bureaucracy-第22章
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his life。 Vimeux had such aptitude for work that he despatched it much
quicker than any of the other clerks。 〃He has a gift; that young man!〃
Phellion said of him when he saw him cross his legs and have nothing
to do for the rest of the day; having got through his appointed task;
〃and see what a little dandy he is!〃 Vimeux breakfasted on a roll and
a glass of water; dined for twenty sous at Katcomb's; and lodged in a
furnished room; for which he paid twelve francs a month。 His
happiness; his sole pleasure in life; was dress。 He ruined himself in
miraculous waistcoats; in trousers that were tight; half…tight;
pleated; or embroidered; in superfine boots; well…made coats which
outlined his elegant figure; in bewitching collars; spotless gloves;
and immaculate hats。 A ring with a coat of arms adorned his hand;
outside his glove; from which dangled a handsome cane; with these
accessories he endeavoured to assume the air and manner of a wealthy
young man。 After the office closed he appeared in the great walk of
the Tuileries; with a tooth…pick in his mouth; as though he were a
millionaire who had just dined。 Always on the lookout for a woman;an
Englishwoman; a foreigner of some kind; or a widow;who might fall in
love with him; he practised the art of twirling his cane and of
flinging the sort of glance which Bixiou told him was American。 He
smiled to show his fine teeth; he wore no socks under his boots; but
he had his hair curled every day。 Vimeux was prepared; in accordance
with fixed principles; to marry a hunch…back with six thousand a year;
or a woman of forty…five at eight thousand; or an Englishwoman for
half that sum。 Phellion; who delighted in his neat hand…writing; and
was full of compassion for the fellow; read him lectures on the duty
of giving lessons in penmanship;an honorable career; he said; which
would ameliorate existence and even render it agreeable; he promised
him a situation in a young ladies' boarding…school。 But Vimeux's head
was so full of his own idea that no human being could prevent him from
having faith in his star。 He continued to lay himself out; like a
salmon at a fishmonger's; in spite of his empty stomach and the fact
that he had fruitlessly exhibited his enormous moustache and his fine
clothes for over three years。 As he owed Antoine more than thirty
francs for his breakfasts; he lowered his eyes every time he passed
him; and yet he never failed at midday to ask the man to buy him a
roll。
After trying to get a few reasonable ideas into this foolish head;
Rabourdin had finally given up the attempt as hopeless。 Adolphe (his
family name was Adolphe) had lately economized on dinners and lived
entirely on bread and water; to buy a pair of spurs and a riding…whip。
Jokes at the expense of this starving Amadis were made only in the
spirit of mischievous fun which creates vaudevilles; for he was really
a kind…hearted fellow and a good comrade; who harmed no one but
himself。 A standing joke in the two bureaus was the question whether
he wore corsets; and bets depended on it。 Vimeux was originally
appointed to Baudoyer's bureau; but he manoeuvred to get himself
transferred to Rabourdin's; on account of Baudoyer's extreme severity
in relation to what were called 〃the English;〃a name given by the
government clerks to their creditors。 〃English day〃 means the day on
which the government offices are thrown open to the public。 Certain
then of finding their delinquent debtors; the creditors swarm in and
torment them; asking when they intend to pay; and threatening to
attach their salaries。 The implacable Baudoyer compelled the clerks to
remain at their desks and endure this torture。 〃It was their place not
to make debts;〃 he said; and he considered his severity as a duty
which he owed to the public weal。 Rabourdin; on the contrary;
protected the clerks against their creditors; and turned the latter
away; saying that the government bureaus were open for public
business; not private。 Much ridicule pursued Vimeux in both bureaus
when the clank of his spurs resounded in the corridors and on the
staircases。 The wag of the ministry; Bixiou; sent round a paper;
headed by a caricature of his victim on a pasteboard horse; asking for
subscriptions to buy him a live charger。 Monsieur Baudoyer was down
for a bale of hay taken from his own forage allowance; and each of the
clerks wrote his little epigram; Vimeux himself; good…natured fellow
that he was; subscribed under the name of 〃Miss Fairfax。〃
Handsome clerks of the Vimeux style have their salaries on which to
live; and their good looks by which to make their fortune。 Devoted to
masked balls during the carnival; they seek their luck there; though
it often escapes them。 Many end the weary round by marrying milliners;
or old women;sometimes; however; young ones who are charmed with
their handsome persons; and with whom they set up a romance
illustrated with stupid love letters; which; nevertheless; seem to
answer their purpose。
Bixiou (pronounce it Bisiou) was a draughtsman; who ridiculed Dutocq
as readily as he did Rabourdin; whom he nicknamed 〃the virtuous
woman。〃 Without doubt the cleverest man in the division or even in the
ministry (but clever after the fashion of a monkey; without aim or
sequence); Bixiou was so essentially useful to Baudoyer and Godard
that they upheld and protected him in spite of his misconduct; for he
did their work when they were incapable of doing it for themselves。
Bixiou wanted either Godard's or du Bruel's place as under…head…clerk;
but his conduct interfered with his promotion。 Sometimes he sneered at
the public service; this was usually after he had made some happy hit;
such as the publication of portraits in the famous Fualdes case (for
which he drew faces hap…hazard); or his sketch of the debate on the
Castaing affair。 At other times; when possessed with a desire to get
on; he really applied himself to work; though he would soon leave off
to write a vaudeville; which was never finished。 A thorough egoist; a
spendthrift and a miser in one;that is to say; spending his money
solely on himself;sharp; aggressive; and indiscreet; he did mischief
for mischief's sake; above all; he attacked the weak; respected
nothing and believed in nothing; neither in France; nor in God; nor in
art; nor in the Greeks; nor in the Turks; nor in the monarchy;
insulting and disparaging everything that he could not comprehend。 He
was the first to paint a black cap on Charles X。's head on the five…
franc coins。 He mimicked Dr。 Gall when lecturing; till he made the
most starched of diplomatists burst their buttons。 Famous for his
practical jokes; he varied them with such elaborate care that he
always obtained a victim。 His great secret in this was the power of
guessing the inmost wishes of others; he knew the way to many a castle
in the air; to the dreams about which a man may be fooled because he
wants to be; and he made such men sit to him for hours。
Thus it happened that this close observer; who could display
unrivalled tact in developing a joke or driving home a sarcasm; was
unable to use the same power to make men further his fortunes and
promote him。 The person he most liked to annoy was young La
Billardiere; his nightmare; his detestation; whom he was nevertheless
constantly wheedling so as the better to torment him on his weakest
side。 He wrote him love letters signed 〃Comtesse de M〃 or 〃Marquise
de B〃; took him to the Opera on gala days and presented him to some
grisette under the clock; after calling everybody's attention to the
young fool。 He allied himself with Dutocq (whom he regarded as a
solemn juggler) in his hatred to Rabourdin and his praise of Baudoyer;
and did his best to support him。 Jean…Jaques Bixiou was the grandson
of a Parisian grocer。 His father; who died a colonel; left him to the
care of his grandmother; who married her head…clerk; named Descoings;
after the death of her first husband;