bureaucracy-第28章

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Malte…Brun：　Goritz；　in　Latin　Gorixia；　situated　in　Bohemia　or　Hungary；

or　it　may　be　Austria〃



Bixiou。　〃Tyrol；　the　Basque　provinces；　or　South　America。　Why　don't　you

set　it　all　to　music　and　play　it　on　the　clarionet？〃



Godard　＇shrugging　his　shoulders　and　departing＇。　〃What　utter　nonsense！〃



Colleville。　〃Nonsense！　nonsense　indeed！　It　is　a　pity　you　don't　take

the　trouble　to　study　fatalism；　the　religion　of　the　Emperor　Napoleon。〃



Godard　＇irritated　at　Colleville's　tone＇。　〃Monsieur　Colleville；　let　me

tell　you　that　Bonaparte　may　perhaps　be　styled　Emperor　by　historians；

but　it　is　extremely　out　of　place　to　refer　to　him　as　such　in　a

government　office。〃



Bixiou　＇laughing＇。　〃Get　an　anagram　out　of　that；　my　dear　fellow。〃



Colleville　＇angrily＇。　〃Let　me　tell　you　that　if　Napoleon　Bonaparte　had

studied　the　letters　of　his　name　on　the　14th　of　April；　1814；　he　might

perhaps　be　Emperor　still。〃



Bixiou。　〃How　do　you　make　that　out？〃



Colleville　＇solemnly＇。　〃Napoleon　Bonaparte。No；　appear　not　at　Elba！〃



Dutocq。　〃You'll　lose　your　place　for　talking　such　nonsense。〃



Colleville。　〃If　my　place　is　taken　from　me；　Francois　Keller　will　make

it　hot　for　your　minister。〃　＇Dead　silence。＇　〃I'd　have　you　to　know；

Master　Dutocq；　that　all　known　anagrams　have　actually　come　to　pass。

Look　here；you；　yourself；don't　you　marry；　for　there's　'coqu'　in

your　name。〃



Bixiou　＇interrupting＇。　〃And　d；　t；　for　de…testable。〃



Dutocq　＇without　seeming　angry＇。　〃I　don't　care；　as　long　as　it　is　only

in　my　name。　Why　don't　you　anagrammatize；　or　whatever　you　call　it；

'Xavier　Rabourdin；　chef　du　bureau'？〃



Colleville。　〃Bless　you；　so　I　have！〃



Bixiou　＇mending　his　pen＇。　〃And　what　did　you　make　of　it？〃



Colleville。　〃It　comes　out　as　follows：　D'abord　reva　bureaux；　E…u；（you

catch　the　meaning？　et　eutand　had）　E…u　fin　riche；　which　signifies

that　after　first　belonging　to　the　administration；　he　gave　it　up　and

got　rich　elsewhere。〃　＇Repeats。＇　〃D'abord　reva　bureaux；　E…u　fin　riche。〃



Dutocq。　〃That　IS　queer！〃



Bixiou。　〃Try　Isidore　Baudoyer。〃



Colleville　＇mysteriously＇。　〃I　sha'n't　tell　the　other　anagrams　to　any

one　but　Thuillier。〃



Bixiou。　〃I'll　bet　you　a　breakfast　that　I　can　tell　that　one　myself。〃



Colleville。　〃And　I'll　pay　if　you　find　it　out。〃



Bixiou。　〃Then　I　shall　breakfast　at　your　expense；　but　you　won't　be

angry；　will　you？　Two　such　geniuses　as　you　and　I　need　never　conflict。

'Isidore　Baudoyer'　anagrams　into　'Ris　d'aboyeur　d'oie。'〃



Colleville　＇petrified　with　amazement＇。　〃You　stole　it　from　me！〃



Bixiou　＇with　dignity＇。　〃Monsieur　Colleville；　do　me　the　honor　to

believe　that　I　am　rich　enough　in　absurdity　not　to　steal　my　neighbor's

nonsense。〃



Baudoyer　＇entering　with　a　bundle　of　papers　in　his　hand＇。　〃Gentlemen；　I

request　you　to　shout　a　little　louder；　you　bring　this　office　into　such

high　repute　with　the　administration。　My　worthy　coadjutor；　Monsieur

Clergeot；　did　me　the　honor　just　now　to　come　and　ask　a　question；　and　he

heard　the　noise　you　are　making〃　＇passes　into　Monsieur　Godard's　room＇。



Bixiou　＇in　a　low　voice＇。　〃The　watch…dog　is　very　tame　this　morning；

there'll　be　a　change　of　weather　before　night。〃



Dutocq　＇whispering　to　Bixiou＇。　〃I　have　something　I　want　to　say　to

you。〃



Bixiou　＇fingering　Dutocq's　waistcoat＇。　〃You've　a　pretty　waistcoat；

that　cost　you　nothing；　is　that　what　you　want　to　say？〃



Dutocq。　〃Nothing；　indeed！　I　never　paid　so　dear　for　anything　in　my

life。　That　stuff　cost　six　francs　a　yard　in　the　best　shop　in　the　rue　de

la　Paix；a　fine　dead　stuff；　the　very　thing　for　deep　mourning。〃



Bixiou。　〃You　know　about　engravings　and　such　things；　my　dear　fellow；

but　you　are　totally　ignorant　of　the　laws　of　etiquette。　Well；　no　man

can　be　a　universal　genius！　Silk　is　positively　not　admissible　in　deep

mourning。　Don't　you　see　I　am　wearing　woollen？　Monsieur　Rabourdin；

Monsieur　Baudoyer；　and　the　minister　are　all　in　woollen；　so　is　the

faubourg　Saint…Germain。　There's　no　one　here　but　Minard　who　doesn't

wear　woollen；　he's　afraid　of　being　taken　for　a　sheep。　That's　the

reason　why　he　didn't　put　on　mourning　for　Louis　XVIII。〃



＇During　this　conversation　Baudoyer　is　sitting　by　the　fire　in　Godard's

room；　and　the　two　are　conversing　in　a　low　voice。＇



Baudoyer。　〃Yes；　the　worthy　man　is　dying。　The　two　ministers　are　both

with　him。　My　father…in…law　has　been　notified　of　the　event。　If　you　want

to　do　me　a　signal　service　you　will　take　a　cab　and　go　and　let　Madame

Baudoyer　know　what　is　happening；　for　Monsieur　Saillard　can't　leave　his

desk；　nor　I　my　office。　Put　yourself　at　my　wife's　orders；　do　whatever

she　wishes。　She　has；　I　believe；　some　ideas　of　her　own；　and　wants　to

take　certain　steps　simultaneously。〃　＇The　two　functionaries　go　out

together。＇



Godard。　〃Monsieur　Bixiou；　I　am　obliged　to　leave　the　office　for　the

rest　of　the　day。　You　will　take　my　place。〃



Baudoyer　＇to　Bixiou；　benignly＇。　〃Consult　me；　if　there　is　any

necessity。〃



Bixiou。　〃This　time；　La　Billardiere　is　really　dead。〃



Dutocq　＇in　Bixiou's　ear＇。　〃Come　outside　a　minute。〃　＇The　two　go　into

the　corridor　and　gaze　at　each　other　like　birds　of　ill…omen。＇



Dutocq　＇whispering＇。　〃Listen。　Now　is　the　time　for　us　to　understand

each　other　and　push　our　way。　What　would　you　say　to　your　being　made

head　of　the　bureau；　and　I　under　you？〃



Bixiou　＇shrugging　his　shoulders＇。　〃Come；　come；　don't　talk　nonsense！〃



Dutocq。　〃If　Baudoyer　gets　La　Billardiere's　place　Rabourdin　won't　stay

on　where　he　is。　Between　ourselves；　Baudoyer　is　so　incapable　that　if　du

Bruel　and　you　don't　help　him　he　will　certainly　be　dismissed　in　a

couple　of　months。　If　I　know　arithmetic　that　will　give　three　empty

places　for　us　to　fill〃



Bixiou。　〃Three　places　right　under　our　noses；　which　will　certainly　be

given　to　some　bloated　favorite；　some　spy；　some　pious　fraud；to

Colleville　perhaps；　whose　wife　has　ended　where　all　pretty　women　end

in　piety。〃



Dutocq。　〃No；　to　YOU；　my　dear　fellow；　if　you　will　only；　for　once　in

your　life；　use　your　wits　logically。〃　＇He　stopped　as　if　to　study　the

effect　of　his　adverb　in　Bixiou's　face。＇　〃Come；　let　us　play　fair。〃



Bixiou　＇stolidly＇。　〃Let　me　see　your　game。〃



Dutocq。　〃I　don't　wish　to　be　anything　more　than　under…head…clerk。　I

know　myself　perfectly　well；　and　I　know　I　haven't　the　ability；　like

you；　to　be　head　of　a　bureau。　Du　Bruel　can　be　director；　and　you　the

head　of　this　bureau；　he　will　leave　you　his　place　as　soon　as　he　has

made　his　pile；　and　as　for　me；　I　shall　swim　with　the　tide　comfortably；

under　your　protection；　till　I　can　retire　on　a　pension。〃



Bixiou。　〃Sly　dog！　but　how　to　you　expect　to　carry　out　a　plan　which

means　forcing　the　minister's　hand　and　ejecting　a　man　of　talent？

Between　ourselves；　Rabourdin　is　the　only　man　capable　of　taking　charge

of　the　division；　and　I　might　say　of　the　ministry。　Do　you　know　that

they　talk　of　putting　in　over　his　head　that　solid　lump　of　foolishness；

that　cube　of　idiocy；　Baudoyer？〃



Dutocq　＇consequentially＇。　〃My　dear　fellow；　I　am　in　a　position　to　rouse

the　whole　division　against　Rabourdin。　You　know　how　devoted　Fleury　is

to　him？　Well；　I　can　make　Fleury　despise　him。〃



Bixiou。　〃Despised　by　Fleury！〃



Dutocq。　〃Not　a　soul　will　stand　by　Rabourdin；　the　clerks　will　go　in　a

body　and　complain　of　him　to　the　minister；not　only　in　our　division；

but　in　all　the　divisions〃



Bixiou。　〃Forward；　march！　infantry；　cavalry；　artillery；　and　marines　of

the　guard！　You　rave；　my　good　fellow！　And　I；　what　part　am　I　to　take　in

the　business？〃



Dutocq。　〃You　are　to　make　a　cutting　caricature；sharp　enough　to　kill　a

man。〃



Bixiou。　〃How　much　will　you　pay　for　it？〃



Dutocq。　〃A　hundred　francs。〃



Bixiou　＇to　himself＇。　〃Then　there　is　something　in　it。〃



Dutocq　＇continuing＇。　〃You　must　represent　Rabourdin　dressed　as　a

butcher　（make　it　a　good　likeness）；　find　analogies　between　a　kitchen

and　a　bureau；　put　a　skewer　in　his　hand；　draw　portraits　of　the

principal　clerks　and　stick　their　heads　on　fowls；　put　them　in　a

monstrous　coop　labelled