camille-第19章

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I　did　not　make　these　reflections　on　the　morning　when　I　returned　home。　They　could　but　have　been　the　presentiment　of　what　was　to　happen　to　me；　and；　despite　my　love　for　Marguerite；　I　did　not　foresee　such　consequences。　I　make　these　reflections　to…day。　Now　that　all　is　irrevocably　ended；　they　a　rise　naturally　out　of　what　has　taken　place。

But　to　return　to　the　first　day　of　my　liaison。　When　I　reached　home　I　was　in　a　state　of　mad　gaiety。　As　I　thought　of　how　the　barriers　which　my　imagination　had　placed　between　Marguerite　and　myself　had　disappeared；　of　how　she　was　now　mine；　of　the　place　I　now　had　in　her　thoughts；　of　the　key　to　her　room　which　I　had　in　my　pocket；　and　of　my　right　to　use　this　key；　I　was　satisfied　with　life；　proud　of　myself；　and　I　loved　God　because　he　had　let　such　things　be。

One　day　a　young　man　is　passing　in　the　street；　he　brushes　against　a　woman；　looks　at　her；　turns；　goes　on　his　way。　He　does　not　know　the　woman；　and　she　has　pleasures；　griefs；　loves；　in　which　he　has　no　part。　He　does　not　exist　for　her；　and　perhaps；　if　he　spoke　to　her；　she　would　only　laugh　at　him；　as　Marguerite　had　laughed　at　me。　Weeks；　months；　years　pass；　and　all　at　once；　when　they　have　each　followed　their　fate　along　a　different　path；　the　logic　of　chance　brings　them　face　to　face。　The　woman　becomes　the　man's　mistress　and　loves　him。　How？　why？　Their　two　existences　are　henceforth　one；　they　have　scarcely　begun　to　know　one　another　when　it　seems　as　if　they　had　known　one　another　always；　and　all　that　had　gone　before　is　wiped　out　from　the　memory　of　the　two　lovers。　It　is　curious；　one　must　admit。

As　for　me；　I　no　longer　remembered　how　I　had　lived　before　that　night。　My　whole　being　was　exalted　into　joy　at　the　memory　of　the　words　we　had　exchanged　during　that　first　night。　Either　Marguerite　was　very　clever　in　deception；　or　she　had　conceived　for　me　one　of　those　sudden　passions　which　are　revealed　in　the　first　kiss；　and　which　die；　often　enough；　as　suddenly　as　they　were　born。

The　more　I　reflected　the　more　I　said　to　myself　that　Marguerite　had　no　reason　for　feigning　a　love　which　she　did　not　feel；　and　I　said　to　myself　also　that　women　have　two　ways　of　loving；　one　of　which　may　arise　from　the　other：　they　love　with　the　heart　or　with　the　senses。　Often　a　woman　takes　a　lover　in　obedience　to　the　mere　will　of　the　senses；　and　learns　without　expecting　it　the　mystery　of　immaterial　love；　and　lives　henceforth　only　through　her　heart；　often　a　girl　who　has　sought　in　marriage　only　the　union　of　two　pure　affections　receives　the　sudden　revelation　of　physical　love；　that　energetic　conclusion　of　the　purest　impressions　of　the　soul。

In　the　midst　of　these　thoughts　I　fell　asleep；　I　was　awakened　by　a　letter　from　Marguerite　containing　these　words：

〃Here　are　my　orders：　To…night　at　the　Vaudeville。

〃Come　during　the　third　entr'acte。〃

I　put　the　letter　into　a　drawer；　so　that　I　might　always　have　it　at　band　in　case　I　doubted　its　reality；　as　I　did　from　time　to　time。

She　did　not　tell　me　to　come　to　see　her　during　the　day；　and　I　dared　not　go；　but　I　had　so　great　a　desire　to　see　her　before　the　evening　that　I　went　to　the　Champs…Elysees；　where　I　again　saw　her　pass　and　repass；　as　I　had　on　the　previous　day。

At　seven　o'clock　I　was　at　the　Vaudeville。　Never　had　I　gone　to　a　theatre　so　early。　The　boxes　filled　one　after　another。　Only　one　remained　empty；　the　stage　box。　At　the　beginning　of　the　third　act　I　heard　the　door　of　the　box；　on　which　my　eyes　had　been　almost　constantly　fixed；　open；　and　Marguerite　appeared。　She　came　to　the　front　at　once；　looked　around　the　stalls；　saw　me；　and　thanked　me　with　a　look。

That　night　she　was　marvellously　beautiful。　Was　I　the　cause　of　this　coquetry？　Did　she　love　me　enough　to　believe　that　the　more　beautiful　she　looked　the　happier　I　should　be？　I　did　not　know；　but　if　that　had　been　her　intention　she　certainly　succeeded；　for　when　she　appeared　all　heads　turned；　and　the　actor　who　was　then　on　the　stage　looked　to　see　who　had　produced　such　an　effect　on　the　audience　by　her　mere　presence　there。

And　I　had　the　key　of　this　woman's　room；　and　in　three　or　four　hours　she　would　again　be　mine！

People　blame　those　who　let　themselves　be　ruined　by　actresses　and　kept　women；　what　astonishes　me　is　that　twenty　times　greater　follies　are　not　committed　for　them。　One　must　have　lived　that　life；　as　I　have；　to　know　how　much　the　little　vanities　which　they　afford　their　lovers　every　day　help　to　fasten　deeper　into　the　heart；　since　we　have　no　other　word　for　it；　the　love　which　he　has　for　them。

Prudence　next　took　her　place　in　the　box；　and　a　man；　whom　I　recognised　as　the　Comte　de　G。；　seated　himself　at　the　back。　As　I　saw　him；　a　cold　shiver　went　through　my　heart。

Doubtless　Marguerite　perceived　the　impression　made　on　me　by　the　presence　of　this　man；　for　she　smiled　to　me　again；　and；　turning　her　back　to　the　count；　appeared　to　be　very　attentive　to　the　play。　At　the　third　entr'acte　she　turned　and　said　two　words：　the　count　left　the　box；　and　Marguerite　beckoned　to　me　to　come　to　her。

〃Good…evening；〃　she　said　as　I　entered；　holding　out　her　hand。

〃Good…evening；〃　I　replied　to　both　Marguerite　and　Prudence。

〃Sit　down。〃

〃But　I　am　taking　some　one's　place。　Isn't　the　Comte　de　G。　coming　back？〃

〃Yes；　I　sent　him　to　fetch　some　sweets；　so　that　we　could　talk　by　ourselves　for　a　moment。　Mme。　Duvernoy　is　in　the　secret。〃

〃Yes；　my　children；〃　said　she；　〃have　no　fear。　I　shall　say　nothing。〃

〃What　is　the　matter　with　you　to…night？〃　said　Marguerite；　rising　and　coming　to　the　back　of　the　box　and　kissing　me　on　the　forehead。

〃I　am　not　very　well。〃

〃You　should　go　to　bed；〃　she　replied；　with　that　ironical　air　which　went　so　well　with　her　delicate　and　witty　face。

〃Where？〃

〃At　home。〃

〃You　know　that　I　shouldn't　be　able　to　sleep　there。〃

〃Well；　then；　it　won't　do　for　you　to　come　and　be　pettish　here　because　you　have　seen　a　man　in　my　box。〃

〃It　is　not　for　that　reason。〃

〃Yes；　it　is。　I　know；　and　you　are　wrong；　so　let　us　say　no　more　about　it。　You　will　go　back　with　Prudence　after　the　theatre；　and　you　will　stay　there　till　I　call。　Do　you　understand？〃

〃Yes。〃

How　could　I　disobey？

〃You　still　love　me？〃

〃Can　you　ask？〃

〃You　have　thought　of　me？〃

〃All　day　long。〃

〃Do　you　know　that　I　am　really　afraid　that　I　shall　get　very　fond　of　you？　Ask　Prudence。〃

〃Ah；〃　said　she；　〃it　is　amazing！〃

〃Now；　you　must　go　back　to　your　seat。　The　count　will　be　coming　back；　and　there　is　nothing　to　be　gained　by　his　finding　you　here。〃

〃Because　you　don't　like　seeing　him。〃

〃No；　only　if　you　had　told　me　that　you　wanted　to　come　to　the　Vaudeville　to…night　I　could　have　got　this　box　for　you　as　well　as　he。〃

〃Unfortunately；　he　got　it　for　me　without　my　asking　him；　and　he　asked　me　to　go　with　him；　you　know　well　enough　that　I　couldn't　refuse。　All　I　could　do　was　to　write　and　tell　you　where　I　was　going；　so　that　you　could　see　me；　and　because　I　wanted　to　see　you　myself；　but　since　this　is　the　way　you　thank　me；　I　shall　profit　by　the　lesson。〃

〃I　was　wrong；　forgive　me。〃

〃Well　and　good；　and　now　go　back　nicely　to　your　place；　and；　above　all；　no　more　jealousy。〃

She　kissed　me　again；　and　I　left　the　box。　In　the　passage　I　met　the　count　coming　back。　I　returned　to　my　seat。

After　all；　the　presence　of　M。　de　G。　in　Marguerite's　box　was　the　most　natural　thing　in　the　world。　He　had　been　her　lover；　he　sent　her　a　box；　he　accompanied　her　to　the　theatre；　it　was　all　quite　natural；　and　if　I　was　to　have　a　mistress　like　Marguerite　I　should　have　to　get　used　to　her　ways。

Nonetheless；　I　was　very　unhappy　all　the　rest　of　the　evening；　and　went　away　very　sadly　after　having　seen　Prudence；　the　count；　and　Marguerite　get　into　the　carriage；　which　was　waiting　for　them　at　the　door。

However；　a　quarter　of　an　hour　later　I　was　at　Prudence's。　She　had　only　just　got　in。



Chapter　13

〃You　have　come　almost　as　quickly　as　we；〃　said　Prudence。

〃Yes；〃　I　answered　mechanically。　〃Where　is　Marguerite？〃

〃At　home。〃

〃Alone？〃

〃With　M。　de　G。〃

I　walked　to　and　fro　in　the　room。

〃Well；　what　is　the　matter？〃

〃Do　you　think　it　amuses　me　to　wait　here　till　M。　de　G。　leaves　Marguerite's？〃

〃How　unreasonable　you　are！　Don't　you　see　that　Marguerite　can't　turn　the　count　out　of　doors？　M。　de　G。　has　been　with　her　for　a　long　time；　he　has　always　given　her　a　lot　of　money；　he　still　does。　Margu