camille-第16章

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〃But　I　forewarn　you　I　must　be　free　to　do　as　I　please；　without　giving　you　the　slightest　details　what　I　do。　I　have　long　wished　for　a　young　lover；　who　should　be　young　and　not　self…willed；　loving　without　distrust；　loved　without　claiming　the　right　to　it。　I　have　never　found　one。　Men；　instead　of　being　satisfied　in　obtaining　for　a　long　time　what　they　scarcely　hoped　to　obtain　once；　exact　from　their　mistresses　a　full　account　of　the　present；　the　past；　and　even　the　future。　As　they　get　accustomed　to　her；　they　want　to　rule　her；　and　the　more　one　gives　them　the　more　exacting　they　become。　If　I　decide　now　on　taking　a　new　lover；　he　must　have　three　very　rare　qualities：　he　must　be　confiding；　submissive；　and　discreet。〃

〃Well；　I　will　be　all　that　you　wish。〃

〃We　shall　see。〃

〃When　shall　we　see？〃

〃Later　on。〃

〃Why？〃

〃Because；〃　said　Marguerite；　releasing　herself　from　my　arms；　and；　taking　from　a　great　bunch　of　red　camellias　a　single　camellia；　she　placed　it　in　my　buttonhole；　〃because　one　can　not　always　carry　out　agreements　the　day　they　are　signed。〃

〃And　when　shall　I　see　you　again？〃　I　said；　clasping　her　in　my　arms。

〃When　this　camellia　changes　colour。〃

〃When　will　it　change　colour？〃

〃To…morrow　night　between　eleven　and　twelve。　Are　you　satisfied？〃

〃Need　you　ask　me？〃

〃Not　a　word　of　this　either　to　your　friend　or　to　Prudence；　or　to　anybody　whatever。〃

〃I　promise。〃

〃Now；　kiss　me；　and　we　will　go　back　to　the　dining…room。〃

She　held　up　her　lips　to　me；　smoothed　her　hair　again；　and　we　went　out　of　the　room；　she　singing；　and　I　almost　beside　myself。

In　the　next　room　she　stopped　for　a　moment　and　said　to　me　in　a　low　voice：

〃It　must　seem　strange　to　you　that　I　am　ready　to　take　you　at　a　moment's　notice。　Shall　I　tell　you　why？　It　is；〃　she　continued；　taking　my　hand　and　placing　it　against　her　heart　so　that　I　could　feel　how　rapidly　and　violently　it　palpitated；　〃it　is　because　I　shall　not　live　as　long　as　others；　and　I　have　promised　myself　to　live　more　quickly。〃

〃Don't　speak　to　me　like　that；　I　entreat　you。〃

〃Oh；　make　yourself　easy；〃　she　continued；　laughing；　〃however　short　a　time　I　have　to　live；　I　shall　live　longer　than　you　will　love　me！〃

And　she　went　singing　into　the　dining…room。

〃Where　is　Nanine？〃　she　said；　seeing　Gaston　and　Prudence　alone。

〃She　is　asleep　in　your　room；　waiting　till　you　are　ready　to　go　to　bed；〃　replied　Prudence。

〃Poor　thing；　I　am　killing　her！　And　now　gentlemen；　it　is　time　to　go。〃

Ten　minutes　after；　Gaston　and　I　left　the　house。　Marguerite　shook　hands　with　me　and　said　good…bye。　Prudence　remained　behind。

〃Well；〃　said　Gaston；　when　we　were　in　the　street；　〃what　do　you　think　of　Marguerite？〃

〃She　is　an　angel；　and　I　am　madly　in　love　with　her。〃　〃So　I　guessed；　did　you　tell　her　so？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃And　did　she　promise　to　believe　you？〃

〃No。〃

〃She　is　not　like　Prudence。〃

〃Did　she　promise　to？〃

〃Better　still；　my　dear　fellow。　You　wouldn't　think　it；　but　she　is　still　not　half　bad；　poor　old　Duvernoy！〃



Chapter　11

At　this　point　Armand　stopped。

〃Would　you　close　the　window　for　me？〃　he　said。　〃I　am　beginning　to　feel　cold。　Meanwhile；　I　will　get　into　bed。〃

I　closed　the　window。　Armand；　who　was　still　very　weak；　took　off　his　dressing…gown　and　lay　down　in　bed；　resting　his　head　for　a　few　moments　on　the　pillow；　like　a　man　who　is　tired　by　much　talking　or　disturbed　by　painful　memories。

〃Perhaps　you　have　been　talking　too　much；〃　I　said　to　him。　〃Would　you　rather　for　me　to　go　and　leave　you　to　sleep？　You　can　tell　me　the　rest　of　the　story　another　day。〃

〃Are　you　tired　of　listening　to　it？〃

〃Quite　the　contrary。〃

〃Then　I　will　go　on。　If　you　left　me　alone；　I　should　not　sleep。〃

When　I　returned　home　（he　continued；　without　needing　to　pause　and　recollect　himself；　so　fresh　were　all　the　details　in　his　mind）；　I　did　not　go　to　bed；　but　began　to　reflect　over　the　day's　adventure。　The　meeting；　the　introduction；　the　promise　of　Marguerite；　had　followed　one　another　so　rapidly；　and　so　unexpectedly；　that　there　were　moments　when　it　seemed　to　me　I　had　been　dreaming。　Nevertheless；　it　was　not　the　first　time　that　a　girl　like　Marguerite　had　promised　herself　to　a　man　on　the　morrow　of　the　day　on　which　he　had　asked　for　the　promise。

Though；　indeed；　I　made　this　reflection；　the　first　impression　produced　on　me　by　my　future　mistress　was　so　strong　that　it　still　persisted。　I　refused　obstinately　to　see　in　her　a　woman　like　other　women；　and；　with　the　vanity　so　common　to　all　men；　I　was　ready　to　believe　that　she　could　not　but　share　the　attraction　which　drew　me　to　her。

Yet；　I　had　before　me　plenty　of　instances　to　the　contrary；　and　I　had　often　heard　that　the　affection　of　Marguerite　was　a　thing　to　be　had　more　or　less　dear；　according　to　the　season。

But；　on　the　other　hand；　how　was　I　to　reconcile　this　reputation　with　her　constant　refusal　of　the　young　count　whom　we　had　found　at　her　house？　You　may　say　that　he　was　unattractive　to　her；　and　that；　as　she　was　splendidly　kept　by　the　duke；　she　would　be　more　likely　to　choose　a　man　who　was　attractive　to　her；　if　she　were　to　take　another　lover。　If　so；　why　did　she　not　choose　Gaston；　who　was　rich；　witty；　and　charming；　and　why　did　she　care　for　me；　whom　she　had　thought　so　ridiculous　the　first　time　she　had　seen　me？

It　is　true　that　there　are　events　of　a　moment　which　tell　more　than　the　courtship　of　a　year。　Of　those　who　were　at　the　supper；　I　was　the　only　one　who　had　been　concerned　at　her　leaving　the　table。　I　had　followed　her；　I　had　been　so　affected　as　to　be　unable　to　hide　it　from　her；　I　had　wept　as　I　kissed　her　hand。　This　circumstance；　added　to　my　daily　visits　during　the　two　months　of　her　illness；　might　have　shown　her　that　I　was　somewhat　different　from　the　other　men　she　knew；　and　perhaps　she　had　said　to　herself　that　for　a　love　which　could　thus　manifest　itself　she　might　well　do　what　she　had　done　so　often　that　it　had　no　more　consequence　for　her。

All　these　suppositions；　as　you　may　see；　were　improbable　enough；　but　whatever　might　have　been　the　reason　of　her　consent；　one　thing　was　certain；　she　had　consented。

Now；　I　was　in　love　with　Marguerite。　I　had　nothing　more　to　ask　of　her。　Nevertheless；　though　she　was　only　a　kept　woman；　I　had　so　anticipated　for　myself；　perhaps　to　poetize　it　a　little；　a　hopeless　love；　that　the　nearer　the　moment　approached　when　I　should　have　nothing　more　to　hope；　the　more　I　doubted。　I　did　not　close　my　eyes　all　night。

I　scarcely　knew　myself。　I　was　half　demented。　Now；　I　seemed　to　myself　not　handsome　or　rich　or　elegant　enough　to　possess　such　a　woman；　now　I　was　filled　with　vanity　at　the　thought　of　it；　then　I　began　to　fear　lest　Marguerite　had　no　more　than　a　few　days'　caprice　for　me；　and　I　said　to　myself　that　since　we　should　soon　have　to　part；　it　would　be　better　not　to　keep　her　appointment；　but　to　write　and　tell　her　my　fears　and　leave　her。　From　that　I　went　on　to　unlimited　hope；　unbounded　confidence。　I　dreamed　incredible　dreams　of　the　future；　I　said　to　myself　that　she　should　owe　to　me　her　moral　and　physical　recovery；　that　I　should　spend　my　whole　life　with　her；　and　that　her　love　should　make　me　happier　than　all　the　maidenly　loves　in　the　world。

But　I　can　not　repeat　to　you　the　thousand　thoughts　that　rose　from　my　heart　to　my　head；　and　that　only　faded　away　with　the　sleep　that　came　to　me　at　daybreak。

When　I　awoke　it　was　two　o'clock。　The　weather　was　superb。　I　don't　think　life　ever　seemed　to　me　so　beautiful　and　so　full　of　possibilities。　The　memories　of　the　night　before　came　to　me　without　shadow　or　hindrance；　escorted　gaily　by　the　hopes　of　the　night　to　come。　From　time　to　time　my　heart　leaped　with　love　and　joy　in　my　breast。　A　sweet　fever　thrilled　me。　I　thought　no　more　of　the　reasons　which　had　filled　my　mind　before　I　slept。　I　saw　only　the　result；　I　thought　only　of　the　hour　when　I　was　to　see　Marguerite　again。

It　was　impossible　to　stay　indoors。　My　room　seemed　too　small　to　contain　my　happiness。　I　needed　the　whole　of　nature　to　unbosom　myself。

I　went　out。　Passing　by　the　Rue　d'Antin；　I　saw　Marguerite's　coupe'　waiting　for　her　at　the　door。　I　went　toward　the　Champs…Elysees。　I　loved　all　the　people　whom　I　met。　Love　gives　one　a　kind　of　goodness。

After　I　had　been　walking　for　an　hour　from　the　Marly　horses　to　the　Rond…Point；　I　saw　Marguerite's　carriage　in　the　distance；　I　divined　rather　than　recognised　it。　As