him　in　ten　minutes；　and　that；　whatever　might　be　the　cause　of　my　sorrow；　he　would　share　it。

I　ran　like　a　madman；　like　a　thief；　to　the　Hotel　de　Paris；　I　found　the　key　in　the　door　of　my　father's　room；　I　entered。　He　was　reading。　He　showed　so　little　astonishment　at　seeing　me；　that　it　was　as　if　he　was　expecting　me。　I　flung　myself　into　his　arms　without　saying　a　word。　I　gave　him　Marguerite's　letter；　and；　falling　on　my　knees　beside　his　bed；　I　wept　hot　tears。



Chapter　23

When　the　current　of　life　had　resumed　its　course；　I　could　not　believe　that　the　day　which　I　saw　dawning　would　not　be　like　those　which　had　preceded　it。　There　were　moments　when　I　fancied　that　some　circumstance；　which　I　could　not　recollect；　had　obliged　me　to　spend　the　night　away　from　Marguerite；　but　that；　if　I　returned　to　Bougival；　I　should　find　her　again　as　anxious　as　I　had　been；　and　that　she　would　ask　me　what　had　detained　me　away　from　her　so　long。

When　one's　existence　has　contracted　a　habit；　such　as　that　of　this　love；　it　seems　impossible　that　the　habit　should　be　broken　without　at　the　same　time　breaking　all　the　other　springs　of　life。　I　was　forced　from　time　to　time　to　reread　Marguerite's　letter；　in　order　to　convince　myself　that　I　had　not　been　dreaming。

My　body；　succumbing　to　the　moral　shock；　was　incapable　of　movement。　Anxiety；　the　night　walk；　and　the　morning's　news　had　prostrated　me。　My　father　profited　by　this　total　prostration　of　all　my　faculties　to　demand　of　me　a　formal　promise　to　accompany　him。　I　promised　all　that　he　asked；　for　I　was　incapable　of　sustaining　a　discussion；　and　I　needed　some　affection　to　help　me　to　live；　after　what　had　happened。　I　was　too　thankful　that　my　father　was　willing　to　console　me　under　such　a　calamity。

All　that　I　remember　is　that　on　that　day；　about　five　o'clock；　he　took　me　with　him　in　a　post…chaise。　Without　a　word　to　me；　he　had　had　my　luggage　packed　and　put　up　behind　the　chaise　with　his　own；　and　so　he　carried　me　off。　I　did　not　realize　what　I　was　doing　until　the　town　had　disappeared　and　the　solitude　of　the　road　recalled　to　me　the　emptiness　of　my　heart。　Then　my　tears　again　began　to　flow。

My　father　had　realized　that　words；　even　from　him；　would　do　nothing　to　console　me；　and　he　let　me　weep　without　saying　a　word；　only　sometimes　pressing　my　hand；　as　if　to　remind　me　that　I　had　a　friend　at　my　side。

At　night　I　slept　a　little。　I　dreamed　of　Marguerite。

I　woke　with　a　start；　not　recalling　why　I　was　in　the　carriage。　Then　the　truth　came　back　upon　me；　and　I　let　my　head　sink　on　my　breast。　I　dared　not　say　anything　to　my　father。　I　was　afraid　he　would　say；　〃You　see　I　was　right　when　I　declared　that　this　woman　did　not　love　you。〃　But　he　did　not　use　his　advantage；　and　we　reached　C。　without　his　having　said　anything　to　me　except　to　speak　of　matters　quite　apart　from　the　event　which　had　occasioned　my　leaving　Paris。

When　I　embraced　my　sister；　I　remembered　what　Marguerite　had　said　about　her　in　her　letter；　and　I　saw　at　once　how　little　my　sister；　good　as　she　was；　would　be　able　to　make　me　forget　my　mistress。

Shooting　had　begun；　and　my　father　thought　that　it　would　be　a　distraction　for　me。　He　got　up　shooting　parties　with　friends　and　neighbours。　I　went　without　either　reluctance　or　enthusiasm；　with　that　sort　of　apathy　into　which　I　had　sunk　since　my　departure。

We　were　beating　about　for　game　and　I　was　given　my　post。　I　put　down　my　unloaded　gun　at　my　side；　and　meditated。　I　watched　the　clouds　pass。　I　let　my　thought　wander　over　the　solitary　plains；　and　from　time　to　time　I　heard　some　one　call　to　me　and　point　to　a　hare　not　ten　paces　off。　None　of　these　details　escaped　my　father；　and　he　was　not　deceived　by　my　exterior　calm。　He　was　well　aware　that；　broken　as　I　now　was；　I　should　some　day　experience　a　terrible　reaction；　which　might　be　dangerous；　and；　without　seeming　to　make　any　effort　to　console　me；　he　did　his　utmost　to　distract　my　thoughts。

My　sister；　naturally；　knew　nothing　of　what　had　happened；　and　she　could　not　understand　how　it　was　that　I；　who　had　formerly　been　so　lighthearted；　had　suddenly　become　so　sad　and　dreamy。

Sometimes；　surprising　in　the　midst　of　my　sadness　my　father's　anxious　scrutiny；　I　pressed　his　hand　as　if　to　ask　him　tacitly　to　forgive　me　for　the　pain　which；　in　spite　of　myself；　I　was　giving　him。

Thus　a　month　passed；　but　at　the　end　of　that　time　I　could　endure　it　no　longer。　The　memory　of　Marguerite　pursued　me　unceasingly。　I　had　loved；　I　still　loved　this　woman　so　much　that　I　could　not　suddenly　become　indifferent　to　her。　I　had　to　love　or　to　hate　her。　Above　all；　whatever　I　felt　for　her；　I　had　to　see　her　again；　and　at　once。　This　desire　possessed　my　mind；　and　with　all　the　violence　of　a　will　which　had　begun　to　reassert　itself　in　a　body　so　long　inert。

It　was　not　enough　for　me　to　see　Marguerite　in　a　month；　a　week。　I　had　to　see　her　the　very　next　day　after　the　day　when　the　thought　had　occurred　to　me；　and　I　went　to　my　father　and　told　him　that　I　had　been　called　to　Paris　on　business；　but　that　I　should　return　promptly。　No　doubt　he　guessed　the　reason　of　my　departure；　for　he　insisted　that　I　should　stay；　but；　seeing　that　if　I　did　not　carry　out　my　intention　the　consequences；　in　the　state