camille-第23章

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y　saying　that　she　could　not　see　me；　and　I　returned　home；　after　passing　through　the　Rue　d'Antin。　Again　I　asked　my　porter　if　there　was　a　letter　for　me。　Nothing！　She　is　waiting　to　see　if　I　shall　take　some　fresh　step；　and　if　I　retract　my　letter　of　to…day；　I　said　to　myself　as　I　went　to　bed；　but；　seeing　that　I　do　not　write；　she　will　write　to　me　to…morrow。

That　night；　more　than　ever；　I　reproached　myself　for　what　I　had　done。　I　was　alone；　unable　to　sleep；　devoured　by　restlessness　and　jealousy；　when　by　simply　letting　things　take　their　natural　course　I　should　have　been　with　Marguerite；　hearing　the　delicious　words　which　I　had　heard　only　twice；　and　which　made　my　ears　burn　in　my　solitude。

The　most　frightful　part　of　the　situation　was　that　my　judgment　was　against　me；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　everything　went　to　prove　that　Marguerite　loved　me。　First；　her　proposal　to　spend　the　summer　with　me　in　the　country；　then　the　certainty　that　there　was　no　reason　why　she　should　be　my　mistress；　since　my　income　was　insufficient　for　her　needs　and　even　for　her　caprices。　There　could　not　then　have　been　on　her　part　anything　but　the　hope　of　finding　in　me　a　sincere　affection；　able　to　give　her　rest　from　the　mercenary　loves　in　whose　midst　she　lived；　and　on　the　very　second　day　I　had　destroyed　this　hope；　and　paid　by　impertinent　irony　for　the　love　which　I　had　accepted　during　two　nights。　What　I　had　done　was　therefore　not　merely　ridiculous；　it　was　indelicate。　I　had　not　even　paid　the　woman；　that　I　might　have　some　right　to　find　fault　with　her；　withdrawing　after　two　days；　was　I　not　like　a　parasite　of　love；　afraid　of　having　to　pay　the　bill　of　the　banquet？　What！　I　had　only　known　Marguerite　for　thirty…six　hours；　I　had　been　her　lover　for　only　twenty…four；　and　instead　of　being　too　happy　that　she　should　grant　me　all　that　she　did；　I　wanted　to　have　her　all　to　myself；　and　to　make　her　sever　at　one　stroke　all　her　past　relations　which　were　the　revenue　of　her　future。　What　had　I　to　reproach　in　her？　Nothing。　She　had　written　to　say　she　was　unwell；　when　she　might　have　said　to　me　quite　crudely；　with　the　hideous　frankness　of　certain　women；　that　she　had　to　see　a　lover；　and；　instead　of　believing　her　letter；　instead　of　going　to　any　street　in　Paris　except　the　Rue　d'Antin；　instead　of　spending　the　evening　with　my　friends；　and　presenting　myself　next　day　at　the　appointed　hour；　I　was　acting　the　Othello；　spying　upon　her；　and　thinking　to　punish　her　by　seeing　her　no　more。　But；　on　the　contrary；　she　ought　to　be　enchanted　at　this　separation。　She　ought　to　find　me　supremely　foolish；　and　her　silence　was　not　even　that　of　rancour；　it　was　contempt。

I　might　have　made　Marguerite　a　present　which　would　leave　no　doubt　as　to　my　generosity　and　permit　me　to　feel　properly　quits　of　her；　as　of　a　kept　woman；　but　I　should　have　felt　that　I　was　offending　by　the　least　appearance　of　trafficking；　if　not　the　love　which　she　had　for　me；　at　all　events　the　love　which　I　had　for　her；　and　since　this　love　was　so　pure　that　it　could　admit　no　division；　it　could　not　pay　by　a　present；　however　generous；　the　happiness　that　it　had　received；　however　short　that　happiness　had　been。

That　is　what　I　said　to　myself　all　night　long；　and　what　I　was　every　moment　prepared　to　go　and　say　to　Marguerite。　When　the　day　dawned　I　was　still　sleepless。　I　was　in　a　fever。　I　could　think　of　nothing　but　Marguerite。

As　you　can　imagine；　it　was　time　to　take　a　decided　step；　and　finish　either　with　the　woman　or　with　one's　scruples；　if；　that　is；　she　would　still　be　willing　to　see　me。　But　you　know　well；　one　is　always　slow　in　taking　a　decided　step；　so；　unable　to　remain　within　doors　and　not　daring　to　call　on　Marguerite；　I　made　one　attempt　in　her　direction；　an　attempt　that　I　could　always　look　upon　as　a　mere　chance　if　it　succeeded。

It　was　nine　o'clock；　and　I　went　at　once　to　call　upon　Prudence；　who　asked　to　what　she　owed　this　early　visit。　I　dared　not　tell　her　frankly　what　brought　me。　I　replied　that　I　had　gone　out　early　in　order　to　reserve　a　place　in　the　diligence　for　C。；　where　my　father　lived。

〃You　are　fortunate；〃　she　said；　〃in　being　able　to　get　away　from　Paris　in　this　fine　weather。〃

I　looked　at　Prudence；　asking　myself　whether　she　was　laughing　at　me；　but　her　face　was　quite　serious。

〃Shall　you　go　and　say　good…bye　to　Marguerite？〃　she　continued；　as　seriously　as　before。

〃No。〃

〃You　are　quite　right。〃

〃You　think　so？〃

〃Naturally。　Since　you　have　broken　with　her；　why　should　you　see　her　again？〃

〃You　know　it　is　broken　off？〃

〃She　showed　me　your　letter。〃

〃What　did　she　say　about　it？〃

〃She　said：　'My　dear　Prudence；　your　protege　is　not　polite；　one　thinks　such　letters；　one　does　not　write　them。〃'

〃In　what　tone　did　she　say　that？〃

〃Laughingly；　and　she　added：　〃He　has　had　supper　with　me　twice；　and　hasn't　even　called。〃'

That；　then；　was　the　effect　produced　by　my　letter　and　my　jealousy。　I　was　cruelly　humiliated　in　the　vanity　of　my　affection。

〃What　did　she　do　last　night？〃

〃She　went　to　the　opera。〃

〃I　know。　And　afterward？〃

〃She　had　supper　at　home。〃

〃Alone？〃

〃With　the　Comte　de　G。；　I　believe。〃

So　my　breaking　with　her　had　not　changed　one　of　her　habits。　It　is　for　such　reasons　as　this　that　certain　people　say　to　you：　Don't　have　anything　more　to　do　with　the　woman；　she　cares　nothing　about　you。

〃Well；　I　am　very　glad　to　find　that　Marguerite　does　not　put　herself　out　for　me；〃　I　said　with　a　forced　smile。

〃She　has　very　good　reason　not　to。　You　have　done　what　you　were　bound　to　do。　You　have　been　more　reasonable　than　she；　for　she　was　really　in　love　with　you；　she　did　nothing　but　talk　of　you。　I　don't　know　what　she　would　not　have　been　capable　of　doing。〃

〃Why　hasn't　she　answered　me；　if　she　was　in　love　with　me？〃

〃Because　she　realizes　she　was　mistaken　in　letting　herself　love　you。　Women　sometimes　allow　you　to　be　unfaithful　to　their　love；　they　never　allow　you　to　wound　their　self…esteem；　and　one　always　wounds　the　self…esteem　of　a　woman　when；　two　days　after　one　has　become　her　lover；　one　leaves　her；　no　matter　for　what　reason。　I　know　Marguerite；　she　would　die　sooner　than　reply。〃

〃What　can　I　do；　then？〃

〃Nothing。　She　will　forget　you；　you　will　forget　her；　and　neither　will　have　any　reproach　to　make　against　the　other。〃

〃But　if　I　write　and　ask　her　forgiveness？〃

〃Don't　do　that；　for　she　would　forgive　you。〃

I　could　have　flung　my　arms　round　Prudence's　neck。

A　quarter　of　an　hour　later　I　was　once　more　in　my　own　quarters；　and　I　wrote　to　Marguerite：

〃Some　one；　who　repents　of　a　letter　that　he　wrote　yesterday　and　who　will　leave　Paris　to…morrow　if　you　do　not　forgive　him；　wishes　to　know　at　what　hour　he　might　lay　his　repentance　at　your　feet。

〃When　can　he　find　you　alone？　for；　you　know；　confessions　must　be　made　without　witnesses。〃

I　folded　this　kind　of　madrigal　in　prose；　and　sent　it　by　Joseph；　who　handed　it　to　Marguerite　herself；　she　replied　that　she　would　send　the　answer　later。

I　only　went　out　to　have　a　hasty　dinner；　and　at　eleven　in　the　evening　no　reply　had　come。　I　made　up　my　mind　to　endure　it　no　longer；　and　to　set　out　next　day。　In　consequence　of　this　resolution；　and　convinced　that　I　should　not　sleep　if　I　went　to　bed；　I　began　to　pack　up　my　things。



Chapter　15

It　was　hardly　an　hour　after　Joseph　and　I　had　begun　preparing　for　my　departure；　when　there　was　a　violent　ring　at　the　door。

〃Shall　I　go　to　the　door？〃　said　Joseph。

〃Go；〃　I　said；　asking　myself　who　it　could　be　at　such　an　hour；　and　not　daring　to　believe　that　it　was　Marguerite。

〃Sir；〃　said　Joseph　coming　back　to　me；　〃it　is　two　ladies。〃

〃It　is　we；　Armand；〃　cried　a　voice　that　I　recognised　as　that　of　Prudence。

I　came　out　of　my　room。　Prudence　was　standing　looking　around　the　place；　Marguerite；　seated　on　the　sofa；　was　meditating。　I　went　to　her；　knelt　down；　took　her　two　hands；　and；　deeply　moved；　said　to　her；　〃Pardon。〃

She　kissed　me　on　the　forehead；　and　said：

〃This　is　the　third　time　that　I　have　forgiven　you。〃

〃I　should　have　gone　away　to…morrow。〃

〃How　can　my　visit　change　your　plans？　I　have　not　come　to　hinder　you　from　leaving　Paris。　I　have　come　because　I　had　no　time　to　answer　you　during　the　day；　and　I　did　not　wish　to　let　you　think　that　I　was　angry　with　you。　Prudence　didn't　want　me　to　come；　she　said　that　I　might　be　in　the　way。〃

〃You　in　the　way；　Marguerite！　But　how？〃

〃Well；　you　migh